He's Just That Into You...

[DivineNapps1728]

What subtle clues has a man dropped to insinuate interest in you? Did he make it known he was into you through words, actions or kind gestures? Were you able to decode intentions from the jump?

Sometimes it's hard to figure out if a potential suitor is trying to befriend you, woo you or do a hit & run; share your wisdom & elicit a laugh or two.

State how he showed interest (sweet gestures, attentiveness), what his intentions turned out to be (wanted to date you, wanted to sleep w/ you), what helped you decode his behavior (he was flirty and sweet, he was sleazy and disrespectful) then state if the outcome you experienced with him was expected and why. Here's the format:

his METHODS:


his TRUE INTENTIONS:


what CLUED me in:


Did I EXPECT it:




I hope we can have some fun with this & learn a thing or two

 

[DivineNapps1728]

I'll start.

Dude 1

his METHODS: He was super attentive, dropped loads of compliments; he was charming and sweet


his TRUE INTENTIONS: He was looking for a play mate NOT a girlfriend. I guess he planned to butter me up & go in for the kill


what CLUED me in: His body language went from being laxed, but interested to super sexual; he licked his lips so much I wanted to buy him a case of chapstick. He'd also give me his come hither look a l l the time


Did I EXPECT it: Initially I thought he was cool, but when he went from being friendly to undressing me with his eyes & using the Barry White voice I knew it was a done deal. Sure enough he fell off when I kept resisting his advances

 

[Dposh167]

his METHODS for interest:
he was extremely attentive. He told me all the time that I was his type of woman. He talked about himself, but also asked a lot of questions about me to get to know me.


what was hisTRUE INTENTIONS:
I don't think he was looking for a relationship. But he was in a state where if someone came up then he would take advantage of it.



what CLUED me in to his feelings:
His actions backed up his words. He said he liked me...and he acted the part. He called everyday just to hear my voice or to see how my day went. He does this now 7 months later. nothing has change. That to me told me he has genuine feelings.


Did I EXPECT the outcome:
yes. Once I saw how consistent he was with his approach. and how genuine he was with his feelings, i had a feeling we would become an item

what i learned:
i noticed that guys have this 3 month mark. They're always on their best behavior in the beginning. But when a guy isn't all that interested, it starts to fade up to 3 months. (that's just me). So once I noticed that my guy is doing the exact same thing at month 7 that he was doing at week 1....i knew he was a keeper

 

[DaPPeR]

bumpinggggg....

 

[MissJ]

I'll start.

Dude 1

his METHODS: He was super attentive, dropped loads of compliments; he was charming and sweet


his TRUE INTENTIONS: He was looking for a play mate NOT a girlfriend. I guess he planned to butter me up & go in for the kill


what CLUED me in: His body language went from being laxed, but interested to super sexual; he licked his lips so much I wanted to buy him a case of chapstick. He'd also give me his come hither look a l l the time


Did I EXPECT it: Initially I thought he was cool, but when he went from being friendly to undressing me with his eyes & using the Barry White voice I knew it was a done deal. Sure enough he fell off when I kept resisting his advances

This exact thing happened to me. A-hole!

 

[DivineNapps1728]

#2

his METHODS: He started pushing the limits of our friendship. He'd always stop by just because and stay much longer than he "planned". He began dropping hints that he saw me as a woman and not just a friend by commenting on my looks and telling me every dude I said I was interested in couldn't do me the way a real dude could.


his TRUE INTENTIONS: The jury is still out on this one; I know for a fact he wanted to bed me down, but I think he was tryna wife me up for a sec too. Problem was he was petrified of rejection so he played it safe...too safe in fact. He'd tell other folks he was feeling me then flip his confession when they threatened to tell.


what CLUED me in: He's not the nicest guy around, but he treated me like a princess. He'd always say a man isn't just going to hang around a girl all the time without ulterior motives. He'd also say that men & women couldn't just be really close friends, they had to be more than that to each other or nothing at all...I thought he was referring to my other male friends though


Did I EXPECT it: I never thought we'd be anything beyond good friends so him crushing on me was totally foreign. We had an awesome connection and because of his personality I thought he was cool with us just being bffs. It wasn't until he crossed a line & I told him he was doing too much that I realized he may have wanted to be my boo not my buddy


What did I learn: It's important to take what a man says at face value; if he says "men't don't do a/b/c" he's probably including himself in that group. Also, I learned that that most guys put in time and effort because they expect a return on their investment, not because they wanna be nice or have nothing better to do

 

[mrselle]

A good male friend of mine always told me that when a guy really wants to be with you he will make it happen and there will be no games. It took a while, but eventually I accepted that simple truth. So, when my husband was ready to settle down, among other things, this is how I knew he was serious:

his METHODS: He really courted me and treated me like a lady. He would ask me out on dates days in advance. I never had to call him (I had already made up in my mind that I was not going to chase him), he always called me. Even when he was out of town for work he would make the time to call him. At the very beginning he was gone for an entire week and he called me every single night.

his TRUE INTENTIONS: He was ready to settle down and get married.

what CLUED me in: Calling me every single day, asking me out on dates, telling me he loved me, admitting his wrong doings of the past and apologizing for his mistakes (we had dated years earlier and well….it was obvious back then that he wasn’t ready to settle down back then). He started taking me ring shopping and had even started going ring shopping on his own. He gave me a key to his house (a HUGE step for him because he is extremely private) and let me answer his phone when he wasn’t there (an even bigger step).

Did I EXPECT it: I always knew he was the one, but when it actually began to happen I was a little surprised.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Great thread DivineNapps!

It seems we women are always getting all this information teaching us how to decipher when "he's NOT that into you", that we forget to focus on the signs of when he really IS into us! Sometimes I really don't know for sure!

I think this thread will be very informative...thanks!

 

[ThickHair]

Duh, I just reread the topic carefully, reading is fundamental. My post wasn't appropriate for the topic. Brain Fart.

 

[kayte]

I'm going to list two NEW guys who I am JUST starting to go out with and I posted about #1 in this thread

Hi K,

It was so nice to hear you yesterday. So happy.
I did not quite know how much I enjoyed your voice on Sunday until last night.
As I said before I cannot wait for Sunday to meet you in person.
Are you going to intimidate me on Sunday with your combination of a sexy voice and a beauty?
Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful day.. Still Wednesday
and here is my email address

I went out with him last night!!!!

Go to get back to work....but will back w/answers to the Q's
with the guy in the quotes...and then the other one mentioned ~

GREAT THREAD OP!

 

[tdwillis]

I have a similar story to mrselle. My boyfriend and I had dated for four years and while there was not a lot of drama, there were definitely some twists and turns. Finally one day, he started hinting about marriage. I was like "yeah right, I won't hold my breath for that one again". However, he came over one night and set a date and he was serious. I actually wanted to get married later and he said "no, that is not going to work" (thank goodness he was right-that's a whole other story). He called my parents and asked for my hand. Believe it or not, I still wasn't convinced. I told him I would take no part in wedding planning, it would all be up to him. Then he called me and told me that he had picked a church and was getting ready to make the deposit. I realized then that I should take this seriously. We were married four months later (nine years ago now).

I agree also that when a man is into you, there are no games. Once they make up their minds, they are serious and when you don't put in any effort, it doesn't even phase them because they are that serious.

 

[DivineNapps1728]

I'm loving this!! Men really aren't that complicated huh? For whatever reason I thought men played games to catch a significant other just like women do.

Keep sharing please! & Kayte you betta get back in here and drop some wisdom!!

 

[kayte]

his METHODS: He emailed me over a month ago and
was consistent in staying in touch...never inappropriate
was playful.... We had just met online only days before
but he also emailed me on Valentine's day
* fast forward to now....he was true to the inital IMs which interestingly enough
I included in a thread I had about rejections....
in that... he was a nice departure from the sleazies.....

here's that part of the thread where I posted his IM!!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=442250&page=2&highlight=

and true to what he said ..we did...what he suggested
he followed through! last night...a month later after first contact
only because I was just about to go on tour in Calif right at the time we
"met" on the internet

He took me to the restaurant of my choice $$$$
what EVER I wanted..I ordered for both of us...I chose the appetizers
we shared two separate entrees which he insisted I choose
with one plate...so romantic
because I ordered Sangria..no ice no fruit
how cute.. he said ..same for me!
....He knew I liked Starbucks and had bragged about
my neighborhood Starbucks and so on the way home
.after our romantic...candlelit dinner....he saw my neighborhood Starbucks before I did and said let's stop here for a coffee...he's soooooosweet...
he did not how to order what I wanted so I went to the counter
with him...and said what I wanted ...the baristas all know me anyway and already knew and then he said .....and now..you can go sit...I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT
on his way home ...he texted me twice!
and in the morning I got this email

Good Morning K,
I just wanted to send you a quick kiss in an email..
I hope you are going to have a good day.
x
P


his TRUE INTENTIONS:
I honestly think it is is to date and get to know each other
enjoy each other and like one another..in a relationship
without an agenda

what CLUED me in:
his demeanor..he's phd professor... so modest
but highly competitive in his field..brings none of that in his interaction with me
solely focused on ..me
When I told him I had a reading and book signing coming up
he said he would be there and BUY A BOOK
and when he touched me he let me know he liked what he touched
because it belonged to me and not just because it was a woman's body
he seem to present a genuine interest in ....me

also there was a conflict in comunication ..once and he apologized
and made amends...rightaway and said he was glad we talked about it...
and next did not do it again

but the big clue was the goodnight kiss at my apartment door
I do not let men in my apartment.... but he did not know that
we had kissed over the table at dinner and it was INCREDIBLE
and btw...I DO NOT kiss everyone I date right away
& rarely on the first date
you have to be plenty hot~ for that to happen

so at my door with no barriers
his kiss was a ROMAN CANDLE it was so powerful
...we connected instantly and immediately..... like liquid fire
it was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard to do this

but he said..it's our first date...and kept kissing me
but said..... I am going home
and he did..unlike the writer....who teased tantlized ..cajoled
begged to come in ....

this man did not
even though he did not know my rules...yet
he -went-home and texted me instead....
:thatsall:

GREAT THREAD OP!
nice to read INTO you......very sick of...he's not

 

[DivineNapps1728]

dude #3 This guy was tricky, but after our relationship ended, everything made sense

his METHODS: In the beginning he was friendly, respectable, trustworthy. When we began dating he was honest, affectionate, overprotective, but attentive. When his eyes began to wander he was nervous, depressed, suspicious and would overcompensate for everything to keep me in a fog. When he was ready to move on he would make himself less & less available, he wasn't super compassionate, sometimes he'd be a jerk just so we'd fight.


his TRUE INTENTIONS: Initially he wasn't looking for anything, he didn't even think we'd develop as a deep a friendship as we did then when he started sharing his deepest secrets & I didn't run he caught feelings HARD! He scooped me quick & did everything in his power to be the man he thought I deserved. After years of being together he started to get attention from girls that would be easier to date so he started to fall off. He didn't want to lose me so he tried to keep me in the dark, but he knew things wouldn't last so became fickle, moody & slack. He did less & less to see how far he could go before he lost me, but he assumed I'd never leave. Also he knew much sooner than I did that we were never on the same level, but figured he'd ride it out until his luck ran out


what CLUED me in: Initially he was relaxed, then he started jumping through hoops; he acted like the happiest boy in the world when we became exclusive. When he had feelings of stepping out on me he became super secretive, always had a chip on his shoulder & would be unresponsive when I needed him most; it was almost as if he wanted me to start doubting myself so I'd put in more work & become desperate for him. I realized he knew we weren't equals when he'd require constant affirmation. I realized he was more into himself than me when he stopped hearing me out; he became very selfish, always expected more of me than he required of himself. I knew it was time to call it quits when he'd start fights for no reason, break dates and leave me hanging; he felt the end was inevitable so he made it come sooner.


Did I EXPECT it: I never expected him to become a jerk, but looking back on things there were always clues that he wasn't for me.


What I LEARNED: Dealing with a man who takes you for granted DOESN'T work; he won't get an epiphany that you're awesome & deserve the best until it's too late. Dating someone who doesn't grow with you will make the relationship taxing beyond belief; you can't have enough love, aspirations, patience, etc., for two people. Ignoring signs that he may not be the one doesn't make him the one, it just makes it harder to let go when you're out of denial. Sorry men don't care if you compromise all your morals to keep them happy, but they'll jump stupid if you go against them in some way.






Woo, thank God for lessons learned, freedom from nonsense & personal growth !!!!

 

[Nayeli]

Deleted................

 

[DivineNapps1728]

All these positive revelations are making me warm & fuzzy inside. It makes me happy to know that women are meeting decent guys & are able to recognize that they're truly good men

 

[Glib Gurl]

BUMPING

 

[makeupgirl]

his METHODS:
He was sweet, in the Word, cute, he kept posting on my fb wall when I got sick (it was just a migraine).

his TRUE INTENTIONS:
I'm still not sure if he even had intentions.


what CLUED me in:
I didn't think he was ready for any type of relationship, Long-term or marriage minded. He complained a lot in his fb status, never called, had too many female friends on his fb page (didn't really care but still), he actually complained about our first phone conversation being too long (4 hrs)

Did I EXPECT it:
No I didn't expect anything but he was sending cross signals and I didn't have or wanted my time wasted.


He also kept saying you're hot, I'm going to come visit you and take you out, then the next minute he's saying I'm too busy with work and I got to get my goals together. I'm sorry I don't care how busy you are in this techno world and even if the cell phone, email didn't exist, if a man really wants you they will chase you, move heaven and earth to be with you and apart of your life.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Ooh this is hott! I'm reading!

 

[gabulldawg]

his METHODS: Attentive to my wants and needs, flirtatious but in a fun and creative way, extremely hilarious and sarcastic (always making me laugh), being CONSISTENT, making me feel like I am one of the most beautiful women he’s ever seen, kept his distance at first (but not too much distance) to give me my space, then gradually worked his way into talking to me on a daily basis, going out on fun and creative dates AND coming up with the ideas (not just “chillin” at his house, but going out to eat, bowling, putt-putt golfing, concerts, museums, etc. I have never been to so many different places with a boyfriend!)


his TRUE INTENTIONS: Apparently he was looking for a wife since we are now engaged. I will admit I wasn't completely sure of his intentions when we first started dating.


what CLUED me in: I could just tell there was something DIFFERENT about him. Not only did he talk the talk, but he walked the walk as well. He makes me feel like I belong somewhere. He never makes me feel unwelcomed. He acts like I'm the coolest person in the world.


Did I EXPECT it: Not at first (but I did have a feeling), but eventually I caught on. I could tell that he was hooked and wasn’t letting me go.

What did I learn: I learned that when a man truly loves and cares for you he will do ANYTHING in his power (and his budget ) to make you happy. You don’t have to wonder or worry or guess. He will do what it takes to let you know, through actions, gestures, words, etc. I will admit that I didn't get it at first, but my FH has shown me how a relationship SHOULD be, and I can never settle for anything less.

 

[naijamerican]

his METHODS: Attentive to my wants and needs, flirtatious but in a fun and creative way, extremely hilarious and sarcastic (always making me laugh), being CONSISTENT, making me feel like I am one of the most beautiful women he’s ever seen, kept his distance at first (but not too much distance) to give me my space, then gradually worked his way into talking to me on a daily basis, going out on fun and creative dates AND coming up with the ideas (not just “chillin” at his house, but going out to eat, bowling, putt-putt golfing, concerts, museums, etc. I have never been to so many different places with a boyfriend!)


his TRUE INTENTIONS: Apparently he was looking for a wife since we are now engaged. I will admit I wasn't completely sure of his intentions when we first started dating.


what CLUED me in: I could just tell there was something DIFFERENT about him. Not only did he talk the talk, but he walked the walk as well. He makes me feel like I belong somewhere. He never makes me feel unwelcomed. He acts like I'm the coolest person in the world.


Did I EXPECT it: Not at first (but I did have a feeling), but eventually I caught on. I could tell that he was hooked and wasn’t letting me go.

What did I learn: I learned that when a man truly loves and cares for you he will do ANYTHING in his power (and his budget ) to make you happy. You don’t have to wonder or worry or guess. He will do what it takes to let you know, through actions, gestures, words, etc. I will admit that I didn't get it at first, but my FH has shown me how a relationship SHOULD be, and I can never settle for anything less.

I'm not sure why the bolded had an effect on me, but tears came to my eyes when I read that. A sense of belonging is one of the most fundamental human emotions. I'm so glad that he makes you feel that way. What a great feeling!

 

[kismettt]

his METHODS: we talked (and debated) A LOT when we first met, like in class, online at night, when we were supposed to "study", etc (this was when i was looking at him as a potential friend) . he sat by me at an event our org went to (everyone sat in the row in front & there weren't anymore seats so i had to sit by myself behind them. awkward. i didn't know him at all at that point.) eating with my friends & me.

his TRUE INTENTIONS: he wanted to date me.

what CLUED me in: we started watching movies together at his place. he would always sit on the chair & i would either take a chair (if available, his suitemate would steal them), or sit on his bed. one night he sat next to me and we just talked through the whole movie. we were laying on his bed at that point but he wasn't touching me. it was interesting, since most guys (especially college guys) would be like GREEN LIGHT & i'd have to be like "you are sadly mistaken". nice change


Did I EXPECT it: not at all. i didn't know what his type was, but i def didn't think i was it. i was honestly surprised when he admitted he liked me/thought i was super fine/super intelligent/blahblahblah. how he showed his interested was completely different than guys i've known in the past (they have been very blatant & obvious about their interest). he is very low key in that way. now, i can look back & see all the super obvious signs since i know him so well. but then i was like "lalala this is my new friend. i like him but im sure he thinks im a friend lalala"

 

[DivineNapps1728]

I'm excited about sharing an experience that ends up with me & my SO staying together...

BUMP!

 

[DivineNapps1728]

+ + :blush3: =

 

[HoneyA]

No other stories of a guy that' "just that into you"? That's telling. There must be more.

 

[TinyBlu]

A good male friend of mine always told me that when a guy really wants to be with you he will make it happen and there will be no games. It took a while, but eventually I accepted that simple truth. So, when my husband was ready to settle down, among other things, this is how I knew he was serious:

his METHODS: He really courted me and treated me like a lady. He would ask me out on dates days in advance. I never had to call him (I had already made up in my mind that I was not going to chase him), he always called me. Even when he was out of town for work he would make the time to call him. At the very beginning he was gone for an entire week and he called me every single night.

his TRUE INTENTIONS: He was ready to settle down and get married.


what CLUED me in: Calling me every single day, asking me out on dates, telling me he loved me, admitting his wrong doings of the past and apologizing for his mistakes (we had dated years earlier and well….it was obvious back then that he wasn’t ready to settle down back then). He started taking me ring shopping and had even started going ring shopping on his own. He gave me a key to his house (a HUGE step for him because he is extremely private) and let me answer his phone when he wasn’t there (an even bigger step).

Did I EXPECT it: I always knew he was the one, but when it actually began to happen I was a little surprised.

Your response really intrigued me because I had a guy do all of the things you said your DH did when he was ready, but he lost his job and stopped communicating with me totally. It totally devastated me, but sadly, I still think about him every day. I often wonder if his job loss REALLY WAS the reason why he dropped me and he wasn't man enough to deal with that and the relationship.

I have let it go (It's not like I had a choice), and I am trying to date again, but I just can't. I really felt like he was "the one". How long did it take for him to come to his senses? What did you make him do to get back in your good graces?

 

[DivineNapps1728]

Your response really intrigued me because I had a guy do all of the things you said your DH did when he was ready, but he lost his job and stopped communicating with me totally. It totally devastated me, but sadly, I still think about him every day. I often wonder if his job loss REALLY WAS the reason why he dropped me and he wasn't man enough to deal with that and the relationship.

I have let it go (It's not like I had a choice), and I am trying to date again, but I just can't. I really felt like he was "the one". How long did it take for him to come to his senses? What did you make him do to get back in your good graces?

I can't speak for mrselle so hopefully she comes back and answers the questions you directed to her, but I do have a friend that does what you mentioned frequently to women.

With him it always boils down to two things: cold feet and his insecurities. He's been on the search for the perfect woman for a while now & whenever he thinks he's found the one he puts in work until she gets really into him at that point he freaks out. He starts to fear that he can't do all the things he said he could or be the man he proclaimed he was. He jumps out of the relationship before his girlfriend can see through his charade and decide he's not good enough.

If your ex was actively courting you maybe losing his job made him feel like he wasn't good enough because he could no longer provide for you. In any case, if he jumped ship he wasn't ready to be with you. Work on forgiving him so you can let go of the pain he inflicted and try your best to move forward. If you two cross paths again being stuck in the past won't help anything; if you two never cross paths again being stuck in the past will still only stifle you.

​

 

[DivineNapps1728]

#4

his METHODS: He's kind and respectful. He takes time to talk to me and listens to my views; he looks genuinely interested in whatever I say even if I'm not speaking directly to him. He consoled me when I was upset and made it his business to check on me periodically. He compliments me. He finds non-sleazy ways to make physical contact (brushing shoulders, light bumps & nudges, intricate handshakes I don't know how to do )


his TRUE INTENTIONS: ???


what CLUED me in: He interacts with me, but doesn't have to


Did I EXPECT it: n/a


I'll update this as more things progress

 

[mrselle]

Your response really intrigued me because I had a guy do all of the things you said your DH did when he was ready, but he lost his job and stopped communicating with me totally. It totally devastated me, but sadly, I still think about him every day. I often wonder if his job loss REALLY WAS the reason why he dropped me and he wasn't man enough to deal with that and the relationship.

I have let it go (It's not like I had a choice), and I am trying to date again, but I just can't. I really felt like he was "the one". How long did it take for him to come to his senses? What did you make him do to get back in your good graces?

Initially, DH and I dated for two years off and on, but like I mentioned in my previous post he wasn’t ready to settle down. We were apart for four years before he came around, but there were other factors that contributed to him coming around. The year prior to us getting back together he had been in a terrible accident that put him out of work for about four months. I think knowing that his life could be taken away so easily or that it could change in an instant really caused him to think about some things. Still, he didn’t really come around as far as courting me and talking marriage until he was healed, back at work and had built up his savings again. With all that said, I once asked him if he ever thought about marrying me when he was hurt and he said that he did think about marriage, but didn’t want to put too much stock into those feelings because he was hurt and thought that maybe he was just vulnerable. As far as him “getting back in my good graces” I pretty much made him court me. I didn’t chase him, I rarely called him unless I was returning his phone call, I let him make all the effort because I felt like I had already put my feelings out there, so the ball was in his court. Because he was really making the effort I knew that he was serious.

 

[ladylibra_30]

This thread is great...