Has anyone decided to just take themselves out of the GAME?

[VelvetRain]

Agreed, but I'm talking about from a 'biological' perspective. Men just have it better. I know a few men who take being single hard, but honestly, most don't.

I never hear men talk about trying to stay busy and focus on other stuff to get their mind off of being single. Being single just doesn't 'phase' them to the same extent. When a man decides HE is ready to settle down, there are usually plenty of women available to him. Hell, he already has women trying to trying to get him to the altar before he's ready.
It just seems like by nature, men find comfort in 'freedom'. They can always find ways to enjoy bachelorhood. Women on the other hand, not as fortunate. Being single gets pretty old pretty fast, and a relationship is like the ultimate hobby for us.



Now I'm single and having a ball, but I'm also in my early twenties and not ready to settle down. I'm not going to act like it's as easy as saying 'READY TO BE A WIFE', and in a snap it happens. It's different for women and men. The opportunity for marriage is always available for men, and it's up to them to choose when they are ready. Women just have to sit back and wait. (Usually when it comes to dating later in life, this isn't the case for those who met their SOs when they were teens or twenty somethings)

A lot of truth in these statements. I think about this alot. Men always seem to be in the driving seat when it comes to starting a real relationship while the woman is left to ride in the passenger seat or worse in the back. It doesn't help as women that we are taught or coerced into always letting the man lead and pursue us. How many women do you know that are actively pursuing men? I have never seen myself as the pursurer but the one who desires to pursued. Presently men have a lot of options in the dating field. I have never once understood men who complain about being single. Why complain when you have a bevy of options with regards to women because there is an excess of attractive single women?

It's even worse if you are a single women who desires to have children before you hit the dreaded age of 35 when things can start to head south with regards to conception and all sorts of genetic conditions that we become predisposed to because of the declining health and age of egg cells. Men can very well father children into their 80's and 90's with no problems. So what's the rush? I myself have no real desire to have children which helps so much because if I did my clock would be damn near running out of time.

 

[DragonPearl]

I'm not so convinced that is the "male" approach more so than a natural human approach...to explore different relationships to learn and experience and engage with others until ready to get married....I am baffled as to why its not a "female" thing, its seems quite natural and normal to me

I tend to think like a man, so I am with you on this, however I understand that the general female approach is different due to the ticking clock of women fertility. Men can take forever to settle down and have children. Women do not have that luxury so there is more of a sense of urgency and perhaps we're wired to be more purposeful when engaging in relationships.

 

[dannie]

I don't think I am so terrible. I just want to be me right now, and stop wasting energy on something that is not bearing fruit.

Me and you are
>>>>>>here<<<<<<

 

[DragonPearl]

I was sad to hear so many fascinating, vital, intelligent, funny, articulate and attractive women are giving up on finding love. And some of them are in their 20s...

I haven't said it to many people but I may be divorcing my husband. Time will tell. Obviously, if we divorce I will be single again. I may enjoy it at first maybe not. Whatever happens I DO know that I am worthy of love and will find it. I have no doubts about that. And please don't take that as me insinuating that you lovely ladies are not worthy of love. I know my flaws, I know my strengths and I know what I have to offer a man. It may take time but I know whatever my outcome I will be with a good man that treats me like a queen.

i hope things work out for you and your husband. I feel exactly like you do. If I were to divorce, i have no doubt I would be in relationships again, though I am not sure I would want to walk down the aisle a 3rd time ... Having a positive outlook seems to work for me.

 

[dannie]

I never hear men talk about trying to stay busy and focus on other stuff to get their mind off of being single. Being single just doesn't 'phase' them to the same extent. When a man decides HE is ready to settle down, there are usually plenty of women available to him. Hell, he already has women trying to trying to get him to the altar before he's ready.

It just seems like by nature, men find comfort in 'freedom'. They can always find ways to enjoy bachelorhood. Women on the other hand, not as fortunate. Being single gets pretty old pretty fast, and a relationship is like the ultimate hobby for us.

Now I'm single and having a ball, but I'm also in my early twenties and not ready to settle down. I'm not going to act like it's as easy as saying 'READY TO BE A WIFE', and in a snap it happens. It's different for women and men. The opportunity for marriage is always available for men, and it's up to them to choose when they are ready. Women just have to sit back and wait. (Usually when it comes to dating later in life, this isn't the case for those who met their SOs when they were teens or twenty somethings)

I feel ya!!

But I'm not waiting on anybody anymore, I guess thats why I consider myself out the game so to speak. If it happens it happens, if it doesnt it doesnt. Meanwhile, I got other stuff to worry about.

 

[DragonPearl]

I feel ya!!

But I'm not waiting on nobody anymore, I guess thats why I consider myself out the game so to speak. If it happens it happens, if it doesnt it doesnt. Meanwhile, I got other stuff to worry about.

That's a very good attitude to have. There were times when I pulled back from relationships, to focus on things like my own healing, career, spiritual pursuits. I was celibate and single for 4 years in my 30s, and 2 years in my 40s. After each sabbatical, I went back to relationships again when I felt ready.

The thing about dating is that you have to enjoy going on dates, meeting men and interracting with them, for the sake of the experience. Otherwise it can be very stressful and you will burn out. I love the company of men. Even though I am married, I went to platonic lunches with male classmates all the time when I was in school these past 4 years.

 

[Coffee]

Ladies, don't give up hope. I was 49 when I met and married the most wonderful man ever. I wasn't looking. I was working at a local University and my girlfriend kept insisting I meet this friend of hers. I finally gave in so she would stop bugging the heck out of me each time I came to work. Well it turned out to be Mr. Wonderful Right!!

ETA. I admit when I first met him I wasn't interested because he didn't come in the package I was used to. His awesome personality, spirit, smile and how he treated me won me over. We sometimes over-look a really good man because he's not what we're "use to". I am so blessed and loved by this man; I could kick myself everytime I think that I could have lost him.

 

[LisaLisa1908]

This makes me sad. I think everyone should have a good relationship and be linked to the one that makes them happy.

I wish you all well, I truly do. I just hate to see so many wonderful women give up. You deserve happiness and you deserve to have a relationship that contributes to that.

 

[finickyone]

I applaud those of you who are not willing to put up with the bs & settle for less then what you deserve.

As I read through this thread, I am even more committed to staying on my nephew's behinds & making sure they understand how to treat a woman. My nephews are 22 & 19 & it drives me crazy to hear their phone going off every few minutes to alert them that they have a text message. Someone mentioned in this thread about the new age of text dating, etc. My oldest nephew doesn't even go out until after midnight & its usually to pick up a date & bring her back to his apartment or just go "visit" her at her home. Most of these young men don't know how to date & romance a woman. I totally believe that we teach people how to treat us. I tell my girlfriends who are raising boys, please instill in your boys to be respectful & to treat girls/women like they would their own sister & mother.

I'm not that old, but the dating game has changed so much in the past 18-20 yrs. I have been married twice & vowed after the 1st one, never again. My first husband cheated & I fell out of love with him. When I left him, I did what some of you mentioned here. I didn't focus on meeting someone. I focused on my career, my body, & my spirituality. I had male friends that I worked out with, sometimes went for drinks & dinner, but that's it, no sex involved & made it clear, we were strictly friends & you are like a brother to me. I attended events like body building contests & joined a popular gym, nicknamed Hollywood. It was called Hollywood because the women worked out in full makeup & the outfits were worn with care, to enhance their attributes. At the time I joined this gym, I had no idea about its reputation. I smiled & talked with who ever, & when it came to asking for my number, I took their number instead of giving them mine. I quickly learned that men love the chase & since I was friends with quite a few I picked up on their childish games. I have not read Steve Harvey's book, Act Like a Lady, think like a man, but from what I have heard, he hasn't discovered anything new. This is basically how I acted when I took my break from being involved in a relationship. I married my 2nd husband about 3 yrs after my divorce. I also met him in that gym & he was such a sweetheart. After many casual conversations & grabbing a friendly bite to eat from time to time, I knew I was ready to give this man a chance. From our first meeting, I knew I wanted to be more then a friend. We both were in our early 30s, had been married before & neither of us had kids. He also had just moved to NC. I think it was divine intervention. Sorry this was so long ladies. I didn't want to come in & say oh, don't give up or your time will come. Just wanted to let you know how it worked out for me who also made a vow around 27 to take herself out the dating game. I really think since I spent that time focused on me & being a buddy to the men I came in contact with, it prepared me to recognize the real thing when it came along. My husband always say I got lucky when I found him, & I tell him the same thing. For the most part, we get along great & joke that we are in it to win it, for life.

I have so much respect for the decision that you ladies have made & I sincerely wish all of you the best! When the time comes, trust, you will know.

 

[Taliah]

Ladies, don't give up hope. I was 49 when I met and married the most wonderful man ever. I wasn't looking. I was working at a local University and my girlfriend kept insisting I meet this friend of hers. I finally gave in so she would stop bugging the heck out of me each time I came to work. Well it turned out to be Mr. Wonderful Right!!

Matchmaking success! Glad you gave in and found your Mr Wonderful!

 

[tiara76]

That's a very good attitude to have. There were times when I pulled back from relationships, to focus on things like my own healing, career, spiritual pursuits. I was celibate and single for 4 years in my 30s, and 2 years in my 40s. After each sabbatical, I went back to relationships again when I felt ready.

The thing about dating is that you have to enjoy going on dates, meeting men and interracting with them, for the sake of the experience. Otherwise it can be very stressful and you will burn out. I love the company of men. Even though I am married, I went to platonic lunches with male classmates all the time when I was in school these past 4 years.

that is the key alot of women miss...alot of women are looking to date specifially for it to turn into a serious relationship vs gaining experience, reflections and learning about being with the self and another person esp the opposite sex....so many complain about how much time they wasted or the failed "relationships" they had because they didn't live up to the expectations or want to get married or get serious and all the lessons and opportunities for growth are completely missed out on and all that is reflected upon is a whole bunch of "negatives" about them...we spend too much time trying to make it or force it to be something it may not be meant to be instead of letting it be what it is meant to be and get experience out of it.....

women give too much power to men over how relationships pan and play out....women in their own power, in their own love shining have no problems getting men, the issue isn't who is going to choose her and want to mate with her...its who is she going to choose from those she attracts to her

and that is a very true story

 

[Kiadodie]

This is what has always worked for me, but it seems like it hasn't worked for other ladies.

I used to do the whole 'looking' thing and putting myself out there, but that didn't work for me. It DOES work for many other people, but they are usually the outgoing type. I've never been very outgoing in that sense. 'Looking' only made me feel more depressed and insecure. I found myself attracted to different guys, but they usually weren't into me OR they were taken. It's then that I was like, 'forget this, I'm doing my thing and he'll find me'. They find me and I get to do the 'hiring' or 'firing'.

I do understand the frustration you ladies are feeling and I say, if you're happy with your decision that's all that matters.

Me either . I felt and looked desperate, depressed and insecure..just like you. erplexed I find when I'm not looking, they DO find me and I'm in a better place.

 

[Imani]

...............................

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I tend to think like a man, so I am with you on this, however I understand that the general female approach is different due to the ticking clock of women fertility. Men can take forever to settle down and have children. Women do not have that luxury so there is more of a sense of urgency and perhaps we're wired to be more purposeful when engaging in relationships.

This is true. Men and women approach relationships differently, and I think it usually works in the man's favor. An old man once told me this.

He said a man is more 'shoot first ask questions later'. If the girl is attractive and seems cool, he goes for it. He then uses the early stages to get to know her more and evaluate whether or not he wants to become exclusive. This is why so many women are caught by surprised when after a few really good dates the man just disappears.

Women on the other hand usually decide beforehand whether or not they could see themselves in a long term relationship with a guy. They are more 'invested' in the relationship early on, while the man might still have his options open.

I do think there is a lot to gain by trying to date like a man. Of course this goes against how we are wired, but I find that taking a more 'casual' approach and keeping those options open early on is more fulfilling, for me. This might not be true for everyone else.

Then again I enjoy the company of men. I don't think men are dogs or that men suck. It's usually not an issue of 'good men' and 'bad men' but good for you and bad for you. If most of your dating experiences are negative, it's time to start looking elsewhere.

Honestly, I attribute my new found positive outlook on the dating world to my attraction to 'nerds'. Don't sleep on them.

 

[inthepink]

Both; not quality men and I consider that a big ole zero... it is kinda unsettling the twenty somethings out there out of the game cause I quite am older.

What is killing me is that the NEXT GENERATION of my family is getting married now. I'm the only one in my generation that has not been married.

I've been in the game over 20 years ladies... and I'm tired.


and heartbroken....

I feel your pain on this, also. It's disheartening to watch people grow up and get there before you. Not that it's a game - it's reality. And in all honesty, it is hard to watch and try to keep the faith. But you keep moving on and rooting for others hoping somewhere someone is rooting for you, too.

 

[inthepink]

I am investing in my own physical fitness, finances, interests and happiness right now. I think I will be just fine.

If he (the magnificent wonderful imaginary hypothetical he) shows up, great. If not, that's fine too. I don't need a different last name, or some dork-dude as #6 on speed dial to be happy or complete, happy, functional, etcera...

I go through phases where I am right here...feeling like if he turns up great, but outside of that I am just going to focus on enjoying my life and be happy. But I tell you, I also go through phases (there now) where I walk down the street and am so overwhelmed with the sadness of it that I just want to fall right down on the ground and cry, beg, and scream and ask why. But I just keep walking.

Anyhow, glad I'm not alone.

 

[inthepink]

Has anyone noticed that men rarely go through stuff like this? They play around and enjoy bachelorhood, and when they're ready to get married they snap their fingers and BAM, she's there. Crazy huh? That's why I take the male approach, seems to work for me.

I don't know...I believe that in lots of ways, men have the power. When they are ready to get married, they just have to go out there and find her. For one, there are more single women than men so I will say it is a little bit "easier" for them. Plus, they get to do the "choosing" whereas in a way, depending on your personal beliefs, we sort of have to wait to be "chosen" by someone we'd also choose.

 

[inthepink]

This is what has always worked for me, but it seems like it hasn't worked for other ladies.

I used to do the whole 'looking' thing and putting myself out there, but that didn't work for me. It DOES work for many other people, but they are usually the outgoing type. I've never been very outgoing in that sense. 'Looking' only made me feel more depressed and insecure. I found myself attracted to different guys, but they usually weren't into me OR they were taken. It's then that I was like, 'forget this, I'm doing my thing and he'll find me'. They find me and I get to do the 'hiring' or 'firing'.

I do understand the frustration you ladies are feeling and I say, if you're happy with your decision that's all that matters.

I understand this really well. When I'm on dating sites, I tend to feel more depressed about the situation because I have to deal with so much rejection (in various forms i.e. low-quality replies, no replies, etc.). When I'm not on the sites, I tend to feel a little better but at the same time, I feel like I'm not "out there" either since it seems so difficult to meet men IRL.

 

[Duchesse]

When you ladies say 'take yourself out of the game' what exactly does that mean?

Not frequenting bars/lounges/clubs if that is where u like to meet men?
Not dolling yourself up more often?
Unwillingness to go out on dates even if asked by desirable men bc you may be feeling jaded?

For me, it means not going out with the intentions of meeting a man. Not going on online dating sites. Not responding to, i.e. ignoring the couple of stragglers who haven't gotten the point that I don't want to be bothered. Really, just not being in the mood to be bothered at the moment.

I still doll myself up and look attractive...it makes me feel better, and I like to look at myself in the mirror and say "how you doing?"

It's definitely a mixture of jadedness and disappointment. I have low energy reserves as it is, and my past few interactions with men have completely exhausted me in some way or the other. I'm tired of getting hyped up and excited, just to be deflated.

I'm only 27 and would like to one day be married and have a child or two. But taking a break from the game will free up some emotional,mental, and spiritual energy for me. I'm afraid of becoming a bitter cynic, and would rather take a break before that happens.

eta: I also realized that I have a lot of maturing to do regarding the types of men that I've dated....that is probably a big part of the problem...smokes and mirrors...

 

[Kiadodie]

I go through phases where I am right here...feeling like if he turns up great, but outside of that I am just going to focus on enjoying my life and be happy. But I tell you, I also go through phases (there now) where I walk down the street and am so overwhelmed with the sadness of it that I just want to fall right down on the ground and cry, beg, and scream and ask why. But I just keep walking.

Anyhow, glad I'm not alone.

Awww Hairlove..I feel you girl. I go through the same thing.

 

[Makenzie]

I applaud those of you who are not willing to put up with the bs & settle for less then what you deserve.

As I read through this thread, I am even more committed to staying on my nephew's behinds & making sure they understand how to treat a woman. My nephews are 22 & 19 & it drives me crazy to hear their phone going off every few minutes to alert them that they have a text message. Someone mentioned in this thread about the new age of text dating, etc. My oldest nephew doesn't even go out until after midnight & its usually to pick up a date & bring her back to his apartment or just go "visit" her at her home. Most of these young men don't know how to date & romance a woman. I totally believe that we teach people how to treat us. I tell my girlfriends who are raising boys, please instill in your boys to be respectful & to treat girls/women like they would their own sister & mother.

I'm not that old, but the dating game has changed so much in the past 18-20 yrs. I have been married twice & vowed after the 1st one, never again. My first husband cheated & I fell out of love with him. When I left him, I did what some of you mentioned here. I didn't focus on meeting someone. I focused on my career, my body, & my spirituality. I had male friends that I worked out with, sometimes went for drinks & dinner, but that's it, no sex involved & made it clear, we were strictly friends & you are like a brother to me. I attended events like body building contests & joined a popular gym, nicknamed Hollywood. It was called Hollywood because the women worked out in full makeup & the outfits were worn with care, to enhance their attributes. At the time I joined this gym, I had no idea about its reputation. I smiled & talked with who ever, & when it came to asking for my number, I took their number instead of giving them mine. I quickly learned that men love the chase & since I was friends with quite a few I picked up on their childish games. I have not read Steve Harvey's book, Act Like a Lady, think like a man, but from what I have heard, he hasn't discovered anything new. This is basically how I acted when I took my break from being involved in a relationship. I married my 2nd husband about 3 yrs after my divorce. I also met him in that gym & he was such a sweetheart. After many casual conversations & grabbing a friendly bite to eat from time to time, I knew I was ready to give this man a chance. From our first meeting, I knew I wanted to be more then a friend. We both were in our early 30s, had been married before & neither of us had kids. He also had just moved to NC. I think it was divine intervention. Sorry this was so long ladies. I didn't want to come in & say oh, don't give up or your time will come. Just wanted to let you know how it worked out for me who also made a vow around 27 to take herself out the dating game. I really think since I spent that time focused on me & being a buddy to the men I came in contact with, it prepared me to recognize the real thing when it came along. My husband always say I got lucky when I found him, & I tell him the same thing. For the most part, we get along great & joke that we are in it to win it, for life.

I have so much respect for the decision that you ladies have made & I sincerely wish all of you the best! When the time comes, trust, you will know.

Great story about you and your husband. Glad you are taking an active part in helping your nephews learn how to treat a woman. A lot of woman simply make it too for men when it comes to dating.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I have a friend who is divorcing her husband (who is, honestly and truly, a waste of space - I'm so glad she's leaving him) and is already putting into motion her plans to get remarried. To start off, she's lost 70 lbs Now, not that losing weight is the fix to everything, but in doing so, she's just developed a much happier sense of self (must be all the endorphins ). She's paying more attention to her hair, makeup and clothing (no more schlumpadinka for her! ) and makes it a point to go out socially every weekend - she doesn't care if she has to go by herself, she will hit the club and go dancing for an hour or two just to meet folks.

Great advice, but what about the ladies (like myself) who are doing all of these things, and are STILL single without even any "prospects" on the horizon??? What are these ladies supposed to do?

I just don't get it. Not to sound superficial or anything, but I see girlfriends who don't even wear makeup, who are not even as attractive as me, with more drama than me, with worse personalities, and they are still hooked up with a boyfriend...yet, I'M still the single one! What is up with that?? That's what really gets me.

I mean, I know people find their "soulmates" at different times in their lives and all, but sometimes on my down days I really start to wonder if there's something wrong with me?? I mean, a lot of guys find me attractive (they sure do like to look or say something to me), but I don't find that many of them approach or make a real "move". Am I giving off some kind of "vibe" or something? I mean, I think i'm nice enough, and I try to be friendly (not desperate), and sometimes I don't even "DO" anything, and they just never take it to the next level. It's so depressing. I almost wish I were super-ugly or something. Maybe then I would attract more guys. Maybe then they would approach. who knows?? Guys are so fickle!

Ladies who a guy chooses as his gf has nothing to do with looks I can tell you that.

 

[jada1111]

Great advice, but what about the ladies (like myself) who are doing all of these things, and are STILL single without even any "prospects" on the horizon??? What are these ladies supposed to do?

I just don't get it. Not to sound superficial or anything, but I see girlfriends who don't even wear makeup, who are not even as attractive as me, with more drama than me, with worse personalities, and they are still hooked up with a boyfriend...yet, I'M still the single one! What is up with that?? That's what really gets me.

You have standards. You won't accept anything less and you shouldn't.

Not all men you go out with will be cut out for a relationship. They just won't.

You don't know what's going on with your friends that have bfs and also, are these men anything that YOU would accept in your life? There are women out there who will be content to have a man, just as long as they're not alone.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

You have standards. You won't accept anything less and you shouldn't.

Not all men you go out with will be cut out for a relationship. They just won't.

You don't know what's going on with your friends that have bfs and also, are these men anything that YOU would accept in your life? There are women out there who will be content to have a man, just as long as they're not alone.

Hmmm well now that is a good point. I'm not just out to get any man. I'm in the market for a man who can make a decent husband. Only husband-caliber men need apply! lol

I've done the whole chasing after guys/being played by guys/"guy friend" type thing before and frankly, now that I'm in my late 20's I'm ready to get serious and start settling down. So yes...my standards are fairly high & I don't make any excuses for them. Although I won't settle on the things most important to me, I'm also not TOO picky either.

It's a shame however when you're actually ready to settle down and the pickings seem slim/next to nil!

Yes, true maybe some of my friends don't have perfect boyfriends or perfect husbands. But most of them who are attached have pretty nice ones! These guys are nice...guys who didn't play games with them, and treat them right. Ones I would actually be interested in if they weren't taken! So I know good guys are out there. Why can't I find them?

 

[username12]

that is the key alot of women miss...alot of women are looking to date specifially for it to turn into a serious relationship vs gaining experience, reflections and learning about being with the self and another person esp the opposite sex....so many complain about how much time they wasted or the failed "relationships" they had because they didn't live up to the expectations or want to get married or get serious and all the lessons and opportunities for growth are completely missed out on and all that is reflected upon is a whole bunch of "negatives" about them...we spend too much time trying to make it or force it to be something it may not be meant to be instead of letting it be what it is meant to be and get experience out of it.....

women give too much power to men over how relationships pan and play out....women in their own power, in their own love shining have no problems getting men, the issue isn't who is going to choose her and want to mate with her...its who is she going to choose from those she attracts to her

and that is a very true story

And it is so true, but most dating experiences aren't that cut and dry.

I don't go into dating with the only intention of marriage, I keep it light, fun, and learn from him, no pressure or high expectations to be disappointed by in the future. But most guys show their true a**hole colors and it still hurts the same, rather it's casual dating or something more serious. It's another disppointment, something that causes me to lose faith day by day, wondering if it's all even worth it. And it's not.

 

[GoingNatural]

actually i just feel defeated. i am hopeful but defeated. i don't even try anymore. if you've read my blog you know that nothing seems to turn out great if at all..

i try not to get sad about it because the rest of my life is really great but i just really feel defeated and i just can't anymore...

 

[tiara76]

And it is so true, but most dating experiences aren't that cut and dry.

I don't go into dating with the only intention of marriage, I keep it light, fun, and learn from him, no pressure or high expectations to be disappointed by in the future. But most guys show their true a**hole colors and it still hurts the same, rather it's casual dating or something more serious. It's another disppointment, something that causes me to lose faith day by day, wondering if it's all even worth it. And it's not.

nothing in life is cut or dry....thats another issue people have a hard time dealing with....everything is either this or that, black or white, perfect or imperfect, and one of the biggest issues when in relationships is people focus on them soley trying to construct the "good" mainly to avoid the "bad"....

the assholes are your biggest evolvers mainly for yourself because they are triggering all the insecurities that need to be surfaced and dealt with and turned into secure within the self issues...one won't move to levels of love they want to be at while being insecure with themself and trying to get in relationships trying desperately not to have them triggered, and when they are its the other persons fault that you have to feel all this "pain" that is projected outwards as them being the cause of it, when its really within the self and instead of dealing with the self, blame is placed outwards on others actions and behaviors.........once this is figured out things get alot easier and realization that those people are your biggest blessings...

 

[intergalacticartist]

nothing in life is cut or dry....thats another issue people have a hard time dealing with....everything is either this or that, black or white, perfect or imperfect, and one of the biggest issues when in relationships is people focus on them soley trying to construct the "good" mainly to avoid the "bad"....

the assholes are your biggest evolvers mainly for yourself because they are triggering all the insecurities that need to be surfaced and dealt with and turned into secure within the self issues...one won't move to levels of love they want to be at while being insecure with themself and trying to get in relationships trying desperately not to have them triggered, and when they are its the other persons fault that you have to feel all this "pain" that is projected outwards as them being the cause of it, when its really within the self and instead of dealing with the self, blame is placed outwards on others actions and behaviors.........once this is figured out things get alot easier and realization that those people are your biggest blessings...

You always give great insight. What books have you read to get you to such a secure sense of self?

 

[TayMac]

nothing in life is cut or dry....thats another issue people have a hard time dealing with....everything is either this or that, black or white, perfect or imperfect, and one of the biggest issues when in relationships is people focus on them soley trying to construct the "good" mainly to avoid the "bad"....

the assholes are your biggest evolvers mainly for yourself because they are triggering all the insecurities that need to be surfaced and dealt with and turned into secure within the self issues...one won't move to levels of love they want to be at while being insecure with themself and trying to get in relationships trying desperately not to have them triggered, and when they are its the other persons fault that you have to feel all this "pain" that is projected outwards as them being the cause of it, when its really within the self and instead of dealing with the self, blame is placed outwards on others actions and behaviors.........once this is figured out things get alot easier and realization that those people are your biggest blessings...

I really agree with that. I've had to deal with alot of my own inner demons that were brought out by bad relationships. I have finally gotten to the point where I'm thankful that they were brought out with men that weren't for me. And my better self is available and getting exactly what I want out of a relationship.

Even if things don't work out with my current..I wouldn't take my self out of the game..I just maybe change the way I play, shake those dice and keep rollin'.

 

[honeybuni84]

I am tired of the dating scene, and tired of wifed up broads who have COMPLETE retrograde amnesia about their singlehood telling me "Oh, you'll find someone...", "I wasn't looking and there he was..." Where was that? eBay? The bar? The club? Church? Pulled you over for speeding? I am done. I agree with the OP.

..

This is the real truth here.