Has anyone ever made these type of comments to you before?

[Miss_Luna]

I am SOO tired of these comments. That lady needs to mind her own business.

This past week at a family member's funeral I was holding my cousins' baby. Another cousin made the comment "You're always holding someone's baby. Don't you think it's time for you to have your own?", but in a ::suck your teeth, roll your eyes sort of way::erplexed

I pointed to my ring finger and walked away. I'm single, I go out often, I have a career, my own place, and I enjoy my life. My cousin whose baby I was holding is about 22, not married, lives at her grandmother's, and while I love her dearly, she was eight months pregnant still buying Newports.

I live life on my own schedule and so should you.

 

[Maracujá]

OP, about that lady who said the slick remark....does she have a man?

Are you talking about T? Yes she has a man, she's married and has one daughter. She constantly complains about how hard it is to be a mom and deep down inside I think she hates it, but she still doesn't miss a chance to remind others that they don't have a man or a kid. Like we have an older co-worker who is in her 50-60's who doesn't have children but is married and I remember one day T was like: she has an easy life, she has no children! That really upset me because my personal opinion is that we all make decisions in life, that is her decision, it's no one's business.

 

[chelseatiara]

I got the "your eating alot/ask for weird combos of food, you must be pregnant" all through high school. I was like no im just hungry/picky-cant a girl go through puberty with having sex?!!

 

[mrselle]

Are you talking about T? Yes she has a man, she's married and has one daughter. She constantly complains about how hard it is to be a mom and deep down inside I think she hates it, but she still doesn't miss a chance to remind others that they don't have a man or a kid. Like we have an older co-worker who is in her 50-60's who doesn't have children but is married and I remember one day T was like: she has an easy life, she has no children! That really upset me because my personal opinion is that we all make decisions in life, that is her decision, it's no one's business.

Sounds like she is unhappy with the choices she made in life. That doesn't excuse the rude comment though. You could talk to her, but she would probably laugh it off and say something like, "Girl, I was just kidding." When you get too close to co-workers they begin to feel like they can say anything to you.

During my freshman year one of my cousin asked me if I was pregnant yet. He followed up his question with, "You look like someone who would go off to college and get pregnant your freshman year." He was young and it was obvious that was a comment he heard someone else make about me.

 

[Guitarhero]

T: I wonder who is gonna be pregnant next?
A: Me too!
Me: Yeah me too, probably one of y'all lol.
T: Nah won't be me, I already got two at home: my DH and my lil girl. It'll probably be you, you'll show up here with a baby bump and no man around.
Me: No that won't happen.

I found those comments to be mean and hurtful, how you just goin' to assume someone will end up being a babymama? Whatever! Has anyone ever made these types of comments to you before? How did you react?

Weren't the other ladies married? Yes, that is mean and racist, imho. How could one assume what another's morals are? And yes, it's happened to me before, a variety of times but said differently. It all amounts to the same. It still happens to me as a divorcee...with people at our church giving you that "I assume you were always single with children." Nope. I've had people spying no ring on my finger during mass...as if they are supposed to be wondering what I'm doing. I hate people sometimes.


ETA: I had to go back because I had first trimmed your quote...they weren't married. But then again, why is that a subject at work? I know it's obvious but this is why gossip always turns into something negative...they just assumed something about you.... They need to perform their duties then go home.

 

[WhipEffectz1]

And I would have told her, "I doubt that dear. Don't assume that just because you slipped and fell on a man!" And then I would have laughed my Eddie Murphy Beverly Hills Cop laugh. That would have offended her and made me instantly feel better.

 

[MzLady78]

I am SOO tired of these comments. That lady needs to mind her own business.

This past week at a family member's funeral I was holding my cousins' baby. Another cousin made the comment "You're always holding someone's baby. Don't you think it's time for you to have your own?", but in a ::suck your teeth, roll your eyes sort of way::erplexed

I pointed to my ring finger and walked away. I'm single, I go out often, I have a career, my own place, and I enjoy my life. My cousin whose baby I was holding is about 22, not married, lives at her grandmother's, and while I love her dearly, she was eight months pregnant still buying Newports.

I live life on my own schedule and so should you.

Da hell? I'd have asked her why she's so concerned with MY uterus.

People really need to learn to stay in their lane, SMDH.

 

[anon123]

No, no one has, thank goodness. That was totally out of pocket. What is her problem?

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Sorry to hear that. I'd watch out for her...because even though you say you're cool...she just revealed that she has ill intentions for you to you. I'm sure she's not sitting around plotting your pregnancy but she really doesn't want good things to happen to you. Because the no man in sight, from the way that she says it, wasn't meant in a well wishes way.

 

[chelseatiara]

I remember the last time my mom was pregnant and people were gettin on her and she looked at me and said "it wont be long till im just like her" smh i dont think so

 

[softblackcotton]

I've had people assume I should be pregnant or have couple kids by now since I am a young, black woman only 26 (as of tomorrow). These same people who assume also know I have never been married or even ever brought a steady guy around. They assume this even though they know I am on my way to medical school. People just expect most black women to be single mothers.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

^^^ Yeah but they had a man insight (all of them or most from what she's saying) so why would they assume different for her?

I get what you're saying, though, I just don't think it applies here because I've definitely had a few people say,
Them "nokids you ain't got nokids"

Me No

Them: Not even one?

Me: What did I just say?


...but I don't think that's the case here. Basically they expect to have SO and DH because that's the majority in the office (or their area) meanwhile why does she have to be different? Nah, that was a definite comment with negative intent.

 

[negrita desesperada]

OP, believe you got yourself a hater. People who put 'bad mouth' ( its a southern term that means to say or wish something bad upon you ) on you like that are usually jealous.

 

[Bmack]

First off, she is a damn fool, and I would have read her so sweetly! Whew.

Secondly is everyone reading the OP's initial response right? I ask because the issue is not that she does not/ or will be the next person pregnant.

It is the fact that that fool at her job made a state that NO MAN WILL BE AROUND. So, she is basically saying OP will be a statistic, single mother.

 

[Maracujá]

Thanks for all the advice ladies, I'm def gonna watch out for her from now on, I'm on my LOA thang so I do not need this type of negativity to be honest.

 

[Imani]

I get the "you ain't got no kids??? At 27? Really???" But someone specifically stating that they think I would actually have a baby by someone I'm not married to...no. If even if they think, no body has the balls to actually spell it out like that.

I think its sad, that black people are much more likely to ask me when am I going to have some kids rather than when are you going to get married? Its like marriage is an afterthought in our culture.

 

[karezone]

I think that they say those type of things because they are jealous. Sad I know, but they want you to be in their same situation. At my job I am the only black female there that does not have a child. I don't see one in my immediate future, but if I show up at work and act like I don't feel well that is the first thing they say.

I just ignore them or say, "Books before boy, because boys make babies."

They think that it is wrong but so far it has worked for me. I finished my Bachelors before having children and I plan on finishing my Masters before I can be a Mama.

 

[justicefighter1913]

I think that comment was rude too! I'm like some of the other commenters who mentioned that they make sure to add that they'll have to get a husband first. I'm the exact same way. When I mention having a husband first, boy oh boy, that seems to magically change the tone of the conversation. I don't pay those folks any mind anyway though.

 

[DrC]

I get the "you ain't got no kids??? At 27? Really???" But someone specifically stating that they think I would actually have a baby by someone I'm not married to...no. If even if they think, no body has the balls to actually spell it out like that.

I think its sad, that black people are much more likely to ask me when am I going to have some kids rather than when are you going to get married? Its like marriage is an afterthought in our culture.

According to some old friends of mine, its "The Norm". erplexed

 

[Maracujá]

She at it again y'all Imma call this ROUND 2

So today T and my supervisor were having a conversation after our break. They then start talking about how much we earn:

S: I can't complain, I make some good money.
T: Well I can't complain either, I don't earn very well but we've got two incomes. Maracuja on the other hand...
M: I can't complain either. You may have two incomes coming in but you also have a mouth to feed which I don't.
T: Oh...

Ladies, I just do not understand how someone can be this insecure about their life and hate/look down on others like this. They then went on to talk about how they have purchased homes and all that (they're both around my age btw), they didn't overtly say so but they were implicating that renting is just dumb. One day I would like to purchase a home too but right now I'm just working on my degree.

 

[ThickHair]

Pay them broads no mind, they are just miserable. That is the only reason why they are talking like that. First it was about kids, now it is about pay and a home. They really need to stay out of your pocket. Don't say anything because any response they will have some type of cheesy comeback.

As a homeowner, I wish I could go back to apt living, no lie. Homeownership is not what it is all cracked up to be.

 

[Maracujá]

^^I now know for a fact that T is miserable, there is no way in hell you would spend so much time worrying about someone else's social status

 

[MizAvalon]

Wow, incredibly rude.

 

[PrincessKia]

Maracujá, you may need to tell them a little something about themselves or at least tell them their boundaries. Sometimes people don't know so they feel like they can discuss anything with you and it's not out of line.

 

[southerncitygirl]

Maracujá,
you work with some toxic arsed people, keep your distance from them! i hate when folks assume stuff about you or try to get all yo bidness this woman is so incredibly rude, somehow i wonder if she is jealous or envious of you. everything that glitters isn't gold and she could be miserable at home, but acting like things are great at home while at work. i find that people who take jabs at people to make themselves feel better tend to be quite insecure and raggedy on some level. they would rather pick you apart than bettering themselves.
motherhood and home ownership aren't always what they are cracked up to be, some very wise older women told me these things:
never have anymore children than can envision taking care of by yourself, no matter how much you love your husband and how well things are working out.
if your smart you'll have only 1, but if you're even smarter you won't have any.

if you want to have children i commend you for trying to better yourself financially and on a educational level......its will make for less stress for you and your future husband and you'll be able to provide your child with the best of everything as your income sees fit. keep your head held high,girlie!

 

[phynestone]

Sorry to hear that. I'd watch out for her...because even though you say you're cool...she just revealed that she has ill intentions for you to you. I'm sure she's not sitting around plotting your pregnancy but she really doesn't want good things to happen to you. Because the no man in sight, from the way that she says it, wasn't meant in a well wishes way.

ITA!

I've dealt with people like that on the job and all I can say is that they are miserable.

 

[Almaz]

Wow this is one rude insecure nosey arse Trifflin Garden tool

I'd be like all nutrasweet OH honey YOU look SOOOO TIRED today everything okay on the home front. Hope the hubby is doing you well you don't look so good I know the pressures of being a wife and mother Wow I am SOOOO Lucky I don't have children yet I am making the RIGHT decision to get my degree and my affairs in order BEFORE I GET MARRIED and have children so I will be making MORE money so I won't be coming to work all tired and everthing Ummmm YOU OKAY BOO BOO would you like some tea you look kind of pecid darling Okay BuuBYE

Well off to get ANOTHER degree Toddle

 

[Lucie]

I would ask her why exactly she felt that was okay to speak to me like that? And then proceed to stare at her with disgust.

 

[fattyfatfat]

OP, Im sorry you have to deal with someone so miserable and toxic at work. Please keep your distance from her.

 

[Maracujá]

She just won't stop, she must be incredibly miserable. So I've been following the advice I have received here and avoiding her at all costs. But here's ROUND 3

T: I just had this customer at the selfscan who told me I was mean so you better watch out cause she's at your cash register now.
M: Right.

Some time later

T: So how was it?
M: What are you talking about?
T: That customer I told you about.
M: I don't know who you're talking about.
T: The one with the face full of make up who bought x and y
M: Oh she was nice .

Ever since she heard that I've been having problems with my boss - I have another thread about this - she's been trying to scare me all the time, acting like the customers will send in letters to complain about me. She's just so hateful ugh.