He told me: "get the f**K out my car (Long)

[strenght81]

This will be long so please bare with me I really need some help/advice. I have alot of trust issues and the lord has been testing me for some time now, but this has taken the cake. Yesterday I went out with a guy that I met 2 days prior at the gym. We had a great conversation the night before, we talked for about 6 hours. I was interested in him and vice versa. He called me the next morning asking if I was going to the gym so he can pick me up and we can go together. He picked me up and I noticed in the car he wasn't really talking to me, I let that go. After we worked out he was going to drive me to the nail salon, well in the car we got into an argument and he told me "Get the F**K out his car" it was one block away from my destination, but he said get out here.

Rewinding back to the event preceding this I realized even though he was disrespectful and wrong to kick a woman out of his car in that manner, I deserved it. Here is the story: This guy feels that NY woman are trash in general in terms of attitude, so he already had that idea in his mind. Secondly he hates women who nag especially the controlling ones. With that being said here is what happened. When he called me to tell me he was downstairs the first thing I said was "damn you took forever" he said "don't start". As soon as I got in the car i made a comment about his hands not being lotioned. When we got to the gym I gave him my coat to put in his locker, but before I gave it to him, I removed my debit card and phone. He asked why did I take my phone and I said cuz I plan on talking to some friends. I asked "how long do you plan to workout" he said " like 1.5 hrs" so I asked him where will he be so I can get my coat since I wasn't planning on staying more than 45mins. I wasn't planning on him driving me to the nails salon, I was going to walk there. when I was done working out I looked all over for him but couldn't find him, I finally called him and said "Where are you I was looking all over for you" I guess that made him mad cuz he was really distant by the time I got upstairs he began walking ahead of me. By the time we got in the car I started bickering about buying a car from his boss. At hat point and he as like You are not my girl and you dont know how to talk to people, you don't know me like that to speak to me that way. Me being the person that I am said I am not a child don't speak to me that way and all of the sudden he became more infuriated after he called me Ma and I said I'm not your ma, Then he told me to "get the f**K out my car". At first I was mad blamming him but later realized what i did was wrong. There are a few things I didn't include but I really did speak to him with disrespect. Later that evening I did call him to apologize, he didn't answer the phone. I left a message saying that i was wrong and even though I am not looking for his friendship I also don't want any enemies. I don't expect to speak to him again but I felt I had to put down my pride an apologize so I could clear my conscious, I apologized mainly for me not so much for him.

Every potential mate have ended on a bad note and to make matters worse none of them has been my boyfriend. Also I only know them for 3 months max, in this case 3 days I set myself and these people up to dis me every time. I need help.

 

[envybeauty]

I need help.

true...............

 

[DayStar]

maybe you did initiate the argument (you might want to work on that ) BUT he was wrong for telling you to get the ***** out his car, any GROWN MAN would have just dropped you off and kept it moving.

 

[donna894]

true...............

Yes, please talk to someone. God is looking out for you, because that man could have seriously hurt you. You have to have enough love for yourself that you don't put yourself in such situations. You really haven't known that guy long enough or well enough to be in his car like that. You need time to slow down and figure out what is going on with you and why things like this happen to you.

Don't beat yourself up. Just learn and grow. As always, we're here for you

 

[strenght81]

Yes, please talk to someone. God is looking out for you, because that man could have seriously hurt you. You have to have enough love for yourself that you don't put yourself in such situations. You really haven't known that guy long enough or well enough to be in his car like that. You need time to slow down and figure out what is going on with you and why things like this happen to you.

Don't beat yourself up. Just learn and grow. As always, we're here for you

I know I shouldn't have been in his car, you are soooo right. He did look like he was about to kick my a** if I didn't get out. I hope to find out my problem soon enough so I wont get into these situations again.

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

maybe you did initiate the argument (you might want to work on that ) BUT he was wrong for telling you to get the ***** out his car, any GROWN MAN would have just dropped you off and kept it moving.

ITA with the above! You might have things to work on and it's great that you have acknowledged that but he def has issues too.

 

[sonce]

This guy feels that NY woman are trash in general in terms of attitude, so he already had that idea in his mind. Secondly he hates women who nag especially the controlling ones.

This isn't about NY women or controlling women. From your story, this is about a man who hates women who aren't "adequately" submissive to him = issues with women. I hope you don't plan on seeing this fool again.

Every potential mate have ended on a bad note and to make matters worse none of them has been my boyfriend. Also I only know them for 3 months max, in this case 3 days I set myself and these people up to dis me every time. I need help.

Have you considered that you have bad taste in men? I think you do and I think that is where you need to start.

 

[strenght81]

ITA with the above! You might have things to work on and it's great that you have acknowledged that but he def has issues too.

That made me smile. Now I don't feel alone.

Was it a waste of time to apologize?, after reading some of these responses I'm kinda regretting it but whatever. I know many people on this board is reading that book Calling in the one. I wonder if it will be helpful for my situation. I am not really trying to call in the one but more of getting myself together.

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

That made me smile. Now I don't feel alone.

Was it a waste of time to apologize?, after reading some of these responses I'm kinda regretting it but whatever. I know many people on this board is reading that book Calling in the one. I wonder if it will be helpful for my situation. I am not really trying to call in the one but more of getting myself together.

IMHO, I think it wasn't a waste if it made YOU feel better. Don't worry about him, let him solve his own issues, lol. But I would not spend anymore time with him. Calling in the one is a good book. I am reading it now. It will make you do some internal searching to figure out what your relationship issues are so you should look into it.

 

[WomanlyCharm]

Honestly, I think you need to talk to a professional to see why you do this...you are derailing any chance you have for a long term relationship by acting the way you did. ( I hate to say that and I'm sooo sorry but this is how your post makes it sound, again I'm so sorry to say this to you! )

Sweetie, you have to get these trust issues under control. You deserve to be happy, I want you to be happy.

And he was NOT right to tell you to get out of his car the way he did, you DID NOT deserve that. Please don't get in a stranger's car like that again. It sounds like he has some issues of his own.

 

[Ms Red]

Do you have access to therapy?

I'm not asking that to be funny. I'm just glad you are OKAY. These are moot points: Yes, he should have dropped you off at your destination; No, you should not have been in his car or instigating.

But there has to be a way for you to spend time alone and get to the root of the problem. Whether that is choosing the same type of man over and over again; attracting certain individuals in your life because of the vibes you put out there; being automatically defensive and argumentative for no real reason.... If reading that book, speaking to someone or praying will help you, then I say go for it. Work on you like it's your job. I hope things get better.

 

[strenght81]

This isn't about NY women or controlling women. From your story, this is about a man who hates women who aren't "adequately" submissive to him = issues with women. I hope you don't plan on seeing this fool again.

Have you considered that you have bad taste in men? I think you do and I think that is where you need to start.

No I don't plan on seeing him ever again. But we do attend the same gym and I hope to never run into him again.

Yes I do realize that i have bad taste in men in general. But I feel as if i have the ability to ring out the ugly in these men. Everyone has a bad side but I force them to bring it out EAARLLY with my actions. I do believe it's all about lack of self love, but no one is telling me how to fix it. I am going to keep praying........

 

[Bublin]

This sounds so sad.......strength81, you sound like a really nice lady. Something deep down is off but i think now that you have recognised it you will sort it out very soon.

true...............

Oh man, that was cold...but to the point!

 

[strenght81]

Do you have access to therapy?

I'm not asking that to be funny. I'm just glad you are OKAY. These are moot points: Yes, he should have dropped you off at your destination; No, you should not have been in his car or instigating.

But there has to be a way for you to spend time alone and get to the root of the problem. Whether that is choosing the same type of man over and over again; attracting certain individuals in your life because of the vibes you put out there; being automatically defensive and argumentative for no real reason.... If reading that book, speaking to someone or praying will help you, then I say go for it. Work on you like it's your job. I hope things get better.

Thank you, I am not taking it as a joke or as an offensive comment. I seriously think I need it. To be honest something probably happened in my past which I internalized and brought about this self sabotaging behavior. It's actually scary because I have come close to being hurt a couple of times, but this time it was so real that it frightened me. This wasn't the first time a guy kicked me ot of his car but this man eyes told a different story. I nearly cried when I got home because I know for sure its ME who's attracting theses type of men, but why.......

 

[envybeauty]

This sounds so sad.......strength81, you sound like a really nice lady. Something deep down is off but i think now that you have recognised it you will sort it out very soon.




Oh man, that was cold...but to the point!

I didn't mean to be cold. The OP seems to act out in self defeating behavior that is not appropriate for someone who wants to have a happy and successful relationship. She realizes she needs help and I agree with her.

 

[Laginappe]

I would've put you out of my car too.

I do think it was great that you apologized because it shows that you recognized your own behavior. I would count that friendship as a wash though.

 

[itismehmmkay]

My advice to you:

1. Leave him alone
2. Chill out on relationships for a little bit.
3. Realize that most of the time you don't need to apologize or explain yourself
4. Not all trust issues are truly issues; it could be your intuition talking to you. Learning to discern is important.

you'll be fine girly

 

[strenght81]

My advice to you:

1. Leave him alone
2. Chill out on relationships for a little bit.
3. Realize that most of the time you don't need to apologize or explain yourself
4. Not all trust issues are truly issues; it could be your intuition talking to you. Learning to discern is important.

you'll be fine girly

Thank you. I needed to hear that.

 

[poookie]

any respectful man should know that it is completely out of line to use that sort of language to a woman, let alone a woman that he's interested in.

i don't see a problem here, just cut him and keep it movin

 

[deltagyrl]

I would've put you out of my car too.

I do think it was great that you apologized because it shows that you recognized your own behavior. I would count that friendship as a wash though.

I agree. I don't know if you included everything in your OP but it sure does sound like you were trying to be difficult.

I don't think he owed you a ride to the nail salon either.

I agree with the posts about therapy and figuring out what's wrong.
Good luck.

 

[Much2much41]

It sounds like you both attracted each other to validate what you both already believe: For you, that men aren't trustworthy, and for him, that NY women have poor attitudes. I have to agree with Laginnappe (sp); I understand completely why he put you out of the car. I agree with the other posters that say it would be good for you to find out why you're engaging in behaviors that run men off, when you really seek a long term relationship. Because this certainly isn't the way to do it. At least you recognize there is a problem, as opposed to some women that never can see that they bear some responsibility. Everything will work out for you

 

[cutebajangirl]

No decent man or woman would have put you out of their car prior to the pre arranged destination. Here is the problem, you're both messed up people. But forget about him, he gotta work on his own ish. Now you have to figure out why you talk so nasty to people you want to start something with and second why you are starting things with messed up people. In a way I wonder if the greasy talk is your subconcious trying to get you away from f*cked up dudes.

 

[donna894]

No I don't plan on seeing him ever again. But we do attend the same gym and I hope to never run into him again.

Yes I do realize that i have bad taste in men in general. But I feel as if i have the ability to ring out the ugly in these men. Everyone has a bad side but I force them to bring it out EAARLLY with my actions. I do believe it's all about lack of self love, but no one is telling me how to fix it. I am going to keep praying........

Actually we are telling you how to fix it. Please re-read this thread. This is not a quick fix - it is something you are going to have to sort out and work through with a good counselor or therapist. Prayer, while important, is passive, on your part. Because God will do His part (I believe He was with you in the car that time), but you also have to do your part. Specifically, you need to take action by facing these issues head-on with a compassionate and competent professional.

 

[tenjoy]

Honestly, I would have to you to get the F>> out of my car too, male or female.

I have a friend who gets by being the "Beesch" or "fiesty" whatever you call it. She like to argue, so the other person can givin and kiss her ass. Its annoying ass HELL and all he saw was a chick with issues.

Perhaps the fact that he thought NY women have bad attitudes, you felt the need to act the role out. He probably told you that in a jokingly way to spark conversation and you played the role because you though what he said was cute.

Its okay though, trust we all did some wierd things love

 

[poetist]

It sounds like you both attracted each other to validate what you both already believe: For you, that men aren't trustworthy, and for him, that NY women have poor attitudes.

I totally agree. In order to help avoid these problems you need to notice the warning signs. When you've known someone for 3 days and they already tell you that they think women in NY are rude and have bad attitudes. You have to think, hmmm - Im a woman and I live in NY....OK, this guy is already talking crazy and stereotyping, so let me leave him on the treadmill where he belongs.

You also seem to be attacking these guys because you'd rather attack first before they attack you. You need to trust God to bring people in your life who will not try to tear you down, so that you wont feel a need to "get them before they get you."

 

[january noir]

I would've put you out of my car too.

I do think it was great that you apologized because it shows that you recognized your own behavior. I would count that friendship as a wash though.

No disrespect to the OP, but I agree with Laginappe.

Good luck in finding a resolution to your issue(s) and you find the happiness you may want.

 

[lana]

I think it's great that you at least realized you were part of the problem. I would highly suggest that you not be alone with a man that you're interested in. For the first SEVEREAL dates, please bring a friend or two. He should do the same,that way you can all get to know each other in an informal setting where there is no "alone" time. You can see how he interacts with his friends and he can see the same. There is no way in the world that you should have been in a car with someone you only knew for three days.

You also may want to work on "self respect" and "improving self worth". You may also want to work on being less defensive and more secure...but this guy sounds like he has real issues too.

I don't think you attracted him into your life, I think that he was just someone that you should have been able to see "through" from the beginning. Please be careful.

Sometimes when I'm not sure what to do, I pretend that I'm my own mother and then I do the thing that I would want my own daughter to do. No more, no less. That really helps clear things up for me.

 

[Bunny77]

Strength81, why do you think you acted the way you did with this man?


As for him, like everyone else said, call it a wash. I honestly understand his frustration and why he wanted you out the car... he didn't need to curse at you and he could have dropped you off, so he was wrong there, but his feelings, I completely understand.

But the bigger question is to you... what caused you to act that way with this person?

 

[strenght81]

It sounds like you both attracted each other to validate what you both already believe: For you, that men aren't trustworthy, and for him, that NY women have poor attitudes. I have to agree with Laginnappe (sp); I understand completely why he put you out of the car. I agree with the other posters that say it would be good for you to find out why you're engaging in behaviors that run men off, when you really seek a long term relationship. Because this certainly isn't the way to do it. At least you recognize there is a problem, as opposed to some women that never can see that they bear some responsibility. Everything will work out for you

The bolded is soo true. He already had these perceptions about NY women and he wasn't truly ready to let those views go. I guess that was his test. And my test was I wasn't ready for the good man that I wanted to believe he could have been. I see it as a blessing, this was my lesson. I thought I was doing good by working on those things but I have a long way to go, but I believe I will be ok at the end . As long as I am getting better each day I am making progress. Thank you for the hugs and encouragement, I need them.

 

[firecracker]

Yes, please talk to someone. God is looking out for you, because that man could have seriously hurt you. You have to have enough love for yourself that you don't put yourself in such situations. You really haven't known that guy long enough or well enough to be in his car like that. You need time to slow down and figure out what is going on with you and why things like this happen to you.

Don't beat yourself up. Just learn and grow. As always, we're here for you

Great advice Donna in both your post. OP be glad your recognizing a pattern and taking ownership of your part. That is the first step in order to change behavior etc is acknowledging you have a problem the next step is being proactive. Check out self help books also.
Its a ongoing challenge unlearning negative behavior and actions but its so worth it. Treating and talking to people the way you want to be treated and talked to is a start.