Help! People Inviting Themselves to My Wedding

[bluewater01]

I sent out my invitations a few days ago and my aunt called my mom today wondering why I did not invite her daughter. (Her daughter is from a previous marriage and I am not related to her. I'm related to my aunt's husband who passed several years ago.) Anyway, she asked "is there a reason that _______ wasn't invited?" She added that she knows that weddings are expensive and that she would offer to pay for her to come. My mom said that she would talk to me about it. She was stunned and so am I. I have seen this woman maybe twice in my entire lifetime and do not know her at all.

I think that what she has done is incredibly rude and puts us in a very uncomfortable and awkward position. I'm thinking that I should just go ahead and invite her because three people that I invited already said that they will not be able to come. But what if other people decide to do the same thing? This is so crazy!

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Sounds very uncomfortable for you...don't know the perfect thing for you to do...just remember it is YOUR wedding..surrounded by those your intended and you love.

 

[bluewater01]

Thanks. I'm wondering though if I do decide not to invite her that this will put a strain on the relationship between me and my aunt. She will probably always hold that against me or try to make me feel guilty about it.

I was talking to this woman at work the other day and she was saying that grudges or issues between family members usually begin at weddings and funerals... (SIGH).

 

[Triniwegian]

The nerve!
It's your wedding, do what you want to do.
You shouldn't have to invite people you don't know or want to be there.
I would have told my aunt that she was not invited on purpose.
Why is it so important for her to be there..if you two don't have a relationship?

 

[Keen]

Tell your aunt that you have a limited number of seats. You had to be selective because seats are limited. Let her know if you have any cancellation, you will consider her daughter but it's not necessary to for her to pay. If she tells you to just increase the guest list, tell her that you just don't want a wedding bigger than you already planned.

 

[Makenzie]

Since you have 3 cancellations already I would invite the daughter. However, graciously let the aunt know you couldn't invite everyone but since there is a cancellation, the daughter is more than welcomed.

Be prepared though to stand your ground if more people do this and you don't have the budget/space to include them. It is a very rude request that happens often. But not worth the ensuing drama if it can be avoided.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

Since you have 3 cancellations already I would invite the daughter. However, graciously let the aunt know you couldn't invite everyone but since there is a cancellation, the daughter is more than welcomed.

Be prepared though to stand your ground if more people do this and you don't have the budget/space to include them. It is a very rude request that happens often. But not worth the ensuing drama if it can be avoided.

I dont think OP wants the daughter at her wedding whether there is a cancellation or not.

 

[MrsHdrLe]

I am there. I HATE that. How can people be so rude and inconsiderate. It's your wedding and you are entitled to have only people you agree upon to be there. Don't take this caca from DISTANT relatives and friends.
I'm going through the same thing b/c my FH's ex-wife has apparently been talking mess around the kids about the fact that she's not invited to our wedding. WE agreed, NO EX-WIVES at our wedding! Done and DONE!

 

[bluewater01]

I dont think OP wants the daughter at her wedding whether there is a cancellation or not.

You're right. I really don't know her and I thought she was rude to ask. Maybe she felt slighted, but doesn't she know that you don't just ask someone to be invited to their wedding? I don't know why weddings get people so emotional...

 

[Makenzie]

I dont think OP wants the daughter at her wedding whether there is a cancellation or not.

No, I got that. If OP wanted her there, she would have invited her. Since there is space available, I wouldn't make an issue out of it. Weddings are stressful enough. This would be one less thing to worry about.

 

[pisceschica]

I am there. I HATE that. How can people be so rude and inconsiderate. It's your wedding and you are entitled to have only people you agree upon to be there. Don't take this caca from DISTANT relatives and friends.
I'm going through the same thing b/c my FH's ex-wife has apparently been talking mess around the kids about the fact that she's not invited to our wedding. WE agreed, NO EX-WIVES at our wedding! Done and DONE!

I'm sorry, but this is just too funny. Why would you invite your ex? I don't care if they are the mother/father of his or my children, but whatever thats just me.

I'm only really close to my nuclear family and KNOW about 4 out of 12 aunts and uncles. Call me crazy and inconsiderate but if I don't know you I am not going to invite you to my wedding just because you are somehow related to my mother or father. If I don't know you on some level I don't feel comfortable with you there.

 

[mrselle]

I will never understand why some people think it's ok to ask if another person can attend a person's wedding and then offer to "pay the other person's way" like they are going to a concert or restaurant. It's insulting and rude because at that point it's obvious that person doesn't see this as your wedding but as an event that has been put together for their entertainment/enjoyment. With that said, I like to keep the peace and more times than not these things work themselves out. Most caterers make extra food knowing that there will be uninvited guests, guests who come, but did not RSVP and guests who said they were coming, but don't.

 

[Sade]

yeah I think it is rather annoying for people to ask for invites for other people. I am putting my list together right now and my FH already said we are not catering to anyone. The people we have on our list are the people WE want there. If people start calling asking to add people it is a no on both sides.

If some ever tells me that they will pay someone way, I swear I will break it down to flowers, linens, transportation, lighting, DJ, Planner, drinks, and food. By the time I am done it will be like $750 for additional guest and I will like the money order before I add said person. I bet that will shut their mouths up quick.

Argghhh I can't stand rude people.

 

[QueenTiffany]

Weddings are not long-lost family reunions especially depending on how long you two have been together, if the person hasn't met your future husband or couldn't even tell someone his name (shooo, some folks who kick and scream to be in the house can't even tell you YOUR name - they will know you as 'so & so's daughter' but swear up and down they're supposed to be invited)...

Folks are seriously pressed about weddings for whatever reason but don't feel obligated to pacify those that you're not close to - if you wouldn't invite them to a meal in your home - don't invite them to a meal for the start of your marriage.

 

[ladysaraii]

I am there. I HATE that. How can people be so rude and inconsiderate. It's your wedding and you are entitled to have only people you agree upon to be there. Don't take this caca from DISTANT relatives and friends.
I'm going through the same thing b/c my FH's ex-wife has apparently been talking mess around the kids about the fact that she's not invited to our wedding. WE agreed, NO EX-WIVES at our wedding! Done and DONE!

I'm sorry, why would she think she was invited. EX-WIFE - she's already had her wedding.

Now if the kids weren't invited, okay, i could see an issue, but her? Nope.