Four Signs a Guy's into You...from the guy's perspective

[kayte]

Four Signs a Guy's into You

I've been surrounded by women my whole life, and I have a good grasp on how you think. But truth be told, there are still things I just don't get about you.

For the purposes of this article, I'll keep my list short: frozen yogurt (just order the damn ice cream already!), tiny purses (you ask us to carry your wallet, cell, and keys, so what the heck do you keep in there?!),

and — this one really baffles me — the random stuff you analyze when trying to figure out if a guy is into you.

As my civic duty, I'm going to lay out exactly what you should be keeping an eye on. Here's what we do when we like you.

We Text You Between Noon and 5 p.m.
It's not the frequency that shows if he's into you. The truest sign of a guy's interest (assuming you've been on a few dates) has to do with when he's sending his texts. Like, before noon is weird. He has a job, right?

You want it to be sometime between noon and 5 p.m. He's waited just long enough not to look desperate, but he's leaving enough time for the two of you to make solid plans. Any text after that means you're an afterthought or his other plans fell through and he wants to get out of his house. Anything beyond 11 p.m. is a booty call. If he texts you at 4 a.m. with "hye baby im drnkn and i wana see u. come outsid," forget about him. Also, maybe call the police.

We Schmooze with Your Pals
We have watched Sex and the City (please don't tell) and know how influential your friends are. If a cocktail endears us to them, we'll shell out.

We're also hoping it will loosen your pals' lips and they'll tell us some embarrassing stories about you. Those stories show that you know how to have fun. We'll laugh over a tale about your getting buzzed at a college event and hitting on the dean. But be warned: If your BFF shares the time you got so trashed that you made out with the entire lacrosse team, we may judge you.

We Take You Out During the Day
If he wants to get drinks near his place, he has an agenda. He's going to get you tipsy and casually suggest going back to his pad, where he'll try to score.

Someone who invites you to lunch legitimately wants to get to know you. Even better, he thinks you're pretty enough not to need dim lighting and booze. Bonus points if he's willing to come to your neighborhood. One more thing: We aren't being lazy when we ask you to suggest a restaurant. We're doing it because it guarantees that you'll enjoy your meal. If I pick, we're going to end up at Quiznos — delicious but not so romantic.

We E-mail You
I've heard many female friends complain that a guy sent them an e-mail instead of calling. Don't take it as a bad sign! If he sends it during the workday, it's because he's stressed out and you provide him with a pleasant escape.

Be wary of the guy who prefers Facebook messaging. Men use it as a distraction, and chances are, yours isn't the only wall he's writing on. Hell, he's probably even "poking" other women. Side note: There's nothing lamer than a guy who uses the poke function.


hmmmmmmmmmmmm
okay ladies...add your own signs a guy is into you!

 

[Rapunzel*]

i totally agree with this man.
i wish i could thank you twice for this kayte

 

[Bunny77]

Pretty much agree with all of it... although I'm expecting more than just text messages... a man who's into me needs to be calling as well.

With that said though, I remember meeting a guy who sent me a text soon after our meeting that he'd like to see me again. I was cool with that (it was around 2:30 p.m.) and I said, "I would too! Give me a call!"

WHY OH WHY did he text me later that night... maybe 12 minutes before 11 p.m., asking what I was doing and saying that he was out at a bar in So-and-So City. Like I care??? And it wasn't an invitation either... did he just expect me to jump and go, "Ooh, I'll be right there!!!"

I texted him back three days later and said that I don't have text conversations. He called me that night and we went on a proper date. I asked him about that text the other night and said I didn't appreciate being contacted in that manner at that time from a bar. He apologized, and said he didn't know what he was thinking...

Well, he didn't improve the texting habits (plus, he had just gotten divorced two months ago and was rebounding), so that ended that. BUT what this guy in Kayte's post is saying completely fits that situation that I experienced with a late text.

 

[kayte]

... maybe 12 minutes before 11 p.m., asking what I was doing and saying that he was out at a bar in So-and-So City. Like I care??? And it wasn't an invitation either... did he just expect me to jump and go, "Ooh, I'll be right there!!!"

and you didn't... ha!
BEEN THERE
many of us in single femalehood has 'had'...hopefully as in past tense
a certain percentage of our dating tenure navigating THOSE...

although I'm expecting more than just text messages... a man who's into me needs to be calling as well.

indeed...
I'm not a fan of texting..it's usually,.if we're meeting somewhere
and someone{me }lol... has gotten lost and needs the address

i totally agree with this man.

I love the part about daytime dates~~~

 

[lesedi]

I'ma need more than an email........i'm sayin'.......
But apart from that I agree with the other points. Thanks OP!

 

[kayte]

uh..huh...uh huh
okay ..at least 170 of you peeked in.....
anyone gonna fess up at least one sign ..a guy is into you?
c'mon...


This will be interesting
I just had a call TONIGHT whille I was out from someone
I've had a crush ON for years..this wild drummer I used to be in a band
with...very radical political...youknow the type ..grassroots.
but gorgeous...tough looking muscular blonde..
bad boy...educated...cerebral...esoteric...
he was always was with nicaraguan woman and then a philipino

out of the blue sky...he calls..leaves this msge tonight
I got your phone number from so and so
I called to....ask you out..maybe. ..tonight?
I've always wanted to hang out with you
always...
if you don't have a boyfriend ..that is

I'm suspicious..
smells like a rebound

 

[LisaLisa1908]

The surest way to know someone is into you?

They will let you KNOW they're into you. You won't have to question it because they aren't trying to keep it a secret. Real talk. He will call, he will email, he will text, he will make plans. It's really that simple. When a man wants to be bothered, HE WILL BE BOTHERED!

 

[kismettt]

im thinking back on my past/current relationships, and one thing i can say is if a guy was texting me a lot/i was texting him a lot it usually didn't go anywhere.

my bf did not have a phone when we started dating (he gave me his dorm phone but didn't tell me that was his dorm number and i texted him & never got a response & was all pouty). my ex asked for my number, and we spent time together that day & would text me to say goodnight or if i was in class.

& i have never ever emailed a guy i like/been emailed. its probably because of facebook? maybe thats basically the same thing.

 

[kayte]

They will let you KNOW they're into you

It's really that simple.

Is it?

I think a guy can do that...show up...
do all the "right things" and..consistent is steady...is dependable
willing to be "bothered" talks call emails plans..follows through
even marries the person...and not be into them..
maybe into being within partnership or into not being alone
which I suspect might be.... with this drummer

I know people in such relationships...

I'm curious about specific ways.. men....undeniably... go beyond baseline
acceptable dating etiquette/behavior which is all of the above...
to say ..you matter to me..you make a difference ..I'm crazy about
you ...and I cant to wait
to show you how much

 

[R4L]

I dunno,......i am kind of a big texter/im'er myself. I wouldn't want someone to think i'm not into them b/c i don't call all the time. I just don't always have a ton of time to be sitting on the phone.

 

[Bunny77]

I dunno,......i am kind of a big texter/im'er myself. I wouldn't want someone to think i'm not into them b/c i don't call all the time. I just don't always have a ton of time to be sitting on the phone.

Do you see these men in person very often?

 

[aribell]

uh..huh...uh huh
okay ..at least 170 of you peeked in.....
anyone gonna fess up at least one sign ..a guy is into you?
c'mon...

I agree with the signs, especially calling during the day, not primarily texting, and making an effort to know your friends/being willing to spend time with your friends. The only one I'm not as sure about is the e-mailing thing. I'm not sure how that's much better than a text. Or, maybe it's supposed to be the equivalent of an IM? Idk, technology is kinda confusing. In any event, real live phone calls and actual dates (not "hanging out," "chilling," etc.) are key.

Personally, I'd add that if the man is interested in really getting to know you, like your goals, what makes you tick, etc., that's a good sign as well.

Is it?



I think a guy can do that...show up...

do all the "right things" and..consistent is steady...is dependable

willing to be "bothered" talks call emails plans..follows through

even marries the person...and not be into them..

maybe into being within partnership or into not being alone

which I suspect might be.... with this drummer



I know people in such relationships...

This is a situation that I'd desperately like to avoid. I think we have to look for signs that he's really in love, not just signs that he's committed. Personally, I think a good sign of that is when he is generally amazed by you and thinks you're the greatest thing since sliced bread, which he should, of course. If he's vocal about it, to you and others, I think he's really into you.

 

[R4L]

Do you see these men in person very often?

when possible, I'm not one who wants to see someone everyday unless we've already jumped the broom. Until then, I'm gonna continue to do me, which includes book club, family, work outs, trips with friends etc.

I guess I'm more like a dude. I'm not a clingy girl

 

[Honey Bee]

anyone gonna fess up at least one sign ..a guy is into you?

Ok, I dredged one up for you, lol: I met my sweetie in college, in New Hampshire (but we're both NY'ers). Our relationship started as a physical thing, and this was about a week or two into it. So, he was coming home for the weekend, and even though I would have loved to drive back with him, I really didn't know him like that to be trusting his driving skills, lol, so I stayed on campus. Well, the sweetie pie that he is, he knew that I love coffee. (It's so serious that I had a coffee maker in my dorm room.) So, what did he do to show his ever-loving devotion? He brought me Starbuck's. He drove it, all the way from NY to NH. The cup had mad drips on the sides, it was cold, but I heated it up and reveled in the thought that I had put it on this man so thouroughly, so officially that he schlepped an over-priced coffee drink through several states.

I don't know how to generalize that into a rule, but I know you'll figure it out.

I just had a call TONIGHT whille I was out from someone
I've had a crush ON for years.

Your instincts are correct; it's a rebound, but go out with him anyway. I've been with my SO 8 years, but, in my heart of hearts, there is that one guy who I had flirted with for ages, and I regret not jumping on that (literally and figuratively). It's not that he was that fine or whatever (he was), I just feel like it's something left undone, like I left the iron on. To be clear, I wouldn't do it now, because I don't cheat (I feel like, if I wanted to be single, I would be)... but the thought still lingers. I said all that to say, the chance might not come back around, so hop on it (literally or figuratively, I don't know you like that, lol).

 

[kayte]

This is a situation that I'd desperately like to avoid. I think we have to look for signs that he's really in love, not just signs that he's committed. Personally, I think a good sign of that is when he is generally amazed by you and thinks you're the greatest thing since sliced bread, which he should, of course. If he's vocal about it, to you and others, I think he's really into you.

exactly...
while that's a foundation..baseline as I said.....
we are so used to losers that when someone does the adult thing such as calling when he says and keeps the date ..no late night..calls ..we think that means WOW..
when really ..that should be the normal standard all along
and from there...we discern..... how into us.... he is
but not just mature behavior as a marker

This is a situation that I'd desperately like to avoid.

for what it's worth Nicole...I do not see this happening to you
or me...

 

[kayte]

He brought me Starbuck's. He drove it, all the way from NY to NH. The cup had mad drips on the sides, it was cold, but I heated it up and reveled in the thought that I had put it on this man so thouroughly, so officially that he schlepped an over-priced coffee drink through several states.

**** ****
lovely
** *** *** ** **** *** ******

 

[kayte]

Your instincts are correct; it's a rebound, but go out with him anyway. I said all that to say, the chance might not come back around, so hop on it (literally or figuratively, I don't know you like that, lol).

ETA..
OT..
update.. we talked..on topic: he did email me and called at least two times
after initial contact message and then asked for a date..three actually

~
he asked me out to the movies..to go out w/him
Friday he's such an egghead /rocker..which I love..he cannot be categorized
so..his idea of movies is a
political documentary/commentary at the film forum...
this is a VERY special man....I've always cared for him
and always envied the two beautiful dynamic women
he had been partnered with..each one...long term

we talked briefly and he was very candid..and he
asked to talk more.. in person..I turned down the date
for this week tho I was available...just to have some time to think about it...
to pull back a bit and to not get enmeshed..so quickly,or at all
THOUGH EVERYPART OF ME SURE WANTS TO
but left the door open for a date next week or soon
after

and though he said simply and honestly
he's always had a place in his heart for me which he NEVER
acted on except for being a huge encourager for me as a
musician and songwriter.. and though I did feel a mutual attraction,
he never called attention to it ..just showed up
at my nyc book signing...jammed together..always supportive
warm and caring..
honestly?.. I cannot WAIT to be with him
to spend time and really say things that could not be said before
and to just enjoy him THAT way..even if briefly
BUT...this cannot go far..like a few dates and for
my own sanity....need to back away...too dangerous
he is goin through changes..guess I am too..in my own way
*sigh*..so there it is..
yes.. yes ..yes ..I am taking this opportunity! I'm not sorry
he reached out to me..finally

how bizarre though

NEVER in a million years ..would I ever thought THIS kind of call wld come from him
I had to listen to it three times to be convince myself..lol... it was him
saying I've always wanted to go out with you
my friends are saying DONT DO IT..

we have a very warm friendship I can be candid with him and see whats up
see...he's only been with two women VERY long term....

we are soo different
he's paul t proletariat and i'm a latent bourgesoie
misspelled but ..still

we once had a tiff over MTV
He said how can you watch that?
I said shrugging...ah..it's a lesser evil

lesser evil??????????????? he said

IT'S THE EPITOME OF EVIL!!!! lololol

 

[anon123]

I'ma need more than an email........i'm sayin'.......
But apart from that I agree with the other points. Thanks OP!

It's interesting that 2 of the 4 signs are texting and emailing. I guess that's how the younger generation arranges all their meetings? Or did he just assume we'd all know about the telephone and how to interpret telephone use? I do use email and texts often, but a phone call is still necessary to confirm whatever plans were made by email and text. Maybe since they're a comparatively new communication media, he's just clearing up the details of their use.

Anyway, it generally makes sense, though I get tired with the "we do X" as though any person can speak for all of their group. If I wrote a post about Women Do X based on what I do, there'd be a lot of disagreement.

 

[LisaLisa1908]

Is it?

I think a guy can do that...show up...
do all the "right things" and..consistent is steady...is dependable
willing to be "bothered" talks call emails plans..follows through
even marries the person...and not be into them..
maybe into being within partnership or into not being alone
which I suspect might be.... with this drummer

I know people in such relationships...

I'm curious about specific ways.. men....undeniably... go beyond baseline
acceptable dating etiquette/behavior which is all of the above...
to say ..you matter to me..you make a difference ..I'm crazy about
you ...and I cant to wait
to show you how much

They still chose that person. Now it's up to that person to determine compatibility and suitability. What you're telling me is that this person put up a front. I don't know how to tell you to figure out a pathological liar. And when I say "he's letting you know", you know when someone is into you. Anybody that's NOT into you but is steady making plans and paying attention is misrepresenting himself. That's another issue.

By the way, the crux of this thread isn't "he's in love with you," it's "he's INTO you." There have been many dudes that were "into" me that didn't love me and I didn't love them, but we enjoyed each other for the time we had together.

 

[Carrie A]

uh..huh...uh huh
okay ..at least 170 of you peeked in.....
anyone gonna fess up at least one sign ..a guy is into you?
c'mon...

He lets you drive his car.

 

[kayte]

What you're telling me is that this person put up a front. I don't know how to tell you to figure out a pathological liar. And when I say "he's letting you know", you know when someone is into you. Anybody that's NOT into you but is steady making plans and paying attention is misrepresenting himself. That's another issue.

By the way, the crux of this thread isn't "he's in love with you," it's "he's INTO you." There have been many dudes that were "into" me that didn't love me and I didn't love them, but we enjoyed each other for the time we had together.

oh my ..not saying that at all...
pathological liar? very confused where that come

putting up a front..nope
not what I meant

men and women enter can and do partnerships with committemnt
with all the criterion listed above..and without dissembling..being honest
and without passion or deep level of interest ..YES THEY DO
though they commit and even marry and even use the L word

I have a lovely friend who just left such a marriage..her husband a GREAT guy
in every way...did all of those things..mature committed ..
and neither of them was really into the other...but they did the staus quo
neither cheated lied ..pathogical or periodic white lies.. lol
great friends had kids together..my friend says out of college they married
they did what was all the right things...
they split!!!

NO FIGHTING GREAT FRIENDS

such is that relationship


so...I mean that my standard for a man being into me has to transcend
and ascribe above what ought to an accepted dating norm
calling plans followthrough...ANY adult mature relationship
ought to have that....
rather than being looked at a special deviation

so that when a man actually does this....it is a marker of maturity
for me ..not a means...that he is into me

"being "into someone" to me is subjective!..
the words in love were not used by me..every woman has her own
barometer on that.... I do think enjoyment is certainly a part of that
but I like my own defiintions.they work for me

I had trouble with the article which is why I said hmmmmm
and asked for woman's viewpoint!

 

[deltadreamland]

My boyfriend doesn't text at all; said it's irritating to him and he'd rather talk. That was a first being that every other grown man older than him that i've been involved with were avid texters. But anyway, I like it and respect his wishes-he's broken me. I know not to text him at all which means we always talk on the phone instead.

One night I was at his house and a text came through from him. I was in the living room and he was in the bedroom-it was a text from him. "Meet me in the bedroom" it said. I almost fell on the floor when I got that text from him, but I high-tailed it to the bedroom.

 

[Carrie A]

men and women enter can and do partnerships with commitment
with all the criterion listed above..and without dissembling..being honest
and without passion or deep level of interest ..YES THEY DO
though they commit and even marry and even use the L word

NO FIGHTING GREAT FRIENDS

such is that relationship


so...I mean that my standard for a man being into me has to transcend
and ascribe above what ought to an accepted dating norm
calling plans followthrough...ANY adult mature relationship
ought to have that....
rather than being looked at a special deviation

so that when a man actually does this....it is a marker of maturity
for me ..not a means...that he is into me

"being "into someone" to me is subjective!..
the words in love were not used by me..every woman has her own
barometer on that.... I do think enjoyment is certainly a part of that
but I like my own definitions.they work for me

I had trouble with the article which is why I said hmmmmm
and asked for woman's viewpoint!

IDK Kayte Just how much more does he have to transcend?

I guess I'm just practical.
Things like being dependable counts
Introducing you to his parents
Taking off their sweater and giving it to you even though they're cold.
Spending time with you during a football game by choice.
Bringing you soup when you are sick.
Verbalizing feelings and being open/ honest.
Changing you light bulbs.
Lifting you over a water puddle
Buying you groceries
Wanting to spend time with you doing things you both enjoy.
Breaking a habit (like smoking) in order to be with you.
Doing what needs to be done for mutual satisfaction
Making a committment to you.

Anything more intense then that - like reciting sonnets and then you start getting into infatuation. That emotionally intense infatuation is often snuffed out by other issues while the dependable love continues to grow over time (if cultivated).

The "couple" you described weren't authentic in defining all of the elements they needed in their marriage from the beginning.
It's a shame that the accepted norm of dating as changed/ declined. With that said I don't think you should discount the person that puts forth this effort continuously. For most men it's just too much energy to sustain that over a long period for someone they're not into to some degree.

 

[kandake]

One night I was at his house and a text came through from him. I was in the living room and he was in the bedroom-it was a text from him. "Meet me in the bedroom" it said. I almost fell on the floor when I got that text from him, but I high-tailed it to the bedroom.

That was cute.

I have nothing else to add in terms of signs. However, I did want to add that I don't necessarily rule out guys who text because I happen to like texting myself.

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

yay. i'm getting all of these! ​

 

[BroadstreetBully]

He's right!

I find it funny how we can always tell when a guy we're not feeling is into us, but we start to over analyze when trying to figure out if a guy we actually like is into us. You know that guy that you're not into who is always calling, asking you out, and going to extra mile to win you over? It's like, you KNOW he's into you, but somehow when we are feeling a guy all of that goes out the window. I had to break myself out of this habit. If a guy is into me, he's doing all of the stuff that guy X was doing.

 

[kayte]

IDK Kayte Just how much more does he have to transcend?

Evidently ..not much more for you

^^^^
I'm joking,Carrie...
I think that quote is being taken out of context,tho
and the generalized sonnet comment....I found ...confusing ...
passion & poetry does not equate infatuation or no one would get married lololol because both often show up at a wedding
as well as infatuatuion..that's a VERY different enrgy and topic ..
and yes...the couple were being authentic as much as they knew how

btw,I'm not speaking for you...or anybody but for myself and to see if ayone identifies...if it strikes a chord
those characteristics you describe are lovely
but, I've already explained,that I think they ought to be a given
standard,not to judge his level of interest
but as the starting point on a level playing field and from there to discern
level of interest
..all lot of the things some men do are with SEVERAL women at once..multidatng ..
call text make plans follow thorough...is consistent
why should that be special? to me..it just SHOULD BE


some women will understand what I mean, and are already on board with that....

So not discounting....just re-examining what being into you means
and by default...re-thinking "making special note of behavior
that ought to be an established mature part of beeing a grownup!

I think the article written by a guy....makes one good point about late night calls as precaution..but much of the rest asking to be cited for his emailing and such....seems like a lazy man to me who wants cookies
for being an adult
*shrug*

I didn't want to get into a protracted defense of those ideals,tho
just wanted to see if anyone identified...
lol..as usual...I'm in the minority ..ah well..used to being the wild card
really curious if anyone else related
guess not!

IDK Kayte Just how much more does he have to transcend?

I guess I'm just practical.
Things like being dependable counts
Introducing you to his parents
Taking off their sweater and giving it to you even though they're cold.
Spending time with you during a football game by choice.
Bringing you soup when you are sick.
Verbalizing feelings and being open/ honest.
Changing you light bulbs.
Lifting you over a water puddle
Buying you groceries
Wanting to spend time with you doing things you both enjoy.
Breaking a habit (like smoking) in order to be with you.
Doing what needs to be done for mutual satisfaction
Making a committment to you.

Anything more intense then that - like reciting sonnets and then you start getting into infatuation. That emotionally intense infatuation is often snuffed out by other issues while the dependable love continues to grow over time (if cultivated).

The "couple" you described weren't authentic in defining all of the elements they needed in their marriage from the beginning.
It's a shame that the accepted norm of dating as changed/ declined. With that said I don't think you should discount the person that puts forth this effort continuously. For most men it's just too much energy to sustain that over a long period for someone they're not into to some degree.

 

[Honey Bee]

Not to speak for Kayte, since she's a writer, and can do so quite well herself , but I think what she's saying is, some things are just right, baseline, and you don't get extra points for that (like Chris Rock said about men wanting 'points' for paying child support). A decent guy will do certain gentlemanly, essentially baseline stuff, but the question is, how does he go above and beyond to show you that you're more special to him than, say, the other girl/woman he's also dating (and doing the baseline stuff for).

Although, it is possible that I confused things more.

 

[Carrie A]

Not to speak for Kayte, since she's a writer, and can do so quite well herself , but I think what she's saying is, some things are just right, baseline, and you don't get extra points for that (like Chris Rock said about men wanting 'points' for paying child support). A decent guy will do certain gentlemanly, essentially baseline stuff, but the question is, how does he go above and beyond to show you that you're more special to him than, say, the other girl/woman he's also dating (and doing the baseline stuff for).

Although, it is possible that I confused things more.

No think we get what she's asking, at least I do. I'm just really interested now in Kayte's standard of a man being into her.

[QUOTE)
some women will understand what I mean, and are already on board with that....
[/QUOTE]

^^^ Kayte can you give several examples of what you consider a man being into you that goes above and beyond the standard mature behavior?
** I was being a little sarcastic with the sonnets comment. But I really am interested in hearing your examples and would like to understand what you mean.

 

[kayte]

Not to speak for Kayte, since she's a writer, and can do so quite well herself , but I think what she's saying is, some things are just right, baseline, and you don't get extra points for that (like Chris Rock said about men wanting 'points' for paying child support). A decent guy will do certain gentlemanly, essentially baseline stuff, but the question is, how does he go above and beyond to show you that you're more special to him than, say, the other girl/woman he's also dating (and doing the baseline stuff for).

Although, it is possible that I confused things more.

you did not~~ thankyou

Exactly..................
well stated...