Has a man ever tried to trap you into having a child?

wow.. i haven't had that happen to me yet. i'd never be able to trust him again after that. No trust = no touchy! Get on the shot (Depo) or get an IUD. you have options other than the pill. Always use your own condoms though.
 
You know how homie gets down and if you choose to continue sexual relations with him YOU have to protect yourself... There are female condoms, and you could even explore getting the non homonal IUD. Now that you know how he is, you are no longer a victim, but a volunteer.

I've been in this situation twice and have never been pregnant. I dont believe in abortion either... so prevention is key here.

Hope this doesnt sound harsh!! I've had my share of troubles too... so please dont take this the wrong way. I just want you to make sure you are proactive and take matters into your own hadns.
 
wow. i'd have to be off my rocker to stay with a guy that screwed me over like that. I'm in my mid 20s and far as I'm concerned there's no such thing as a long term & on off boyfriend. its' either one or the other. and in this case, since he's proven himself to be a d o double g, there shouldn't be any more to discuss. go any further and you're trapping yourself, let alone him trapping you. once he gets you up the duff he still has the option to walk away at any time. he is never trapped.
 
msportugal said:
if a man is talking about giving you a baby believe himtake i would take some leftover bc pills if you had them :look:
72hr pill whatever
Click to expand...


EXACTLY!!! This same thing happened to me but nah I didnt believe him until incidents like that happened. Then I start checking the condom during before, during, and after sex. I got caught slipping anyhow I shouldve got on BC immediately but I was in denial. Leave him alone or get on BC and keep wearing the condoms. I suggest the first since he's on/off.
 
Update:




-taken the emergency pill
-bumped into him at an event last night, turns out he did do it on purposeas i said to him:

Me: "i dont want no more 'accidents'"
Him: "i told you i wanted to get you pregnant anyway..by the end of this year, you'll be pregnant"

so he's making, forcing these accidents to happen

it think its way to risky dealing with him ,whether or not i go on the pill, as i could be exposed to stds etc. if condoms break again.

if i do decide to carry on the affiar, i will be using BC, and i'll mention to him, until i get a solid partner in my life, pref an engagment, i wont be getting pregnant.

thanks ALL! xx
 
Candy_C said:
Sigh, i think my long term, on/off partner is in the begginnings of trapping me.

i'm 20, and at the end of this month i will be in my final year of uni

i feel as though big things are destined for me. and he can see how i'm progressing

stupid me a few weeks ago, told him i dont believe in abortion
and at some point in the last few months, i've made it clear i'm not on the BC anymore, and we have to be extra careful.

Well last night the mentioned how he wants me to get pregnant, i thought he was joking around, and i said noooooooooooooooo nooo i dont think so!

Morning came, we slept together, and to be honest, he was being a little more strong than usual, but i thought nothing of it. Anyway, afterwards, i felt way to wet down there than i would normally, and i told him, and he laughed it off...this is when i thought something isnt right.

After he went, i checked the bin to see if i could find the condom just to see if it had broke. i found it, but it was all crumpled, so i ran the tap through it

do you know

the WHOLE top of the condom was gone, the water ran right through it, i was so shocked!!! i couldnt believe he didnt tell me!!

so i called him, and said "why didnt you tell me the condom had broke?" he said straightaway "it broke! really, no way, i didnt know, i just took it off without lookin" errm yeah right, so he just pulled it off and neatly rolled it into a tissue.

he was smiling when he was talking, as u kno when your on the phone, you can HEAR when someone is smiling in their voice.

my question is, how could he have not known it broke? it was broke right through the top! so doesnt that mean, when he withdrawed, the rest of the condom was pushed right back like crumpled?

I didnt even notice it was in the heat of the moment, but i cannot believe the idea he wasnt looking or wasnt realising when he disposed of the condom...

i later found the rest of the condom inside of me, and i know that now i'm going to have to take the emergency contraceptive.

i cant believe he did this and couldn't even tell me

what the hell is he trying to say to me/ do to me :sad:
Click to expand...

Like I am always telling my male friends. No one can trap you into having a baby unless you allow it.

I haven't read the rest of the thread but you are young. You are just finishing school. I don't think you probably need a baby right now. And although I don't look down on people who have children outside of marriage, I don't think it's in a child's best interest to do so if it can be helped.

My suggestion. Get back on birth control - make him wear a condom - which I would personally be responsible for putting on, taking off and throwing away.

Also, I would be a little concerned about being in a relationship with someone who has so little disregard for my personal feelings on an issue that serious.

That baby making decision should always be consensual and not forced and it's not something you should try to talk someone into or try to trick them into it. To me that says a lot about his character.

I do think you can mentally be manipulated into having a child though. Sometimes women really feel this will make the relationship better or closer...particularly if a man is pushing for it.

When I was 23 (and I love my son dearly) - my husband (at the time) wanted a baby. We had been married very young and he felt like he wanted to start a family now. I objected but as my husband I wanted to make him happy so I gave him the son he said he wanted.

Later I came to realize that his asking me to carry his child was a way to keep me from ever going anywhere. He thought it'd keep me busy, at home, and not out - hanging out with friends - furthering my career - and otherwise being carefree.

Having a child is a joy and a blessing - this is true and I would not trade my decison. However, now that he's moved 7000 miles away from the child he wanted so badly - I really had to consider what his motives were at the time. And I've really come to believe that he was trying to label me.

He confirmed this further by telling me know man would ever want me when I finally asked for a divorce.

That told me volumes about why the baby was so important to him and his agenda.
 
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I cant believe this is even and "if". Why in the world would you continue to sleep with someone you cannot trust and who intentionally tried to get you pregnant without your consent? :nono:
 
Candy_C said:
Update:




-taken the emergency pill
-bumped into him at an event last night, turns out he did do it on purposeas i said to him:

Me: "i dont want no more 'accidents'"
Him: "i told you i wanted to get you pregnant anyway..by the end of this year, you'll be pregnant"

so he's making, forcing these accidents to happen

it think its way to risky dealing with him ,whether or not i go on the pill, as i could be exposed to stds etc. if condoms break again.

if i do decide to carry on the affiar, i will be using BC, and i'll mention to him, until i get a solid partner in my life, pref an engagment, i wont be getting pregnant.

thanks ALL! xx
Click to expand...

Since he has already confirmed it to you face to face then you need to cut him off and never speak to him again. You don't know what he may try to do next time. He may try and hold you down. Keep in mind, men are a lot stronger than women especially when he on top on you.

Whether you want to get on BC pills with him or not, I still wouldn't sleep with him. He has already shown his devious nature.
 
i know you may think i'm not being logical at all but remember me and this man have a history, and sayin "leave him" is way too easy to say than do!

this is the guy i lost my virginity with
had my first kiss with
my first everything!

its goin to be VERY HARD 2 LET HIM GO
even though i know i need to
i dont WANT to

Also, if he doesnt have kids with me, he will obviousely have them with someone else which would hurt me at first (obvious) and its likely if i were to have kdis with him, that he would ultimately cheat anyway or get somebody else pregnant....

It's horrible dealing with this, as i want to be the one to "lock him down" but i know this is immature and there may be other guys out there...

but like i said, my feelings are involved and that is why i said IF
 
Candy_C said:
i know you may think i'm not being logical at all but remember me and this man have a history, and sayin "leave him" is way too easy to say than do!

this is the guy i lost my virginity with
had my first kiss with
my first everything!

its goin to be VERY HARD 2 LET HIM GO
even though i know i need to
i dont WANT to

Also, if he doesnt have kids with me, he will obviousely have them with someone else which would hurt me at first (obvious) and its likely if i were to have kdis with him, that he would ultimately cheat anyway or get somebody else pregnant....

It's horrible dealing with this, as i want to be the one to "lock him down" but i know this is immature and there may be other guys out there...

but like i said, my feelings are involved and that is why i said IF
Click to expand...

I know things can get crazy when you have alot of time and feeling invested. No matter what you do, protect yourself. To quote another lady here(I forgot who said this but to who it ever it is thanks) Sometimes you have to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve. I luv ya girl. You will be in my thoughts.
 
Candy_C said:
i know you may think i'm not being logical at all but remember me and this man have a history, and sayin "leave him" is way too easy to say than do!

this is the guy i lost my virginity with
had my first kiss with
my first everything!

its goin to be VERY HARD 2 LET HIM GO
even though i know i need to
i dont WANT to

Also, if he doesnt have kids with me, he will obviousely have them with someone else which would hurt me at first (obvious) and its likely if i were to have kdis with him, that he would ultimately cheat anyway or get somebody else pregnant....

It's horrible dealing with this, as i want to be the one to "lock him down" but i know this is immature and there may be other guys out there...

but like i said, my feelings are involved and that is why i said IF
Click to expand...

Hey Candy_C:

I've been reading this thread for a few days now and I'm just now responding. YOU need to look out for YOU. It bothers me that he apparently does not understand how serious of a situation this is (and I think that you do - you just scared of what this might mean for your relationship). Having a child together should be a decision of mutual consent. What he is doing is the complete opposite. It's not ok.

It is your decision whether or not to continue in this relationship... I'm so glad that you've gone ahead on gone back on BC. This was really the right move to make regardless. You're still very young. You know what you want - and right now it's not a baby. The part of your response that I bolded is what concerns me. Please know that you cannot prevent a man from cheating if that is his intent. That is part of his character. If that man loves you like you love him, he will understand that now is not the time for you to have a baby. He will respect that you are not ready. If he cannot do that (and judging be his response, he hasn't done that so far), the reality is, maybe he is not the one for you. And we can say whatever we want, but YOU have to come to the conclusion for yourself. I wish you luck. And I hope you make the right decision for you.

ETA: I also wanna say if he wants to "lock you down," you do that by forming a commitment in marriage. Not by "ooops, he got me pregnant." If ya'll aren't ready for that, you definitely are not ready to have a child together. JMO.
 
Last edited:
sunshinebeautiful said:
Hey Candy_C:

I've been reading this thread for a few days now and I'm just now responding. YOU need to look out for YOU. It bothers me that he apparently does not understand how serious of a situation this is (and I think that you do - you just scared of what this might mean for your relationship). Having a child together should be a decision of mutual consent. What he is doing is the complete opposite. It's not ok.

It is your decision whether or not to continue in this relationship... I'm so glad that you've gone ahead on gone back on BC. This was really the right move to make regardless. You're still very young. You know what you want - and right now it's not a baby. The part of your response that I bolded is what concerns me. Please know that you cannot prevent a man from cheating if that is his intent. That is part of his character. If that man loves you like you love him, he will understand that now is not the time for you to have a baby. He will respect that you are not ready. If he cannot do that (and judging be his response, he hasn't done that so far), the reality is, maybe he is not the one for you. And we can say whatever we want, but YOU have to come to the conclusion for yourself. I wish you luck. And I hope you make the right decision for you.

ETA: I also wanna say if he wants to "lock you down," you do that by forming a commitment in marriage. Not by "ooops, he got me pregnant." If ya'll aren't ready for that, you definitely are not ready to have a child together. JMO.
Click to expand...

excellent point.
 
adequate said:
Later I came to realize that his asking me to carry his child was a way to keep me from ever going anywhere. He thought it'd keep me busy, at home, and not out - hanging out with friends - furthering my career - and otherwise being carefree.

Having a child is a joy and a blessing - this is true and I would not trade my decison. However, now that he's moved 7000 miles away from the child he wanted so badly - I really had to consider what his motives were at the time. And I've really come to believe that he was trying to label me.

He confirmed this further by telling me know man would ever want me when I finally asked for a divorce.

That told me volumes about why the baby was so important to him and his agenda.
Click to expand...

Awww, sis, that is so very mean spirited and manipulative...:nono:
 
adequate said:
Like I am always telling my male friends. No one can trap you into having a baby unless you allow it.

I haven't read the rest of the thread but you are young. You are just finishing school. I don't think you probably need a baby right now. And although I don't look down on people who have children outside of marriage, I don't think it's in a child's best interest to do so if it can be helped.

My suggestion. Get back on birth control - make him wear a condom - which I would personally be responsible for putting on, taking off and throwing away.

Also, I would be a little concerned about being in a relationship with someone who has so little disregard for my personal feelings on an issue that serious.

That baby making decision should always be consensual and not forced and it's not something you should try to talk someone into or try to trick them into it. To me that says a lot about his character.

I do think you can mentally be manipulated into having a child though. Sometimes women really feel this will make the relationship better or closer...particularly if a man is pushing for it.

When I was 23 (and I love my son dearly) - my husband (at the time) wanted a baby. We had been married very young and he felt like he wanted to start a family now. I objected but as my husband I wanted to make him happy so I gave him the son he said he wanted.

Later I came to realize that his asking me to carry his child was a way to keep me from ever going anywhere. He thought it'd keep me busy, at home, and not out - hanging out with friends - furthering my career - and otherwise being carefree.

Having a child is a joy and a blessing - this is true and I would not trade my decison. However, now that he's moved 7000 miles away from the child he wanted so badly - I really had to consider what his motives were at the time. And I've really come to believe that he was trying to label me.

He confirmed this further by telling me know man would ever want me when I finally asked for a divorce.

That told me volumes about why the baby was so important to him and his agenda.
Click to expand...



I won't go into details about my story, but I was younger than you when I married and had a child. My ex-husband said the same thing to me and the sad part is I actually believed that no one would want after my divorce :( I was really young and naive back then. Men can be extremely selfish and have intentions that you are not aware of. You know, the if I can't have you no one else will way of thinking.... I learned this the hard way back then...
 
Candy_C said:
Update:




-taken the emergency pill
-bumped into him at an event last night, turns out he did do it on purposeas i said to him:

Me: "i dont want no more 'accidents'"
Him: "i told you i wanted to get you pregnant anyway..by the end of this year, you'll be pregnant"

so he's making, forcing these accidents to happen

it think its way to risky dealing with him ,whether or not i go on the pill, as i could be exposed to stds etc. if condoms break again.

if i do decide to carry on the affiar, i will be using BC, and i'll mention to him, until i get a solid partner in my life, pref an engagment, i wont be getting pregnant.

thanks ALL! xx
Click to expand...

he is disrepecting you majorly.. I would have punched him "by the end of the year you'll be pregant" WTF, what a swine. I could not be giving anyone that slimey the goodies, I suggest (if you havn't already) you leave his a$s..QUICKLY

ETA: If there is a possiblity you can be exposed to STD's you shouldn't be dealing with him intimately, if that is a possibility then you should get checked out, it only takes one incident.

I think you can do better than him!
 
Last edited:
adequate said:
Like I am always telling my male friends. No one can trap you into having a baby unless you allow it.

I haven't read the rest of the thread but you are young. You are just finishing school. I don't think you probably need a baby right now. And although I don't look down on people who have children outside of marriage, I don't think it's in a child's best interest to do so if it can be helped.

My suggestion. Get back on birth control - make him wear a condom - which I would personally be responsible for putting on, taking off and throwing away.

Also, I would be a little concerned about being in a relationship with someone who has so little disregard for my personal feelings on an issue that serious.

That baby making decision should always be consensual and not forced and it's not something you should try to talk someone into or try to trick them into it. To me that says a lot about his character.

I do think you can mentally be manipulated into having a child though. Sometimes women really feel this will make the relationship better or closer...particularly if a man is pushing for it.

When I was 23 (and I love my son dearly) - my husband (at the time) wanted a baby. We had been married very young and he felt like he wanted to start a family now. I objected but as my husband I wanted to make him happy so I gave him the son he said he wanted.

Later I came to realize that his asking me to carry his child was a way to keep me from ever going anywhere. He thought it'd keep me busy, at home, and not out - hanging out with friends - furthering my career - and otherwise being carefree.

Having a child is a joy and a blessing - this is true and I would not trade my decison. However, now that he's moved 7000 miles away from the child he wanted so badly - I really had to consider what his motives were at the time. And I've really come to believe that he was trying to label me.

He confirmed this further by telling me know man would ever want me when I finally asked for a divorce.

That told me volumes about why the baby was so important to him and his agenda.
Click to expand...
Wow, what was he like during the dating stages?
 
candy why would you want to still sleep with him now that he admitted he wants to get you pregnant? he can't be trusted AT ALL. i don't care how good the sex is leave him alone.
 
When I was 19, my then boyfriend wanted me to have his child and he tried once by slipping off the condom. We broke up after that. No way!

Last situation, I think he slipped up and thought I might have been pregnant. He kept asking if I had gotten my period yet. Guess he wasn't going to tell me there may have been a situation until I missed a period. I wasn't too happy with him.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
I'm sorry you are going through this.

It is going to be hard letting him go, especially since you cashed your V-Card with him. It makes you want so desperately to make things work so you can have the fairytale.

It is hard and you need to do whatever it takes to separate yourself from this. Sometimes it may be something as drastic as moving. If you stay with him slipping condoms will be the least of your worries in the future. There is more and worse from where that came from.

*hugs*
 
i think hes succeeded, i took a home test today and its positive


i'll find out again tomorrow

and then take a doctors one the day after


i'm in shock
 
Luvmylife said:
Oh, my goodness...Candy...I am so sorry you are going through this. I will definitely send up a :pray: for you.
Click to expand...

thanks, if i am, i dont think i can go through an abortion, its against my beliefs

even if the fathers a prat

i can handle myself

first thing first, is to find out for real, then start driving school!
 
Candy_C said:
thanks, if i am, i dont think i can go through an abortion, its against my beliefs

even if the fathers a prat

i can handle myself

first thing first, is to find out for real, then start driving school!
Click to expand...


im pregnant at the mo. its amazin' & a great time in my life!! but also v.hard at the same time.

it seems that your taking control of the situation. but if you ARE preggers know that still doesnt mean hes traped you. ONLY God can create life. thefore everything will turn out right if you listen to Gods voice guiding u.

gurl im prayin for ya.:yep:
 
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