Guests Dictating Guest Room Furnishing

[Transformer]

Dear Prudence,
My husband and I live in a very desirable vacation spot and have a guest room. It has twin beds and a private bath; my twin stepdaughters shared it until a few years ago. We kept the beds (they’re nice), and we have a blowup air mattress for the living room. My sister-in-law and her partner have visited us at least twice a year since our girls went off to college. We pick them up from the airport, feed them, and play tour guide if we have time. My sister-in-law, after her last visit, decided to email me to lecture me about beds. Twin beds, she wrote, are “childish and inconvenient for adults” and said we should buy a new one for our guests. She included links to her Amazon favorites. She included this on a family email list so everyone got one. I saw red and emailed back a cost breakdown of a trip to our location and a link to a local motel, and I concluded that holiday travels were on hold for everyone for the near future. This started World War III.

My sister-in-law has always been brusque, to put it charitably, but I have never had a direct insult like this leveled in my face. My husband told me I overreacted, even though he agrees with me on every point I made. He says his sister is just “like that” and we can’t punish everyone for his sister’s mistakes. But he also says that telling her to get a motel is rude if we still allow everyone else to stay with us. I love my husband and his peaceable nature, but right now I am ready to send him to the other room to sleep in a twin bed. Am I out of line here? We have been married six years and nothing like this has come up before—but we are also a thousand miles away from his family.
—Bed Brouhaha

 

[michelle81]

His family? His problem. She should have forwarded that email right on to her hubby and let her SIL know that she will let her husband decide what to do with it.

 

[Browndilocks]

Yeah the husband would be in the twin bed. You're either on my side or you're not. She reacted accordingly and she can have whomever she wants over and exclude whoever she wants as well. Her house, her rules. Wouldn't be no world war nothing.

 

[Transformer]

I like the point where she provided an estimate of hotel cost. I would have also included Tripadvisor ratings, and the phone number for Super Shuttle at the airport.

 

[OhTall1]

I like the point where she provided an estimate of hotel cost. I would have also included Tripadvisor ratings, and the phone number for Super Shuttle at the airport.

I probably would've wrote this up as her plan B. Plan A? Sleep on the blowup air mattress if you have a problem with twin mattresses.

 

[Browndilocks]

Do people really try to dictate the order of other people's homes like that? They would never step foot in my house again. I have such a hard time believing this.

 

[biznesswmn]

Do people really try to dictate the order of other people's homes like that? They would never step foot in my house again. I have such a hard time believing this.

I know some crazy ppl who would make comments or complain and justify it with 'its my brothers house and i can say whatever i want' blah blah blah

Glad wifey stomped that foot down. She can back pedal a lil bit but now SIL knows whats up

 

[Black Ambrosia]

I think it’s wrong to uninvite other family members unless they all chimed in. If they were just copied on it then that’s out of their control. I might mention the air mattress but I’d definitely let her know that if the current accommodations aren’t satisfactory that she’s not welcome. If I was feeling petty I might offer a few unsolicited opinions of my own.

 

[qchelle]

I think she overreacted

 

[Browndilocks]

So you're okay with providing someone with free room and board, then having them "publicly" turn around and criticize what you freely provided, while suggesting how you should spend your money to better freely accommodate them? How Sway?

 

[Shimmie]

I think she overreacted. She should have kept the conversation between her and the sister in law and her boyfriend. The others didn't have to be included.

I'd love to see how the sister in law is feeling now; she was definitely rude telling someone else what type of furniture to have in their home. The Bates Motel for her and her boyfriend. She'll beg for twin beds then.

 

[fula97]

The SIL can kick rocks. While I wouldn't extend the ban to everyone they would be put on notice with the email. I'm not a hotel . Don't like the beds have fun at the hotel.

 

[NaturallyGraceful]

#teamwife all the way!!! Sometimes you have to put everyone on notice so that there is a very clear understanding. Now EVERYBODY knows that they can either appreciate what's being offered or keep it moving on their own dime.
My people would go smooth off on the sis in law for ruining their good thing lol!

 

[mrselle]

To send links to beds that she liked was rude, but I could have overlooked that because some people are just like that. However, to copy the entire family crossed a line. She wouldn't have to worry about sleeping in twin beds or any bed in my house every again.

 

[Transformer]

I think it’s wrong to uninvite other family members unless they all chimed in. If they were just copied on it then that’s out of their control. I might mention the air mattress but I’d definitely let her know that if the current accommodations aren’t satisfactory that she’s not welcome. If I was feeling petty I might offer a few unsolicited opinions of my own.

Now everybody knows. She also probably tired of hosting guests. Since I live near D.C. I experience the same thing, but nobody has complained of bed size. My sister did inform me that she didn’t like the guest bed with the memory foam mattress.

 

[qchelle]

I thought it was good advice

 

[awhyley]

He says his sister is just “like that” and we can’t punish everyone for his sister’s mistakes. But he also says that telling her to get a motel is rude if we still allow everyone else to stay with us.

Well, no one else complained, and then had the nerve to suggest new furnishings, so I don't see the problem.

 

[Transformer]

I probably would've wrote this up as her plan B. Plan A? Sleep on the blowup air mattress if you have a problem with twin mattresses.

Nope....you REALLY don't want this person visiting. Besides, she's been there enough. How do they accommodate the twin girls when they return home for a visit?

I know I'm tired of playing tour guide for D.C. I've been to all the monuments, historic attractions, and of course the Black History Museum enough times. Come to my house to stay, I will feed you.........but not interested in spending my weekend negotiating traffic/parking places and climbing the Capitol's steps.

 

[fula97]

People are rude and entitled. I live in NY and I'm not here to play tour guide your entire stay, which some people seem to expect. I'm not taking days off hire a tour guide. then you ask what did you have in mind, what do you want to do? I don't know you choose . I live here and have seen all this crap so I'm choosing my sofa vs seeing Top of the Rock for the millionth time

 

[Everything Zen]

^^^ YESSSSSSSS!!!!! I got folks waiting in line to stay at my place whenever they come to Chicago and it truly is a place meant for entertaining. But - I'm not really here for being the tour guide. Between work and school, I'm like here's the extra set of keys, the passcode, and the directions to the Red Line. Oh and don't expect me to cook either.

 

[intellectualuva]

To send links to beds that she liked was rude, but I could have overlooked that because some people are just like that. However, to copy the entire family crossed a line. She wouldn't have to worry about sleeping in twin beds or any bed in my house every again.

Same.

I could overlook that Sis in Laws shenanigans if she hadn't brought everyone into the email. You want to basicly publicly shame me for not upgrading the room, then you get publicly disinvited until further notice. I wouldn't be nasty about it. I would thank her for her recs, provide lists of hotel options that would be more to her liking and state we need a bit a break going forward with hosting. Maybe I'd throw in....Its clear that our open hospitality has given folks the impression they get to publicly dictate what goes on our home, so we're taking a break until we can remedy that. I'd wish everyone well and move on. Lol.

I wouldnt permanently disinvite her, so my husband couldnt use that I was singling her out. No one would come for a while.....months....year. When they do, shes going to have an option to visit.

A cooling off period is nice for everyone. We get a break from feeding and driving everyone around. Living in a vacation area can be exhausting. I've had a string of visitors (outside of my own traveling) since I got my place. I'm on a break until Thanksgiving.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

#TeamWife

I don't like when people excuse others' bad behavior with "they're just like that" and her husband should back her up. The fact that the whole family was included, tells me that they've been talking about her behind her back. Hubby can go blow up that air mattress too.

 

[prettyinpurple]

Nope....you REALLY don't want this person visiting. Besides, she's been there enough. How do they accommodate the twin girls when they return home for a visit?

I know I'm tired of playing tour guide for D.C. I've been to all the monuments, historic attractions, and of course the Black History Museum enough times. Come to my house to stay, I will feed you.........but not interested in spending my weekend negotiating traffic/parking places and climbing the Capitol's steps.

Girl I don't ever have to visit the MLK Memorial again!

I do take people to some of my fave, lesser known museums that I enjoy.

 

[mrselle]

What kind of accommodations can the sister-in-law provide if the situation were reversed? Most of the time, the people who complain the most have the least to offer if the tables were turned.

 

[Transformer]

Same.

I could overlook that Sis in Laws shenanigans if she hadn't brought everyone into the email. You want to basicly publicly shame me for not upgrading the room, then you get publicly disinvited until further notice. I wouldn't be nasty about it. I would thank her for her recs, provide lists of hotel options that would be more to her liking and state we need a bit a break going forward with hosting. Maybe I'd throw in....Its clear that our open hospitality has given folks the impression they get to publicly dictate what goes on our home, so we're taking a break until we can remedy that. I'd wish everyone well and move on. Lol.

I wouldnt permanently disinvite her, so my husband couldnt use that I was singling her out. No one would come for a while.....months....year. When they do, shes going to have an option to visit.

A cooling off period is nice for everyone. We get a break from feeding and driving everyone around. Living in a vacation area can be exhausting. I've had a string of visitors (outside of my own traveling) since I got my place. I'm on a break until Thanksgiving.

Really good response, especially describing it as a break from hosting.

 

[LdyKamz]

#TeamWife

I don't like when people excuse others' bad behavior with "they're just like that" and her husband should back her up. The fact that the whole family was included, tells me that they've been talking about her behind her back. Hubby can go blow up that air mattress too.

This. I would say she overreacted except I suspect they have all been discussing it and SIL was probably like I'm gonna send the email and cc y'all and see what she says. They probably put it on her to do it since she's "just like that". I imagine my first reaction would have been her response too. But then I would tell DH you better handle her if you want any of your people to be able to stay in this house again. You get what you get and you don't get upset! Especially when you haven't paid one single red cent for accommodations.

 

[faithVA]

She could have sent the email back with, I like bed #2 as well. Thank you for being so considerate and offering to handle this upgrade. Let me know when it is expected to be delivered and I will make sure I am home. I have always commented to your brother how generous you are.

 

[Reinventing21]

She could have sent the email back with, I like bed #2 as well. Thank you for being so considerate and offering to handle this upgrade. Let me know when it is expected to be delivered and I will make sure I am home. I have always commented to your brother how generous you are.

This is so me, hee hee

And I wouldn't excuse her behavior either cuz that's "just how she is"...umm no

She'd be lucky if she EVER saw the inside of my home again (unless she paid for new bedding )

 

[Shimmie]

I thought it was good advice

Did Prudence give her response to this? I didn't see it or did I miss it?

Thanks in advance @qchelle and @Transformer

 

[awhyley]

She could have sent the email back with, I like bed #2 as well. Thank you for being so considerate and offering to handle this upgrade. Let me know when it is expected to be delivered and I will make sure I am home. I have always commented to your brother how generous you are.