Spoiled Ladies - Getting What You Want From Men

[Arcadian]

Loves it! All of it, I'm not even gonna bold anything- there's no need- it is all so on point!



This is an excellent question- it's one I think I used to get confused when I was younger with all the women's liberation anthems and what not of our generation. Think: "Bills, bills, bills", "independent women", "no scrubs", you know anything by an all girl group circa 1999-2003 lol). Just as a funny aside- Beyonce was single when they sang (those "independent" hits- but was in a serious relationship when they did "cater 2 u") A guy friend reminded me of this in jest- but there's a few hints of truth in it!

I think the fine line (at least as far as I've learned from my guy friends) is between needs and wants. In adamantly declaring our independence from men- we are quick to make sure to remind them that we do not need them to exist on this earth. However, we often forget to let them know that we do indeed want their companionship.

If we declare our independence without highlighting our desires to be in a relationship- they sometimes end up feeling like "Okay... cool then- do you. Peace" Having the- "I've been fine all my life without you n*gga I don't need you conversation" (exaggeration of course) is cool- but make sure they feel wanted. I think this is particularly key because men are impressed by women who they know can handle their own- and yet they still want them around. It reassures them that they're not with a gold digger. Men don't want needy women, but they do want to feel desired.

As Ms. Nadi has so eloquently described- a woman who can do all for herself- yet still wants the dude around is enticing to men- and they tend to do a lot "prove their worth" to the woman when they're in this situation. This could be via a number of venues (not just $$$ wise). It's an interesting balance that I'm learning more about.


This is a really great thread- I'm loving the discussion!

BINGO

-A

 

[envybeauty]

I do agree with this. I'm an "asker", generally not for material things though. I'm not really into that as much. But I always have guys doing little things for me. I ask to get carried places, for my trash to get taken out, for my groceries to be brought in, for my car to get washed, all kinds of stuff. And I am not in a relationship. I think guys like doing that stuff for girls, but some may not be naturally inclined to do so.

As far as relationships are concerned, I think one should remember that different people have different ways of showing they care, and that relationships are give and take. My last bf was very, very generous, and very giving. He was more into gift-giving than anything else, and pretty much did that on his own. I never had to ask for anything in that respect, however, that was his main love language. I think there are some ways of showing affection that just come naturally to some (and that could be through giving gifts, being touchy-feely, words of affection), and some things that need to be taught depending on the person. I know I personally could have done without the gifts, even though they were nice, I really would have just like for him to be more verbally affectionate and I had to tell him that.

However, I am also a very generous person, and I gave as good as I got. It wasn't always through material things, but we did for one another. It was not one-sided at all. Balance is important.

This is key. I think everyone should read "The Five Languages of Love" -- it is an excellent read and hits home the point that while some women seriously desire tangible gifts, others just want acts of kindness. To each her own.

 

[Vinyl]

Asking really does work. Inspired by this thread, I asked SO for a $15 (not much but he doesn't make a lot in the first place) item and he said yes. Normally I would've never asked because I'd have auto-assumed the answer would be no and would have felt awkward about it. But I do like to be spoiled so I figured I'd ask.

So happy I did. Thanks OP for making this thread!

 

[wonderstar]

^^^^^So how did you ask? Extra sweet with a cherry untop?

 

[aqualung]

i'm VERY spoilt but I don't ask for anything.

If I want something I mention it... I don't ask but mention, and if he can my SO always responds with... I'll get it for you.

Right.
When I wanted bigger, cultured pearls for job interviews, I mentioned it repeatedly. My guy bought them. The girls from NYC had big cultured pearls, and they were younger than I was!

When I mentioned that my ears aren't pierced, but I might try clip-on earrings sometime, my guy bought them.

When I mention a movie or a trip, he responds with whether or not he's interested/can afford it/can get time off from the hospital.

I DO ASK for some things directly if they are time-sensitive. Ex: a trip to my friend's wedding, playing indoor tennis with my dad, driving me an hour out of town to take a test.

I try to anticipate his needs too.
Ex: He couldn't find his knit cap, and it's really cold here. I got him a cap/scarf/glove combo just in time for the next big snowstorm.
Ex: His friend is in a band, and my guy had back stage passes. I got cute and tagged along in order to play the girlfriend role (even though the music is indie...in that incoherent way).

Remember to play your position (cute girlfriend who makes him look good in public, needs his protection, and is not as smart as him). Always let him win at tennis and in petty arguments. If he not getting you anything, then become very scarce.

I used to know a girl who dated 2-3 men at once. She'd mention what she wanted to all of them on the same day. Then she'd wait to see which one responded first. Bad girl!