Should Women Play Hard to Get??---Here's a GUY's Take....(Very Interesting!!)

[cheetarah1980]

Okay I need to know how you ladies are getting multiple dates at one time lol. Maybe it's just me, but I don't get approached often. And ever since I went natural....ha...forget about it. erplexed And even if I DO get approached, 9 times out of 10 it's usually some crazy guy calling from across the street.... Guys that I wouldn't even think about dating.... Are my standards too high? I mean, I could see if every Tom Dick and Harry were trying to get at me and I"m turning them down one by one, but that's not the case!

I can't even "multi-date" because I'm not asked out on dates 24/7.

What about women like US?? How do WE keep our "cool" if we're not having multiple suitors knocking down our doors??

It can be feast or famine with me. I can go months without a date if I'm not thinking about it. However, if I'm making a concerted effort to meet guys I can usually get a rotation going. I think what helps is not getting complacent when one guy shows potential. It's kind of like searching for a job. You don't stop applying to other companies just because one invited you to interview. Even the most promising dates can wind up dropping off the face of the earth or showing their ***. I meet guys online, at bars, and just out socializing. I'd like to meet more guys through friends but that's harder where I live because all of my friends have the same friends as me (we're all classmates) so there's nothing really new in that circle. In terms of meeting guys while out I just go out looking my best (clothes, hair, makeup) and am very open. Most of the time when I'm out I wind up chatting with at least one guy. Sometimes it stays at talking, sometimes they ask for my number, and every once in a while they actually use that number. From there it's just about connecting again. There are so many places in the process where things kind of fall apart that it really just becomes a numbers game. I play the numbers.

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

That threshold comment is very true and that goes for us too.

 

[kimpaur]

Wow, thanks for posting that website, there's some helpful stuff on there.

 

[CaraWalker]

i dont agree with this.

i dont think people should play games or try to trick someone into liking you; i agree there that that generally doesnt work. but i dont think anyone, especially men, should be encouraging women not to be mindful of how available they are making themselves to men in the dating stage and that that has no affect on how the man perceives you.

i do think its a very delicate balance as far as playing games vs subtly manipulating the way he sees you as far as building a relationship. the concept of playing hard to get fails because its obvious, imo. but i think youd be lying and/or on the stupid side to say, or advocate for the idea, that your behavior isnt a constant factor in how he feels about dating you.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I didn't get past the first paragraph.
I just realized I'm tired of giving a damn about what men want and think.
It's all about me now.
If you want me let me know, if not keep walking;
I probably didn't notice you anyway.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Wow, thanks for posting that website, there's some helpful stuff on there.

@kimpaur You're welcome! It is VERY eye-opening imo!! erplexed

I didn't get past the first paragraph.
I just realized I'm tired of giving a damn about what men want and think.
It's all about me now.
If you want me let me know, if not keep walking;
I probably didn't notice you anyway.

@CurlyMoo

I understand what you're saying.... I used to feel the same way actually. But let me ask you something...do you really WANT to be in a relationship?? If you don't really care either way, then all of this is a moot point lol . But if you're like me, and really DO want to be in a relationship, then this information (imo) IS actually very interesting to take note of!

Again, I'm always putting the disclaimer out that this is just ONE man's opinion , but if you're looking to be with a MAN....it might just be good to hear what and how SOME MEN think....especially if what you've been doing in the past hasn't really been working too well. erplexed If you're already IN a relationship, then this info is probably not really to your benefit.

To me it's just the same as looking for a job. If you're OUT of a job, and you've been out of a job for MONTHS, and you keep putting out your resume but you aren't getting any bites....doesn't it just seem "normal" to do more research on how to tweak your resume, learn what employers are looking for, maybe even read and RE-read the job announcement to find out what that specific employer wants for that specific position and then TWEAK your resume to fit that description?? I mean, to me it just seems like common sense lol.

But I agree lol, the RIGHT guy will like you just for you . But I'm at the age where, I can't just keep on telling myself that "a guy should accept me JUST the way I am!!!" I need to bring out my BEST self. Just like a job interview...I dress up, I look nice, I smell nice, I'm pleasant, etc. I didn't just wake up like that, I need to put effort into it.

I didn't grow up w/brothers or any males to give me a "hint" on how guys think or may perceive certain things. So this blog definitely helps me!

It's not about being inauthentic, but it's more so about knowing what the "other side" may be thinking and making sure that you're bringing out your BEST self.

But I understand if it's purely hogwash for you lol.

 

[CurlyMoo]

@kimpaur You're welcome! It is VERY eye-opening imo!! erplexed






@CurlyMoo

I understand what you're saying.... I used to feel the same way actually. But let me ask you something...do you really WANT to be in a relationship?? If you don't really care either way, then all of this is a moot point lol . But if you're like me, and really DO want to be in a relationship, then this information (imo) IS actually very interesting to take note of!

Again, I'm always putting the disclaimer out that this is just ONE man's opinion , but if you're looking to be with a MAN....it might just be good to hear what and how SOME MEN think....especially if what you've been doing in the past hasn't really been working too well. erplexed If you're already IN a relationship, then this info is probably not really to your benefit.

To me it's just the same as looking for a job. If you're OUT of a job, and you've been out of a job for MONTHS, and you keep putting out your resume but you aren't getting any bites....doesn't it just seem "normal" to do more research on how to tweak your resume, learn what employers are looking for, maybe even read and RE-read the job announcement to find out what that specific employer wants for that specific position and then TWEAK your resume to fit that description?? I mean, to me it just seems like common sense lol.

But I agree lol, the RIGHT guy will like you just for you . But I'm at the age where, I can't just keep on telling myself that "a guy should accept me JUST the way I am!!!" I need to bring out my BEST self. Just like a job interview...I dress up, I look nice, I smell nice, I'm pleasant, etc. I didn't just wake up like that, I need to put effort into it.

I didn't grow up w/brothers or any males to give me a "hint" on how guys think or may perceive certain things. So this blog definitely helps me!

It's not about being inauthentic, but it's more so about knowing what the "other side" may be thinking and making sure that you're bringing out your BEST self.

But I understand if it's purely hogwash for you lol.

Oh no, I didn't say I didn't care about being in a relationship. I want to be in a relationship. I said I am tired of concerning myself about what men think and want. Girl, I'm just tired of thinking about it. The more I do the more frustrated, confused and broke I become. I'm done. Because one man's opinion is another mans turn off. This is what I find with men, they don't all think the same nor have the same needs. One guy likes a shy, submissive type, another likes them domineering and outgoing. I can't be bothered with that mess.

I honestly think women would do better to first know who they are and what their needs are; then start the interview process with the guys they date. Like asking questions, and gauging if you are on the same page. Are we a good fit for each other.

I don't play hard to get, I am hard to get. No matter how easy I try to be, it doesn't go anywhere, or I end up with the wrong guy who doesn't like to make an effort in anything. So I need a guy who likes a challenge. If he doesn't, neither one of us will actually be happy.

So instead of asking, "Should I play hard to get to get a man?" It should be, "Is this the guy strong enough to deal with my strong personality?" Or "I am sexually open minded, will this guy appreciate and respect who I am?" When I read these articles I feel they are more focused on women meeting the needs of men, not men meeting the needs of women or meeting each others needs.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Oh no, I didn't say I didn't care about being in a relationship. I want to be in a relationship. I said I am tired of concerning myself about what men think and want. Girl, I'm just tired of thinking about it. The more I do the more frustrated, confused and broke I become. I'm done. Because one man's opinion is another mans turn off. This is what I find with men, they don't all think the same nor have the same needs. One guy likes a shy, submissive type, another likes them domineering and outgoing. I can't be bothered with that mess.

I honestly think women would do better to first know who they are and what their needs are; then start the interview process with the guys they date. Like asking questions, and gauging if you are on the same page. Are we a good fit for each other.

I don't play hard to get, I am hard to get. No matter how easy I try to be, it doesn't go anywhere, or I end up with the wrong guy who doesn't like to make an effort in anything. So I need a guy who likes a challenge. If he doesn't, neither one of us will actually be happy.

So instead of asking, "Should I play hard to get to get a man?" It should be, "Is this the guy strong enough to deal with my strong personality?" Or "I am sexually open minded, will this guy appreciate and respect who I am?" When I read these articles I feel they are more focused on women meeting the needs of men, not men meeting the needs of women or meeting each others needs.

I understand.... I definitely can relate to the frustration you might feel.

The way I look at it, all of the books, articles, blogs, etc. are just for "suggestion". Nobody is saying that you HAVE to follow it or even give it anymore mind other than "nice read". If what you're doing is working for you then keep doing that!

I do feel that there is a lid for every pot...