He betrayed me

[ashleymichelle1]

Girl, FLEE!!!! You are too young for this b/s and this is a story that has been played out in every town, county and urban area far too many times!!!! You are still young. If I were you, I would leave town and cut off all contact for awhile (sounds extreme, but she needs a clean break). A man w/addictions is not a man ready for the responsibility of heading a household. I will bet you $100 that if you go back to him, you WILL regret it!!!! Don't give up your youth on this loser.

I wish I could leave town..i live like 5 mins away from him smh. I downloaded an app on my phone to block his text messages after he text me yesterday and told me he wasn't going to pick up our son like he was supposed to and he didnt pick him up monday either! We made an agreement he would watch Julian Mon & Weds as soon as he got off work and every other weekend. Now hes acting like an ******* because I went and took my name off the lease..wth does this fool think my name should still be on the lease? This dude is crazy. I really really wish I could get far far away so I don't have to see or deal w/ him ever again. I NEVER thought he would act crazy enough to not come see his son! The son he claimed he would die for smh but now he is nowhere to be found. I think hes doing this on purpose because he knows im exhausted and need a break right now..

I feel like a horrible mother right now..I don't have any energy, i literally feel sick, cant eat and I have horrible headaches. I feel horrible because I wish I could lay in bed all day but I cant. I haven't been taking my son on his daily walks in his stroller that he loves, haven't been reading to him or really playing w/ him..just putting him in his bouncer or walker and just laying down. I feel like i'm going crazy..

 

[I Am So Blessed]

I wish I could leave town..i live like 5 mins away from him smh. I downloaded an app on my phone to block his text messages after he text me yesterday and told me he wasn't going to pick up our son like he was supposed to and he didnt pick him up monday either! We made an agreement he would watch Julian Mon & Weds as soon as he got off work and every other weekend. Now hes acting like an ******* because I went and took my name off the lease..wth does this fool think my name should still be on the lease? This dude is crazy. I really really wish I could get far far away so I don't have to see or deal w/ him ever again. I NEVER thought he would act crazy enough to not come see his son! The son he claimed he would die for smh but now he is nowhere to be found. I think hes doing this on purpose because he knows im exhausted and need a break right now..

I feel like a horrible mother right now..I don't have any energy, i literally feel sick, cant eat and I have horrible headaches. I feel horrible because I wish I could lay in bed all day but I cant. I haven't been taking my son on his daily walks in his stroller that he loves, haven't been reading to him or really playing w/ him..just putting him in his bouncer or walker and just laying down. I feel like i'm going crazy..

Aww, I know its hard. But you have to get a hold on yourself. Turn to TBN channel, it will help some.

 

[darlingdiva]

I wish I could leave town..i live like 5 mins away from him smh. I downloaded an app on my phone to block his text messages after he text me yesterday and told me he wasn't going to pick up our son like he was supposed to and he didnt pick him up monday either! We made an agreement he would watch Julian Mon & Weds as soon as he got off work and every other weekend. Now hes acting like an ******* because I went and took my name off the lease..wth does this fool think my name should still be on the lease? This dude is crazy. I really really wish I could get far far away so I don't have to see or deal w/ him ever again. I NEVER thought he would act crazy enough to not come see his son! The son he claimed he would die for smh but now he is nowhere to be found. I think hes doing this on purpose because he knows im exhausted and need a break right now..

I feel like a horrible mother right now..I don't have any energy, i literally feel sick, cant eat and I have horrible headaches. I feel horrible because I wish I could lay in bed all day but I cant. I haven't been taking my son on his daily walks in his stroller that he loves, haven't been reading to him or really playing w/ him..just putting him in his bouncer or walker and just laying down. I feel like i'm going crazy..

You are NOT a horrible mother. You are in a lot of pain right now, which is completely normal. Going through pain is a process that cannot be rushed, but you cannot let it eat you alive either. Listen to motivational talks online, watch movies that make you laugh, listen to music that you enjoy, have an at-home beauty day, etc. Work to make yourself feel happy.

Also, take your son on his walks and comfort him. Children are very wise and can sense when something is wrong. He is going to need you, especially since his father is too busy doing everything except being a father.

Use this experience as a teaching and learning tool for yourself. It sounds as if you put him ahead of yourself. Don't ever do that. Don't ever put a man before yourself. Be good to him, but don't put him before yourself.

The important factor is that you are no longer romantically involved with him. Move forward, and nurture yourself and your son.

 

[lilanie]

Sweetie.

Please just lean, hard on your mom and other supportive family members.

Know that he's a jerky jerk jerk (i know it's a cliche, but most are true).

Love that baby like you never have before, and focus on him like you never have before. If you can at some point, enroll in some classes of things that you are interested in, that may take some of your attention off of your situation.

Not an advocate of revenge, but the best version of it is living well. If your body isnt what you'd like, work on it. If your credit is subpar ~ fix it and make it gleam. If you have family relationships that are in need of mending, concentrate on that.

I am sending you a big hug from LA, God Bless you and I am holding you up in prayer...

 

[Curlykale]

Don't let this person poison your present and future. Your brain and heart do not deserve to be drained or intoxicated.

That person will be your past as quickly as now if you allow it: forget him right now. The pain will still be there, accept suffering by knowing it is part of life and a phase, wherever it comes from. But detach the pain from him. That pain doesn't belong to him anymore.

It is only your own pain and only you can heal it: it is a phase that can pass and transform into something so much better.

If it feels difficult to immediately make yourself the center of your life, look at your child closely and you will remember that love heals and it makes things change and blossom. Love is so much bigger than pain.

 

[EricaJoyce]

I know some of the other posters may have said this, but please be strong and don't take him back when he tries to show up in your life again. ( And he will when he realizes that a good woman is in short supply).

Make sure that he takes an active role in his child's life as well. Unless he goes off the deep end and you feel it is unsafe for your.child to be around him, make sure he takes an active role in raising that baby! It is his responsibility as much as it is yours! It scares me that he's talking about being free and clear of responsibility

 

[ashleymichelle1]

Just wanted to give an update..I am doing really good. Much better than when I first posted this.

Now that I am out of that toxic situation and have been able to think clearly I am so happy the relationship is over. I was so unhappy for 3 years..I thought I was crazy but the truth is he is the crazy one!..I was in therapy..taking meds..everything. My ex was very evil and manipulative..he tore me down, abused me and trated me like sh*t and I was so deep in what I though was Love I didn't even realise what was going on and how I was being treated. We had a very passionate relationship w/ very low lows and very high highs & I guess I got that confused for love.

Right now i'm really enjoying my life..getting back to the things that I love and i'm finding myself again. I changed alot of myself to make him happy and to fit his expectations but now I feel FREE! It is tough being a single parent but it gets easier and easier everyday..I Love my son so much and couldn't imagine my life w/o him.

The only thing I hate about my situation is having to see my ex when I drop my son off..whenever I see him my stomach turns he disgusts me so much.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

Glad you are doing better. If you don't have a child support order in place, make sure you get one.

Sent from my HTC Evo

 

[Makenzie]

Just saw this thread today. Glad you are doing much better. What you went through was painful, but honestly, you will have more days where the stress and pain will seem overwhelming. However, you are on the right course. You are beautiful with a beautiful happy baby boy. Continue to focus on all the good in your life. Don't beat yourself up about the past. Things have happened to me that I thought I was to smart to let happen to me. Yeah right! After I got over the shock of it happening, I simply said never again. Learn from your past mistakes, but don't let it keep you down.

You sound like a loving, caring mother. Create a network of trusting people you can talk to. Exercise, keep moving to relieve stress. You will be fine! Also, please know that your ex is not out of the picture sexually/romantically. They always continue to sniff around and test you to see how much they can get away with and far you will let them go. If you shoot them down one day, it doesn't really matter. They'll just try another day. *sigh* Keep strong!

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

uummmph... dis went under my radar.

 

[gn1g]

I've learned much about love and heartache. one thing I can tell you for sure is
One day he will be sooooo sorry he ever did that. ask any 40+ year old man.
the cheating is not about you. Men leave women they love for women they just want, every day.

The choice to forgive or forget is yours. Try YOUR LEVEL BEST to forgive it has everything to do with your future.


Eddie Murphy had a stand up comedy in the 80's in which he explained why men cheat. The get thrilled with there color and have to go see if it works on every other woman.

Hang in there this too will pass, i usually use comedy to ease the pain. rent some really funny comedy movies.

too me it feels like some one took a 12 gage shoot gun and shot a huge whole in my heart. Cry as long and as much as you need to, but try to keep your heart open. Your heart is closed when you have no energy and your breathing is shallow. take care and Pray pray and pray some more, God hears and he cares.

 

[Bublin]

This is the first time i'm reading this thread.
OP, I've been through the exact same thing.

Some of my experiences and advice can be found in this thread
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=630129

In short you need to impliment Low Contact (because you have a child together) as opposed to No Contact where you can completely cut them off like they never existed. The Father of your child is Narcissistic - they are emotional vampires that thrive off your emotions which is why you experienced extremes of highs and lows during the 3years you were with him. When you are happy they intentionally make you sad. When they see you have hit rock bottom they offer you a crumb of affection and you grab it like a drug addict.
I won't go on but every time I see a thread like this I feel a responsibility to really make the OP understand that his behaviour and how you feel is serious. Not your normal boyfriend/girlfriend tiff. Many women have commited suicide over men like him. Their mind games can render a strong woman insane. And that's what you are, strong. They choose strong women because it's more entertaining to see you become a weak, needy, paranoid woman. You need to understand his thought patterns to move on and those patterns are very simple indeed.

I can bet £100 that he had a bad childhood/has no family/very few if any friends. They are all text book. Beware the sob story to get you to feel somewhat sorry for them. Boo hoo, I have no family and I want to have my very own family with you.

Oh and age makes no difference. My ex is 43 years old and still acts the same way. We split 2 years ago. He now has another woman and new baby (just 2 years younger than our dd). He will never change and he thinks the sun shines out of his backside. He hates me with a passion because 1. I survived and moved on and 2. He knows deep down I have figured him - Low Contact is fantatic - they can't stand it when you don't talk/call/text them. The man is rotten to the core and I now feel sorry for him.

Ha ha I said I wouldn't go on but as usual on this topic, I wrote loads.

 

[shenitab]

Focus on yourself and your child. Every day find some time to do something that you want to do whether it's painting your nails, putting on some makeup, reading a book, or watching a movie. You really do have to take care of yourself in order to have enough of "you" available to take care of that child.