he asked for my # and i don't wanna go out with him...!

[LivingDol1]

i went to a party last weekend with friends. i was introduced to a guy and we chatted for a little bit. he wasn't like, amazing but he wasn't horrible. he was just OK. conversation got dull. i told him my friends and i were leaving, and that it was nice to meet him. i said something to the effect of "maybe i'll see you around with (friend) sometime." and then he goes, "well, what's your number?"

he was not flirtatious or anything. got more of a friend vibe. whatever. it was 4 am. he'll proly forget about it and won't call me.

well he called me tonight! and i purposefully didn't answer! then, no voicemail. i was like, "Yes, that means i don't have to call him back!"

ugh, he sent me a text! saying he'd "love to take me out to dinner on saturday, if i'm free."

i'm not into him. and the way he worded it sounds like he finds me attractive and wants to take me out on a date. i don't wanna go on a date! i'm feeling totally anxious and i just sort of want to blow him off.

but he is a friend of my friend's coworker and i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

should i just go out with him? and maybe insist upon paying for my own food? or suggest something like, super casual?!

i totally want to get out there and date... but i'm so not interested in this guy!

i also find this frustrating b/c i feel like i'm shutting down possible friendships by shutting down these guys who ask me on dates right off the bat.

help?

 

[Glamorous_chic]

i say go, and keep it casual. you may end up having fun. if not, you didnt lose anything.

 

[VelvetRain]

If you are not interested why entertain the thought of going out with him just to go out? If you go out with him once he may be interested in seeing you again. Then what are you going to do? Don't waste your time on folks you are not interested in from the outset. That alone wastes everyones time including yours.

 

[Dee Raven]

Is he someone you might consider as a friend?

 

[WhipEffectz1]

You don't wanna go out with him but you wanna keep your stats up huh??!!!

 

[LivingDol1]

Is he someone you might consider as a friend?

he could have friend potential. i mean, i really don't know very much about him. we only talked for like 5 minutes.

i've never turned a potential date into a potential friend. that would be nice though.

honestly, i would rather to just continue to bump into him on occasion when i'm out with mutual friends and get to know him that way. because that's how i naturally make friends within my circles.

i am probably over thinking my approach to meeting a potential date... but i've never been friends with my previous boyfriends prior to dating. dating started based on mutual physical attraction. and i think that's why those relationships didn't work out.

 

[LivingDol1]

You don't wanna go out with him but you wanna keep your stats up huh??!!!

what do you mean by "my stats"?

 

[JollyGal]

Just be honest with him.

Thanks for the invitation but I am not interested.

If he acts a fool when you say this then he is no good for you.

You owe it to yourself to be honest from the get go

 

[LivingDol1]

If you are not interested why entertain the thought of going out with him just to go out? If you go out with him once he may be interested in seeing you again. Then what are you going to do? Don't waste your time on folks you are not interested in from the outset. That alone wastes everyones time including yours.

that's true. but then i think about running into him again with our mutual friends and having it be weird and he'll be like, "Oh yeah, i remember you. the girl who didn't want to go out with me."

like, at least i could go hang out, and if i really don't like him, i could have a better informed decision and he wouldn't be as confused if i decided to not go out with him again.

right? erplexed

 

[Dee Raven]

Well, you definitely should go with your gut instinct, but I think that if you're willing to entertain a friendship with him than you could just tell him if he asked that you're not looking for a relationship right now and maybe segue into friendship.

Good luck with whatever you choose, and don't let this bother you too much. Life's too short.

 

[LivingDol1]

Well, you definitely should go with your gut instinct, but I think that if you're willing to entertain a friendship with him than you could just tell him if he asked that you're not looking for a relationship right now and maybe segue into friendship.

Good luck with whatever you choose, and don't let this bother you too much. Life's too short.

wouldn't it seem kind of presumptuous of me to straight up tell him i'm not looking for a relationship?

i wish there was a service for this sort of thing... like a 3rd party who could relay the info that i'm not looking. like if you google someone you're interested in, that answer would just pop up next to their name.

thanks for your input!!

 

[LisaLisa1908]

So...you gave your number to a dude that you only talked to for five minutes and didn't even like, and now you're thinking about entertaining him?

Stop giving your number to people you're not interested in, and you will avoid this situation in the future. In the meantime, do NOT string him along; I'm sure if the situation was reversed, you wouldn't want to be strung along.

 

[LivingDol1]

So...you gave your number to a dude that you only talked to for five minutes and didn't even like, and now you're thinking about entertaining him?

Stop giving your number to people you're not interested in, and you will avoid this situation in the future. In the meantime, do NOT string him along; I'm sure if the situation was reversed, you wouldn't want to be strung along.

very true. i guess i can't think of a nice way to say no to someone when they ask for my number. i mean, i can think of ways but it usually involves me being rude and laughing in their faces...

... but i'm trying to not be like that.

i guess i will text back and just say sorry i'm not really interested...

ugh! i hope this karma doesn't come and kick me in the a$$! my friend has been trying to set me up and introduce me to guys too...

i'm so abnormal, looking for a situation that doesn't exist. erplexed

 

[laCriolla]

he could have friend potential. i mean, i really don't know very much about him. we only talked for like 5 minutes.

i've never turned a potential date into a potential friend. that would be nice though.

that's true. but then i think about running into him again with our mutual friends and having it be weird

wouldn't it seem kind of presumptuous of me to straight up tell him i'm not looking for a relationship?

I think you should play it like he's a friend:

1. TEXT him back (b/c you wouldn't text a potential date) and say "how about LUNCH SATURDAY" or "LUNCH FRIDAY" (which is better b/c it's limited by work/school or easily 'limited' by a make-believe 'meeting' you have to run to

2. if you dare, even add your mutual friend. "hey! you me and friend should grab lunch friday!! "


if you go alone, keep it friendly and light and (if friday) run to your 'meeting'. if you go w/a friend, keep it fun and he'll already have gotten the message.

that way it's not a DATE DATE -and- you won't have to feel like you shunned him, and he can't say you're evil and won't hate you (but he might be diappointed, or come harder)

if he pushes it, and says something like "i really like you i want to go out with you etc" then you just straight up tell him you're not feeling him like that and you're enjoying the developing friendship.


p.s. - i've done #2 before

 

[laCriolla]

oh- don't go out to dinner w/him on saturday night. saturday night is date night. dinner is a date. it sends mixed messages for the first time you guys go out together, IMO. if he were already just a friend it would be different.

 

[LisaLisa1908]

Why go through all that? Just tell him no and be done with it.

Trust, if HE didn't want to be bothered with her, he wouldn't be. That boy ain't sugar, he won't melt if she turns him down. Matter of fact she's wasting his time if she doesn't.

 

[LivingDol1]

first off, i am excited to say that i learned to "multi-quote"

I think you should play it like he's a friend:

1. TEXT him back (b/c you wouldn't text a potential date) and say "how about LUNCH SATURDAY" or "LUNCH FRIDAY" (which is better b/c it's limited by work/school or easily 'limited' by a make-believe 'meeting' you have to run to

2. if you dare, even add your mutual friend. "hey! you me and friend should grab lunch friday!! "


if you go alone, keep it friendly and light and (if friday) run to your 'meeting'. if you go w/a friend, keep it fun and he'll already have gotten the message.

that way it's not a DATE DATE -and- you won't have to feel like you shunned him, and he can't say you're evil and won't hate you (but he might be diappointed, or come harder)

if he pushes it, and says something like "i really like you i want to go out with you etc" then you just straight up tell him you're not feeling him like that and you're enjoying the developing friendship.


p.s. - i've done #2 before

all of this sounds great b/c i would like to avoid the bolded.

oh- don't go out to dinner w/him on saturday night. saturday night is date night. dinner is a date. it sends mixed messages for the first time you guys go out together, IMO. if he were already just a friend it would be different.

yes, saturday night dinner screams "date" and i am so not interested in that. i only talked to him for 5 minutes and conversation came to a lame stand still. i'm not going to sit with him for 90 minutes pushing my food around my plate...

Why go through all that? Just tell him no and be done with it.

Trust, if HE didn't want to be bothered with her, he wouldn't be. That boy ain't sugar, he won't melt if she turns him down. Matter of fact she's wasting his time if she doesn't.

but then i read this and i'm like.... screw it... why bother?

i know i feel sort of mean about already giving him my number, but i shouldn't. life is life... my gut tells me i'm not interested in a formal date. and he sort of blew it by asking me on a date. i don't think i can go back and say "hey, let's go hang out with friends!" and then pretend that he doesn't want to take me on a date...

i am not one for mixed signals.

 

[moonglowdiva]

i went to a party last weekend with friends. i was introduced to a guy and we chatted for a little bit. he wasn't like, amazing but he wasn't horrible. he was just OK. conversation got dull. i told him my friends and i were leaving, and that it was nice to meet him. i said something to the effect of "maybe i'll see you around with (friend) sometime." and then he goes, "well, what's your number?"

he was not flirtatious or anything. got more of a friend vibe. whatever. it was 4 am. he'll proly forget about it and won't call me.

well he called me tonight! and i purposefully didn't answer! then, no voicemail. i was like, "Yes, that means i don't have to call him back!"

ugh, he sent me a text! saying he'd "love to take me out to dinner on saturday, if i'm free."

i'm not into him. and the way he worded it sounds like he finds me attractive and wants to take me out on a date. i don't wanna go on a date! i'm feeling totally anxious and i just sort of want to blow him off.

but he is a friend of my friend's coworker and i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

should i just go out with him? and maybe insist upon paying for my own food? or suggest something like, super casual?!

i totally want to get out there and date... but i'm so not interested in this guy!

i also find this frustrating b/c i feel like i'm shutting down possible friendships by shutting down these guys who ask me on dates right off the bat.

help?

@ bolded I have told men this and it perhaps work. One man asked me for my number and I knew I wasn't interested so I kindly explained to him that I do not give my number out to strangers and if he wanted it he would have to find it. He must do some investigations. He said well take my number, I said uhmm no, I do not take the number of strange men. He was standing there is shock. I gave him a big smile and got in my car and walked away.

@ the rest, If you don't want to go out with him then don't. Explain it to him and he should understand. But if you didn't want to date him in the beginning then why did you give him your number. You don't have to give out your number to men just because they ask.

If you aren't interest tell him that.

 

[BlkHoneyLuv2U]

OP, your first mistake was giving him your number. If its someone I'm not really interested in or dont really know tht well and they ask for my number, I always say give me yours an I will call you.......then I accidently on purpose lose that number.

 

[Carrie A]

Maybe he'll look better in the daylight. You said he wasn't horrible, not repulsive just not amazing. There's a great spectrum between horrible and amazing. Why not make it an early lunch "date". Take the romance out of it and just take a second look. Find out a little about him. After that, if you still feel the same then tell him there are no sparks for you and part ways.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Maybe he'll look better in the daylight. You said he wasn't horrible, not repulsive just not amazing. There a great spectrum between horrible and amazing. Why not make it an early lunch "date". Take the romance out of it and just take a second look. Find out a little about him. After that, if you still feel the same then tell him there are no sparks for you and part ways.

I agree with Carrie.

I say that if this guy doesn't repulse you, and his personality or looks don't make you want to hide under a paper bag, then I think you should at least give him ONE chance. Who knows?? He might actually be a nice guy!

It's not everyday that you find a guy who asks for your number upfront, and actually CALLS and plans a date with you more than 3 days in advance. Hmmm!! :scratchch This guy must really be interested!!

I say give him a chance. Who knows...maybe sparks won't fly, but perhaps you would have at least a little more to go by other than "he was boring". You only spent 5 minutes talking to him...that's not a lot. Plus, some guys end up being very genuinely GOOD guys who are really interested in a woman, and they know how to treat a woman right. So, you just never know!

I've started to like a guy simply because he was NICE to me and treated me well. It was completely obvious he was into me too. I didn't feel anything for him at first, but just the fact that he was a gentleman and was trying his best to impress me and make me feel comfortable made me see him in a new light. :scratchch Now if the guy starts acting weird, or you find out more about him and he shows some RED FLAGS, then swiftly end the date and say that you thought you would give him a chance, but after getting to know him a little you realize that he's not really what you're looking for. Syanora!

So, one date doesn't mean you have to marry the dude! LOL!!

 

[Bachelorette]

i am probably over thinking my approach to meeting a potential date... but i've never been friends with my previous boyfriends prior to dating. dating started based on mutual physical attraction. and i think that's why those relationships didn't work out.

I learned this last year myself. Do You. Turn it to a casual friendship(of course if he wants more, let him know the truth) or just dont go at all. Good luck

 

[jada1111]

wouldn't it seem kind of presumptuous of me to straight up tell him i'm not looking for a relationship?

i wish there was a service for this sort of thing... like a 3rd party who could relay the info that i'm not looking. like if you google someone you're interested in, that answer would just pop up next to their name.

thanks for your input!!

No it wouldn't.

I recently had to do this with someone when my gut instincts were telling me in the beginning NOT to give him my number. He eventually stopped calling me when I didn't return his calls. He just seemed to eager for my tastes. Men who ask you out are not looking to be "friends" in the literal sense. They either want a relationship or sex, no in betweens, unless he's gay.

Back in the day I would give guys fake numbers all the time, because I knew I would never see them again. Today once you give them your cell number they immediately start punching it in, calling you to make sure it's you, so you can't get away with the dishonesty.

Just because it's a friend of a co-worker doesn't mean you have to go out with the person. If you're not interested then you're not interested.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

No it wouldn't.

Back in the day I would give guys fake numbers all the time, because I knew I would never see them again. Today once you give them your cell number they immediately start punching it in, calling you to make sure it's you, so you can't get away with the dishonesty.
Just because it's a friend of a co-worker doesn't mean you have to go out with the person. If you're not interested then you're not interested.

UGH I know! I hate that!

I've known some guys to immediately call my cell after I give them my digits so that they can make SURE it's really MY number they are calling, and so that I can then in turn have "their number" (so they say ).

Ugh...technology...

 

[BrownieBrie]

I say suggest something super casual, pay for you own food and make it clear you want him as a friend. You may have a good time.
My approach with guys is this: Be clear about how I feel, but don't shut people out arbitrarally (sp?) because you never know where this might go.

 

[LivingDol1]

I agree with Carrie.

I say that if this guy doesn't repulse you, and his personality or looks don't make you want to hide under a paper bag, then I think you should at least give him ONE chance. Who knows?? He might actually be a nice guy!

It's not everyday that you find a guy who asks for your number upfront, and actually CALLS and plans a date with you more than 3 days in advance. Hmmm!! :scratchch This guy must really be interested!!

I say give him a chance. Who knows...maybe sparks won't fly, but perhaps you would have at least a little more to go by other than "he was boring". You only spent 5 minutes talking to him...that's not a lot. Plus, some guys end up being very genuinely GOOD guys who are really interested in a woman, and they know how to treat a woman right. So, you just never know!

I've started to like a guy simply because he was NICE to me and treated me well. It was completely obvious he was into me too. I didn't feel anything for him at first, but just the fact that he was a gentleman and was trying his best to impress me and make me feel comfortable made me see him in a new light. :scratchch Now if the guy starts acting weird, or you find out more about him and he shows some RED FLAGS, then swiftly end the date and say that you thought you would give him a chance, but after getting to know him a little you realize that he's not really what you're looking for. Syanora!

So, one date doesn't mean you have to marry the dude! LOL!!

yeah, i know. guys don't usually plan dates so far in advance. in other situations, that would be great but in this case, it's sort of a turn off because i do not know him well enough to consider spending part of my saturday night with him.

speaking of guys who are nice and treat you well, i am realizing i have a crush on some another guy who is a total 10 and is the nicest person and has always been respectable and sweet. of course, even though he's my friend, i think he's out of my league...

so i'm sort of distracted...

i don't want to go out with this 5 minute guy. i don't want to settle for so-so because "he might be fun". i'm going with my gut.

now, the question is, do i just not answer his text or do i straight up say i'm not interested in dating right now? sometimes the latter can hurt someone's feelings. or i guess both suck...

 

[jerseygurl]

ITA with LaCriolla and Carrie, see if you can turn it into a lunch and keep it light and casual. You might see him in a different light. But if you still feel the same way, just let him know upfront that you aren't interested in a relationship.

Anyway good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[CurliDiva]

I gave my number to a guy last night that I'm not interested in, my only excuse was that I was tired and I was not paying attention until it was too late.

We've talked before just as "friend to friend", but he seemed to have got hyped when he got the digitals....metioning how "I should come over to his place to help him decorate because it needs a woman's touch"! Argg....

I forecast a weekend of "NO ANSWERING MY CELL" in my near future, but it is my fault for just not just saying NO when he asked.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I gave my number to a guy last night that I'm not interested in, my only excuse was that I was tired and I was not paying attention until it was too late.

We've talked before just as "friend to friend", but he seemed to have got hyped when he got the digitals....metioning how "I should come over to his place to help him decorate because it needs a woman's touch"! Argg....

I forecast a weekend of "NO ANSWERING MY CELL" in my near future, but it is my fault for just not just saying NO when he asked.

I know... I do the same thing too.

I always try to give some guys the benefit of a doubt and give them my number especially if we met through mutual friends. If he seems nice I don't mind. YOu just never know!

Plus, I always feel kind of bad for guys because I know it takes a lot of courage to come up to a strange woman and ask for her number. I wouldn't want to have to be in that position. So, sometimes I just do it to be nice.

But now if it's a guy I can't stand, or I don't know him from Adam...then he's not getting my number at ALL.

yeah, i know. guys don't usually plan dates so far in advance. in other situations, that would be great but in this case, it's sort of a turn off because i do not know him well enough to consider spending part of my saturday night with him.

speaking of guys who are nice and treat you well, i am realizing i have a crush on some another guy who is a total 10 and is the nicest person and has always been respectable and sweet. of course, even though he's my friend, i think he's out of my league...

so i'm sort of distracted...

i don't want to go out with this 5 minute guy. i don't want to settle for so-so because "he might be fun". i'm going with my gut.

now, the question is, do i just not answer his text or do i straight up say i'm not interested in dating right now? sometimes the latter can hurt someone's feelings. or i guess both suck...

Well, since it seems like you aren't even open to doing a lunch date with him, maybe you should just tell him upfront that you're not really interested, or that you're kind of "talking" to someone else right now (coward's route). Otherwise, I'm thinking he'll try to continue to call you and text you if you just ignore him.

Honestly, if I were you I would do the lunch date thing. Or...maybe you guys can do something FUN together as a small "group" where he comes with his friends, and you come with yours. That way there's no "pressure" to pair off, and you can observe him from afar. You may see that he has a sense of humor, or that since there's no "pressure" you can relax and actually get to know him. I don't know how old you are, but maybe you could just tell him you would feel more comfortable in a group first if he wants to know you. You just met him once and you spoke to him for five minutes. But if this guy was really repulsive to you (gosh, he must have made little babies scream in horror! ) then I would just be upfront and honest with him.

I usually give a guy at least ONE chance especially if when I met him he was nice, respectful and decent-looking (even if he was a little boring). You just never know!

That OTHER cutie you're interested in...has he expressed any interest in you?? If so, GO for it girl!! If NOT however....then I wouldn't think too much of him just yet.

Trust me.... I had to learn the hard way unfortunately that sometimes (sad to say) it's best to give the guys who already think that you're "wonderful" a chance FIRST, instead of trying to convince, or hope that the one YOU'RE eyeing will one day recognize how "great" you are.

 

[Carrie A]

i don't want to go out with this 5 minute guy. i don't want to settle for so-so because "he might be fun". i'm going with my gut.

now, the question is, do i just not answer his text or do i straight up say i'm not interested in dating right now? sometimes the latter can hurt someone's feelings. or i guess both suck...

I would respond and say you are not interested but thank you for the invitation.
But that's just me....I'm in a 12 step program for Nice Chickalism.