He offers to cook you Dinner for the 1st date

[Bunny77]

If you found out he lived in a very expensive part of town in a fabulous multi-million-dollar condo/home and wanted to impress you; would you still have second-thoughts?

For me? Absolutely not!

I really can't add more than what's already been said. Besides the too-early intimacy and potential safety issues, an at-home date is simply NOT a date. Nuccas these days want to take the absolute easiest way out these days and an at-home date just screams LAZY LAZY LAZY!!!

No respectable man back in the day would even dare suggest to a woman that she should come to his house for a date -- a first date at that. His people would have taught him better than that and no woman would even entertain the idea because it would be so ludicrous to think that an at-home date was even a date!

Ugh, asking this for the first date is pretty darn close to a dealbreaker to me because it gives me an idea of how lazy and likely cheap he is, among other things!

 

[mscocoface]

I just don't think I would recommend this.

Questions you should ask yourself before you say yes.
Can he cook, first off?
Can you trust what he is cooking and that he doesn't put anything in the food to make you vulnerable?
If you really want to do this, do you have a safety who can give you a call or come get you once the dinner is done?

Again, I would not recommend it no matter how convenient it may be for the both of you.

JMHO.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Nope...no matter how much you've talked..you do not know this man. Keep it public..you cannot run if he has some trick locks on his door. Do not set an "It's OK to just keep me behind closed doors" pattern. Don't you want to go out and see how he behaves around others? Holiday time..get out and have a real date..go see the Holiday store window displays.

 

[Lenee925]

For me? Absolutely not!

I really can't add more than what's already been said. Besides the too-early intimacy and potential safety issues, an at-home date is simply NOT a date. Nuccas these days want to take the absolute easiest way out these days and an at-home date just screams LAZY LAZY LAZY!!!

No respectable man back in the day would even dare suggest to a woman that she should come to his house for a date -- a first date at that. His people would have taught him better than that and no woman would even entertain the idea because it would be so ludicrous to think that an at-home date was even a date!

Ugh, asking this for the first date is pretty darn close to a dealbreaker to me because it gives me an idea of how lazy and likely cheap he is, among other things!

Haha! Bunny you are awesome. I love your relationship advice! I was kidding about the rich guy. I never thought of a guy cooking for the first date as being lazy lol

 

[VelvetRain]

Hmmm hell no. I am not eating my dinner in some strangers house or apartment. You don't know this man from the next one to be doing something so unsafe as that. My thing is don't bother even asking me out if you can't take me to a modest/inexpensive restaurant for our first date. My last blind date had coupons for our date. Yes coupons but he still took me out though and didn't suggest we just chill at his house.

 

[metro_qt]

If you found out he lived in a very expensive part of town in a fabulous multi-million-dollar condo/home and wanted to impress you; would you still have second-thoughts?

I'm speaking from personal experience. This happened to me a few years back...
I went to this fabulous digs... we had dinner... then we actually went *out* to a movie....

he was el-cheapo!!!!!!!!!!!!

don't do it!

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

Uh, no...nip this right on in the bud...you got to date...which means going somewhere other than someones house...say no thanks and offer up "what about __restaurant name__" instead...and you know if he says something along the lines "why not"... or "I don't have the money"...gurl run please...

men of quality already know why and will not challenge your stance as far as not having money to at least take me out...I mean at least to somebody I-Hop/Denny's/somewhere....is like me me looking at him with a "are you slow face"...like dang you can't even take me to the Donut shop?

 

[FlowerHair]

Hmmm hell no. I am not eating my dinner in some strangers house or apartment. You don't know this man from the next one to be doing something so unsafe as that. My thing is don't bother even asking me out if you can't take me to a modest/inexpensive restaurant for our first date. My last blind date had coupons for our date. Yes coupons but he still took me out though and didn't suggest we just chill at his house.

LOL! That cracked me up!!
Men are so funny sometimes!!!
How did you keep from laughing?

 

[discobiscuits]

I've done it twice. One was a pro chef (I loved his cooking) the other was a fix up via a mutual friend. Both turned out fine. I would not recommend u going if u don't know this man. If u know him or have good close mutuals then use ur best judgement.

I've been offered dinner & bfast recently by a cop. If I wasn't bunned up I'd take both offers.
IMO it us not unlady like or a sign that u r loose. But u can't trust everyone. Don't need ur face on a milk carton or u waking up in an alley w no memory & no clothes w a movie on the net. Nah mean?

 

[Bunny77]

Haha! Bunny you are awesome. I love your relationship advice! I was kidding about the rich guy. I never thought of a guy cooking for the first date as being lazy lol

LOL... you know I was answering your question all seriously and then I got off on my own tangent... I get like that sometimes!


Anyway, it's true that really, cooking isn't technically a "lazy" thing to do... I meant more like emotionally lazy. First dates are supposed to involve a few jitters -- two people out somewhere, kinda behaving like a potential couple, getting to really know each other, both people attempting to look more decent than they usually do

Having the woman at your house basically is the way to make things easier on HIM. He gets to stay in his comfort zone of his home, he doesn't have to really put himself out there (literally and figuratively) and all he has to do to prepare is buy groceries. Which he likely needs to do anyway. So the woman has to step outside her comfort zone for a bit, but he's cool. And this could be the prelude to plenty of house dates where he never takes her out.

And since when did all these dudes suddenly become mini-Emerils? Unless you're Wolfgang Puck, Chef Jeff, Emeril, Marcus Samuelson, etc., your cooking probably ain't all that to be inviting a woman over in the early stages so she can try it out! Negro puhleeze...

 

[onelove08]

I would not feel comfortable going over to his house for a first date. We need to go somewhere else. Not necessarily dinner, you could go bowling or something else!

 

[saved06]

He just wants sex....

 

[Taleah2009]

I've done it twice. One was a pro chef (I loved his cooking) the other was a fix up via a mutual friend. Both turned out fine. I would not recommend u going if u don't know this man. If u know him or have good close mutuals then use ur best judgement.

I've been offered dinner & bfast recently by a cop. If I wasn't bunned up I'd take both offers.
IMO it us not unlady like or a sign that u r loose. But u can't trust everyone. Don't need ur face on a milk carton or u waking up in an alley w no memory & no clothes w a movie on the net. Nah mean?

I have done it once. With my ex. We had mutual friends who introduced us, so I didn't really feel uncomfortable, and we go to the same church. I don't think I would ever do it again. Especially after reading all these comments.

 

[Detroit2Dallas]

omg you guys are like the girlfriends i never had! i love reading these comments and I aint even dating lol.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

Question: Do you guys get offended when a guy asks to do something like OP's date suggested? I know I do. If he had common sense in the first place, he KNOWS to not ask a woman to his place for the 1st date!

 

[Bunny77]

Question: Do you guys get offended when a guy asks to do something like OP's date suggested? I know I do. If he had common sense in the first place, he KNOWS to not ask a woman to his place for the 1st date!

I do. I got offended when a dude suggested it on a second date too.

When I told him how I felt about it, he brought up the money issue and also said that he liked eating organic food so it was better to cook it. I said that would be fine if we were in a relationship, but if he wanted to eat organic, we could go to the cafe at Whole Foods and it would be just the same... because I didn't feel comfortable with "at home" dates early on.

We went out... then he said he didn't want to go out on a third date because we had been "talking" too much and he was ready for more physical intimacy. (Talking too much after TWO dates and a few phone calls? Seriously?)

You can guess what I said next...

But it turned out that my instincts when he asked to "cook for me" or order takeout on the second date were exactly right.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

I do. I got offended when a dude suggested it on a second date too.

When I told him how I felt about it, he brought up the money issue and also said that he liked eating organic food so it was better to cook it. I said that would be fine if we were in a relationship, but if he wanted to eat organic, we could go to the cafe at Whole Foods and it would be just the same... because I didn't feel comfortable with "at home" dates early on.

We went out... then he said he didn't want to go out on a third date because we had been "talking" too much and he was ready for more physical intimacy. (Talking too much after TWO dates and a few phone calls? Seriously?)

You can guess what I said next...

But it turned out that my instincts when he asked to "cook for me" or order takeout on the second date were exactly right.

What a LOSER.

 

[honeybuni84]

no.. we need to be in public for our first date... He can make me a picnic lunch and we can eat in the free botanical garden.... easy enough

 

[Rastafarai]

Question: Do you guys get offended when a guy asks to do something like OP's date suggested?

If he's a stranger, absolutely.

If he was already a friend and/or a part of my life then I'd be cool with the invite.

But you just can't trust any and everybody, nowadays. You have to protect yourself first and foremost.

 

[honeybuni84]

What Zaynab said. Personally I don't believe in going over a man's house to "chill" and watch a movie. He needs to put in more effort to court me than putting a disc in the DVD machine. I would respectfully decline.

That's it ...

 

[honeybuni84]

I do. I got offended when a dude suggested it on a second date too.

When I told him how I felt about it, he brought up the money issue and also said that he liked eating organic food so it was better to cook it. I said that would be fine if we were in a relationship, but if he wanted to eat organic, we could go to the cafe at Whole Foods and it would be just the same... because I didn't feel comfortable with "at home" dates early on.

We went out... then he said he didn't want to go out on a third date because we had been "talking" too much and he was ready for more physical intimacy. (Talking too much after TWO dates and a few phone calls? Seriously?)

You can guess what I said next...

But it turned out that my instincts when he asked to "cook for me" or order takeout on the second date were exactly right.

Seriously.... Really?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 

[honeybuni84]

Question: Do you guys get offended when a guy asks to do something like OP's date suggested? I know I do. If he had common sense in the first place, he KNOWS to not ask a woman to his place for the 1st date!

I do.. for a variety of reasons..

1. I reallly dont know you like that.. I won't let a guy know where i live for the first few dates, so why am i going to go to your place. You may try to take advantage of me..
2. The sex factor. Even if i do like you, I'm not trying to get down with in the first few dates.. Around here, Dinner and Movie at my place is code for " lets get some Mcdonalds and i wanna get down during the slow scenes" I am not about that at all
3. I need you to put forth some kind of effort... I really do.. You can cook dinner for yourself at home... I need to feel special...

It just doesnt do it for me at all.....

 

[LadyPaniolo]

This thread is hilarious!

 

[honeybuni84]

If you found out he lived in a very expensive part of town in a fabulous multi-million-dollar condo/home and wanted to impress you; would you still have second-thoughts?

yes crazy is crazy at any zip code.... The rich ones just better lawyers

 

[Kerryann]

tell him youll pass on this

 

[MD_Lady]

...what da hell...is he cheap, broke or what? da hell u wanna sit round his house to eat n watch a movie. you can do dat at home by yo dayum self. u got food n cable at'cho crib don'tchu?...

Indeed.

 

[MD_Lady]

While this man truly could have honorable intentions, I agree with the others who say "safety first". IME, "house dates" early on can quickly set a pattern. Get to know him better in a more public, neutral setting. If you decide on house dates later on, just make sure the boundaries you set aren't inadvertantly relaxed as a result. Best of luck to you!

 

[MD_Lady]

I need for him to take you out. You need to see his hygiene away from the kitchen. We don't know him like that. I'd personally feel uncomfortable.

I LOVE this post... especially the "we don't know him like that" part.

 

[MissJ]

No, he just doesn't want to have to take you anywhere, EVER! He's also probably hoping that he can get lucky.

 

[thatscuteright]

Update:

Thank you ladies. I called and respectfully declined. Thanked him for the gesture and told him I wasn't comfortable and would prefer to eat outside of the home.
He asked what kind of food I liked to eat and I mentioned a few and he wants to take me to a Brazilian restaurant after the holidays. So we will see.