He abuses me, but I can't leave....

[Shinka]

I have been in a situation where I was mentally abused. It took me about a year to leave that situation. This is after it almost escalated to violence and I attempted to stab my husband ( luckily I didn't ruin my life because of his demeaning ways).

I just wanted to make a PSA post as to why some women just don't LEAVE. I can't find the official stat, but I was recently taught as a Domestic Violence Coordinator that a woman will attempt to leave 7-9 times before she completely leaves an abusive relationship. Keep in mind, that some women never leave.

I just hope we can all be aware of the signs and the complexities of Domestic Violence.

There's something called battered women's syndrome. What is it?

Battered women's syndrome is similar to "learned helplessness". When a woman is in conditions that undermine her self-esteem, questions her judgment, and terrorizes her, she may be unable to take actions that seem to be in her power. She may behave with seeming illogic, or act out violently. Battered Women’s Syndrome is a hotly debated issue in the mental health community. Professionals question whether women should be labeled with a mental health diagnosis when they are simply responding "naturally" to outrageous conditions.
Battered women’s syndrome happens to many people in environments where there is constant fear, terror, and uncertainty about their well-being. In the case of battered women’s syndrome, a woman can develop a pattern of leaving the batterer and going back, again and again. People who are trying to help the battered woman (friends and family) can find themselves becoming very frustrated with the woman who does this.
A thing to remember about these women is the batterer has told her again and again that he loves her. This is her companion, best friend, and person she spends her life with. To face that she cannot be safe from that person is often a very hard thing to accept.
Some women may say, "Well, he only did it when he drank. He was acting that way because of some things I did or said. If I change things just a little bit he might stop. He just got laid off from his job and he was depressed, and that's why he's acting out this way. Once he gets a job he'll stop." There is always a "reason", and of course these are all excuses; it doesn't matter what the reason, he doesn’t have the right to put his hands on her. This is the key. It’s very hard sometimes for women who are caught up in these situations to be clear about that.

Many people aren’t aware how tough it is for women to leave men in this culture. If she doesn't have money, access to an automobile, a job, or child care, it can be very hard for a woman to separate from a man. It can become a woman’s attitude to keep taking the abuse to survive, and someday, things will be okay. This cultural piece combined with the other parts of battered women's syndrome can make it pretty hard for a woman to actually leave.​

For other FAQ about Battered Women and Domestic Violence: http://www.allaboutcounseling.com/domestic_violence.htm#theressomething

 

[Ladybelle]

It's real, it's very real. Thanks for sharing!! The hardest thing is for the woman to realize she is being abused.

 

[Eritreladiee]

Its such a shame that you and so many other women have/have had to go through this.

I remember the first time I heard about battered women's syndrome was when a woman used it as her legal defense. She was abused by her husband and one day in the middle of the night she killed him. She couldn't claim self defense because he was asleep. And I'm not sure how well that held up in court

 

[jada1111]

Its such a shame that you and so many other women have/have had to go through this.

I remember the first time I heard about battered women's syndrome was when a woman used it as her legal defense. She was abused by her husband and one day in the middle of the night she killed him. She couldn't claim self defense because he was asleep. And I'm not sure how well that held up in court

The first time I heard about it was in the movie the BURNING BED. Farrah Fawcett played a woman that was battered by her husband time after time until one night, she just said f__k it. She poured gasoline on him while he was passed out drunk in the bed (after beating her for the upteenth time), lit that *itch with a match, ran outside to the car where she had already placed her kids and watched it burn.

Too bad it had to get to that point though, but when a woman's had enough.....

 

[changingSeasons]

Thanks for the post.

Its really sad how many women hide this and cant talk about it, because people dont understand the psychological aspect.

 

[LBoogie85]

It's real, it's very real. Thanks for sharing!! The hardest thing is for the woman to realize she is being abused.

This is so true, especially when a woman doesn't have a support system (family/friends) to help her see the abuse.

 

[kismettt]

i HATE when people say women are "stupid" or other derogatory names for not leaving.

ty for this post