gymfreak336
New Member
Just asking. I am currently in college and I live with my boyfriend. We have lived together for almost a year. Did anyone here live with a boyfriend in college or even now?
Has anyone lived with a boyfriend?
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Sosoothing
Well-Known Member
I lived with my hubby before we got married. Looking back I wish we didnt do it.
Arcadian
New Member
SO and I live together (yes we live in sin
) It takes a lot of give and take when you live with someone.
Its a lot of work, and yes, SO gets on that last nerve. There's times where you have to let certain things slide to keep the peace, and they have to do the same.
If you don't talk about your roles and responsibilities beforehand, I do not recommend you just live with your man/woman/other. Talk things out, especially about money and who pays what. Don't ever leave that up to chance because that can make or break a relationship.
Also, you have to continue to talk about things as each of your needs change. It no longer is just about you anymore, and each person in that relationship has to have a definite mindshift in that direction in order to make things as painless as possible.
HTH
-A
) It takes a lot of give and take when you live with someone. Its a lot of work, and yes, SO gets on that last nerve. There's times where you have to let certain things slide to keep the peace, and they have to do the same.
If you don't talk about your roles and responsibilities beforehand, I do not recommend you just live with your man/woman/other. Talk things out, especially about money and who pays what. Don't ever leave that up to chance because that can make or break a relationship.
Also, you have to continue to talk about things as each of your needs change. It no longer is just about you anymore, and each person in that relationship has to have a definite mindshift in that direction in order to make things as painless as possible.
HTH
-A
ThursdayGirl
Well-Known Member
Cichelle said:
Howso? I am contemplating this in the months before me and the FI get married .
Sosoothing
Well-Known Member
TSUprincess04 said:
Well....we went through some things which would not have been an issue if we didnt live together before getting married. It works for some and doesnt work for others. And I hope it works out for you.
Cichelle
Well-Known Member
ThursdayGirl said:
I can't say it is the correct thing for everyone. It was just the right thing for us. There were certain issues and etc. that needed to be discovered and worked out BEFORE we got married. If it had happened the other way around it would not have been good. So, needless to say, I'd do it all over again the exact same way.
FloridaSunshine
New Member
Don't do it!!!! Never have and glad that I didn't. Marriage is hard enough and when you live together before you are married, you get drama pure and simple!! I have had to listen to too many girlfriends crying their hearts out when things don't work out and they are stuck with bills that the two made while they were living together while he has moved on to the next move in.
Besides me and my husband laugh about the things we didn't know about each other before we got married that we know now...
Besides me and my husband laugh about the things we didn't know about each other before we got married that we know now...
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
For those who regret it...Why? What is the difference if you wound up married anyway?
I've done it once, way back when.... we were engaged and living together. However, we did not wind up getting married. We broke up...I always thought living together had everthing to do with it.
Also, I have been with my current bf for the last 5 to 6 years. I dont want to live with him until we get married. I look forward to the pleasant surprises and new thrills of sharing a home together as a married couple. I dont want to have to wake up on my wedding day in the same house to go and get ready for a wedding.
I've done it once, way back when.... we were engaged and living together. However, we did not wind up getting married. We broke up...I always thought living together had everthing to do with it.
Also, I have been with my current bf for the last 5 to 6 years. I dont want to live with him until we get married. I look forward to the pleasant surprises and new thrills of sharing a home together as a married couple. I dont want to have to wake up on my wedding day in the same house to go and get ready for a wedding.
seeminglysweet
New Member
FloridaSunshine said:
Having never lived with a boyfriend I'm not sure that you can suggest to people to not do it. (Don't take that the wrong way, I'm not trying to be a b*itch.)
I currently live with my SO, we have lived together for 3 years. We have been in a relationship for 7. I dont think it is something you should jump into but I do not regret the way we choose to live. We have the most fun on late night rides to 7-eleven or just laying around together in OUR bed watching a movie. I think that things dont work out in relationships for various reasons and the blame can not be placed simply on the fact that two people lived under the same roof.
As far as bills go, I have my bills and he has his. We split rent and all utilities in half and we dont have any drama. Thats the way bills should be handled until two people are married.
I think that two years is really the "hump" in any relationship. I wouldn't live with someone before being together for at least two years. Both people have to be fully committed and not trying to throw out the other person at every little arguement.
It's not all sunshine and rainbows but I very much enjoy living with my SO and I am not a woman who lives to be "all up under" a man.
Blu217
Well-Known Member
What's the difference IF you wind up married... the IF is the big part. I didn't end up married... but I also didn't exactly intend to end up with a man under my roof, either.
Living together, to me, seemed like commitment without commitment. And if and when you break up... man, you think it's hard breaking up when he lives across town, try it when he's taking his ish out of the place you shared and leaving while you're in a sobbing/raging/etc. mess on the floor. Not only was my heart empty, but now my house, my formerly safe and personal and private space felt empty and haunted, too. For years after he was gone I'd find things here or there that would remind me of him. It's too tough when you or he leaves, and God forbid he should cheat on you, especially in the place you share together.
My personal feeling is that if you aren't married, don't bother letting him have that much access to you or your space. It could be quite costly to you in the long run if it doesn't work out in your favor.
Living together, to me, seemed like commitment without commitment. And if and when you break up... man, you think it's hard breaking up when he lives across town, try it when he's taking his ish out of the place you shared and leaving while you're in a sobbing/raging/etc. mess on the floor. Not only was my heart empty, but now my house, my formerly safe and personal and private space felt empty and haunted, too. For years after he was gone I'd find things here or there that would remind me of him. It's too tough when you or he leaves, and God forbid he should cheat on you, especially in the place you share together.
My personal feeling is that if you aren't married, don't bother letting him have that much access to you or your space. It could be quite costly to you in the long run if it doesn't work out in your favor.
mermaid
Well-Known Member
That happens in marriage too, except then you have the extra heartache of a marriage vow down the toilet, the hideous expense of a divorce PLUS the division of community property- rarely is it as simple as moving the SO out of the house (or you out of his), it can drag for years.Blu217 said:
Been there, done it, paid the legal bills....
MizAvalon
Well-Known Member
Yes, I lived with a boyfriend for 4 years. In our case it was a very positive experience. We both had come straight from our parents homes and learned a lot about being in an adult relationship. We eventually broke up after about 5 years, but living together had nothing to do with that.
Now that I'm older and have lived alone for so long, though my other experience was positive, I wouldn't live with someone again unless we were engaged. I like living alone, so there's no reason to live with anyone.
My ex and I never had any intentions to marry but I always tell younger women who WANT to be married that if they live with their boyfriend there is a pretty good chance that they won't end up married to them.
I'm talking about that "let's live together with no end in sight" type of thing.
Now that I'm older and have lived alone for so long, though my other experience was positive, I wouldn't live with someone again unless we were engaged. I like living alone, so there's no reason to live with anyone.
My ex and I never had any intentions to marry but I always tell younger women who WANT to be married that if they live with their boyfriend there is a pretty good chance that they won't end up married to them.
I'm talking about that "let's live together with no end in sight" type of thing.
I lived with my current husband for 5 years before we got married in 2000. It has its ups and downs as to be expected when living with another person in general.
What I didn't like was his friends visiting our place. I didn't like them very much.
If you decide to do so, get a place that offers a short term lease may be 6 months so you could test the waters & see how things would work out.
What I didn't like was his friends visiting our place. I didn't like them very much.
If you decide to do so, get a place that offers a short term lease may be 6 months so you could test the waters & see how things would work out.
comike
Well-Known Member
Nope....Not into playing house. I want to enjoy my singleness as long as I can. Living with a nothing grown individual ain't no joke, ain't no fairytale. I figure if you want to do all that, why not just get married. If issues arise, whatever they may be, I would be more willing to work them out as a married couple rather than as two unmarried individuals.
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sky_blu
Well-Known Member
I think living together before marriage has it benefits because you see how the persons lives and all of their bad habits. If he cleans up after himself, where he puts his smelly socks, does he snore, etc. You see their "true" person because when your around them that often they can't hide anything. My mom was once engaged and after her then fiance (who I really didnt care for) moved it within the year that was OVER. She finally saw what I had been seeing all along.
Personally, Im on the fence about moving in before marriage and just living with someone period. Not sure if I would or wouldn't. I like my space and when I need a breather, him going home will do me just fine. Im just very private and I need to zone out sometimes without someone in my face all the time.
Personally, Im on the fence about moving in before marriage and just living with someone period. Not sure if I would or wouldn't. I like my space and when I need a breather, him going home will do me just fine. Im just very private and I need to zone out sometimes without someone in my face all the time.
clarity2008
New Member
Yes I live w/ my SO. FOR ME, it was a must. We had been together for a little over a year and then decided to move in together. I want to know what I am dealing with BEFORE I get married! Kinda like a trial run. LOL
Highly Favored8
Well-Known Member
Yes, and we broke up.
sky_blu
Well-Known Member
I already posted but I wanted to ask this, would you marry someone if they didnt want to live with you before marriage? I was talking to my cousin and she's been with her boyfriend for I think at least 3 years but she wants to move in with him but he doesnt want to live with her.
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