HE that findth a "WIFE" findth a good thang!

[gn1g]

yes THANG. that's funny. But I am not going there . . .



My question is how aggressive should the woman be?

I have a friend that has never been married she is 54ish and she is still waiting on the Lord to send him directly to her. She really does not go outside of her comfort zones, home, work church etc.

 

[envybeauty]

It says he that "findeth" not she that "pursueth"....

 

[kbragg]

yes THANG. that's funny. But I am not going there . . .



My question is how aggressive should the woman be?

I have a friend that has never been married she is 54ish and she is still waiting on the Lord to send him directly to her. She really does not go outside of her comfort zones, home, work church etc.

As aggressive as she wanna be! If that's how God desgined her you can best believe there's a man who can handle it lol. Hey Martin Luther's (Not Dr. King, but Reformation Martin Luther) wife came after HIM lol! He was scurred of ole' girl, but she got that man boy!

If you haven't seen it yet, check out the movie "Luther." It is soooo good! Ole' girl did NOT play forreal! She was a perfect match for him definately!

 

[tffy2004]

It says he that "findeth" not she that "pursueth"....

so true. I think this is why so many women end up in marriages that are erplexed

The friend of the Original Poster is a smart woman

nvybesuty, Love the statement in your siggy, I feel the same way

 

[kbragg]

It says he that "findeth" not she that "pursueth"....

But it order to be found one must make their presence known It's like that verse "Many are called but few are chosen." Why is that? Because the ones who are chosen are the ones that step up to the plate.

 

[shalom]

But it order to be found one must make their presence known It's like that verse "Many are called but few are chosen." Why is that? Because the ones who are chosen are the ones that step up to the plate.

I agree, but what happens if you are shy?

I'm off the check out the movie "Luther".

 

[gn1g]

As aggressive as she wanna be! If that's how God desgined her you can best believe there's a man who can handle it lol. Hey Martin Luther's (Not Dr. King, but Reformation Martin Luther) wife came after HIM lol! He was scurred of ole' girl, but she got that man boy!

If you haven't seen it yet, check out the movie "Luther." It is soooo good! Ole' girl did NOT play forreal! She was a perfect match for him definately!

Love your answer!

My thoughts is that you have to get in the way, not necessarly pursue, and yet remain a lady. Some women do tooooooooooo much and are extremely aggressive but like KBragg said the man for the aggressive woman can handle the womans aggressiveness.

 

[kbragg]

I agree, but what happens if you are shy?

I'm off the check out the movie "Luther".

Well...you gotta lean on your boldness is Christ Ms. Lady Let me preface that though. I'm not talking about "chasing" a man who's no good and shows no interest in you and coming across as deparate. I'm just speaking of being proactive.

For example if you pray "Lord, I need a breakthough in my finances!" but you still watch Oprah, still run up your credit cards, still have the same spending habits, and don't become a better stewart of what you have, then if God doesn't drop manna/ombey from heaven into your lap, don't assume it's "just not God's will" for you to be free from financial bondage. He's wanting to see if you can be trusted with what you have because he knows if he gives you more, it'll ruin you, and a good Daddy doesn't do that to his kids.

So if you say "Lord send me a husband" but spend 99.9% at home in hermit mode, don't assume that "it's not God's will" for you to be married...you're just hiding and caint be found!

 

[Bunny77]

yes THANG. that's funny. But I am not going there . . .



My question is how aggressive should the woman be?

I have a friend that has never been married she is 54ish and she is still waiting on the Lord to send him directly to her. She really does not go outside of her comfort zones, home, work church etc.

I think she needs to do more than what she's doing now if she wants a husband, and it doesn't mean she has to be aggressive.

To me, being aggressive involves pursuing a man, and I disagree with that. However, if she wants to be "found," she needs to put herself in more places in which she can be found! Expand her comfort zones and social circles so she can be exposed to more men who might be "hunting."

And no offense to anyone in this thread, but I don't think that sitting around for 30+ years "waiting on the Lord" to send you a husband is very smart at all. It's more passive than anything to me...

(KBragg, I agree with what you're saying!)

 

[kbragg]

Love your answer!

My thoughts is that you have to get in the way, not necessarly pursue, and yet remain a lady. Some women do tooooooooooo much and are extremely aggressive but like KBragg said the man for the aggressive woman can handle the womans aggressiveness.

Yes ma'am! Actually if you watch the movie, she demonstrates the perfect balance of boldness while still being a lady! That woman was on fire for God! The Lord knew what he was doing boy cuz if you look at all the Martin Luther accomplished for God, and the persecution he went through so that we could have the religious freedom we have today, you will see why the Lord sen him a woman who could handle that! He needed someone who could challenge him. She didn't play boy, she's my new shero lol

 

[envybeauty]

so true. I think this is why so many women end up in marriages that are erplexed

The friend of the Original Poster is a smart woman

nvybesuty, Love the statement in your siggy, I feel the same way

Thanks....I guess mixed kids today don't think so..oh well.

I agree that is why marriages fail or women don't get to the point of marriage because they are the ones going after ole boy. A man should pursue a woman...many men today say they enjoy the chase. If a woman want to pursue, that's fine. But that does not mean that she has a happy relationship.

 

[PaperClip]

I'm just gonna go ahead and say it: I have yet to meet a woman/wife who has offered a story of "positioning herself" in such a way to be found. So either A LOT of women are lying or the Word of God is true: HE that findeth, happens upon a WIFE, findeth a good thing....

I have yet to hear of a situation where there was a balance between positioning oneself and being found....

 

[Bunny77]

I'm just gonna go ahead and say it: I have yet to meet a woman/wife who has offered a story of "positioning herself" in such a way to be found. So either A LOT of women are lying or the Word of God is true: HE that findeth, happens upon a WIFE, findeth a good thing....

I have yet to hear of a situation where there was a balance between positioning oneself and being found....

Hey girl!

I guess the question is, how are we defining "positioning?"

I can give stories of women who met their husbands online, for example, and I consider that positioning.

Or women who were wavering about going to a certain event, but decided to go at the last minute and then they met the men who became their husbands.

The men did find them, but they put themselves out there so the men could happen upon them. Those are the types of examples I'm referring to... do you mean something different though?

 

[Keen]

Hey girl!

I guess the question is, how are we defining "positioning?"

I can give stories of women who met their husbands online, for example, and I consider that positioning.

Or women who were wavering about going to a certain event, but decided to go at the last minute and then they met the men who became their husbands.

The men did find them, but they put themselves out there so the men could happen upon them. Those are the types of examples I'm referring to... do you mean something different though?

I have the same line of thinking. You don't have to blatenly walk up to the guy. If you only stay home and go to church, where do you expect to find that man? If you keep on getting invited to events, maybe that's God's way of putting you in the right place to be found.

 

[kbragg]

I have the same line of thinking. You don't have to blatenly walk up to the guy. If you only stay home and go to church, where do you expect to find that man? If you keep on getting invited to events, maybe that's God's way of putting you in the right place to be found.

This was my line of thinking as well. Now rue, with God ALL things are possible, no doubt! However, I have yet to hear of an instance where a Denzel lookalike godly single man, just knocked on a woman's door one day and said "I just 'felt led" to knock on your door....want to go out on a date?"That is unless of course you are looking to marry the UPS man, which by some previous threads I'd imagine is not the "ideal" husband anyway lol.

 

[discobiscuits]

As it relates to the original question of aggressiveness and the later topic of positioning; I say be a Ruth (see Ruth 3). She positioned herself to be favored by and married to Boaz. Note: she did this at the instruction and guidance of her mother-in-law Naomi. This is an example of positioning oneself to be found. Even with the end result, this story is not a how-to-get-a-man manual, rather it is an example or "type" of how Christ is our kinsman/redeemer and honor.

 

[Bunny77]

As it relates to the original question of aggressiveness and the later topic of positioning; I say be a Ruth (see Ruth 3). She positioned herself to be favored by and married to Boaz. Note: she did this at the instruction and guidance of her mother-in-law Naomi. This is an example of positioning oneself to be found. Even with the end result, this story is not a how-to-get-a-man manual, rather it is an example or "type" of how Christ is our kinsman/redeemer and honor.

Great example!

 

[Starr1]

I had to "position" myself to be found because my poor husband was so dense in the beginning!It took him MONTHS to realize that I liked him and then he had the nerve to tell me that he would have asked me out sooner if I had only made the fact that I was interested more obvious!

We met at school (Christian college) and I just knew he was the man for me, so you better believe I made sure to just-so-happen to be at all the same school functions, events, and bible studies that he was. I invited him to sit next to me in chapel, or to go out with a group of friends to a coffee shop, or have lunch me in the courtyard. I wasn't aggressive or desperate or pushy, I didn't go chasing him down, but I was out and about so he couldn't help but see me. I kept it lady like but I made myself known and after a while he took notice. I let him pursue me: the more he knew about me, the more he wanted to know; the more he spent time with me, the more he wanted to spend time with me; and the more he saw that I was a woman of God who eventually wanted a Godly husband, the more he wanted to make sure that he was that husband.

If I had kept to myself and not put myself in a position to be noticed, then I seriously doubt my shy DH would have asked me out of his own accord.

 

[PaperClip]

Hey girl!

I guess the question is, how are we defining "positioning?"

I can give stories of women who met their husbands online, for example, and I consider that positioning.

Or women who were wavering about going to a certain event, but decided to go at the last minute and then they met the men who became their husbands.

The men did find them, but they put themselves out there so the men could happen upon them. Those are the types of examples I'm referring to... do you mean something different though?

Maybe I think I mean something different. Of course I think Ruth "positioned herself"...and she had the covering and direction of her mother-in-law. But it seems that there are some married women who did some "assertive/aggressive" positioning but portray it like the man did everything....And then these same women want to put down other women who might apply some "unconventional" forms of positioning.

My GOD, I wish things could have happened the way it happened for my mom or my pastor's wife. All that sounded so easy. I don't think those ways have changed because times have changed, but then again, maybe they have....

I just know that I've tried a lot of ways... spent some (a lot) of money to "position myself"....Sigh....

 

[All_Me]

Well...you gotta lean on your boldness is Christ Ms. Lady Let me preface that though. I'm not talking about "chasing" a man who's no good and shows no interest in you and coming across as deparate. I'm just speaking of being proactive.

For example if you pray "Lord, I need a breakthough in my finances!" but you still watch Oprah, still run up your credit cards, still have the same spending habits, and don't become a better stewart of what you have, then if God doesn't drop manna/ombey from heaven into your lap, don't assume it's "just not God's will" for you to be free from financial bondage. He's wanting to see if you can be trusted with what you have because he knows if he gives you more, it'll ruin you, and a good Daddy doesn't do that to his kids.

So if you say "Lord send me a husband" but spend 99.9% at home in hermit mode, don't assume that "it's not God's will" for you to be married...you're just hiding and caint be found!

Good answer!

 

[gn1g]

Modern Day Ruth, Boaz was a working man, that's what I'm talking about. She position herself on his property. That's my kinda girl.

 

[shalom]

Well...you gotta lean on your boldness is Christ Ms. Lady Let me preface that though. I'm not talking about "chasing" a man who's no good and shows no interest in you and coming across as deparate. I'm just speaking of being proactive.

For example if you pray "Lord, I need a breakthough in my finances!" but you still watch Oprah, still run up your credit cards, still have the same spending habits, and don't become a better stewart of what you have, then if God doesn't drop manna/ombey from heaven into your lap, don't assume it's "just not God's will" for you to be free from financial bondage. He's wanting to see if you can be trusted with what you have because he knows if he gives you more, it'll ruin you, and a good Daddy doesn't do that to his kids.

So if you say "Lord send me a husband" but spend 99.9% at home in hermit mode, don't assume that "it's not God's will" for you to be married...you're just hiding and caint be found!

This is true.

 

[kbragg]

Modern Day Ruth, Boaz was a working man, that's what I'm talking about. She position herself on his property. That's my kinda girl.

Yep! And remember also, what stood out about Ruth in the first place was not that she was fine or available, or even that she was looking for a husband, but the fact that she was a hard worker. She was working hard as unto God, and as a result found favor with man.

Oh yeah, don't forget muh gurl Ms. Hadassah (Ester) She too positioned herself, and saved a whole nation from genocide! She was da hotness forreal

Oh side note on the Ester topic. How come everytime I read the part where the king asks Queen Vashti to come to the party, why do I always interpret her response as "Negro please! You must don't know 'bout me!"It got flipped on her though cuz it was him that said "To da left, to da left"

 

[klb120475]

Yep! And remember also, what stood out about Ruth in the first place was not that she was fine or available, or even that she was looking for a husband, but the fact that she was a hard worker. She was working hard as unto God, and as a result found favor with man.

Oh yeah, don't forget muh gurl Ms. Hadassah (Ester) She too positioned herself, and saved a whole nation from genocide! She was da hotness forreal

Oh side note on the Ester topic. How come everytime I read the part where the king asks Queen Vashti to come to the party, why do I always interpret her response as "Negro please! You must don't know 'bout me!"It got flipped on her though cuz it was him that said "To da left, to da left"

Kbragg......you so stoopid! You keep me laughing!!

 

[gn1g]

Yep! And remember also, what stood out about Ruth in the first place was not that she was fine or available, or even that she was looking for a husband, but the fact that she was a hard worker. She was working hard as unto God, and as a result found favor with man.

Oh yeah, don't forget muh gurl Ms. Hadassah (Ester) She too positioned herself, and saved a whole nation from genocide! She was da hotness forreal

Oh side note on the Ester topic. How come everytime I read the part where the king asks Queen Vashti to come to the party, why do I always interpret her response as "Negro please! You must don't know 'bout me!"It got flipped on her though cuz it was him that said "To da left, to da left"

That's funny, I hope she had a box!

 

[klb120475]

Just so ya'll know Boo is actively seeking me.

 

[Janice]

I believe that most women should be "preparing " rather than "positioning". It should not be up to us to find our husbands. The Lord takes care of that while we discover our purpose or simply walk in daily obedience to him while trusting (doing his will). Ruth and Esther were doing the Lord's will (accomplishing their purpose). There was never the idea behind the back of their heads of let me get close to this man so I can marry him. Their mates discovered them. Both men were attracted to these ladies because they saw the passion in these two women concerning the things of God.

I believe that if you want a true godly man, just focus on doing the things of the Lord, a godly man will notice you even when you think he is not looking. If you have to "work" to get a guy before seeing your heart than that brother is not spiritually mature yet in my opinion. A godly man, whether shy or not will pursue!

Michelle Hammond puts it best in her most recent book of that in finding our purpose , we discover out mates along the path. God is the the ultimate matchmaker and his timing is best. He knows our desires and will put that one in our face when we least expect it. When we seek to put him first, then everything will be added unto us.

Its hard as single women to not cosume our thoughts on meeting the one but once you release it and truly forget about then that is when it will come. "Unless a grain of wheat fall to the ground and dies, it cannot be made alive." Our desires must die and be surrended so that it can manifest.


Now if you ask me why women are taking longer to get married and as to why there are more singles in the church then ever before, that is a whole another story. There are a lot of factors that attribute to that are a combination of social, economic and spiritual influences.

 

[chinadoll]

I believe that most women should be "preparing " rather than "positioning". It should not be up to us to find our husbands. The Lord takes care of that while we discover our purpose or simply walk in daily obedience to him while trusting (doing his will). Ruth and Esther were doing the Lord's will (accomplishing their purpose). There was never the idea behind the back of their heads of let me get close to this man so I can marry him. Their mates discovered them. Both men were attracted to these ladies because they saw the passion in these two women concerning the things of God.

I believe that if you want a true godly man, just focus on doing the things of the Lord, a godly man will notice you even when you think he is not looking. If you have to "work" to get a guy before seeing your heart than that brother is not spiritually mature yet in my opinion. A godly man, whether shy or not will pursue!

Michelle Hammond puts it best in her most recent book of that in finding our purpose , we discover out mates along the path. God is the the ultimate matchmaker and his timing is best. He knows our desires and will put that one in our face when we least expect it. When we seek to put him first, then everything will be added unto us.

Its hard as single women to not cosume our thoughts on meeting the one but once you release it and truly forget about then that is when it will come. "Unless a grain of wheat fall to the ground and dies, it cannot be made alive." Our desires must die and be surrended so that it can manifest.


Now if you ask me why women are taking longer to get married and as to why there are more singles in the church then ever before, that is a whole another story. There are a lot of factors that attribute to that are a combination of social, economic and spiritual influences.

you read my mind, thank you! :Rose:

 

[Bunny77]

I believe that most women should be "preparing " rather than "positioning". It should not be up to us to find our husbands. The Lord takes care of that while we discover our purpose or simply walk in daily obedience to him while trusting (doing his will). Ruth and Esther were doing the Lord's will (accomplishing their purpose). There was never the idea behind the back of their heads of let me get close to this man so I can marry him. Their mates discovered them. Both men were attracted to these ladies because they saw the passion in these two women concerning the things of God.

I believe that if you want a true godly man, just focus on doing the things of the Lord, a godly man will notice you even when you think he is not looking. If you have to "work" to get a guy before seeing your heart than that brother is not spiritually mature yet in my opinion. A godly man, whether shy or not will pursue!

Michelle Hammond puts it best in her most recent book of that in finding our purpose , we discover out mates along the path. God is the the ultimate matchmaker and his timing is best. He knows our desires and will put that one in our face when we least expect it. When we seek to put him first, then everything will be added unto us.

Its hard as single women to not cosume our thoughts on meeting the one but once you release it and truly forget about then that is when it will come. "Unless a grain of wheat fall to the ground and dies, it cannot be made alive." Our desires must die and be surrended so that it can manifest.


Now if you ask me why women are taking longer to get married and as to why there are more singles in the church then ever before, that is a whole another story. There are a lot of factors that attribute to that are a combination of social, economic and spiritual influences.

Good points... one question though...

Are positioning and preparing mutually exclusive? Can't one do both?

 

[chellero]

Well...you gotta lean on your boldness is Christ Ms. Lady Let me preface that though. I'm not talking about "chasing" a man who's no good and shows no interest in you and coming across as deparate. I'm just speaking of being proactive.

For example if you pray "Lord, I need a breakthough in my finances!" but you still watch Oprah, still run up your credit cards, still have the same spending habits, and don't become a better stewart of what you have, then if God doesn't drop manna/ombey from heaven into your lap, don't assume it's "just not God's will" for you to be free from financial bondage. He's wanting to see if you can be trusted with what you have because he knows if he gives you more, it'll ruin you, and a good Daddy doesn't do that to his kids.

So if you say "Lord send me a husband" but spend 99.9% at home in hermit mode, don't assume that "it's not God's will" for you to be married...you're just hiding and caint be found!

OT - What's wrong with watching Oprah?