For Those Of You Who Were Single For A While Before Finding Your So

[SurferBabe]

... what factors do you think contributed to you finding a mate after years of rolling solo?

I'm talking about 3+ years single, and past the undergrad years at least.

Were you dating a lot during that time or were you doing your own thing and just happened upon love?

Did you change anything about yourself?

Looking back, is there anything you think you could have done differently to find a mate sooner?

I'd love to hear your stories!

 

[Godsdaughter001]

IME, I was single for about 2-3 years. I'd come out of two bad relationships - no abuse or anything, just settling for less than I deserved and less than I brought to the relationship. I was determined to be found by a man who was worthy. I wasn't in a hurry to "have a man". I was happy being single because I knew that the next man I gave my heart to was going to be the ONE. I wasn't going to rush into anything. I also needed a break from men, and wanted to just be by myself for a while. I didn't date anyone at all for a year - but I dated myself .

I wouldn't change anything about my taking a break from dating or being single for 2-3 years. I needed that time to think about the mistakes I made in my past relationships and how I was going to change for the better. When I was ready to get back in the game, I distinctly remember saying out loud, "I'm going to find my husband " or "meet my husband " or something like that. Shortly after that dh and I started dating.

 

[faithVA]

I wasn't dating a lot. By that time I had become very selective. I stayed very active and hung out a lot with a mixed group of friends. Over the years I just worked on knowing who I was and what I truly wanted. I did not know that when I was younger. I stopped trying to please other people and just be happy with myself the good and the bad.

If I could tell my younger self anything it would be don't get into any long term relationship with anyone who isn't the one. And you know he isn't the one in your heart. While wasting time with the wrong one you are diminishing yourself and not able to recognize the one for you even if he is there.

 

[caribeandiva]

*subscribing*

 

[luthiengirlie]

subscribing

 

[ivyness]

I wasn't dating a lot. By that time I had become very selective. I stayed very active and hung out a lot with a mixed group of friends. Over the years I just worked on knowing who I was and what I truly wanted. I did not know that when I was younger. I stopped trying to please other people and just be happy with myself the good and the bad.

If I could tell my younger self anything it would be don't get into any long term relationship with anyone who isn't the one. And you know he isn't the one in your heart. While wasting time with the wrong one you are diminishing yourself and not able to recognize the one for you even if he is there.

You just made me kick myself for wasting all of last year on a man I knew wasn't the one from the word go!

 

[faithVA]

You just made me kick myself for wasting all of last year on a man I knew wasn't the one from the word go!

Don't kick yourself. Just get ready to move on now that you are more clear.

 

[Flourishnikov]

Great thread. *bump*

 

[ivyness]

You just made me kick myself for wasting all of last year on a man I knew wasn't the one from the word go!

Why am I wasting my time with another wrong man Thank God for this site!

 

[Maracujá]

Bump bump bump

 

[LushLox]

I was single for three years. I had come out of a bad relationship and simply did not want to deal with another man. For at least 18 months I didn't bother to go on any dates; I'm not someone who NEEDS a man to validate me. I wanted to date and start pursuing a new relationship in my own time when I was mentally ready.

I went on a few dates during the following 18 months until I finally met the man I'm with; I'm glad I waited because I'm not prepared to 'settle' or compromise on what I want.

You have to actually learn something from past mistakes.

 

[niknakmac]

I had given up dating. I was just tired. I moved to a new city where grown men are interested in being husbands, fathers, providers etc. I believe if I didn't move I would still be single. I met DH about 2 weeks after moving. He was actually from the city that I moved from.

 

[caribeandiva]

I had given up dating. I was just tired. I moved to a new city where grown men are interested in being husbands, fathers, providers etc. I believe if I didn't move I would still be single. I met DH about 2 weeks after moving. He was actually from the city that I moved from.

What are the odds?

 

[niknakmac]

What are the odds?

We still laugh about that. He actually lived about 2 blocks away from me.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

Been in my feelings for a lil now, both mad at self for not making necessary changes in life to put self in position to meet anyone, so not even trying nowadays.

ETa: was going to delete, because always seeming dire... nah going to keep so I can see whenever I come back that it is me and not moving, staying stagnant in this realm...

 

[Flourishnikov]

For those that took a break from dating does that include turning down invitations to go out on dates? Like if a guy approaches you do you just tell them you're not interested? My thought is always what if that guy IS the one, but then again i guess if he is circumstances will bring you back together at a more opportune time.

 

[quirkydimples]

For those that took a break from dating does that include turning down invitations to go out on dates? Like if a guy approaches you do you just tell them you're not interested? My thought is always what if that guy IS the one, but then again i guess if he is circumstances will bring you back together at a more opportune time.

During the two years I was single, I turned down offers because I wasn't ready for them. I still had work to do on myself and other things that needed to be lined up.

 

[niknakmac]

For those that took a break from dating does that include turning down invitations to go out on dates? Like if a guy approaches you do you just tell them you're not interested? My thought is always what if that guy IS the one, but then again i guess if he is circumstances will bring you back together at a more opportune time.

Yes I was turning down dates I was sooooo over it. DH just insisted on showing me around my new city stressing that they were not dates.Next thing you know we were hanging out everyday (no sex). One night I made dinner and he didn't show up until late I got pissed and threw out his dinner. He got pissed that I threw out his dinner and then we had a talk and after that talk we started dating.