Divake22
New Member
Personally my antennae go up when I sense I may be the third wheel, and I run girl. I make up my nice excuses and I refuse to be in that position. It is a terrible feeling that I try my best to avoid. My point is that if you don't think of yourself as the third wheel you will avoid those situations or if you end up in them you remove yourself as quickly as possible.
Hairlove, you only need to change one thing: how you think about yourself in relation to others. Your feelings are as important as anybody elses. If you are unhappy or uncomfortable having certain conversations it is okay to say I'm sorry I wish I could be there for you but this conversation is making me sad. You say oh John will be joining us for lunch? You guys have fun, let me know when you're free to hang out or go to lunch with me, I really do enjoy your company. You make it clear to friends that your feelings matter, you make it clear that you have feelings, you make it clear that you are going to protect your happiness. You make it clear that you love them but not more than you love yourself.
You will be surprised that if you tell people things nicely and firmly that they will try to abide and if not like I always say then that's good to know cuz I'm wasting my precious time and energy on someone who does not care about me. I guess I'm saying that you are likely toooo nice to other people and not nice enough to yourself. Treat yourself the way you'd hope others would treat you. Or another way, be as nice (or nicer) to yourself as you are to others.
You are your keeper babygirl, protect your happiness and peace of mind. And it's not your fault your friend sprung her jealous boyfriend on you, just do like you said and don't do it anymore. Don't think oh I don't want to hurt her feelings, I don't want her to think I am jealous. Think I don't want to be a third wheel, I am nobody's third wheel. My company is nice, my girlfriend should be able to have lunch with me and be satisfied. I'm not happy in that situation so I'm not going to put myself in that position. Use the word "I" more often, the more you do it, the easier it will get. After a while saying no, gets easier and easier.
A really good friend of mine taught me a few years ago how tough I could be. She said we know you are nice, everybody knows you are nice, but there is also another side to you. Sometimes you have to express that side.
Excellent post! If my girlfriend always need her man around to be with me, then there is something wrong in the friendship.
