Has anyone decided to just take themselves out of the GAME?

[FlowerHair]

I think it's normal to not be "in the game" all the time.

I'm suspicious of women who don't do anything but look for men left and right everywhere they go. You know the ones that are NEVER single - they just overlap every relationship with a new guy to avoid being on their own.

It's healthy to take a break every now and then and assess what and who works and what doesn't. Sometimes we also have to work on ourselves and make sure we are relationship material.

It only takes one good man to make things work

If you're not enjoying the ride, it's time to take a break until it's fun and exciting to meet men again

 

[PaleoChick]

I am happy for all of those who have found successful relationships, but as for me; I am taking my floatation device and getting out of the gene pool.

I am tired of the dating scene, and tired of wifed up broads who have COMPLETE retrograde amnesia about their singlehood telling me "Oh, you'll find someone...", "I wasn't looking and there he was..." Where was that? eBay? The bar? The club? Church? Pulled you over for speeding? I am done. I agree with the OP.

CelinaStarr is right. The a$$hole to normal dude is outrageous. I am so tired of trying to filter through all of it; and eHarmony (smokescreen...). No more badmatch.com; eBlarney.com; blackpeoplemeetandlie.com, no more speed dating. I am officially over it.

Dating is turning a game. A game that I must not understand the rules to. Just done with it all. I am 32, and sad as it may seem (and I am not self-esteem deficient); I have essentially given up on the idea of a marriage, strong-black or otherwise.

I am investing in my own physical fitness, finances, interests and happiness right now. I think I will be just fine.

If he (the magnificent wonderful imaginary hypothetical he) shows up, great. If not, that's fine too. I don't need a different last name, or some dork-dude as #6 on speed dial to be happy or complete, happy, functional, etcera...

 

[jada1111]

I think it's normal to not be "in the game" all the time.

I'm suspicious of women who don't do anything but look for men left and right everywhere they go. You know the ones that are NEVER single - they just overlap every relationship with a new guy to avoid being on their own.

It's healthy to take a break every now and then and assess what and who works and what doesn't. Sometimes we also have to work on ourselves and make sure we are relationship material.

It only takes one good man to make things work

If you're not enjoying the ride, it's time to take a break until it's fun and exciting to meet men again

ITA w/the bolded. I'm diggin' being by myself at this moment. I don't have to deal with nonsense or having to hear anyone's mouth about anything. I also need to focus on myself as far as fitness and getting my financial goals in order.

Still love men though. For good times and hanging out only.

 

[jada1111]

I am happy for all of those who have found successful relationships, but as for me; I am taking my floatation device and getting out of the gene pool.

I am tired of the dating scene, and tired of wifed up broads who have COMPLETE retrograde amnesia about their singlehood telling me "Oh, you'll find someone...", "I wasn't looking and there he was..." Where was that? eBay? The bar? The club? Church? Pulled you over for speeding? I am done. I agree with the OP.

This has me cracking up!

I am investing in my own physical fitness, finances, interests and happiness right now. I think I will be just fine.

You will. I feel the same way.

 

[VelvetRain]

I am investing in my own physical fitness, finances, interests and happiness right now. I think I will be just fine.

This right here I believe is the key. I came to this resolution a few months ago as I let go of a bad relationship. I just turned 34 and now understand there are so many things in my life I do have control over like the above. Why worry about the stuff that I obviously don't have control over? I have a great job, live in a nice city, and am back in school trying to work on getting an advanced degree. I figured several years ago if marriage never happens for me at least I can ensure I will be well taken care of by myself as I get older by getting my education and finances in order now. If anything I see it an an accomplishment and less of a woe is me type of feeling.


I haven't given up totally but finding a relationship with someone who is marriage material is just not high on my list of priorities right now.

 

[jennboo]

This thread is depressing :/

 

[Kurlee]

Amen!

That's how I met my "First Love". Heck, I met him when i went away to an all girls school just to get away from boys/men and focus on my studies. Then this spiritual, deep chocolate, good looking brother approaches me. He was a sweetheart.

Was? Where did he go?

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

.....................................................

 

[FluffyRed]

This may sound controversial, but I don't think everyone will find love. In other words, there's not someone for everyone. Now, I'm just focusing on my hobbies to make me happy. My pets make me happy too. Most men are just assholes.

Get out of my head!!!

I've always liked to hear peoples say that their love and desire for their spouses continues to grow as they see the quality of their commitment and character. I don't like the idea of starting out on a peak of feelings where everything is downhill from there as the real person comes out.

good point

I think it's normal to not be "in the game" all the time.
...
If you're not enjoying the ride, it's time to take a break until it's fun and exciting to meet men again

This thread is depressing :/

This thread really calms me. I feel like I just exhaled!

I've been out of the game for a while. I just refuse to deal with the ish that's in front of me. I don't know if the man is not out there, or if we just aren't connecting, but regardless, women and men seem to be operating at cross purposes and we just may not meet.

Letting go of that desire - I far prefer that to the older women in my family who get more desperate as they get older.

 

[Tybi]

Letting go of that desire - I far prefer that to the older women in my family who get more desperate as they get older.

This is what scares me, and I see it so much in the older (50 +) women that I know who are single. Their behavior is worse than some 20 somethings I know when it comes to going out and meeting men. And the sadness they seem to hold, constantly trying to convince everyone and themselves that they are OK being single, even when no one else brings it up. I certainly do not want to depress anyone in this thread, but this is the main reason why I am re-focusing on dating again because I don't think that I have the heart to end up like them

 

[fatimablush]

Both; not quality men and I consider that a big ole zero... it is kinda unsettling the twenty somethings out there out of the game cause I quite am older.

What is killing me is that the NEXT GENERATION of my family is getting married now. I'm the only one in my generation that has not been married.

I've been in the game over 20 years ladies... and I'm tired.


and heartbroken....

You and me both..

I am tired so tired of this.

They say, the minute you stop looking you will meet the right guy..well it has been hours...long hours and i have not met him yet..

Me and my sister were and i told her when i was 19 mom told me that there was the possibility of my not ever getting married..this was years ago..i am really starting to believe this now especially since my SO told me last nite that he needs space...yeah right.

 

[fatimablush]

I am happy for all of those who have found successful relationships, but as for me; I am taking my floatation device and getting out of the gene pool. --me too

I am tired of the dating scene, and tired of wifed up broads who have COMPLETE retrograde amnesia about their singlehood telling me "Oh, you'll find someone...", "I wasn't looking and there he was..." Where was that? eBay? The bar? The club? Church? Pulled you over for speeding? I am done. I agree with the OP. --they say that bull because they obviously forgot

CelinaStarr is right. The a$$hole to normal dude is outrageous. I am so tired of trying to filter through all of it; and eHarmony (smokescreen...). No more badmatch.com; eBlarney.com; blackpeoplemeetandlie.com, no more speed dating. I am officially over it. ---love this paragraph-

Dating is turning a game. A game that I must not understand the rules to. Just done with it all. I am 32, and sad as it may seem (and I am not self-esteem deficient); I have essentially given up on the idea of a marriage, strong-black or otherwise. --yep a game that i don't want to play or am tired of playing. i want to love and be in love. i don't want to be played or have my feelings played with. i am too old for this mess..hooking up isn't for me..i want to be in love at least one more time before i depart this earth.

I am investing in my own physical fitness, finances, interests and happiness right now. I think I will be just fine. --me too. i am doing this and problay will get a dog or two.

If he (the magnificent wonderful imaginary hypothetical he) shows up, great. If not, that's fine too. I don't need a different last name, or some dork-dude as #6 on speed dial to be happy or complete, happy, functional, etcera...[/QUOTE]--me neither

we are <>here!

 

[FluffyRed]

I am going to appreciate the love that is in my life and enjoy it fully. Family, friends and furries.

Being in a relationship does not validate me, does not make me better, just means I got me one. What happens after that can be happiness or pure hell.

Marriage is not the answer. The right relationship(s) are the answer - romantic or not. Love, real love, is the answer.

Screw those a$$holes!

 

[Bunny77]

I am tired of the dating scene, and tired of wifed up broads who have COMPLETE retrograde amnesia about their singlehood telling me "Oh, you'll find someone...", "I wasn't looking and there he was..." Where was that? eBay? The bar? The club? Church? Pulled you over for speeding?

Okay now see, I feel you on this 100000%! And I know people mean well with the "When you least expect it," thing, and I understand the meaning behind the sentiment (don't act pressed and stressed and just pick some loser)... but folks meet their men all kinds of ways. There's no one formula for it... and some women have been "least expecting" things for 3+ decades with nothing happening... those women might be better off actually getting up and looking (if that's what they want to do.)

Some relationships came together as pure dumb luck or two people being in the right place at the right time. Which is cool, but it doesn't work like that for everyone, and I do wish some people would be more understanding of that.

 

[Lucie]

I don't know why I came in this thread but here are some ((( HUGS ))) ladies. I won't say any cliche phrases that have been seared already into your brain, but each new day presents different opportunities. It is not healthy to keep looking at the past as indicative of what your future relationship status will be like. Sometimes all it takes is just being at the right place, at the right time and there he is. I know I probably made it seem like a piece of pie but trust that the man you seek is looking for you as well. While doing what you can in your power to find someone it is best to avoid the naysayers or constantly mentally rehashing your dating failures. That is negatively programming your mind. I do believe there is love for everyone. It is our birthright to be loved by someone in a way that we desire. Regardless of your age, education, past experiences, mistakes, YOU WILL FIND YOUR SOUL MATE! Believe that.

 

[Bunny77]

Me and my sister were and i told her when i was 19 mom told me that there was the possibility of my not ever getting married..this was years ago..i am really starting to believe this now especially since my SO told me last nite that he needs space...yeah right.

Yikes.

I think this is a terrible thing to tell someone. And it sounds like once you have that thought in your head, it's more likely to happen just like that. Words are powerful.

I'm sure your mom meant it to protect you, but I just wish sometimes folks wouldn't say anything so that women can make their own decisions about their expectations for relationships.

I'm sorry about what happened with your SO. But if you want to marry, don't believe that you never will.

 

[honeybuni84]

Both; not quality men and I consider that a big ole zero... it is kinda unsettling the twenty somethings out there out of the game cause I quite am older.

What is killing me is that the NEXT GENERATION of my family is getting married now. I'm the only one in my generation that has not been married.

I've been in the game over 20 years ladies... and I'm tired.


and heartbroken....

i know it hurts honey... go ahead mourn, feel the pain and then you can heel from that

 

[ixoyegodisgood]

This thread really calms me. I feel like I just exhaled! .

I totally agree. I use to think I was the only one to think the way as the OP, but it seems that it the feeling of never find the one seems to resonate with more people than we realize.

At the question @ hand...I am going to slowly but surely dip my foot back into the dating scene after my last break up. I thought I was going to surely die after that one lachen but I survived and am ready to take what I've learned and move forward.

I know I use to feel overwhelmed by the dating scene is because I really just started doing it a few years ago. I have had self esteem issues from school and growing up that I finally have healed from in the past I'd say...maybe six years or so ago.

Over the past six years I have grown to truly love myself. I didn't think I'd ever would. Everything I've gotten in my life I worked and paid for. When I knew I was really over my past was when I was able to sit in my apartment look at all things I'd done and I didn't cry I just jumped up and down with a huge smile on my face. So many people thought I couldn't -- but i could.

If I can find the man of my dreams -- great. If I dont, I will just stay focused on my life and building a life and home of my own on my own.

However, I can not forget to keep my eye on the things that I need to and that fuel me to this day (Ie. keeping a close relationship with GOD, keeping my credit score high, excelling at my new job, building stronger better friendships, continue working out, hopefully start volunteering again, make up, and hair!!).

 

[Harina]

I don't want to dampen the mood anymore and if this is too personal just ignore me, but for those who are taking themselves out of the game temporarily or maybe a bit longer, do you not want children? If you found somebody, would you then want to grow a family with your SO?

Reading the responses, I find myself relating to many of you. I'm 20, so I don't plan on taking myself out of the game anytime soon. But sometimes I wonder if I will ever find somebody and somebody I feel worthy enough to create a family with. I've only met two men I've ever been truly compatible with but for distance reasons (I've been moving around so frickkin much) things kind of dissipated. But other than that, nooo.. I find myself happy with just a few friends and a little peace and quiet. And sometimes maybe finding love isn't for everybody. Especially, in this era. Socially, I feel I am slowly getting screwed over in this rap/text messaging/quickie-quickie culture.

 

[foxee]

This is what scares me, and I see it so much in the older (50 +) women that I know who are single. Their behavior is worse than some 20 somethings I know when it comes to going out and meeting men. And the sadness they seem to hold, constantly trying to convince everyone and themselves that they are OK being single, even when no one else brings it up. I certainly do not want to depress anyone in this thread, but this is the main reason why I am re-focusing on dating again because I don't think that I have the heart to end up like them

Re: the bolded statement: I'm ashamed to admit that I've been doing this. I joined Facebook about a month ago. It's been awkward when all my old classmates and friends are showing off photos of their children and SO's. Most of them are all, "Hey Foxee, you look great! Are you married, have a boyfriend or kids?"

I can also relate regarding the comments from married friends. They mean well, but it's advice I've heard a thousand times.

"The right man will come along when you're not looking!"

"Pray for a husband!" (Gee, really? I never thought of that. )
"Have you tried those dating sites? My co-worker/sister/cousin tried one and she's married now!"

"You don't need a man when you have the Lord!"

And my all time favorite:"You want me to fix you up? I think my mailman/FedEx delivery driver/landscaper is single! He's got 3 ex wives and 6 kids though ..."

Geez, what a depressing thread!

 

[fatimablush]

^^Your all time favorite is mine too..

 

[fatimablush]

Yikes.

I think this is a terrible thing to tell someone. And it sounds like once you have that thought in your head, it's more likely to happen just like that. Words are powerful.

I'm sure your mom meant it to protect you, but I just wish sometimes folks wouldn't say anything so that women can make their own decisions about their expectations for relationships.

I'm sorry about what happened with your SO. But if you want to marry, don't believe that you never will.

I remember she just read an article about that in ESSENCE magazine at the time.

Let me start the healing process...and kim.

 

[Renewed1]

You sound like me coco. I've been out of the game for the same length of time and my morals aligned with yours. I do believe that there is someone out there for everyone but I rather marry when God says its time for me to marry.

I have been out of the game for 3 going on 4 years.When I first said no dating I thought some nice guy would have picked me up by now.But 3 years later no such luck.I have found that being single has allowed me a much deeper relationship with God and if God wants me to marry I will be a better woman for it.Im much to old at 23 to be dating aimlessly and letting just any person with a penis to take my energy.I also am not having horiztoal workouts either.I know someone already said they have needs but I feel that I will not be a slave to my desires anymore which means sex is not needed.The only purpose for it is pleasure for married couples and procreation within the marriage ideally.I desire to advance in my career and build worthwhile relationships with friends and family and learn to be ok alone.It took some time but Im great being solo because Im comfortable with me.

 

[yokoyokogirl]

I'm def out of it.

I have one crazy ex-husband and one gay ex bf.

The last guy that asked me out said "I'm not gay, but my best friend is. And he said I have a gay face."

Seriously.

I doubt all men are gay tho, just seems like I attract all the gay ones. Or the jerks.

So I'm out the game for a bit. I'm going to be 28 next year and so what if I don't find someone. I've been married before and trust me, it sucks, esp. if the person is a total user and abuser. If I don't find anyone by the time my ovaries are dried up, I will adopt. I'm not going to settle or get anyone cause I want kids.

I'm waiting for my 75-80% man to come along...

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

Wow. I really feel for the ladies who are going through this. I understand where you're coming from and then again, I don't. I understand how frustrating it can be to find that special someone, especially when it seems like you only have an assortment of losers to choose from but I don't know... affection, companionship, sex are all human psychological and emotional needs - and I can't say that I'm just about to bow out.

 

[deltadreamland]

I'll be 25 next month and I've taken myself out of the game too. This may sound controversial, but I don't think everyone will find love. In other words, there's not someone for everyone. Now, I'm just focusing on my hobbies to make me happy. My pets make me happy too. Most men are just assholes.

I completely agree with the bolded. I'm started to think the chances of finding true, unconditional, equal, and balanced love is just as rare as hitting the Mega Millions lottery.

 

[Glib Gurl]

This thread is depressing :/

It is . . .but moreso is the underlying situation that causes some of us to feel this way. THAT is really depressing.

(((hugs to all)))

 

[jennboo]

When you ladies say 'take yourself out of the game' what exactly does that mean?

Not frequenting bars/lounges/clubs if that is where u like to meet men?
Not dolling yourself up more often?
Unwillingness to go out on dates even if asked by desirable men bc you may be feeling jaded?

 

[jada1111]

When you ladies say 'take yourself out of the game' what exactly does that mean?

Not frequenting bars/lounges/clubs if that is where u like to meet men?
Not dolling yourself up more often?
Unwillingness to go out on dates even if asked by desirable men bc you may be feeling jaded?

For ME, it just means I'm not looking for anyone for a longterm relationship AT THIS TIME. The quality of men in this particular city are not conducive for the type of relationship "I" want. As far as sex and good times, I'm not giving that up. I like touching, kissing and the natural feel of a man.

There's also a difference between being alone and lonely. I enjoy my space, but I'm not a hermit or on some celibate tip.

What I find depressing is that most of the women posting who have taken themselves out are in their early to mid twenties. I find that disturbing and sad.

I can see doing it "temporarily" to get yourself together and redefine what you want, but not years. It's normal to want to be with someone, especially when you're young and free.

If your "prince charming" never comes what are you going to do? Never, ever, kiss, touch or sex a man again? If so, more power to you, but as human beings the urge to merge with someone will be there until you die.

 

[vevster]

When you ladies say 'take yourself out of the game' what exactly does that mean?

Not frequenting bars/lounges/clubs if that is where u like to meet men?
Not dolling yourself up more often?
Unwillingness to go out on dates even if asked by desirable men bc you may be feeling jaded?

Nooooo, first I don't cruise places to meet men in the first place--I'm not changing my social life; and second if there were so many attractive men out there, I wouldn't be out of the game.

I'm just not having any expectations along those lines...