help! just got dumped via text message

[poookie]

ok well technically i broke up with him first... but not in exact words. i let him know that i wasn't happy with how things were, and i felt that he wasn't emotionally available to me. we'd been dating since march of last year, but i've wanted to break things off with him for the past 2 months or so.

well here's the situation:

so he set up a "dinner date" to try and make things better. he cooked for me (which was totally sweet even though he can't cook)... then had the nerve to expect that i'd give him a little... you know what... because he went out of his way to boil up some noodles and pour sauce over it (he called it "ghetto bachelor chicken alfredo").

long story short, i didn't feel like it, he got mad at me saying "i didn't fulfill my part of the bargain", kicked me out of his house only to ask me to come back a few minutes later so he could kick me out again, threw a pair of shoes at me, and slammed a door in my face. literally. both the pair of shoes AND the door hit my face. i'm considering legal action against him.

well after church this morning, i decided to stop by his job (because he wasn't answering my calls) and hand him a note, explaining that i can't help if i'm not always in the mood, and that although i was very grateful for the invite + the dinner, i don't OWE him anything (especially not THAT), because he was the one that offered to cook for me in the first place.

twenty minutes later he "dumped" me via text message... me and SO have been having problems lately, but i never thought he'd do something like dump me in a text message containing less than 10 words (his exact words: "let's just be friends for a while")...

i really can't understand why he'd just throw almost a year's worth of relationship down the drain. maybe this is his way of saving money, because valentine's day is coming up, and my birthday = four days later...

i'm so completely lost right now... not because we're no longer together, because as i mentioned earlier, i've been wanting to end things with him for a while now... but because he wasn't man enough to do it in person... 24 hours ago he was saying he cared about me, now he won't return my calls AND he felt like he had to dump me over the phone? erplexed

has anyone else been through something like this? how did you deal with it?

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Wowerplexed He sounds like a true buttmunch. If he comes sniffing around after your birthday I hope you have better sense than to reestablish this relationship. He sounds extremely immature. I've never experienced anything like this so no advice really. I would just leave him be and not answer/acknowledge any of his calls or messages when he regains his senses.

 

[scarcity21]

^^^^^^ what she said...what an ***!!!

 

[PaperClip]

I strongly encourage you to REFRAME this situation...

esp. since you said you wanted to break up first and 2, he just said "let's be friends".... In a way, what would expect him to say after you said all that you said, like not being happy, he was emotionally unavailable to you, etc.

Sounds like he did what you needed more courage to do.... So don't discount the MESSAGE (what you wanted to happen anyway) by dogging him on the METHOD.... But then again, you're speaking out of your hurt...go ahead and allow that process to run its course...(but don't let it sideline you forever). Then pick up and keep it movin'.

I promise you through prayer (if that's what you do), you will remember the relationship without pain....if the relationship has run its course.

 

[Tallone]

Pick yourself up
Dust yourself off
Pretty yourself and officially close that chapter of your life
C'est La Vie

 

[locabouthair]

(((((HUGS))))

your ex boyfriend sounds like real trifling. What a a-hole.

I know your upset because you probably never expected him to treat you like that. But you dont need to deal with someone like that.

And that lets be friends stuff is BS. Being friends right after a relationship never works. Unless he means friend with benefits.

Be glad it was only a year and not five.

 

[MzLady78]

I wanna know why you felt compelled to explain ANYTHING to his *** after he hit you with a pair of shoes and slammed the door in your face?

 

[SpyCats]

I wanna know why you felt compelled to explain ANYTHING to his *** after he hit you with a pair of shoes and slammed the door in your face?

Okay, I thought I missed something here. Why are you explaining ANYTHING to him.

I'm sorry this happened to you, but I hope you realize that this is NOT a person that you need to be with.

 

[chocolat79]

I wanna know why you felt compelled to explain ANYTHING to his *** after he hit you with a pair of shoes and slammed the door in your face?

Ditto! erplexed

 

[cutebajangirl]

You dont need to explain anything to someone who would treat you so poorly. I would file a complaint with the police let him worry about a DV charge and how that is gonna affect his life. He'll think twice before he nuts up next time.

 

[envybeauty]

I don't get it.

You wanted to dump him.

He dumps you AND kicks you out.

The relationship is over.

You want what?!??!!? I thought you got what you wanted, and that is to be free of him and that relationship.

ETA: Really, I just see this as you being mad that you didn't get to dump him FIRST so that he could chase behind you begging you to come back. That's how I reread your post.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

i personally wud have dumped him the moment he threw me out of his house for not wanting to have sex let alone hitting me in the face with some shoes and the door erplexed but i think u should just let it go and by that no dont be friends with him you say you dont know y he threw the relationship away, why did you want to split up for the last 2 months? or are you a bit peeved that you didnt break up with him first?

ive been dumped by txt before actually last yr about two weeks before valentines day but i left him alone and u knw karma does coem back around he has had a really bad yr and this guy is still running after me telling me he misses me

 

[♦K.O♦]

You never thought he would break up with you through text messaging...

did you ever think he would throw shoes at your FACE?

This guy sounds like a loser and you need to recognize that he deserves nothing from you. You are better off without him.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I wanna know why you felt compelled to explain ANYTHING to his *** after he hit you with a pair of shoes and slammed the door in your face?

To the OP, he did you a favor. Ain't nothing more to talk about. Don't even wonder about him because it's a waste of clear thinking.

 

[Theo]

OP... you deserve MUCH better than this. You are not obligated to have sex with anyone at anytime you do not desire to... that's it. And you definitely do not have to explain yourself. NOBODY should EVER be throwing ANYTHING in your face under any circumstances... especially just because you wouldn't have sex with him? After he cooked you some ramen? Go back and read your post... the entire situation is so ridiculous. Get yourself as far from his crazy ass as you can. In fact... key up his car... slash his tires... whatever will make you feel better for the time being, and then make your dramatic exit.

***Generally, I'm an advocate of finding peaceful, non-violent ways to solve problems, but this prick deserves whatever he has coming to him. I can't believe what some of these negroes do sometimes.

 

[Princess4real]

I don't get it.

You wanted to dump him.

He dumps you AND kicks you out.

The relationship is over.

You want what?!??!!? I thought you got what you wanted, and that is to be free of him and that relationship.

ETA: Really, I just see this as you being mad that you didn't get to dump him FIRST so that he could chase behind you begging you to come back. That's how I reread your post.

Me either

 

[ThickHair]

I wanna know why you felt compelled to explain ANYTHING to his *** after he hit you with a pair of shoes and slammed the door in your face?

ITA, don't grovel it looks desperate. You owe him nothing. Plus you said you wanted to break up with him anyway. Are you sorta upset that he broke up first, thus hurt your pride????

Be glad you are done with him. Yippie.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

OP... you deserve MUCH better than this. You are not obligated to have sex with anyone at anytime you do not desire to... that's it. And you definitely do not have to explain yourself. NOBODY should EVER be throwing ANYTHING in your face under any circumstances... especially just because you wouldn't have sex with him? After he cooked you some ramen? Go back and read your post... the entire situation is so ridiculous. Get yourself as far from his crazy ass as you can. In fact... key up his car... slash his tires... whatever will make you feel better for the time being, and then make your dramatic exit.

***Generally, I'm an advocate of finding peaceful, non-violent ways to solve problems, but this prick deserves whatever he has coming to him. I can't believe what some of these negroes do sometimes.

OP please DO NOT follow this advice...

 

[itismehmmkay]

Pick yourself up
Dust yourself off
Pretty yourself and officially close that chapter of your life
C'est La Vie

I completely agree.
Don't think twice about him or the situation. Most of the time, there isn't a logical explanation for how things happen.
you'll be fine girl. Get yourself in a hobby quick.

 

[Growinpainz]

I don't get it.

You wanted to dump him.

He dumps you AND kicks you out.

The relationship is over.

You want what?!??!!? I thought you got what you wanted, and that is to be free of him and that relationship.

ETA: Really, I just see this as you being mad that you didn't get to dump him FIRST so that he could chase behind you begging you to come back. That's how I reread your post.

me too

.........

 

[Theo]

OP please DO NOT follow this advice...

Lol... I wasn't serious when I wrote that... at least not completely. I forgot the j/k. Its probably not the most PC way of going about things, and it definitely won't solve anything... but it will make you feel better!

 

[SweetNic_JA]

He threw something that hit you in the face. That was cold. Do not call this fool. Keep it moving and maintain some dignity and self respect. He wants to see you crawling back, just don't give him the satisfaction.

 

[poookie]

i guess this is kind of misleading. let me clarify; it's less a matter of me being mad at the fact that he beat me to the punch...

yes i've been wanting things to end with him... and i'm not surprised that things are over...

but i just don't get why he didn't have it in him to tell me this in person. what kind of cowardly person can't say this type of thing to the person's face??? the whole reason why i wanted to date him in the first place was because i thought he a was mature, responsible, intellectual individual. i didn't think he'd be the kind of person who'd cut me loose over the phone.

and also maybe i'm just mad at myself for not realizing how much of a jerk he really was the whole time we were together.

 

[treybaby2005]

He put you out the house with no shoes on twice (or did I read wrong)and slammed the door in your face?And you called him the next day?Why?If anything it should have been you texing him that you were dumping him and to lose your number.

 

[poookie]

OP... you deserve MUCH better than this. You are not obligated to have sex with anyone at anytime you do not desire to... that's it. And you definitely do not have to explain yourself. NOBODY should EVER be throwing ANYTHING in your face under any circumstances... especially just because you wouldn't have sex with him? After he cooked you some ramen? Go back and read your post... the entire situation is so ridiculous. Get yourself as far from his crazy ass as you can. In fact... key up his car... slash his tires... whatever will make you feel better for the time being, and then make your dramatic exit.

***Generally, I'm an advocate of finding peaceful, non-violent ways to solve problems, but this prick deserves whatever he has coming to him. I can't believe what some of these negroes do sometimes.

LOL! i'm not trying to act crazy or anything!
and since i've had a few hours to look over this whole situation... honestly, he isn't even worth the effort to go all the way to his house and slash his tires...

plus he'd know it was me, and i've never been the type to do crazy ex-girlfriend stuff. maybe if i really had it bad for the guy, but we weren't close.

thanks everybody... you guys are 100% right; he isn't worth my time.

 

[Theo]

i guess this is kind of misleading. let me clarify; it's less a matter of me being mad at the fact that he beat me to the punch...

yes i've been wanting things to end with him... and i'm not surprised that things are over...

but i just don't get why he didn't have it in him to tell me this in person. what kind of cowardly person can't say this type of thing to the person's face??? the whole reason why i wanted to date him in the first place was because i thought he a was mature, responsible, intellectual individual. i didn't think he'd be the kind of person who'd cut me loose over the phone.

and also maybe i'm just mad at myself for not realizing how much of a jerk he really was the whole time we were together.

I don't know if I'm really understanding the situation. Maybe throwing females out of houses is more common than I think it is? I mean, I feel like there's a certain amount of outrage that one should have after experiencing something like that, that I am not sensing from you. Maybe I'm just an Angry Black Woman or overly sensitive or something. erplexed

 

[poookie]

He put you out the house with no shoes on twice (or did I read wrong)and slammed the door in your face?And you called him the next day?Why?If anything it should have been you texing him that you were dumping him and to lose your number.

no... he got mad as i left his house, and as i was walking out of the door, he threw shoes at the door where i was standing, ran over to the door as i was exiting and holding my face from the impact of the shoe, and proceeded to slam the door while i was still walking out. i had my own shoes on.

i was calling him because i was trying to set up a time where i could dump him... in person... because i have enough dignity to speak my mind directly to his face...

sure my pride is stinging a bit because he officially cut me loose before i cut him loose, but that's not the main reason i'm upset. i just think that if you can be with a person for x amount of time, you should at least have the dignity to say what you need to say to my face.

there was NO way i'd still want to be with him after he did what he did.

 

[firecracker]

Inside your head and outta your mouth you should be screaming NEXT!!!!!

 

[br0wney3z]

He seems childish and immature, I can understand maybe being mad and slamming the door as you walk out, but the shoe throwing, that's way way extra not to mention dangerous. I wouldn't even waste time on trying to figure out why he broke up with you in the manner that he did. Just chalk it up to a bad dating experience and keep it moving.

 

[Cheleigh]

Note for the future: Once the shoe throwing and door slamming occurs, having a discussion in-person is pretty much not necessary. At that point, you just go your separate ways and do your relationship post mortem on your own.