Hey ladies

[QueenFee]

I have recently been reunited with my first love...We dated when we were like 11 lol but now we are both grown up.He is in another state but is actively making effort to move back home which is where I am. Things are going great and all but there is one thing that I am worried about...He has a child from a previous relationship, she is a beautiful little girl very cute, I have met her before because I am close with his family. I met her before I even thought of talking to him again so there was no pressure for me to get along with her but we did and she asks about me from time to time which can be a good or bad thing when it come to her mother.

From my understanding the mother of his child still wants him, I don't believe he wants anything to do with her in that way but you never know. His mom called me a few weeks ago and she was excited that we were back talking and told me that she believes we were made for each other which is something she does not do... But still something in me is unsettled, we have always gotten along wonderfully but I have never been involved with a man that has a child. He comes to visit me often and we have not had sex because it's like something in me screams "HE'S FERTILE!" Laugh is you want but that's what happens...Any way this post is all over the place so ladies can you share your experience with being seriously involved with a man who had a kid]s?

 

[yeahisaidit]

It's funny, but I'm actually going through the same thing as you! I just reconnected with my first love and he also has a child from a previous relationship.

What I've decided to do with him is to take my time and just get to know him again, and I think that you doing the same wouldn't hurt. You obviously like the guy, so why not?! It would be dangerous to open yourself to a sexual relationship with him so soon, but if you're ready for it, keep the communication open with him about what a sexual relationship would mean to you.

I would never NOT date a man just because he has a child, mainly because I wouldn't want anyone to judge me if I had a child. He could still be a good man.

Hope everything works out for you!!

 

[QueenFee]

Thanx!!! I am trying to take it as slow as I can but it's like getting to know him all over again is so wonderful! I mean he is so mature and honest almost to a fault. Seems like we would go really well together but the last thing I want to do is say okay when you move out here we will be together...Then all of a sudden something pops off and I end up hurt.It's like he was my first love and I have never been in love with anyone else after him,nt like I was stuck on him or anything because I wasn't thinking about him until everyone and they momma started calling me to tell me that he always talks about me; but man this is crazy...I guess it's my tendency to magnify ish lol.

 

[yeahisaidit]

I understand where you're coming from completely. I have these types of conversations with my BFF (my mommy) all the time.

She told me once that there's no point of entertaining the conversation with this guy if you aren't going to take it seriously. What she meant by that is actually putting my (and yours in this case) heart completely into it and trust that you won't be hurt.

First loves are the worst to get over, especiallly if there was no closure between you two. I've known mine for almost nine years, and he's still the only man I've ever loved. Just the mention of his name does something to me...

If you don't trust him enough to put your heart on the line, then that's cool. But if you do trust him and you believe everything he's telling you, why not just do it once he moves out there? Sure, there's the chance that you could be hurt, but I think it would hurt worse if you don't give him a chance and you see him with someone else. Trust your intuition on this one, and quit being so afraid. If you're afraid, then you lost already.

Talk to him about how you're afraid of being hurt. If he's as mature as you say he is, he'll understand you and say/do whatever it takes to put your mind and heart at ease.

 

[Bunny77]

With the kid thing, it's up to you.

I said I did not want to date a man who had kids, and for the most part, I didn't. There were a few exceptions, but nothing ever got serious with those men.

It's your life and your relationship. YOU get to set the standards. A lot of men decide that they don't want to date a woman with kids, so you are well within your right to decide the same thing. If anyone had anything to say about my choice, they could kick rocks because I. DID. NOT. CARE. I did not want to get involved with a man with kids. Period. End of Discussion.

I get to pick the type of partner that I want to have -- not society, not my mama, not anyone else.

Now, all that being said... how serious is this man in his intentions toward you? What do you want from this relationship if you choose to go through with it. Perhaps you left some information out, but I get the sense that you are just dating right now, but he's not your boyfriend and you're not in an exclusive relationship.

So don't put the cart before the horse if he's not even trying to be with you in that way right now...

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Id be friends first and observe the dynamics of the relationship between his child, and the mother of his child. If his life is drama without an added significant other in the picture, then with an outside party added in it will be tenfold...esp since you said her mother still wants to be with the father...ehhhh take your time with this one.

 

[QueenFee]

With the kid thing, it's up to you.

I said I did not want to date a man who had kids, and for the most part, I didn't. There were a few exceptions, but nothing ever got serious with those men.

It's your life and your relationship. YOU get to set the standards. A lot of men decide that they don't want to date a woman with kids, so you are well within your right to decide the same thing. If anyone had anything to say about my choice, they could kick rocks because I. DID. NOT. CARE. I did not want to get involved with a man with kids. Period. End of Discussion.

I get to pick the type of partner that I want to have -- not society, not my mama, not anyone else.

Now, all that being said... how serious is this man in his intentions toward you? What do you want from this relationship if you choose to go through with it. Perhaps you left some information out, but I get the sense that you are just dating right now, but he's not your boyfriend and you're not in an exclusive relationship.

So don't put the cart before the horse if he's not even trying to be with you in that way right now...

We are not in an exclusive relationship but moving towards that pretty fast at this point, I feel like his intentions towards me are very serious...I did leave some info out...He is talking marriage in the future and I know he is serious about that because no matter who he was ever with he always made sure his friends and family knew that I would be his wife...I was trying to keep the cart out of the way until he started asking what my fave cut of diamond was...

 

[caltron]

I think the main things to consider when you're getting involved with a man with a child is how he handles his business. Does he keep his baby mama in check? Is there a lot of baby mama drama? Is the child well disciplined? Will he take control if the baby mama or his child starts to act out? If he's handling his business, then the only thing is whether you can accept and love a child that you didn't give birth to because you are going to have a huge role in raising that child. This is the thing the father will probably be scrutinizing you for as well. It pays to be honest with yourself here. Not everyone is cut out to be a stepparent and it's not fair to anyone involved if you try to be someone you're not.

If all of that is o.k., then I see no problem with you going ahead with this relationship. It's great that you get along so well with your SO's mother and that you've known each other so long. One benefit to dating a man with kids is you get to see what kind of father he is. If his little girl is well disciplined, odds are your children will be too.

 

[QueenFee]

I think the main things to consider when you're getting involved with a man with a child is how he handles his business. Does he keep his baby mama in check? Is there a lot of baby mama drama? Is the child well disciplined? Will he take control if the baby mama or his child starts to act out? If he's handling his business, then the only thing is whether you can accept and love a child that you didn't give birth to because you are going to have a huge role in raising that child. This is the thing the father will probably be scrutinizing you for as well. It pays to be honest with yourself here. Not everyone is cut out to be a stepparent and it's not fair to anyone involved if you try to be someone you're not.

If all of that is o.k., then I see no problem with you going ahead with this relationship. It's great that you get along so well with your SO's mother and that you've known each other so long. One benefit to dating a man with kids is you get to see what kind of father he is. If his little girl is well disciplined, odds are your children will be too.

Thank you for your response,

I have met the babies mom and she knew who I was when we met but I didn't know who she was...We actually went out and had a fun time like two years or so ago? So she knows who I am but I didn't know that that was his childs mother at the time. As for his baby girl...I've never saw them together but I have spent time with her and she reminds me of myself when I was her age...Such a little lady. I will just give it time and tell him to slow his rabbit a** down lol. Thanx for the wonderful advise=0)