HE that findth a "WIFE" findth a good thang!

[SEMO]

So far the books she written on the subject include:

How to Avoid the 10 Mistakes Single Women Make


Secrets of an Irresistible Woman: Smart Rules for Capturing His Heart


What to Do Until Love Finds You: The Bestselling Guide to Preparing Yourself for Your Perfect Mate (Hammond, Michelle Mckinney)


101 Ways to Get and Keep His Attention


The Unspoken Rules of Love: What Women Don't Know and Men Don't Tell You (Hammond, Michelle Mckinney)


Ending The Search For Mr. Right: How to Be Found by the Man You've Been Looking For


How to Make Love Work: The Guide to Getting It, Keeping It, and Fixing What's Broken (Faithwords)


The Real Deal on Overcoming Heartache: Learning to Live and Love Again


In Search of the Proverbs 31 Man: The One God Approves and a Woman Wants


A Sassy Girl's Guide to Loving God: Discovering the Ultimate Relationship


Get a Love Life by Michelle McKinney Hammond


If Men Are Like Buses, Then How Do I Catch One?: When You're Standing Between Hope and Happily Ever After by Michelle Mckinney Hammond


Lessons from a Girl's Best Friend: What My Dog Taught Me About Life, Love, and God by Michelle McKinney Hammond (Paperback - Sep 1, 2008)

[I find this one especially sad. Her husband isn't her bestfriend (b/c she doesn't have a husband) so now her dog is. We're supposed to chase after this?!]


His Love Always Finds Me by Michelle McKinney Hammond


Intimate Thoughts Whispered Prayers: Meditations for the Single Heart (Matters of the Heart) by Michelle McKinney Hammond


What Becomes of the Brokenhearted: The Path Toward Healing and Hope by Michelle McKinney Hammond


Sassy, Single, and Satisfied: Secrets to Loving the Life You're Living by Michelle McKinney Hammond


If Singleness Is a Gift, What's the Return Policy? by Holly Virden and Michelle McKinney Hammond


The Sassy Girl's Checklist for Living, Loving, and Overcoming by Michelle McKinney Hammond


She's written other books (most of which at some point mention her "stay single and satisfied message) but these are the ones directly related to dating and singleness. I don't know about you, but an author writing this many books on singleness seems to just be exploiting people's pain rather than bringing true healing.

 

[shalom]

Co-Signing, sometimes our desires can overwhelm, worry and even preoccupy our thoughts that they become an IDOl for us and thus our God. Everything we do and how we act is dictated by this IDOL that we have not control over. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married and I would be a big liar if I said I did not want to get married. But it is important to not let this thing control us and dictate us as to what ministries to join, how to dress, have an impressive personality to attract potential future spouse, etc. Just be yourself. God loves change (good change) but with him in mind. He is a jealous God that will not share you with other Gods.


Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:6-7

AMEN.

Good writing. Unfortunately for me I went through a period in my life where I was ready to get married and I had made up my mind that it was going to happen like right now. Well, happened was I got me some (idols/mens) things went bad I'm mean nothing worked out. I have sinced learned from my sins and am bow towards GOD.

 

[shalom]

I think so too.

Actually she thinks the man for her is Bishop Noel Jones, theres at least a 1000 other women that think the same thing.

That's my pastor and I laugh all the time when I hear women saying that's their husband. He alright, but not all that? I think pastor is going to marry a young women.

 

[SEMO]

Hmmm...

Here's the thing though. I see what you're saying, but when it comes to marriage throughout history (including Biblical history), there were always people who worked to make marriage happen for the young people in their families and communities.

It was never "only" God doing the work and folks being patient. Parents worked to bring couples together, as did churches. In some cultures, communities have matchmakers specifically designed for this purpose (it's a Jewish tradition, for example).

The concept that we cannot help ourselves and others to marry well is a modern one, and something I also consider a lie permeating the church. The marriage process has been one that's INTERdependent with God... if a community recognizes that it IS God's will for people to marry and raise children, then they are working for God's glory by ensuring that quality marriages take place.

We don't have that today. Churches are telling us (usually women only) how to prepare for marriage, but they aren't guiding us toward it because then it's seen as usurping God's will.

All the while, we're perhaps missing out on a blessing in our lives because somehow we've super-spiritualized singleness...

I'm gonna sign off now, but I'll throw out another excerpt from one of my favorite author on this topic, Candice Watters, in which she addressed this issue in an interview.

http://www.citizenlink.org/CLtopstories/A000006484.cfm

4. Many Christian women have been taught to just sit back and trust God to bring the right person. Tell me what you think about that statement.

There was a time in our culture when women got married without much effort. Our social structures, as well as expectations, moved young people to early marriage. That is no longer the case. Now, few, if any, expectations to marry remain — and that’s especially harmful for men — and the social supports that used to help people marry, now keep them single.

Yes, singles must trust God, now more than ever. But “waiting on God” is not a passive exercise. Exodus 14:13-16 is a good example of the way God calls us to be active participants in the work He does on our behalf. Getting married is no different.

5. What steps can single women take so they won't be alone for Valentine's Days to come?

The best relationship singles can pursue now is with a mentor — an older Christian who is married well. In our post-marriage culture, singles need a network. It’s essential to have the prayer and practical support of believers who are further along in life.

It’s far easier, and less awkward, to seek the advice of peers. But older women, and couples, have a lot more to offer. Mentors are key to moving from what’s probable — 85 percent of singles eventually marry — to what’s possible — marrying well for our good and God’s glory (and in a timely manner). Mentors can be helpful allies with insights, advice, open doors and even introductions.

My favorite thing about her? She did exactly what she mentioned above and through these efforts, she married well. THAT'S a message that inspires me about my future marriage and gives me greater faith in God about what He has in store... not someone advising me how to maximize my single life! (Hammond)

I agree with your whole post . I want to hear about marriage from someone who is successfully married (just getting married doesn't make you an expert), not someone who's just written 10,000 books on how to stay single and happy.

 

[shalom]

I love this topic, if you haven't noticed.

I like what you've said here... and I agree with your idea of surrender. For me, I won't "forget" my desires -- as that's just not natural for me to do, but I won't stress about them.

I'll just have faith that God knows the desires of my heart and that He'll work to fulfill them. And I'll no longer worry!

So yes, I agree with you!

I totally understand this. I thought I never could too, I was not going to take the chance that God was going to forget about me, but I find nowadays I'm only really concerned about it when I read heartbreaking post of the young ladies who want marriage.

I'm glad to hear this.

 

[shalom]

Hmmm...

Here's the thing though. I see what you're saying, but when it comes to marriage throughout history (including Biblical history), there were always people who worked to make marriage happen for the young people in their families and communities.

It was never "only" God doing the work and folks being patient. Parents worked to bring couples together, as did churches. In some cultures, communities have matchmakers specifically designed for this purpose (it's a Jewish tradition, for example).

The concept that we cannot help ourselves and others to marry well is a modern one, and something I also consider a lie permeating the church. The marriage process has been one that's INTERdependent with God... if a community recognizes that it IS God's will for people to marry and raise children, then they are working for God's glory by ensuring that quality marriages take place.

We don't have that today. Churches are telling us (usually women only) how to prepare for marriage, but they aren't guiding us toward it because then it's seen as usurping God's will.

All the while, we're perhaps missing out on a blessing in our lives because somehow we've super-spiritualized singleness...

I'm gonna sign off now, but I'll throw out another excerpt from one of my favorite author on this topic, Candice Watters, in which she addressed this issue in an interview.

http://www.citizenlink.org/CLtopstories/A000006484.cfm

4. Many Christian women have been taught to just sit back and trust God to bring the right person. Tell me what you think about that statement.

There was a time in our culture when women got married without much effort. Our social structures, as well as expectations, moved young people to early marriage. That is no longer the case. Now, few, if any, expectations to marry remain — and that’s especially harmful for men — and the social supports that used to help people marry, now keep them single.

Yes, singles must trust God, now more than ever. But “waiting on God” is not a passive exercise. Exodus 14:13-16 is a good example of the way God calls us to be active participants in the work He does on our behalf. Getting married is no different.

5. What steps can single women take so they won't be alone for Valentine's Days to come?

The best relationship singles can pursue now is with a mentor — an older Christian who is married well. In our post-marriage culture, singles need a network. It’s essential to have the prayer and practical support of believers who are further along in life.

It’s far easier, and less awkward, to seek the advice of peers. But older women, and couples, have a lot more to offer. Mentors are key to moving from what’s probable — 85 percent of singles eventually marry — to what’s possible — marrying well for our good and God’s glory (and in a timely manner). Mentors can be helpful allies with insights, advice, open doors and even introductions.

My favorite thing about her? She did exactly what she mentioned above and through these efforts, she married well. THAT'S a message that inspires me about my future marriage and gives me greater faith in God about what He has in store... not someone advising me how to maximize my single life! (Hammond)

Bunny77, I liked reading the excerpt.

at the bolded. Not sure if that's her intentions.

Duly noted: You are not playing when it comes to marriage.

 

[SEMO]

One more thing:

Even though Michelle McKinney Hammond is just one person I think she does represent what can happen for people who get trapped in that same mindset (singleness is equal too and just as great as marriage, if not better).

People talk about not knowing singles who positioned themselves to be seen having things work out (though there have been examples in this very thread--biblical and modern day). But I have seen many examples of women who don't think they have any part to play in their getting married still single WELL past when they thought they would be (or want to be, if they're honest) who eventually decide that it must not have been God's will for them to get married.

You can believe and have faith that God will bless you with the job of your dreams (stay at home ironing your best suits, practicing your typing skills, giving yourself pep talks in the mirror, etc.) but if you never get out of the house to go to job fairs, seek interviews with potential companies or put your resume online, how likely does it seem that your dream job will call you up at home and offer you a position?

This is not a perfect analogy at all, but the point is that God talks a lot in the Bible about faith and works (faith without works is dead) and how the faith of the past saints was proved to God by the actions they took (ex. Abraham was about to offer his son up; Rahab took in those Israelite spies). God also says that without faith it is impossible to please Him because those that come to him must believe that He is and that He's a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him. (Hebrews 11)

Jesus also gave the parable of the unjust judge that granted a woman's request for justice solely based on her diligence in coming to him about the matter. Jesus pointed out that, if the unjust judge would grant requests based on diligence how much more would God grant requests to those who come to Him?

Matthew 7: 7-11
7"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.


8For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.


9"Or what man is there among you whom, if his son ask for bread, will give him a stone?


10Or if he ask for a fish, will give him a serpent?


11If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father who is in Heaven give good things to them that ask Him?

God is not in the business of bait and switch (you earnestly desire marriage, but He gives you life-long singleness (a stone) instead).

 

[Ramya]

Hmmm I think one of the problems is that men and women try to "skip" or "glide through" "wait out" the single season. I honestly believe that at least half of the men and women who are wanting to be married should not even be in the market. The single season is not meant to be a miserable lonely experience. It's a proactive time! It's the time of knowing your purpose/vision, building relationships (GOD, work, friends, community, family, fellowshipping ect.), working on yourself (getting rid of baggage and becoming the person you are called to be) and then learning to be a wife or a husband. Every man is not a husband and every woman is not a wife (even at 54). No offense to anyone but people see baggage and lonliness and desperation and FLEE in the other direction. There is nothing wrong with wanting a husband/wife but we have to be ready to receive our mate. If you are at home waiting for a man to just show up on your doorstep then more power to you. Shoot if a strange man comes to my door talking about "your going to be my wife", I'm calling 911. I'm just saying get out there and live life! He will find you when you least expect it. But you got to be doing something in order for him to even notice you. I mean do you even look approachable? Are you friendly, helpful noticable? This are things that we need to be aware of.

God has shown me my husband but has also told me what I got to do in order to "position" myself. As for me, I got a man and His name is Jesus . My future DH can't even compare.

 

[Bunny77]

Bunny77, I liked reading the excerpt.

at the bolded. Not sure if that's her intentions.

Duly noted: You are not playing when it comes to marriage.

at this part... I guess the reason I am so passionate is because I found that focusing on being single and wondering if marriage was God's will actually made me make WORSE decisions when it came to my dating life (so maybe the opposite of you, perhaps).

I'd been given the message from family (who were influenced by the church) that we didn't know if it was God's will for me or anyone to be married, so just enjoy being single and not worry. Okay, fine... however, I noticed that not thinking about marriage made me pick the wrong types of men to date... I'd date men who'd say STRAIGHT UP that they weren't ready for anything serious and weren't looking for relationships and I'd think, "Oh, that's fine... we can be friends while I continue to wait for God to send me my husband, blah blah blah."

Meanwhile, I'd find myself getting more emotionally attached to these "friends" (and no, we weren't sleeping together), and then going through all the rigamarole about why things never worked out for me with men, which made me more convinced that perhaps I wasn't meant to be married and should just focus on living this great single life, etc., etc.

Finally, when I discovered a different approach, I started to make better decisions! I cut off all the "friends," because they got in the way of me being emotionally open to my future husband. If I hear a man today saying he's not ready for anything serious, he doesn't get a chance at all. It's like, okay bye!!!

So I'm actually dating and "positioning" myself LESS now that I believe in the message that marriage is God's will for me, but when I do make such moves, it's with the feeling that I'm doing so with a quality man who is looking for a wife... because he's already made those intentions known!

I truly believe that if you live your life with the sense that your single season could last a LONG time, you act accordingly. If you live as if you are going to fulfill God's will for you to be married, then you also act accordingly... but yes, the key is that you cannot chase or pursue, but at the same time, don't put up personal roadblocks to becoming a wife in the name of so-called spirituality!

(And yes, perhaps I am misinterpreting Hammond's intentions, but as SEMO says, I always feel that the underlying theme of her works are more about singleness than marriage!)

 

[Bunny77]

One more thing:

Even though Michelle McKinney Hammond is just one person I think she does represent what can happen for people who get trapped in that same mindset (singleness is equal too and just as great as marriage, if not better).

People talk about not knowing singles who positioned themselves to be seen having things work out (though there have been examples in this very thread--biblical and modern day). But I have seen many examples of women who don't think they have any part to play in their getting married still single WELL past when they thought they would be (or want to be, if they're honest) who eventually decide that it must not have been God's will for them to get married.

And that's exactly the woman that I was becoming!!!!

This is not a perfect analogy at all, but the point is that God talks a lot in the Bible about faith and works (faith without works is dead) and how the faith of the past saints was proved to God by the actions they took (ex. Abraham was about to offer his son up; Rahab took in those Israelite spies). God also says that without faith it is impossible to please Him because those that come to him must believe that He is and that He's a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him. (Hebrews 11)

Jesus also gave the parable of the unjust judge that granted a woman's request for justice solely based on her diligence in coming to him about the matter. Jesus pointed out that, if the unjust judge would grant requests based on diligence how much more would God grant requests to those who come to Him?

Matthew 7: 7-11
7"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.


8For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.


9"Or what man is there among you whom, if his son ask for bread, will give him a stone?


10Or if he ask for a fish, will give him a serpent?


11If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father who is in Heaven give good things to them that ask Him?

God is not in the business of bait and switch (you earnestly desire marriage, but He gives you life-long singleness (a stone) instead).

Once again, we are >>>here<<<.

Noting the scriptures that you mentioned and even the job analogy, we aren't afraid to suggest faith and works and eager petitioning of the Lord, but when it comes to marriage, suddenly, there's concern about how we might be making it an idol or how we shouldn't be "seeking," etc.

And truth be told, at least when it comes to the black community, I wonder how much of this is really a response to the declining numbers of black men in the church or black men who are choosing to get married... how much of this singleness message is a modern response to a unique condition facing black women and not Biblically based? Would we be hearing this singleness message so much if there wasn't a marriage crisis in our community?

I do like Michelle McKinney Hammond, I think she's helped many people and I think her message is all well and good, but like you mentioned... that's a LOT of books with the same underlying message!

 

[Bunny77]

Hmmm I think one of the problems is that men and women try to "skip" or "glide through" "wait out" the single season. I honestly believe that at least half of the men and women who are wanting to be married should not even be in the market. The single season is not meant to be a miserable lonely experience. It's a proactive time! It's the time of knowing your purpose/vision, building relationships (GOD, work, friends, community, family, fellowshipping ect.), working on yourself (getting rid of baggage and becoming the person you are called to be) and then learning to be a wife or a husband. Every man is not a husband and every woman is not a wife (even at 54). No offense to anyone but people see baggage and lonliness and desperation and FLEE in the other direction. There is nothing wrong with wanting a husband/wife but we have to be ready to receive our mate. If you are at home waiting for a man to just show up on your doorstep then more power to you. Shoot if a strange man comes to my door talking about "your going to be my wife", I'm calling 911. I'm just saying get out there and live life! He will find you when you least expect it. But you got to be doing something in order for him to even notice you. I mean do you even look approachable? Are you friendly, helpful noticable? This are things that we need to be aware of.

God has shown me my husband but has also told me what I got to do in order to "position" myself. As for me, I got a man and His name is Jesus . My future DH can't even compare.

Okay...

I do think there are too many women who spend every. single. day. while they're single moaning and groaning about not having a man. There are women who jump from long-term relationship to long-term relationship because they have to have a man and are scared of being alone. They never truly learn about themselves and build relationships with God because of this.

However, there are plenty of women who are indeed maximizing their lives and their single season, but are rightfully concerned that their single season is lasting TOO long. God has put the desire for marriage and children in our hearts and women should be thinking at a certain point about when that's going to happen if it hasn't yet, and if there's something that they're doing to prevent it from taking place (i.e. bad decisions, etc.)

Again, this idea of an extended single season is a very modern one, yet we are trying to use Biblical justifications for it. The few people in the Bible to have extended single seasons were folks like Paul, Jeremiah, Jesus, Elijah and other prophets (well, Jesus wasn't a prophet, but you know) who were doing some SERIOUS work for the Lord that 99.9999999% of us aren't doing today -- and are not called to do!

God is not sending any messages saying that you must do this, that and the third in order to prepare for message and that you must build all these other relationships before you are "ready." Again, these are modern concepts that have been developed to respond to modern issues.

When you learn to drive, you can read books about driving, take driver's ed, drive on that little course at driver's ed school and go on the road with the instructor who has a control brake... but you are never going to become a good driver unless you get out there and DRIVE! It will be a learning process and one of trial and error, but you have to do it...

I see marriage the same way. Yes, you should prepare beforehand, but there is NO WAY that people will be truly prepared for it and will know what to do until they are IN IT. All this talk of improving self, self, self, does nothing since marriage is going to be a partnership and some things can't be done until you are actually with someone!

Finally... yeah, I know I'm long... I also think the "You'll find someone when you least expect it," line can also be damaging. I know that has happened for many women. There are also many women who had help in getting to marriage.

My problem with that cliche is that it takes personal responsibility out of the equation and treats God as a genie of sorts... that God will just suddenly drop a brotha from the sky when you reach this magical point of "readiness" and therefore, there's nothing that you should do in the meantime because it will "just happen."

I think that message can be discouraging for women who are rightfully wondering when marriage will take place and are told that they should do nothing but prepare and pray.

It's NOT working for a large portion of women in our community, I'll tell you what.

Okay, I'm shutting up now!

 

[Ramya]

I see marriage the same way. Yes, you should prepare beforehand, but there is NO WAY that people will be truly prepared for it and will know what to do until they are IN IT. All this talk of improving self, self, self, does nothing since marriage is going to be a partnership and some things can't be done until you are actually with someone!

Finally... yeah, I know I'm long... I also think the "You'll find someone when you least expect it," line can also be damaging. I know that has happened for many women. There are also many women who had help in getting to marriage.

My problem with that cliche is that it takes personal responsibility out of the equation and treats God as a genie of sorts... that God will just suddenly drop a brotha from the sky when you reach this magical point of "readiness" and therefore, there's nothing that you should do in the meantime because it will "just happen."

I think that message can be discouraging for women who are rightfully wondering when marriage will take place and are told that they should do nothing but prepare and pray.

It's NOT working for a large portion of women in our community, I'll tell you what.

Okay, I'm shutting up now!

Oh I'm not saying that at all but people need to be whole first. Marriage comes with its own set of issues and if you have personal issues as well it can be a lot more difficult. Things like paranoia, insecurities, unecessary baggage can cause things to fail miserably. I'm saying if a person has a trail of broken relationships it's time to look at oneself and see what one's part in the failure of the relationship was. A relationship takes 2 people to work and to fail (in most situations).

I don't believe that God intends for our single season to be extended unless He told you that. It is in His will for us to be married. And no God won't necessarily wait until one is "ready" but for example if the man is ready and you are with "mr. right now" and all caught up in that mess, it's not that God don't want you to be married but you aren't doing what you are supposed to be doing in order to receive your husband. That's what I mean by positioning yourself. I think people miss their husbands and wives when they try and take things into their own hands or do things to fill time.

 

[Browndilocks]

Okay... I have a few thoughts on this entire post... let me see if I get them out correctly.

I went to Michelle McKinney Hammond's website and found this answer to the question about her single status...

Why isn’t Michelle married?

Though she certainly has had the opportunity to be married, Michelle has chosen this season of her life to devote to her ministry and it is all consuming. After suffering in the area of love and struggling to walk victoriously with God as a single she couldn’t wait to share the keys to success that she has learned with others. It is her passion for men and women to be able to experience rich, fulfilling love lives and the overcoming power that can be found in having a working knowledge of the word of God along with an intimate, passionate love affair with the
One who loves us most. She knows that this is a season that will soon pass and she is making the most of it until God moves her into another season where her attention will have to be divided (with balance) between ministry and family life.

http://www.michellehammond.com/didyouknow/index.html

Okay, fair enough... but my issue is this... while Ms. Hammond does a great job of encouraging single women, for me as a 30-year-old single woman who plans to be married, Hammond is also a very visible symbol to me of someone I DO NOT want to become.

I do not want to be a late-40 something, never-married woman still talking about maximizing my single life. While I think that learning such lessons are important, I also believe that if you focus SO heavily on living this maximized single life, you become an expert at... STAYING SINGLE!

And sorry, but that's not what I want. I think that Ms. Hammond can provide a lot of inspiration, but her works are things I'd also hope to "grow out of," so to speak, as I prepare for the next stage.

This is why my preferred inspirations now are women who remained single longer than they might have expected, but did get married and have children and are now encouraging other single Christian sisters to do things to help them also "get married."

There is definitely a place for all types of Christian authors on this subject, but I think Hammond gets too much play in the single Christian female community, honestly, and I find some of this focus actually to be damaging.

You know what... let me break this up into two posts... I have a few separate thoughts on this issue and don't want to make this one too long!

Now yall see why I love Bunny's posts. I couldn't agree with this more.

 

[SEMO]

Oh I'm not saying that at all but people need to be whole first. Marriage comes with its own set of issues and if you have personal issues as well it can be a lot more difficult. Things like paranoia, insecurities, unecessary baggage can cause things to fail miserably. I'm saying if a person has a trail of broken relationships it's time to look at oneself and see what one's part in the failure of the relationship was. A relationship takes 2 people to work and to fail (in most situations).

I don't believe that God intends for our single season to be extended unless He told you that. It is in His will for us to be married. And no God won't necessarily wait until one is "ready" but for example if the man is ready and you are with "mr. right now" and all caught up in that mess, it's not that God don't want you to be married but you aren't doing what you are supposed to be doing in order to receive your husband. That's what I mean by positioning yourself. I think people miss their husbands and wives when they try and take things into their own hands or do things to fill time.

I understand what you're saying now. And I agree that people need to let go of baggage and issues and not expect that marriage will cure all their ills. But in reference to the bolded, I'm not sure I believe that God has one specific person in mind for a person to marry. Please don't think I'm picking on your post, I'm truly not .

I just think that the idea that there is one soul mate for a person can lead to discontent and questioning later on down the line. When serious trials come in the marriage they may be tempted to think that they made a mistake and didn't really marry "the one" and now they should get a divorce so they can meet their real "Mr. Right", instead of working on their marriage.

I think it's one of the reasons the divorce rate is so high (even in the church). People get married then meet someone they also could have been compatible with and possibly married (had they been single) and it throws them for a loop. They then start think that this other person is their one true soul mate.

 

[Ramya]

I understand what you're saying now. And I agree that people need to let go of baggage and issues and not expect that marriage will cure all their ills. But in reference to the bolded, I'm not sure I believe that God has one specific person in mind for a person to marry. Please don't think I'm picking on your post, I'm truly not .

I just think that the idea that there is one soul mate for a person can lead to discontent and questioning later on down the line. When serious trials come in the marriage they may be tempted to think that they made a mistake and didn't really marry "the one" and now they should get a divorce so they can meet their real "Mr. Right", instead of working on their marriage.

I think it's one of the reasons the divorce rate is so high (even in the church). People get married then meet someone they also could have been compatible with and possibly married (had they been single) and it throws them for a loop. They then start think that this other person is their one true soul mate.

I totally agree with you! I also don't believe in soul mates but I do believe in seeking God in all of our relationships whether it be friendship or husbands. When I say Mr. Right Now, I mean dating someone who you know is not someone you could marry, or continuing to be with someone who God has told you to leave alone or even being with someone who has said that they don't want to be married. If you are looking for a husband it don't make sense to be with someone who is just looking for a live in girlfriend.

sidebar: I got to stop assuming that people know what i'm talking about and express myself more clearly.

 

[SEMO]

I totally agree with you! I also don't believe in soul mates but I do believe in seeking God in all of our relationships whether it be friendship or husbands. When I say Mr. Right Now, I mean dating someone who you know is not someone you could marry, or continuing to be with someone who God has told you to leave alone or even being with someone who has said that they don't want to be married. If you are looking for a husband it don't make sense to be with someone who is just looking for a live in girlfriend.

sidebar: I got to stop assuming that people know what i'm talking about and express myself more clearly.

Okay, I see we too are >>>here<<< . As to the bolded, me too . Sometimes I know what I'm trying to say, I just have to be sure it comes out like I mean it too .

 

[gn1g]

Hmmm I think one of the problems is that men and women try to "skip" or "glide through" "wait out" the single season. I honestly believe that at least half of the men and women who are wanting to be married should not even be in the market. The single season is not meant to be a miserable lonely experience. It's a proactive time! It's the time of knowing your purpose/vision, building relationships (GOD, work, friends, community, family, fellowshipping ect.), working on yourself (getting rid of baggage and becoming the person you are called to be) and then learning to be a wife or a husband. Every man is not a husband and every woman is not a wife (even at 54). No offense to anyone but people see baggage and lonliness and desperation and FLEE in the other direction. There is nothing wrong with wanting a husband/wife but we have to be ready to receive our mate. If you are at home waiting for a man to just show up on your doorstep then more power to you. Shoot if a strange man comes to my door talking about "your going to be my wife", I'm calling 911. I'm just saying get out there and live life! He will find you when you least expect it. But you got to be doing something in order for him to even notice you. I mean do you even look approachable? Are you friendly, helpful noticable? This are things that we need to be aware of.

God has shown me my husband but has also told me what I got to do in order to "position" myself. As for me, I got a man and His name is Jesus . My future DH can't even compare.

I agree with the bolded and please eloborate on the red.

 

[chinadoll]

Okay...

I do think there are too many women who spend every. single. day. while they're single moaning and groaning about not having a man. There are women who jump from long-term relationship to long-term relationship because they have to have a man and are scared of being alone. They never truly learn about themselves and build relationships with God because of this.

However, there are plenty of women who are indeed maximizing their lives and their single season, but are rightfully concerned that their single season is lasting TOO long. God has put the desire for marriage and children in our hearts and women should be thinking at a certain point about when that's going to happen if it hasn't yet, and if there's something that they're doing to prevent it from taking place (i.e. bad decisions, etc.)

Again, this idea of an extended single season is a very modern one, yet we are trying to use Biblical justifications for it. The few people in the Bible to have extended single seasons were folks like Paul, Jeremiah, Jesus, Elijah and other prophets (well, Jesus wasn't a prophet, but you know) who were doing some SERIOUS work for the Lord that 99.9999999% of us aren't doing today -- and are not called to do!

God is not sending any messages saying that you must do this, that and the third in order to prepare for message and that you must build all these other relationships before you are "ready." Again, these are modern concepts that have been developed to respond to modern issues.

When you learn to drive, you can read books about driving, take driver's ed, drive on that little course at driver's ed school and go on the road with the instructor who has a control brake... but you are never going to become a good driver unless you get out there and DRIVE! It will be a learning process and one of trial and error, but you have to do it...

I see marriage the same way. Yes, you should prepare beforehand, but there is NO WAY that people will be truly prepared for it and will know what to do until they are IN IT. All this talk of improving self, self, self, does nothing since marriage is going to be a partnership and some things can't be done until you are actually with someone!

Finally... yeah, I know I'm long... I also think the "You'll find someone when you least expect it," line can also be damaging. I know that has happened for many women. There are also many women who had help in getting to marriage.

My problem with that cliche is that it takes personal responsibility out of the equation and treats God as a genie of sorts... that God will just suddenly drop a brotha from the sky when you reach this magical point of "readiness" and therefore, there's nothing that you should do in the meantime because it will "just happen."

I think that message can be discouraging for women who are rightfully wondering when marriage will take place and are told that they should do nothing but prepare and pray.

It's NOT working for a large portion of women in our community, I'll tell you what.

Okay, I'm shutting up now!

ITA with the bolded parts.

 

[Bunny77]

Oh I'm not saying that at all but people need to be whole first. Marriage comes with its own set of issues and if you have personal issues as well it can be a lot more difficult. Things like paranoia, insecurities, unecessary baggage can cause things to fail miserably. I'm saying if a person has a trail of broken relationships it's time to look at oneself and see what one's part in the failure of the relationship was. A relationship takes 2 people to work and to fail (in most situations).

I don't believe that God intends for our single season to be extended unless He told you that. It is in His will for us to be married. And no God won't necessarily wait until one is "ready" but for example if the man is ready and you are with "mr. right now" and all caught up in that mess, it's not that God don't want you to be married but you aren't doing what you are supposed to be doing in order to receive your husband. That's what I mean by positioning yourself. I think people miss their husbands and wives when they try and take things into their own hands or do things to fill time.

I get what you're saying now, and I am in agreement!

I know for me, I took things into my own hands when I was in doubt about whether it was "God's will" for me to marry or not. Now that I know it is, and that I have expressed that desire, it's been easier for me to just let go and trust Him, while still doing the necessary work on my end to help it happen the RIGHT way!

 

[Ramya]

I agree with the bolded and please eloborate on the red.

Last year I was telling God about my day and jokingly I asked Him when would I know who my husband was without a doubt and He said "July 2008" I was not expecting a response

A few months later He gave me a quick glipse of my husband in a dream. I think I know who it is based on what I saw but I won't try and guess until July . Maybe I'll just ask for a name or something. I'm sooo impatient

 

[SEMO]

Last year I was telling God about my day and jokingly I asked Him when would I know who my husband was without a doubt and He said "July 2008" I was not expecting a response

A few months later He gave me a quick glipse of my husband in a dream. I think I know who it is based on what I saw but I won't try and guess until July . Maybe I'll just ask for a name or something. I'm sooo impatient

That is hilarious. I understand exactly what you mean about not expecting a response. Maybe I should ask God the same question (and He could send me a dream too while He's at it ). Now, don't forget to come back here in July to make an update thread .

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Great thread. I also believe in positioning oneself. Some of the greatest romances happened because women were in the right place to get "chose." (as my friend says ) My favorite modern day love story is Mary and Fred of Denmark. She was an "ordinary" working girl and he was a wealthy prince. On the night they met, she changed her plans at the last minute and decided to meet some friends at a bar during the Olympics not knowing she would meet the man who would be her husband. And they lived happily ever after. . .

I used to be a die hard MMH fan and read a lot of her books. She does have a good message but the message gets old after a while. We need more authors telling good Christian wives in training how to prepare and be seen. I firmly believe that when a good man is looking for something and finds it, he will know and he will pursue. I'm just trying to live my life and when he finds me, hopefully he'll be wowed by my zest for life.

I love the idea of having mentors. I find that now, I'm attracting women into my life who are interested in my dating life. One relatively new friend stopped me during one of our study sessions and told me she couldn't understand why I was single. Anyway, I've gotten more proactive in my search and I hope I am found soon.

 

[gn1g]

Last year I was telling God about my day and jokingly I asked Him when would I know who my husband was without a doubt and He said "July 2008" I was not expecting a response

A few months later He gave me a quick glipse of my husband in a dream. I think I know who it is based on what I saw but I won't try and guess until July . Maybe I'll just ask for a name or something. I'm sooo impatient

God is awesome!

I received a response from him like that when I was 16. I didn't really ask the questions I was just given the answers. I was told the year I would get married and that I would have a child when I was 27 and it all came to pass. I love to have conversations with God. My impatients gets in the way sometimes in that I am so busy babbling that I don't take time to listen. I find that the more I read his word the more I hear his audible voice.

. . . . "Be still and know the I am God."

 

[lady_brown]

It's funny because me and a friend of mine were just speaking on this subject last night. He was telling me that I need to get out more, because I will never run into my "Mr. Right." I don't do much...I'm on the ship for the most of the day, and then straight from there I go to class, and then any time in between I'm either in the gym or studying. I feel as though if it is meant for me to be in a "good" relationship it will occur with out me having to go out of my way to run into him. From reading the forum it seems as though everyone seems to have the same opinion as my friend.

 

[kbragg]

OT - What's wrong with watching Oprah?

She's ungodly consel and stands for and supports everything anti-Christ: http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Wolves/oprah-fool.htm And even now with her big huge push of "The Secret" and now this "A New Earth" book as well. Millions of Christians are being lead head first into the metaphysical world and don't even know it, so I choose not to watch her.

My comment though was pertaining more to business and such moreso than her moral position (i.e. why you sitting up in here watching Oprah when you could be working on making the money you need to to get out of debt...duh!:lol)

 

[Bunny77]

It's funny because me and a friend of mine were just speaking on this subject last night. He was telling me that I need to get out more, because I will never run into my "Mr. Right." I don't do much...I'm on the ship for the most of the day, and then straight from there I go to class, and then any time in between I'm either in the gym or studying. I feel as though if it is meant for me to be in a "good" relationship it will occur with out me having to go out of my way to run into him. From reading the forum it seems as though everyone seems to have the same opinion as my friend.

Well, he is a man... he might have a clue as to how men think. (Not saying men are always right lachen, but they can hit it on the nose sometimes!)

I've heard a lot of other Christian men say that they like to be out and about doing activities and other things besides work/school/job/church, but they don't meet any women when they are out... and yet, the women will complain that they can't meet a good man at work/school/job/church... as if those are the only options available to them!

GET OUT!

P.S. I don't think there is any one way for a good relationship to occur. It could very well happen with you doing nothing, or it could happen with you exerting some effort.

I think one problem is that we think that there is one way that relationships have to develop and then we use religious reasoning to support that idea ("God's will," "Everything in His time," etc...).

When if you actually examine various marital relationships in the Bible, they developed in different ways... some were just women doing their own thing and a man happened upon them and in other cases, parents played matchmaker and brought their children together.

Esther entered a competition to end up with King Xerxes (Ahaserus -- sp?) as her husband. Yes, he "picked" her, but she put herself in the pool to be picked. She didn't just wait around and hope some man would happen upon her and pray to God to send her a husband and then do nothing!

Just some food for thought.

 

[janiebaby]

Haven't been in this thread much but kbragg and Bunny.........


Yall know I love yall right????

 

[Bunny77]

Haven't been in this thread much but kbragg and Bunny.........


Yall know I love yall right????

I love you too!

I haven't been ignoring you... thanks for the PMs you sent... I'll get back to ya soon!

 

[kbragg]

Haven't been in this thread much but kbragg and Bunny.........


Yall know I love yall right????

I love you too boo!

 

[MzRhonda]

Well...you gotta lean on your boldness is Christ Ms. Lady Let me preface that though. I'm not talking about "chasing" a man who's no good and shows no interest in you and coming across as deparate. I'm just speaking of being proactive.

For example if you pray "Lord, I need a breakthough in my finances!" but you still watch Oprah, still run up your credit cards, still have the same spending habits, and don't become a better stewart of what you have, then if God doesn't drop manna/ombey from heaven into your lap, don't assume it's "just not God's will" for you to be free from financial bondage. He's wanting to see if you can be trusted with what you have because he knows if he gives you more, it'll ruin you, and a good Daddy doesn't do that to his kids.

So if you say "Lord send me a husband" but spend 99.9% at home in hermit mode, don't assume that "it's not God's will" for you to be married...you're just hiding and caint be found!

Shaking my head right there!