For real though..........why do men play mind games???

StarScream35

StarScream35

Well-Known Member
I'm still trying to figure this one out and most men can't even answer it themselves. I have met this guy who is doing this and he just has me crrraaaazy. The funny thing is when I start ignoring him and stop answering his texts and calls, it seems to stimulate him and just for a hot minute he acts right!!!! WTF! Last week, I told him I don't want to see him anymore and lets both move on. Okay cool, he acted like he was cool with it and all and then like a few days later here he comes pouring his heart out to me and just acting like the most awesome guy in the world. He claims to want a relationship with me blah blah blah..............And I know.............it's all a mind game but WHY?????

Why do men play stupid mind games. Grow up already!!!
 
Girl he is a Libra or born in the year of the rooster. I just don't understand what is with him. This is the most extreme guy I have ever dated, yet he is very charming and really exciting. It's like everything else is right except the fact that he plays all these mind games!
 
Do you want a guy that only wants you when you are un available?

Why do men play games?
Same reason women do, the other person puts up with it!


Sent from my MyTouch 4G
 
My guess is that they want to keep you guessing - which is foolish to me. Heck...I'm supposed to be the one playing hard to get here. Not you brotha. I tell you, the game has definitely switched up over the past 20 years. Used to be a sister played hard to get and made the brotha's work for it. Now they done flipped the script out here on us.

p.s. Watch out for those Libra's, there some good ones out there, but they can be undercover control freaks too. :)

~Dee
 
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That sounds like a Bi--Polar Roller Coaster ride that would drive me nuts and I would have to flee
 
Dacia38

Girl you took the words right out of my mouth.................flip the script fo sho!! I mean I'm like what is going on with men trying to play all hard to get. I mean really!! Grrrrl, the whole dating game is so jacked up right now. I don't even know where to start. All these DL brothas, game playing brothas and the list just goes on.

Back to my mayun tho........I think you are right about the undercover control freak thing. I wonder if this is just his way of trying to control me.

Softerlove

I wish it was just that simple to figure out, but truth is...............this thang is complicated. Why he wants me when I'm unavailable...........that's what I'm trying to figure out.
 
Let me elaborate on some things he does:

Taking ALL day to text me back but then will turn around and plan the best date EVER.

Doesn't pressure me about sex at all but knows how to turn an evening into something intimate without being intimate. (Hope that makes sense). At the end of the night will tell me he will call but turns around and doesn't call. He waits like a day later.

Goes on about how he really does like me but then turns around and acts too lukewarm for me. I mean do you want this or not..............that's all I'm sayin!

I have met his friends which is a pretty big deal if you ask me. They all seem cool and they seem to like me.
 
Brighteyes35 said:
Let me elaborate on some things he does:

Taking ALL day to text me back but then will turn around and plan the best date EVER.

Doesn't pressure me about sex at all but knows how to turn an evening into something intimate without being intimate. (Hope that makes sense). At the end of the night will tell me he will call but turns around and doesn't call. He waits like a day later.

Goes on about how he really does like me but then turns around and acts too lukewarm for me. I mean do you want this or not..............that's all I'm sayin!

I have met his friends which is a pretty big deal if you ask me. They all seem cool and they seem to like me.
Click to expand...

If you like him, let him initiate EVERYTHING. Don't check your phone often, don't act busy.. BE BUSY. Keep your options open.. and give him a chance to show consistency.

I don't understand why women like to put themselves through this mess... its obvious you like him, but you aren't supposed to be the only one in mystery when starting a relationship. You should both be wondering.. and dare I say it.. he should be wondering EVEN more.

*sucks teef and walks out*
 
Sounds like he may be a little scared to lose himself in a relationship. Perhaps he was hurt in the past a few times??? Men have sensitive sides too and some will go out of their way and act the complete opposite of how they really feel. Just a thought......
 
Because when they've been upfront with a girl and treated her the RIGHT way, the relationship got boring and she broke his heart.

So they picked up ''games'' and honestly believe that this is the way you win a girl.

Although most of us would swear up and down it's not, can we atleast admit it's intriguing? And the relationships we've had like that were the most exciting because we were constantly on the phone to our ''girlfriends'' trying to ''figure'' this out. And because we put so much effort into figuring out the games, we began to wish for a happy ending.

It's all psychological.

ETA: I hate games and would not give any man who plays them now time of day.
 
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DejaVu2

Now that was intense for real! Thanks girl!

Dacia38

Good Point. I just read on an astrology site that Libras like to keep you dangling and love to play around and it scurred me. I might need to bail out for real! Apparently, they are masterminds at this. Uh oh!

Giselle685

Okay girl, I hear ya. Right now I think I want out of this mess. Mind games are not for me. I like to be straight up not jacked up.

And as it stands, he does have me jacked up a bit. I can't even explain how he makes me feel............it's like drugs. He is toxic and the high is sweeeet but when he withdraws, the crash is hard. It really is like that and apparently Libras are known for doing this to people. Again I have never ever dated a guy that got me high as all out get out by just being sweet and amazing. I'm actually a bit caught off guard by this one though. I've literally lost sleep over this one.............no lie!
 
Brighteyes35 said:
Girl he is a Libra or born in the year of the rooster. I just don't understand what is with him. This is the most extreme guy I have ever dated, yet he is very charming and really exciting. It's like everything else is right except the fact that he plays all these mind games!
Click to expand...

I think you have to figure out whether or not the pros outweigh the cons with him. :ohwell: Are all of his romantic gestures worth the "hot 'n cold" dance? Is it worth the "mind games" he's playing?? Only YOU can answer that question. :look:


Brighteyes35 said:
Let me elaborate on some things he does:

Taking ALL day to text me back but then will turn around and plan the best date EVER.

Doesn't pressure me about sex at all but knows how to turn an evening into something intimate without being intimate. (Hope that makes sense). At the end of the night will tell me he will call but turns around and doesn't call. He waits like a day later.

Goes on about how he really does like me but then turns around and acts too lukewarm for me. I mean do you want this or not..............that's all I'm sayin!

I have met his friends which is a pretty big deal if you ask me. They all seem cool and they seem to like me.
Click to expand...

Hmmmm....

Well, if it were ME... I think I would have had a serious talk with him by now. In fact, I would have to tell him point blank: "Look, I don't think this is really working for me. I'm looking for a man who is consistent in his interest, open, emotionally AVAILABLE, and is true to his word. I don't feel like I'm getting that in this type of relationship, so I think it's best that we both move on." and then with that...I would MOVE ON! No bluffing! No answering of calls, texts, or anymore contact until he changes. :nono2:

I think w/men like this, they keep doing the same old thing because we women allow them to get away with it. :nono: They are like children! If you cut things off, but then later on down the line accept him back easily, then he will know that anytime you threaten to leave him, all he'll have to do is just come back sobbing and begging on his knees and you'll be right back in the same situation again. :nono: Smh..... I say, cut things off, and wait at LEAST 3 months...and if he's STILL trying to beg to get you back, then maybe you can give him a chance. lol... :look:

Really OP, you deserve better than this. :yep: I can't quite figure out whether his behavior however is due to being hurt before, being bi-polar or just not THAT interested. So, idk....:look: But if I were you, I'd be keeping my options open and dating some other guys as well. :yep:
 
@Crystalicequeen123

Good advice girl and thanks by the way. I'm trying but daaaaaaag.......this is the first time I have EVER dated a guy so toxic. Just like the Britney Spears song Toxic. I find I have difficulty not thinking about him. I have literally gone all day thinking about him. I didn't even get kicks like this back in high school so you can only imagine how I'm feeling about this. I'm real disappointed in myself yet I feel helpless. It's like he is crack or something. The high hits real hard and I find I want more and more. The more he acts up the more I want a hit. I do thank God I'm not an easy woman cause if he got me in bed.............that's a wrap...........he'd have me mentally and physically.
 
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Brighteyes35 said:
Crystalicequeen123

Good advice girl and thanks by the way. I'm trying but daaaaaaag.......this is the first time I have EVER dated a guy so toxic. Just like the Britney Spears song Toxic. I find I have difficulty not thinking about him. I have literally gone all day thinking about him. I didn't even get kicks like this back in high school so you can only imagine how I'm feeling about this. I'm real disappointed in myself yet I feel helpless. It's like he is crack or something. The high hits real hard and I find I want more and more. The more he acts up the more I want a hit. I do thank God I'm not an easy woman cause if he got me in bed.............that's a wrap...........he's have me mentally and physically.
Click to expand...

What is it about him that makes you feel or react this way?
 
Brighteyes35 said:
@Crystalicequeen123

Good advice girl and thanks by the way. I'm trying but daaaaaaag.......this is the first time I have EVER dated a guy so toxic. Just like the Britney Spears song Toxic. I find I have difficulty not thinking about him. I have literally gone all day thinking about him. I didn't even get kicks like this back in high school so you can only imagine how I'm feeling about this. I'm real disappointed in myself yet I feel helpless. It's like he is crack or something. The high hits real hard and I find I want more and more. The more he acts up the more I want a hit. I do thank God I'm not an easy woman cause if he got me in bed.............that's a wrap...........he's have me mentally and physically.
Click to expand...

That may be his plan! He knows you aren't going anywhere, and that's right where he wants you! :look: Destiny's Child had a song called "Bad Habit" and my friend you have a "bad habit" situation on your hands.:yep:
 
MissMasala5

With all his acting up, I find myself at ease with him. The conversations are awesome and he makes me feel so good. I mean every time we talk or we go out I find myself so intoxicated. With other guys I'm either bored, annoyed or disgusted. The guy I dated before him, all he did was complain and complain.........hands down he was nice but daaaaaag boo, I'm gone need you to SHUT UP! I was so annoyed to the point I became disgusted. I loathed him calling me cause all he did was whine and complain. The guy before him, all he did was joke. I mean can I get a serious conversation here?? Everything I said he made into a joke......sometimes it was funny but most of the time it got under my skin like crrrrrazy. With this guy, the balance is so on point with the exception of his mind games.

@ Do_Si_Dos

I think you might be right. I just gotta get myself together and get out of the situation. But that's the problem. Jesus help me!!
 
Brighteyes35 said:
Let me elaborate on some things he does:

Taking ALL day to text me back but then will turn around and plan the best date EVER.

Doesn't pressure me about sex at all but knows how to turn an evening into something intimate without being intimate. (Hope that makes sense). At the end of the night will tell me he will call but turns around and doesn't call. He waits like a day later.

Goes on about how he really does like me but then turns around and acts too lukewarm for me. I mean do you want this or not..............that's all I'm sayin!

I have met his friends which is a pretty big deal if you ask me. They all seem cool and they seem to like me.
Click to expand...

Of course we don't have all of the details, but based on what you have said, I think he has made it clear (well sort of :grin:) that he may not want ALL of you. He is trying to seem interested just enough to keep you around, but not to really be with you. Guys do it all of the time. We have all been there.

I don't know if meeting his friends is a big deal. I understand what you are saying, but men bring their girlfriends, side-pieces, jump-offs, etc. around their friends all of the time (I am not saying you are any of those).

Ultimately you deserve to have someone that you know for sure likes you and wants to be with you, someone who doesn't want to play games, and someone who will treat you like you want to be treated.

I don't want to come across negative, I just have been in your situation multiple times when I was younger, and I wish I could of told myself back then to not waste my time.
 
Brighteyes35 said:
@Crystalicequeen123

Good advice girl and thanks by the way. I'm trying but daaaaaaag.......this is the first time I have EVER dated a guy so toxic. Just like the Britney Spears song Toxic. I find I have difficulty not thinking about him. I have literally gone all day thinking about him. I didn't even get kicks like this back in high school so you can only imagine how I'm feeling about this. I'm real disappointed in myself yet I feel helpless. It's like he is crack or something. The high hits real hard and I find I want more and more. The more he acts up the more I want a hit. I do thank God I'm not an easy woman cause if he got me in bed.............that's a wrap...........he'd have me mentally and physically.
Click to expand...

Brighteyes35....
You know....this is basic human psychology. :yep: It's like gambling. Do you know why gambling is so ADDICTIVE?? It's because sometimes you actually DO win! But the rest of the time, you're losing money. :nono: But because the "high" of winning is so great, you figure.... "Well, if I can just hang in there just a little bit longer...maybe if I put in a little more money and play one more game, that game will be the winning ticket and I'll get SO much more back in exchange for the money I've already lost."

The high you are getting from this guy is just like the high you get from gambling.....except in THIS scenario however, you are actually gambling with your heart. :ohwell:

The reason why he's so "addictive" and giving you a "high" is because sometimes he IS nice, sometimes he IS attentive, loving, and romantic. But OTHER times...he drops you like a bag of potatoes. :nono: If he were a jerk all of the time, I'm sure you wouldn't even bother with him. :nono2: But because he is hot-and-cold, you are addicted to the game. You keep coming back for more and more because deep down you hope that *this time* he will show you his "good side" again.

I suspect also that this is probably why you find those other guys so "boring" too. They're not as "exciting". When there's the threat of the guy leaving you, it becomes oh so exciting. Not to mention, that's why people are usually addicted to tumultuous relationships. The relationship may go through ups and downs, fights, arguments, breakups, etc...but the "make-up" is oh-so-high-inducing and addictive. It's a vicious cycle really. :nono:

I know, because I've BEEN there before myself. Pretty soon though, there will be a moment where you say: "Enough is ENOUGH!" and you will realize that you can do better. At that moment you'll eventually start to see that those other guys that you felt were so "boring" in the past, will actually be more of what you're looking for. :yep: Those attentive, interested, doting guys who are sooo into you won't be so "boring", "predictable" and a turn-off anymore. But it takes time.

I think you can have both! A man who is both attentive and loving, AND at the same time not a complainer, boring, etc. :grin:


RocStar said:
Of course we don't have all of the details, but based on what you have said, I think he has made it clear (well sort of :grin:) that he may not want ALL of you. He is trying to seem interested just enough to keep you around, but not to really be with you. Guys do it all of the time. We have all been there.

I don't know if meeting his friends is a big deal. I understand what you are saying, but men bring their girlfriends, side-pieces, jump-offs, etc. around their friends all of the time (I am not saying you are any of those).

Ultimately you deserve to have someone that you know for sure likes you and wants to be with you, someone who doesn't want to play games, and someone who will treat you like you want to be treated.

I don't want to come across negative, I just have been in your situation multiple times when I was younger, and I wish I could of told myself back then to not waste my time.
Click to expand...

I agree with this. :yep: Like I said before, I fell into this trap myself a while back. Now that I'm completely OVER him and the situation, guys like this don't even appeal to me anymore. :nono2: If a guy doesn't want ALL of me, then I certainly don't want him. :nono:
 
This may seem cut throat but I have a rule. If I have to question and analyze if a guy really likes me or not I assume he doesn't and KIM.

I think when a man (a real man, not these immature little boys) wants a woman he is straightforward and pursues.

Every single situation I've ever been in with the back and forth was either bc he just really wasn't feeling me like that and/or he s immature as hell and doesn't have a clue what he wants. Either way, I been there done that too many times, and these days when dudes come at me like that they get the dueces.


Sent from my SGH-T839 using SGH-T839
 
Imani said:
This may seem cut throat but I have a rule. If I have to question and analyze if a guy really likes me or not I assume he doesn't and KIM.

I think when a man (a real man, not these immature little boys) wants a woman he is straightforward and pursues.
Click to expand...

I love this and agree 200%. Great rule Imani.

Sent from my ADR6300
 
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