How Do You Feel About Black and Mixed-Race Children Wearing Their Hair

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

I personally think black folks (women) spend too much time on superficial things like how someone is dressed or whether or not a kid needs their hair combed (and yes, I recognize the irony of being on a hair board posting this but I am inflicting my hair neuroses on myself not someone else).

I saw this with the thread on whether or not Malia Obama's braids were too frizzy and needed to be redone. I saw it again on the Wayne Brady thread. Personally, I didn't see what the big problem with WB's daughter's hair was. Her hair looked like the hair of the dozens of white girls I see on a daily basis. The kid likely goes to school with a bunch of white kids and she fits right in with them. Only in the black community do we find it necessary to rake our kids hair back into tight ponytail--all so we can have other grown folks talk about how well we take care of our kids.

As for the "looking grown" comments... black folks have been clinging to those "old school" methods of controlling kids for years. Yet, we still have the highest teen/out-of-wedlock pregnancy rates, highest high school dropout rates, lowest standardized test scores, and highest incarceration rates in the country. Perhaps we should try some "new school" methods of dealing with our kids.

Dirty, matted, super dry hair is a completely different story--but only because I fear the kid's hair will fall out.

Perhaps you are correct. However, I notice a lot of the things that were in practice when my mother was a child and I was a child are not being done these days. And I am only speaking of what I see in my back yard.

Little girls are wearing their hair down a lot more, they are wearing different types of a clothes, they are talking back to their mamas as if they were adults, they have little "boyfriends" at age 8.

This is what I see as :new" parenting...some of the things that are old school are not things that I agree with, but making sure that a child knows they are a child and subject to the parent's wishes is paramount to me. I live in the teen pregnancy capital of the country and I also work with teen moms. I see how they act and how their moms act towards them. It is not similar to how I was raised at all. Maybe hair is a very small part of the picture so *shrug*

I can get with this because I was raised similarly. But in 98.999% of my baby pics my hair was picked out into a massive fro with a ribbon around it . I was so glad when my momma would let me wear 1 ponytail. But I feel that what you speak of relates more to the right of passage of getting your first relaxer, or first press...not just wearing it down in its natural state but in a straightened state.



What do you mean by combed....into a style like ponytails or can it be loose unstraightened? I don't know if this necessarily relates to mothers keeping themselves in the latest fashion while their children look like raggamuffins, but you can still look fly with a well groomed afro



I also have type 3 hair and one MAJOR characteristic of my hair is that it NEVER stays put. Ever. the end. period. Which is one of the reasons my mom decided to relax my hair when I was 8. Even though it was completely unmanageable, it never stayed in any style you managed to put it in because it would just frizz right up and out of the ponytails. Even now unless I secure the ends of my braided ponytail with rubberbands, it will unravel completely to the root. No cornrowed or flat twisted style I've created has lasted more than 11 days . Resistance is futile :angeldevi

Well, for me, I usually got my hair hot combed all the time from the age of 4 up. My moter would put it up in the plaits, etc. Even after I got my relaxer at the age of 12, I still wore it in 2 pigtails or a bun or ponytail, rarely down, this was the experience for my cousins as well.

 

[LongiLox]

I don't feel anything about it. It's their hair, they can wear it however they wish.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

nope. and if that is what's perceived i don't care. dd#1 LOVES to wear her hair out and in her words "the bigger the better." i rarely let them wear it all the way out - not because i feel it is unkept, but because i don't want to deal with the drama of after-the-fact if you know what i mean...but very frequently they get to wear their hair out in wash-n-go puffs and wild ponytails and the such.

for dd#2's PK graduation i let her wear it all the way out and she LOVED it! i posted about it here and there's a fuzzy pic of it (no pun inteneded!)

my opinion: who cares what other people think! and this is the same opinion i'm working hard to teach my children about not only their hair, but a whole lotta things in life

Aw, when I was younger this is how my hair was styled all the time. People used to make fun of me because they said my hair was nappy. I think that is why I have such a problem going natural or staying that way. I was made to feel like natural hair was ugly. My mom couldn't braid, so I had 2 huge afro puffs. Thank you for sharing your DD's pics LongHairDon't Care.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I think its true that some people are over the top and way too judgmental and clearly have a complex about type 4 hair. I think its important for us to allow our children's hair to be out in its full glory from time to time.

That being said, when I have children, their hair will definitely be in different styles, its pretty clear that I love doing various styles and I also think it helps retain length. My daughter will have her hair in all kinds of different looks.....theres no future in fronting.

Children are very rough and tumble, I would want to do a style on them that requires the least re-doing and maintenance for both of our sakes. So I would do braids, twists and pony's otherwise I'll have to refresh and maintain the fro pretty much daily. Also if the child is a type 4 and you leave their hair in a fro long term you'll have to grapple with a head full of ssk's and knots that are just unsalvageable......thats cool if you don't care about your daughter retaining some length in her hair but most of us here do. I just took my lovely huge curly fro down and it took me sleeping just the right way fluffing in the morning and leaving my hair relatively untouched all week, how likely do you think it is that a 4 year old will be that disciplined for the sake of "maintaining a style"?

Also little kids LOVE to play in each others hair you mess around and send your child to school with a fro and they'll come back lookin like I dunno what. I will continuously switch up the style with my children. They will definitely be rocking their fro's often but it will most likely usually be for special occasions or on weekends or vacation.

One thing I wont do is straighten my child's hair for all special occasions, it sends the wrong message, straightening will be a once in a while thing, and it wont involve a hot comb.

I think afros look cute on my son. He gets a lot of compliments and I believe they are genuine. However now that we moved to this dry state I try to keep it braided and twisted more often.

OMG!!! What a cutie patootie! Your son is as cute as he can be!!

 

[destine2grow]

My daughter who is natural and her hair type is 3c. I let het where an fro or braidout as lonf as it is has a lot of moisture. Before I found this form I would not because her hair tangles. I am sill learning how to deal with the tangles but it looks sooo cute on her.

 

[DragonPearl]

I personally think black folks (women) spend too much time on superficial things like how someone is dressed or whether or not a kid needs their hair combed (and yes, I recognize the irony of being on a hair board posting this but I am inflicting my hair neuroses on myself not someone else).

I saw this with the thread on whether or not Malia Obama's braids were too frizzy and needed to be redone. I saw it again on the Wayne Brady thread. Personally, I didn't see what the big problem with WB's daughter's hair was. Her hair looked like the hair of the dozens of white girls I see on a daily basis. The kid likely goes to school with a bunch of white kids and she fits right in with them. Only in the black community do we find it necessary to rake our kids hair back into tight ponytail--all so we can have other grown folks talk about how well we take care of our kids.

As for the "looking grown" comments... black folks have been clinging to those "old school" methods of controlling kids for years. Yet, we still have the highest teen/out-of-wedlock pregnancy rates, highest high school dropout rates, lowest standardized test scores, and highest incarceration rates in the country. Perhaps we should try some "new school" methods of dealing with our kids.

I love you.

 

[ChristmasCarol]

I let my kids be kids. That means I don't make them feel like there's something wrong with their hair the way it is. I'm not saying it shouldn't looks cute, but always having it braided up, slicked down, and stretched out would make them feel like their hair is not acceptable the way it is. However, my eldest daughter is in college and when she wants to go to the store with me with her hair lookin' crazy, I tell her she has to walk down another aisle in the grocery store. Wild bed-head hair, and I don't mean wash-n-gos or any deliberate natural style, is NOT cute on adults.

 

[asummertyme]

I wish I could let maddy wear a wash and go all the time...but i cant b/c her hair get horribly tangled but let me tell u.. i love seeing kids with thier 4 hair free and wild..something about it i just love and I wish i could see more parents letting thier kids rock fros!..its beautiful!

 

[Mz.MoMo5235]

i think so long as its not matted or dry then its fine.

i personally will keep my daughters hair braided and twisted up, because if she's anything like me, that child is going to play and play HARD lol

 

[longhairlover]

I have a mixed background and my mother would keep my hair in cornrows, the wetting it with the face cloth (80's style before she was a stylist lol) and using the pink oil to tame it was becoming a tad much for her, so she'd have her friends braid it up. so that I wouldn't look like no one loved me lmao!

even when she gave me the chinese bob my hair just wanted to be free thick and untamed lol!

my cousins kids are half white and it looks like she just lets the daughters hair hang out because it's a looser curl pattern.

guess it's on the parent and their style, I see some kids with fros with a cute headband or twists.

 

[jamaraa]

Depends on the kids and the parents and what works best for them. "Out" styles demand more care for small kids than plaited ones, IMHO...the tangle factor goes way up. I don't think I would for my kids.

 

[mstar]

I generally prefer traditional children's styles like ponytails or pigtails, no matter what the hair type.

But today at church, a little girl sang a beautiful solo wearing a loose Type 4 afro, and she looked adorable. It framed her face really well, and didn't look too grown up.

 

[UrbainChic]

I think its beautiful and carefree. Children should be carefree, they should be out playing pretending to slay dragons, pretending to fly to the moon, pretending to be a superhero. They should spend their time enjoying their youth, not worrying about sweating out a press and curl, or messing up their neat hair.

 

[J Hazel]

I hate hate hate so many people (on the board and irl) feel that a child's hair is not "done" if it's worn in an afro or wash n go. It annoys the hell out of me.

Whenever I pick up my goddaughter the first thing I do is take out every rubber band, barrette, and bobble, and wash her hair. And then she wears it in a curly fro the whole time she's with me. It's the only time her scalp gets to breathe and be free, poor thing.

So you simply forego how her mother does her hair, just because YOU don't like it in bobbles?

 

[Heavenly]

Not too long ago I was on a transatlantic flight, and seated across from me was a little African girl, no more than 5 years old. She had those pesky beads in her hair... not only attached to the tip of each braid, but strung from top to bottom.

"Cute", I thought.

About an hour into the trip, I start zoning in on a conversation between the little girl and a white girl (teen) seated next to her. Well, the teen may have been in her early twenties.

She is really friendly with the little girl. You can tell she must have been a nanny or aupair or something, based upon clues in the conversation. Anyway, next thing I hear is, "I like your hair. Who did that for you?"

The little girl says, "My mama..."

The teen says, "It's so cute... but it must hurt to sleep on at night, huh?"

The little girl says nothing.

I felt so sad at that point for the little girl, because it was probably the truth. I noticed the braids were supertight... and then those beads all over. Hello traction alopecia. But she was a kid... she probably has very little say in how her hairstyle is affecting her.

I never thought about how difficult it must be to sleep with beaded braids etc for little kids... until I heard the teen point it out. Why could I not figure that out? I had to hear it from a white girl. Not the point, but still.

From that day, I decided my kid is not sleeping with anything in her hair, nor is she going to do a zillion braids, beads and all that.

Two plaited pigtails for my babygirl and that's it.

 

[CaliDiamond]

I have a mixed race child and I just do her hair like my mom did mine. Wash every week, braid it up! We are both protective stylin until 2010! Every once in a while I let her wear it out but she could care less..she's only 2.

 

[yaya24]

I love tamed ,moisturized fros and puffs on children!! Can't wait to have my own.. no one can tell me otherwise.

I am not into all the balls and million hair thingys.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I think everything in moderation should be the goal, me myself growing up I LOVED all the barrettes balls bows even ribbons! lol

I LOVE this video: Kid's Hair Styles

And I LOVE this blog: Beads, Braids and Beyond I saw this blog thanks to robotxcore on the Children's Hair Care section.

I LOVE to do various styles and looks, I'm not having a child untill I'm a married homeowner with a thriving career but I know my children will have various styles and I dont see anything wrong with that. As long as you do the adornment in moderation, and you keep the styling time reasonable. I see nothing wrong with doing various styles.

I would keep it very simple and do medium sized twists/ braids/cornrows or flat-twists and have her lookin cute while she's protective stylin

I would also do braids and twists in the front and a fro in the back or just a fro from time to time, I think thats sooo cute. We could have matching fro's! I can see it now......

 

[ladybuddafly]

This was a great question. Just as long as it is healthy and moisturized I don't have a problem with my daughter wearing her hair out. She's ten now and likes to wear a lot of twist outs and wash n go's. Yes, it's a lot of work, but her 4b hair is beautiful and I want her to know and own this.

 

[rinahbaby]

I think it's appropriate if it is kept neat and adorned with accessories and if it looks nice on the child.....my daughter stays in wash n gos

 

[larry3344]

I must admit when I first heard this question I found it pretty stupid... but now I understand what you mean I am fine with out hair styles as long as it is presentable I don't see the big deal!

 

[Foufie]

I think they are fine and logically I can't find anything wrong with it (as long as it's neat), but I was taught that little girls are supposed to wear their hair in pigtails, whatever. Wearing your hair down was a rite of passage in my family. You were trying to be "grown" if you had your hair down. Heck, even wearing one ponytail was a little grown up. I didn't get to wear my hair down until I was a teen.

I know it probably doesn't make sense, but it's just the way I was taught. Maybe it will change when I have my own little girl.

Me as well. IF you got to wear your hair out, you were a "big girl" and that was considered a grown - up style. I am sticking with this with my own children (or so I say now)

 

[Bint Yusef]

I personally think black folks (women) spend too much time on superficial things like how someone is dressed or whether or not a kid needs their hair combed (and yes, I recognize the irony of being on a hair board posting this but I am inflicting my hair neuroses on myself not someone else).

I saw this with the thread on whether or not Malia Obama's braids were too frizzy and needed to be redone. I saw it again on the Wayne Brady thread. Personally, I didn't see what the big problem with WB's daughter's hair was. Her hair looked like the hair of the dozens of white girls I see on a daily basis. The kid likely goes to school with a bunch of white kids and she fits right in with them. Only in the black community do we find it necessary to rake our kids hair back into tight ponytail--all so we can have other grown folks talk about how well we take care of our kids.

As for the "looking grown" comments... black folks have been clinging to those "old school" methods of controlling kids for years. Yet, we still have the highest teen/out-of-wedlock pregnancy rates, highest high school dropout rates, lowest standardized test scores, and highest incarceration rates in the country. Perhaps we should try some "new school" methods of dealing with our kids.

Dirty, matted, super dry hair is a completely different story--but only because I fear the kid's hair will fall out.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!Thank you thats how I felt about the potty training thread on ET. It seems in the black community mothers are always trying to exhibit the most control on stuff that matters the least. Oh your hair is neat, youre in preschool with a pressed crease in your pants, and youre potty trained at 10 months, but does the kid even have a father? Savings/college fund account? How many languages/museums/writers/authors are you exposing them to? Any volunteer work? Always focused on appearances and what other parents think and negligent on most forms of character building/educational and cultural pursuits.

 

[toyagurl]

Well I hated ponytails growing up because it was easier for my mom to put my extremely long and thick hair in a style like this and leave it. I was very tender-headed to boot. My daughter is only 7 months old but she has a lot of hair. Although some of the braided styles are cute. I will not be pony-tailing her up. I have always said that when I have a daughter (long before I knew who I was going to marry) she would get one or two ponytails or it would be worn down. That's just what I like. I have a niece and she is 9 months and from what I can tell is a 3c/4a. I love her hair out. My sister is a stylist so she does it up but I always suggest just letting it be free.
My own child leans more toward type 2/3...I think. (I am not good with any other typing except type 4.) I love her hair when it is just out, but I have had people ask me why I didn't "do" her hair. I just love "out" hair. I guess because I never got to wear my own.

 

[toyagurl]

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!Thank you thats how I felt about the potty training thread on ET. It seems in the black community mothers are always trying to exhibit the most control on stuff that matters the least. Oh your hair is neat, youre in preschool with a pressed crease in your pants, and youre potty trained at 10 months, but does the kid even have a father? Savings/college fund account? How many languages/museums/writers/authors are you exposing them to? Any volunteer work? Always focused on appearances and what other parents think and negligent on most forms of character building/educational and cultural pursuits.

Word! This is so true.

 

[jamaraa]

One more thing to consider....OTHER KIDS. Loose hair will attract their attention and may bring some disastrous results. The mothers back in the day understood this. LOL...they weren't so naive, esp if they had mixed race kids. If y'all think standing out is carefree, wait until your kid comes home w/ gum or glue in their hair......or missing some hair cuz it got cut off.

Some of y'all seriously underestimate the viciousness of kids or forgot it. I wouldn't put my kids in the line of fire to gratify my own ego. Some of y'all want to show off their hair, but they'll pay for it.

 

[jamaraa]

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!Thank you thats how I felt about the potty training thread on ET. It seems in the black community mothers are always trying to exhibit the most control on stuff that matters the least. Oh your hair is neat, youre in preschool with a pressed crease in your pants, and youre potty trained at 10 months, but does the kid even have a father? Savings/college fund account? How many languages/museums/writers/authors are you exposing them to? Any volunteer work? Always focused on appearances and what other parents think and negligent on most forms of character building/educational and cultural pursuits.

Nada...when I went to school it was a WHITE mother who had the strictest "no take down" rule for her mixed race hiplength daughter. I know plenty of WW mothers of mixed race girls who have that rule even now. It ain't just a Black mother thing.

If it REALLY doesn't matter, why are we discussing it constantly? Truth is that it's the parents who make these decisions and not the kid, so it's ALL about the parents. LOL...it's no less "controlling" for mothers to leave it loose and show off the length/texture (which is what's really going on but nobody's admitting) than for them to keep it braided up? Nope.

This is all about the mothers and their hangups no matter what choice they make for the kid's hair.

 

[Irresistible]

and all these extremes.......wow

 

[jaiku]

I like natural big hair on kids as long as it looks well taken care of. Zahara's hair usually looks dry and broken to me. A little moisture and some finger combing and she would be good to go. I don't like a lot of hair on little boys regardless of race/hair texture.

 

[Bint Yusef]

Nada...when I went to school it was a WHITE mother who had the strictest "no take down" rule for her mixed race hiplength daughter. I know plenty of WW mothers of mixed race girls who have that rule even now. It ain't just a Black mother thing.

If it REALLY doesn't matter, why are we discussing it constantly? Truth is that it's the parents who make these decisions and not the kid, so it's ALL about the parents. LOL...it's no less "controlling" for mothers to leave it loose and show off the length/texture (which is what's really going on but nobody's admitting) than for them to keep it braided up? Nope.

This is all about the mothers and their hangups no matter what choice they make for the kid's hair.

You missed my overall point, which was to point out a general flaw in AA culture, hair was only one example.

Signed
biracial poster