He's CHEAP!!!

hrtbndr21

hrtbndr21

New Member
Ok I've been dating this guy for about a month and a half. We decided to make it official about a month ago. So I expected that eventually the "honeymoon" phase would wear off and it has. He's cheap, cheap for no reason cheap and it's starting to bug me. The little things that I thought were just quirky little aspects of his personality are now annoying. He works in the hi-tech industry makes a very good living. Brags about how he payed cash for his car $28k, he only owns 5 pairs of shoes, one pair he bought in 2000!!!! Who does that?

So here's where it got interesting. The last few dates I payed for dinner, DVD rental whatever. Which is fine but he seemed to have forgotten where his wallet was. So I was determined not to pay for anything on our next date. We went to a late movie Friday night. He had some corporate passes he wanted to use I think it came out to $6 a piece. After the movie he wants to go to IHOP, it's 2 a.m he hasn't eaten since lunch. The check comes and we just sit there he becomes fascinated w/ his glass of water or his fingernails. It was really uncomfortable...in my mind I was like "there is no way I'm paying this time." So after an hour I finally grab the ckeck and pay it so he can take me back to his place I can get my car and bounce. We get back and I tell him "I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving" and start to get out. He says, "What, you're not going to stay over?" I say "HA... that check B.S. was not cool. I have payed for 3 meals for you. Not cool." So I come to find out he's trying to make our spending for our dates even. "It's not 1950's, I'm not wining and dining you...etc." WTF? He counts gas!!! Is it my fault he chose to buy a gas guzzling european car that needs premium gas? We went to clubs on guest list, or free festivals and national parks w/ free admission. I invited him to a Halloween party free again. He payed cover $10 at a bar on our first date and bought me a drink there. For one thing I don't think first dates count. He's supposed to be trying to win me over. The next time we went to a club I drove (45 miles) and I bought one round and he bought one round. He payed for $7 tickets to a comedy show. He had the nerve to say he pays 20 cents more for gas! I told him he should have been upfront w/ his little policy.

I have never experienced this. ALL of the other guys I have gone out w/ were quick to pay. Money was NEVER an issue. I don't mind rotating once we're in a relationship so I guess I assumed that's what we would do because that's what I'm used to. We agreed to go dutch from now on b/c he "doesn't want money to affect our relationship :rolleyes:" Ugh....I dunno...it might be back to the drawing board. :wallbash::wallbash::wallbash:
 
Don't be mad at him, you started the ball rollin with paying. He will not change, so I would say be quiet and suck it up or roll out. DON'T EXPECT CHANGE.
 
I've always found cheap men tiresome and they eventually become frugal in other important areas of relationship..:look:
 
He's going to continue to be cheap and if that's something that bothers you then maybe you should find someone else. I think he has made it very clear how he feels about the matter. No whining and dining so don't expect any. Tsk what a shame :ohwell:
 
hrtbndr21 said:
Ok I've been dating this guy for about a month and a half. We decided to make it official about a month ago. So I expected that eventually the "honeymoon" phase would wear off and it has. He's cheap, cheap for no reason cheap and it's starting to bug me. The little things that I thought were just quirky little aspects of his personality are now annoying. He works in the hi-tech industry makes a very good living. Brags about how he payed cash for his car $28k, he only owns 5 pairs of shoes, one pair he bought in 2000!!!! Who does that?

So here's where it got interesting. The last few dates I payed for dinner, DVD rental whatever. Which is fine but he seemed to have forgotten where his wallet was. So I was determined not to pay for anything on our next date. We went to a late movie Friday night. He had some corporate passes he wanted to use I think it came out to $6 a piece. After the movie he wants to go to IHOP, it's 2 a.m he hasn't eaten since lunch. The check comes and we just sit there he becomes fascinated w/ his glass of water or his fingernails. It was really uncomfortable...in my mind I was like "there is no way I'm paying this time." So after an hour I finally grab the ckeck and pay it so he can take me back to his place I can get my car and bounce. We get back and I tell him "I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving" and start to get out. He says, "What, you're not going to stay over?" I say "HA... that check B.S. was not cool. I have payed for 3 meals for you. Not cool." So I come to find out he's trying to make our spending for our dates even. "It's not 1950's, I'm not wining and dining you...etc." WTF? He counts gas!!! Is it my fault he chose to buy a gas guzzling european car that needs premium gas? We went to clubs on guest list, or free festivals and national parks w/ free admission. I invited him to a Halloween party free again. He payed cover $10 at a bar on our first date and bought me a drink there. For one thing I don't think first dates count. He's supposed to be trying to win me over. The next time we went to a club I drove (45 miles) and I bought one round and he bought one round. He payed for $7 tickets to a comedy show. He had the nerve to say he pays 20 cents more for gas! I told him he should have been upfront w/ his little policy.

I have never experienced this. ALL of the other guys I have gone out w/ were quick to pay. Money was NEVER an issue. I don't mind rotating once we're in a relationship so I guess I assumed that's what we would do because that's what I'm used to. We agreed to go dutch from now on b/c he "doesn't want money to affect our relationship :rolleyes:" Ugh....I dunno...it might be back to the drawing board. :wallbash::wallbash::wallbash:
Click to expand...

HT, you set the pace..you payed..this is a done deal. Why aggravate yourself? You want to be the day old bread buyer wife? Be done with this dude..my LHCF sisters deserve better than this.
 
dude will not change anytime soon, so its either you accept it or leave. I would dump him its such a turn off i have nooo time for someone who keeps a mental list of what he has got me and thinks i owe him in any way.
 
I wouldn't date him. People tend to go out of their way to woo you. If he is behaving like this NOW, it will X10 worse if you marry him or stay with him.

He will be like my friend's husband. He gives his wife money. Not an allowance, she has to outline what exactly she will buy and he gives her how much he feels is worth spending if it all. He will ask her for $.25 in change when he has given her money. It isn't like he is hurting or she is a ridiculous spender....


I love me a thrifty man, but there's a diff between thrifty and cheap. And this guy here is so cheap I wouldn't even bother.
 
Put him on blast!
Man, he sounds like a turd and you handled that well. When he calls for you, tell him you're charging by the minute! Time is money!
 
vivmaiko said:
I wouldn't date him. People tend to go out of their way to woo you. If he is behaving like this NOW, it will X10 worse if you marry him or stay with him.

He will be like my friend's husband. He gives his wife money. Not an allowance, she has to outline what exactly she will buy and he gives her how much he feels is worth spending if it all. He will ask her for $.25 in change when he has given her money. It isn't like he is hurting or she is a ridiculous spender....


I love me a thrifty man, but there's a diff between thrifty and cheap. And this guy here is so cheap I wouldn't even bother.
Click to expand...

You speak the truth...DAMN ... He was supposed to tide me over till the New Year but at this rate single is looking better and better.
 
I saw the problem as soon as you said that you started paying for dates.

That should never have happened, and the "I forgot my wallet," thing is the oldest trick in the book. Maybe it's just me, but I've NEVER run into a guy who doesn't have his wallet on him at all times and I've never heard a man say that (and I mean any man... my dad, my brother, a good friend... I've NEVER seen them forget a wallet).

So whenever I hear a woman say that a man said that to her, I know he's trying to get out of paying.

In my experience, the honeymoon period usually lasts about three months, so if you're having problems so quickly, this is a sign that you need to throw him back. You haven't lost much time, so make a clean break NOW!

I would just cut him loose and move on. Seriously, nothing about this situation sounds as if it's worth the effort.
 
Last edited:
Run girl. RUN!!! I can't stand CHEAP, STINGY men. I say going forward (not with this loser of course) don't pay for any dates until there is an official commitment. Kick this fool to the curb and find a man who is willing to treat you the way a lady should be treated.
 
I prefer a frugal money conscious man....meaning he chooses to spend his money wisely on things he feel are of value and worth to him.....and that would include the money he spends on me...my last ex was frugal.....ex NBA player, still on a guaranteed contract even though he wasn't playing n e more and would not drop a dime on n e thing he didn't feel was worth the money.......even certain restaraunts....he thought the cheesecake factory was overpriced and not that good...the few times we went I would pay because I wanted to go there.....he wouldn't even think of getting the bill and would let me know before we went he had no intentions of getting the bill, but if i really wanted to go he would go with me.....I didn't have a problem with that because he felt plenty of other things were worth the $$ he spent on him, on me, on us......although we did almost have a falling out because he didn't want to pay for internet service at his place even though I dang near lived there and was being stubborn to the point where he wouldn't even let me pay for it (male ego in overdrive).....and just so happens that night my server crashed around 1 am and I had to go down to the lobby to get internet access and made him get up with me and spend a couple of hours getting it back up.....he got internet the next day...lol

a $50 cheesecake factory tab he wouldn't pick up but he had no problem droppin 4g's on my laser eye surgery or buying me a new laptop when it crashed....

so one would definitely have to know what a man's stance is on money and be upfront about communicating what works for you and what doesn't......uncomfortable games over seeing whose gonna pick up a tab or pay for something is not cool, or a whole tic for a tack type of relationship isn't for me...and with this type of guy who thinks like he thinks I would personally be like.....thats okay u think like that and I'm not here to try to make you do n e thing you don't want to do...but Im not gonna be a part of this type of relationship....Im sure you will find somebody who is okay with how you operate....

it just isn't me....

nothing to be upset about, just keep it real and keep it movin
 
Bunny77 said:
I saw the problem as soon as you said that you started paying for dates.

That should never have happened, and the "I forgot my wallet," thing is the oldest trick in the book. Maybe it's just me, but I've NEVER run into a guy who doesn't have his wallet on him at all times and I've never heard a man say that (and I mean any man... my dad, my brother, a good friend... I've NEVER seen them forget a wallet).

So whenever I hear a woman say that a man said that to her, I know he's trying to get out of paying.

In my experience, the honeymoon period usually lasts about three months, so if you're having problems so quickly, this is a sign that you need to throw him back. You haven't lost much time, so make a clean break NOW!

I would just cut him loose and move on. Seriously, nothing about this situation sounds as if it's worth the effort.
Click to expand...

To clarify... when I say he forgot where his wallet was. I mean he failed to pull it out, open it up and pay. Not that he claimed to forget to bring it with him.
 
Wow.... that would be so annoying. OMG. You're a better person than me.... I could not handle that... I mean, its IHOP!!!!

I say drop him... you do not need that in your life. IMO scrimping and finangling over who pays for what is probably the LEAST sexy thing to do on a date. Thrifty is one thing, but miserly and cheap behavior is another and it seems like he's leaning towards the latter. :barf:
 
Next! Get rid of him. It will only get worse. Cut your loses now it's only a month an a half it won't be as painful now than if you wait. Leave while you can and don't look back.
 
Its up to you if you wanna stay with him or not. I know there must be things about him that you like, since you two decided to make it official. I will just say this.

My first love...I stayed with him for 3.5 years. Each year his cheapness towards me got worse and worse and worse. It got so bad that, the last Valentine's day we were together, he didn't even get me ANYTHING! We were sitting on the couch watching TV and he waves his debit card at me and says I can go get something $10-20 for myself when the weekend got here. I was so mad and offended :wallbash:
 
BrooklynSouth said:
HT, you set the pace..you payed..this is a done deal. Why aggravate yourself? You want to be the day old bread buyer wife? Be done with this dude..my LHCF sisters deserve better than this.
Click to expand...

soooo AGREED! 1) you should have never paid for ****. Not ONE thing, IMO. and 2) CHEAP men do not change. Take him as is or let it go and run. IF you do not share the same financial philosophy as he, then being with him will be an utter drag. You cannot imagine how miserable you will be if you stick with this dude. His good qualities are not enough to make up for something so major when you disagree about fiscal matters.

I'm so mad that you paid for a round of drinks on your first date....:spank:
 
I'm sorry, but I had to laugh at your post. :lachen:This guy knows how to work a woman, and her wallet.

From my experience, when a man is really into a woman, he will spend, and spend gladly. Trust that.

This guy is not someone you'd want to get attached to...can you see yourself with him 6 months, a year down the road, paying for your own birthday gift,or splitting the check everytime you go out to eat?

And shoot! You'd probably end up buying your own engagement ring!

Run far, run fast, and don't look back.
 
Oh girl, no!! I dated a guy like this, and let me tell you it only gets worse! I would get out now.
 
I wouldn't be able to deal with that. Since you have only been dating for a month and a half, I say let him go.
I can't believe he had calculated how much each of you spent and had the nerve to mention that he spent .20 more!
Goodness, I can't even begin to imagine buying gifts for one another..."My gift cost .75 more than yours, you can just reimburse me for the difference"...blah!
 
CantBeCopied said:
soooo AGREED! 1) you should have never paid for ****. Not ONE thing, IMO. and 2) CHEAP men do not change. Take him as is or let it go and run. IF you do not share the same financial philosophy as he, then being with him will be an utter drag. You cannot imagine how miserable you will be if you stick with this dude. His good qualities are not enough to make up for something so major when you disagree about fiscal matters.

I'm so mad that you paid for a round of drinks on your first date....:spank:
Click to expand...

That was the 3rd date and that was only becasue I was getting another for myself.
 
hrtbndr21 said:
That was the 3rd date and that was only becasue I was getting another for myself.
Click to expand...

Ok. Well, I hope it works out okay. I was married to a cheap man, so I have extra sensitive feelings about it all. I feel like you should RUN...but don't let me project on you. All the best.
 
Thank you ladies for all your input, nothing I didn't already know, or I haven't already told myself. I just needed to confirm that I wasn't crazy for thinking the situation was messed up. I am not a high maintenance chick but I do expect a certain level of treatment. That whole 20 cent thing...it was like "ah I see you now, so that's how it is."

I had lunch with a good guy friend today. He told me I played it wrong. I shouldn't have addressed it, just head on home, get busy, only respond by text, leaving him to figure it out. He said that this guy was beyond cheap he was stingy and I should toss him now.

We're the same age (27) but apparently at different points in our lives. He wants to date and save money, I'm looking for a potential husband. I've seen enough to know he's not the one. Oh well you live, you learn that's dating I guess. Now off to find Mr. December or January....:grin:
 
Girl, I couldn't get in here to write fast enough. A man is suppose to be the one courting you, trying to win you over...not the other way around.

You should be like a prize to him or a rare flower he is trying to cultivate by the climate or environment you are exposed to. You deserve better and if he isn't willing to sacrafice to get you then he isn't worth the time. He doesn't seem like he really cares for you because if he was then he would be afraid to tell you that in fear of losing you. I mean, if he had the chance to date Halle Berry or Beyonce, he would be doing everything to keep them cause' he would be afraid the chance wouldn't come around again.

You deserve no less than Beyonce or Halle Berry, so please send this dude, "to the left, to the left."

*corny I know but still funny*
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

E
When do you start pulling out your wallet?
2 3
Replies
71
Views
2K
Mrs. N Lugo
Mrs. N Lugo
B
To stay or not to stay??? Please help!
2
Replies
43
Views
1K
MissJ
MissJ
**SaSSy**
Being cheap in a relationship
Replies
9
Views
161
kayte
kayte
S
Can finacnes ruin a relationship?
2
Replies
37
Views
724
OrangeMoon
O
yokoyokogirl
How do you pay for dates a couple?
Replies
3
Views
69
Vinyl
V
Back
Top