He says he loves me but is he IN love with me?

[LDiva]

So I've run into a bit of an issue that I can't stop thinking about and would like some advice on please.

I have a friend whom I am very close with, I would consider him one of my best friends. We had been friends for almost two years and although I'd always been attracted to him physically, it just didn't seem like I was his type, if I was I figured he would have pursued me instead of us just being friends and I guess I wasn't initially attracted to him like THAT since only just a friendship had blossomed. But as our friendship grew closer I've come to realize that I love him.

I've kept this to myself for a while now but a couple of weeks ago we were hanging out and we ended up sleeping together for the first time. I was happy to be with him in that way and he said that he loved me and has known that I loved him.

Now I'm just confused. I know he said he loved me and I know I love him, but I don't know if we're IN love with each other. I feel close to him he is my confidant and my best friend but I am not sure what it is that I'm feeling now? Maybe I'm attached because of the intimacy we shared? I just don't know. I care for him deeply but I'm just confused now. He doesn't want a relationship, I know this about him and he's not going to start one with me. Please help

 

[Bunny77]

I don't think it matters really whether he loves you or is in love with you. Actually, I think it's silly when people try to make it seem like there's a big difference between the two. It's a lame cliche, in my opinion, that means nothing.

What's most important is the fact that he flat out said that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. So regardless of him saying he "loves" you, he pretty much only wants to sleep with you and have you as his friend with benefits.

It's obvious that you don't want this, so cut your losses and move on. And next time, don't get yourself in this type of situation with a man who has not declared that he wants a relationship with you.

 

[MissJ]

Did he tell you he didn't want a relationship? If so, I would say he is not in love with you.

 

[Mai Tai]

He just doesn't want a relationship with YOU, sweetheart.

Believe me...if you continue to give him the goods without a commitment, you WILL find yourself in a situation where he meets another girl, and marries her within 6-12 months, and you will be stuck...brokenhearted...asking us what went wrong...

Close your legs and open your ears and eyes...this man is telling you exactly what he is about...please be smart enough to listen...

 

[aribell]

I think it's best to spend as little time as possible attempting to figure out how he (or anyone else) feels about you. It doesn't seem like you need help because you do know already that he doesn't want a relationship. If he said that he were in love with you but still didn't want a relationship, would that bring any kind of clarity? Probably not. It'd only be more confusing and generate false hope on your part. The hard thing about this isn't figuring him out, but detaching from him and moving on.

 

[MissYocairis]

He's just not that into you. I'm sorry that you slept with him without an official, pre-agreed-upon relationship. You are way too attached. I understand he is your dear friend and confidant but, trust me dear, men who are "best friends" and "confidants" do this sort of thing with women ALL THE TIME. They take advantage of the friendship to get into your panties. That is what has happened here. It doesn't add up, does it? You'd be surprised how irrational those penises can make some men.

 

[DarkAngell]

He just doesn't want a relationship with YOU, sweetheart.

Believe me...if you continue to give him the goods without a commitment, you WILL find yourself in a situation where he meets another girl, and marries her within 6-12 months, and you will be stuck...brokenhearted...asking us what went wrong...

Close your legs and open your ears and eyes...this man is telling you exactly what he is about...please be smart enough to listen...

Ditto. As women i think we tend to over analyze what a man says vs whether or not there is a hidden message behind it. Trust me. THERES NO HIDDEN MESSAGE. He told you he didn't want a relationship.....take that for truth and move on before you're feelings deepen and you get hurt in the long run.
And also, Love and sex are too totally different things for men. They don't always attach it too emotions like we do.

 

[Katherina]

men who are "best friends" and "confidants" do this sort of thing with women ALL THE TIME. They take advantage of the friendship to get into your panties.

ITA. Be careful honey; we don't want you heartbroken!

 

[QueenNefi]

I think you know the answer to your questions but accepting the truth has become difficult because of the physical intamacy. I believe your friend is sending you mixed signals and you are now confused. I can only sum up and second what has already been said. Distance yourself from your friend and heal your heart.

 

[MissJ]

He's just not that into you. I'm sorry that you slept with him without an official, pre-agreed-upon relationship. You are way too attached. I understand he is your dear friend and confidant but, trust me dear, men who are "best friends" and "confidants" do this sort of thing with women ALL THE TIME. They take advantage of the friendship to get into your panties. That is what has happened here. It doesn't add up, does it? You'd be surprised how irrational those penises can make some men.

Exactly. They live for this kind of thing. My "friend" tried to do this to me last year. Little did he know, my legs do not open easily. He still doesn't know why I don't talk to him to this day.

Men like this disgust me.

 

[ThickHair]

No confusion sis, he does not want a relationship with you. You said it yourself, what else does he need to tell you.

Sorry you slept with him, but there are no mixed messages.

 

[LDiva]

Thanks Ladies, I kinda feel like a dumb arse now for not paying attention to the signs. For as long as I've known him he hasn't wanted a relationship with anyone so I don't know why I think he'd want one with me. It looks like I'll just have to keep my distance like you all said.

 

[ThickHair]

Thanks Ladies, I kinda feel like a dumb arse now for not paying attention to the signs. For as long as I've known him he hasn't wanted a relationship with anyone so I don't know why I think he'd want one with me. It looks like I'll just have to keep my distance like you all said.

Trust me, even if he had dormant feelings for you, they will never surface, unless you fall deeply, madly in love with someone else and get married.

MAYBE

 

[preciouzone]

It's understandable why you fell into this situation
to begin with and developed these feelings that has
you all confused now. The truth is... the more time you
spend with someone, the more you get to know them,
then the more you will "like" or "love" them. All the more
reason to stop allowing him to take up your time... slowly back
away from him if you don't want things to stay the same.
And they will --- He's not going to change.

The other ladies are on point concerning the fact that he
stated from the get go that he is not wanting to be in a
relationship and this includes with you. >>>> I heard some
one say once that when a guy tells you something... believe
him the FIRST time!

All in all, when a man is REALLY into you
there will not be ANY static, there will not be ANY guess work
on your part because he will come correct and CLEARLY state his intentions
about making you his or being in a relationship with you from the start.
His words and his actions will be in alignment where he says what he means
and means what he says by backing it up with his actions and making it
his business to make you feel special and loved --- not confused and left in
the dark!

Trust me, when a guy LOVES (or is "in love" with) you --- YOU WILL KNOW!

One of my favorite threads about knowing when a man loves you is this one...
When a Man Loves a Woman...What Does He do to Show it?
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=124948


And don't condemn yourself about not paying attentions to the signs...
blind love can do this ... especially when sex comes into play. Now if you
continue to allow him to toy with your emotions and continue this confusing
chaos... then you will really have to dig deeper inside you to find out what is
causing you to stay in a relationship that is not an ideal one for you.

Hope this helps!

Blessings,

*Preciouzone*

 

[southerncitygirl]

He's just not that into you. I'm sorry that you slept with him without an official, pre-agreed-upon relationship. You are way too attached. I understand he is your dear friend and confidant but, trust me dear, men who are "best friends" and "confidants" do this sort of thing with women ALL THE TIME. They take advantage of the friendship to get into your panties. That is what has happened here. It doesn't add up, does it? You'd be surprised how irrational those penises can make some men.

I agree CY! the very nature of men is coniving and manipulative......they pounce on us when we're most vurnable and take advantage of our weakness, he will ride the cooch train till you stop puttting out...leaving you hurt, angry and confused OP...sorry this happened to you, but we live and learn.