Guests Dictating Guest Room Furnishing
- Thread starter Transformer
- Start date
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
When you are a guest and decide to stay in someone’s home you deal with whatever they have to offer. Sil made the conversation public so oh well
Irl I would’ve forwarded it to dh and kept it moving.
Irl I would’ve forwarded it to dh and kept it moving.
YES. That's what I was thinking. SIL is just the one who came forward as the spokesman because she just loves to run her mouth. The wife is aware of all the undercurrents, that is why they all got the push.
I think this is a great lesson on boundaries. Now that side of the family know she is not the one.
Transformer
Well-Known Member
Did Prudence give her response to this? I didn't see it or did I miss it?
Thanks in advance@qchelle and @Transformer
Here’s Prudence’s reply. By the way Prudence is now a transgendered male. She was Mallory, now she is Daniel.
If I could, I’d declare a total and permanent moratorium on anyone saying a family member who’s behaving unreasonably should be overlooked because they’re just “like that.” “Oh, she’s always rude and entitled, so we shouldn’t mind it when she acts rude and entitled” is perhaps the mealiest of justifications for spinelessness available. Emailing someone who graciously hosts you for free twice a year (and copying the rest of the family on the thread) with unnecessary insults about their beds and a demand that you purchase her personal favorite bed is incredibly rude, and frankly I think your response was fairly restrained in light of the provocation.
The one point where you may have overreacted was in declaring that no one else could come visit, although I think it’s useful for you and your husband to check in with one another about whether acting as semipermanent hosts for his extended family is something you want to keep doing. There’s a difference between being “usually game” for visitors and actually enjoying them, and if you want to cut back on your open-door policy, you should. When it comes to your sister-in-law, you have nothing to apologize for. You did not call her names or go out of your way to humiliate her. You simply refused to be insulted and pushed around and made it clear that she should seek alternate accommodations in the future. Good for you—I don’t think she hears that often enough. Don’t bend over backward for her just because your husband wants you to. You don’t have to escalate the hostilities, of course, but you can politely hold firm to what you said in the first place and decline to get into an argument over whether it’s “childish” to host guests in the beds you have available.
awhyley
Well-Known Member
MamaBear2012
Well-Known Member
My reply would have been the same....
"Dear SIL,
Thanks for the concern. I really wish that you had informed me DURING your visit so that I could have made sure that you didn't spend one more second in a bedroom that wasn't to your liking. But now that we know, here is a list of nearby hotels/motels that have beds that you will enjoy any other time that you visit (insert city). I've numbered the hotels in order of my favorite (based on beds of course). Have a good one!"
But then again, my in-laws ticked me off early in my marriage and ended up in a hotel. I was so irritated with my MIL, but DH was the one that made it happen.
"Dear SIL,
Thanks for the concern. I really wish that you had informed me DURING your visit so that I could have made sure that you didn't spend one more second in a bedroom that wasn't to your liking. But now that we know, here is a list of nearby hotels/motels that have beds that you will enjoy any other time that you visit (insert city). I've numbered the hotels in order of my favorite (based on beds of course). Have a good one!"
But then again, my in-laws ticked me off early in my marriage and ended up in a hotel. I was so irritated with my MIL, but DH was the one that made it happen.
luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
Agreed. Where she went off the rail is when she included the other family members in her reprimand
. How are they at fault for sis in law stepping out of bounds? I can see how she started WW3 because if my relative went off and attacked me , because she's mad at someone else in the family, I would have a big problem. I don't like pettiness. If someone is taking something out on me when I didn't do anything, I am not giving them the chance to do that in the near future either. I'm not interested in being used as collateral damage or a pawn in some weird fight so I'll squash that by bowing out for good. I'd opt out politely every single time she invited me in the future even if she had a palace, even after she's taken her "break" to collect herself. She would have to apologize big time. Any problem she has with others, she needs to resolve with them and never pull me into that crap again.With that said, I do believe she could still respond to the group chat but specifically to the sis in law with the whole "If you don't like it kick rocks at a hotel " speal. But leave everyone else out of it unless she wants to be just as ridiculous as the sis in law. They'll get the message when they read the response. Plus because they see the email, they will understand what she's dealing with and empathize...but that's only if she's smart enough to realize who she's at war with, instead of dragging the others in and creating more foes.
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luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
That's probably an assumption (fam talking behind her back). She could be messy and want to "shame" her by including the fam. They could be innocent bystanders. It's easily resolved by ccing in everyone as Sis in law did (or "reply all") but responding directly to sis in law only (just like sis in law):
Sis in law, I understand that you are uncomfortable at our house and that's unfortunate. However, as we will make certain that the rooms of X and Y (step daughters) stay to their liking for their visits, we cannot accommodate your suggested changes. I've researched nearby hotels that are up to your specifications (suggestions) but I'm certain you can find more through various sites. Here's the info we've found for future visits. To resolve this issue going forward, I think it's best that you find a place that makes you happy and comfortable. Upon realizing your dilemma, we personally (I'm sure I speak for my hubby included) could not be happy knowing that you are spending your time visiting us in discomfort and so I think this solution is for the best.
--luckiest
This way if they've spoken about it, they now know the end result of that crap and if they haven't, they will just crack up and kim after reading the pettiness and audacity of sis and conclusion.
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luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
Oooh perfect. Just read.
Transformer
Well-Known Member
What? When did this happen?
New York Magazine
✔ @NYMag
Daniel Mallory Ortberg talks with @hhavrilesky about the mysteries of gender, attraction, identity, and the joys of realizing “I can want things,” as he put it http://nym.ag/2FDEjiW
9:01 AM - Mar 13, 2018
Daniel Mallory Ortberg on Coming Out As Trans
The beloved internet writer talks to Heather Havrilesky about his new identity.
thecut.com
ladysaraii
Well-Known Member
Yeah but she probably knows the relatives well enough to know if they were the type to be in cahoots or not
luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
It's possible the relatives were in cahoots but I'm not certain of that. It's a toss up. I've had a relative (or two) try to rope me in (group chat text with the whole family) to some b.s trying to get me to agree with their shenanigans and shade thrown at another relative, only for me to give radio silence because I'm just not interested in being pulled into drama. If someone assumed I was apart of some crap because of that, it would suck. Thank goodness I wasn't accused of conspiring with the drama queen at the time because that would be a problem. In their case, I can see that they did not respond when she roped them in via cc and only responded after the end result where the sis in law included them in a punishment of sorts (the world war 3 comment). You have to give people the benefit of the doubt.
Also I thought about it and worse case scenario, say the sis in law did bring it up to the relatives to discuss. That still means nothing as we see no one thought it was important enough to bring to her attention except sis in law. They didn't bother to respond to the email until after their "punishment" was conceived. They stayed out of it imo. That doesn't mean they are on the side of the sis in law. They could just hear sis in law
, roll their eyes and kim only to see an email with themselves cc'd in it, and then of course the response from her. It says wwIII happened so that means the family was offended only afterwards and decided to make their feelings known (world war 3 style) after their reprimand. That tells me that she jumped the gun and decided to go after everyone out of anger instead of thinking this through and just addressing the obvious person (sis in law) at fault. We can only guess with everyone else is thinking or doing but there is one person who is obviously guilty. The sis is the culprit who not only wrote to her but tried to cc in everyone else to shame her. Now if everyone jumped in to defend her after she responded to her sis in law (in the cc of course) now that's another story and then she should of course let them have it too. Otherwise she jumped the gun prematurely. I'm in agreement with the columnist formerly known as Prudence about that.
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luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
Oh and regardless of her response (right or wrong), hubby should back her. Sure they should have a talk (to get on the same page) but for all purposes he needs to back her in public period.
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cinnespice
Hello is me your looking for?
This would have been my reaction. You don't pay my bills nor buy my furniture so i guess you offering to pay for the upgrade. Further more if you come to my house, I'm not playing tour guide, cooking or putting myself out in any way that makes me feel uncomfortable. If you don't like it find hotel to go to, good luck with the pricing cause i live in NYC
.
Transformer
Well-Known Member
Problem: If the SIL purchases a bed, she would think she could come ANYTIME because it's HER bed.
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