Ex Contacts BFF. Did BFF take the bait?

[French Rouge]

Here's the scenario, I'll change the names to protect the innocent .....

Ann is married and BFF's with Suzy. Ann and Suzy talk almost daily as they live in separate cities. Ann's ex lives in the same city as Suzy. Ann's ex contacted Suzy on Facebook and said he wanted to reach out to Ann, but Ann is not on Facebook; he wanted to apologize for some wrongs from the past. Ann reaches out to the ex and tells him there is no hard feelings she is happily married.

Turns out the ex started hitting the bottle pretty hard and was 2 years sober and doing apologies according to his twelve step program. He also tells Ann that he is battling sex addiction now and is in the middle of a 90 day celibacy period. Ann tells him good luck and carries on with her life. She tells Suzy about the conversation.

On Tuesday a month later, Suzy tells Ann that she had something to tell her but she is having trouble remembering what. Suzy finally recalls what and tells Ann that the ex inboxed her to "hang out" the previous Saturday. The ex knows Ann and Suzy are BFF's so they laugh at him even attempting something like that.

Ann starts to think about it and realizes she talked to Suzy on that Saturday and Suzy didn't mention anything about the ex asking her to hang out. Suzy doesn't bring it up until 5 days later. Ann asks Suzy to send her a screenshot of the Facebook post. Before she sends it Suzy says prefaces by saying "I didn't know what to say to him" The convo between Suzy and the ex is paraphrased as follows ...

EX: Hey how are you?

Suzy: Not bad and you?

EX: I don't mean to be an ***, but I was thinking we could hang out some time, if that is not too obnoxious, LOL

Suzy: Let me think about it, LOL

Ex: Ok

Ann notices the screen shot says 2pm is when the convo started and she realizes she talked to Suzy 30 minutes later but Suzy never said anything about the convo. She finds this odd because Suzy tells Ann about mundane developments in peoples lives that she does not know. They are typical chatty women. Why would Suzy wait three days to tell Ann that the Ex boyfriend reached out to her? In addition, Ann does not know how to feel about the "Let me think about it" Suzy sent back and the "LOL" really made her question Suzy.

Ann is now questioning Suzy's intentions. Your thoughts?

I gave Ann my advice and what I thought but I told her I would field other opinions. She now feels like she can't trust Suzy. She doesn't care about the loser ex because he is a loser. Ann told her husband about Suzy's actions and he gave his opinion as well. I'll share my and the husbands opinions after I see if folks are thinking what I am thinking.

 

[Kurlee]

suzy is shady

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

I can definitely see how its different that Suzy didn't share since she normally tells Ann everything, but I don't really see the problem. Ann is married, and Suzy ended up telling, just not immediately. She also didn't seem thirsty in her reply. If I'm understanding everything correctly, I don't under the issue.

 

[French Rouge]

Knowing Ann and Suzy's personality, my opinion is kinda biased. So I tried to leave out personality details as not to sway opinions.

From just face value I found it odd. Based on their friendship, I don't think Suzy would go there. However, Suzy relishes in male attention so I told Ann that Suzy probably considered it and delayed in telling her while pondering the possibility. Ultimately feeling her friendship with Ann is more important.

Ann said that this is what hurt her. She is sure that Suzy called her at 3pm on Saturday to tell her a long story about some people she doesn't know, but didn't mention the Ex conversation. She is now side eyeing Suzy and feels like Suzy broke girl code with the "let me think about it, LOL" and that Suzy should have told him immediately that it was out of line.

The husband had the same opinion as I do. However, he always found Suzy to be a thirst trap.

 

[nlamr2013]

Why doesn't Ann ask suzy why she waited so long to tell her about the crazy ex when they were already on the phone in like a joking but serious manner.

Also just because he sent it at 2 doesn't mean she replied at 2 does it as long as it wasn't a different day I don't think the messenger gives times for each message does it? I can't remember atm.

Also, maybe she didn't know is she should even mention it because it might start some junk.

She really should just ask suzy if they're supposed to be friends

 

[LiftedUp]

As a married woman, Suzy is being very inappropriate and maybe venturing into choppy water.

Ann shouldn't address anything and totally remove herself from her situation. She did her part and probably should keep the messages just in case things become messy.

 

[ThickHair]

As a married woman, Suzy is being very inappropriate and maybe venturing into choppy water.

Ann shouldn't address anything and totally remove herself from her situation. She did her part and probably should keep the messages just in case things become messy.

I didn't read anywhere that Suzy is married. You can't be friends with a sex addict though.

 

[CaraWalker]

ann is way too invested. figuring out when they had what conversation on what day, especially when they talk daily. who remembers stuff like that. i dont even remember what i had for dinner last night. and its not a big mystery why suzy didnt bring it up, duh, its her friend's ex asking her out.

maybe they arent that good of friends if suzy needs to be sneaky about this but so what. ann is happily married. let suzy have her drunk sex addicted sneaky ex if she wants him

 

[LiftedUp]

I didn't read anywhere that Suzy is married. You can't be friends with a sex addict though.

Lawd, thanks ThickHair by the time I reached the end I forgot that Ann was the married one

In that case, my response changes. Suzy probably wants to hit and probably doesn't want to be judged by Ann.

A similar situation happened to me. I had my "I don't want him anymore" break up. Blocked his calls and eventually changed my number. He and my bff ran into each other one day after about a year or two and asked my bff for my number. She, being the great friend that she is did the whole "My friend is too good for you, I will be not giving her your number etc." speech. When in reality I kinda still wanted to have a little fun .

 

[Kurlee]

don't know these ladies, but i could pick up on suzy's thirst.

 

[Lilmama1011]

ann is way too invested. figuring out when they had what conversation on what day, especially when they talk daily. who remembers stuff like that. i dont even remember what i had for dinner last night. and its not a big mystery why suzy didnt bring it up, duh, its her friend's ex asking her out.

maybe they arent that good of friends if suzy needs to be sneaky about this but so what. ann is happily married. let suzy have her drunk sex addicted sneaky ex if she wants him

Agreed! Just that if she sleeps with her bff ex, it will cause major tension and end a friendship. Especially since Ann obviously is bothered by it

 

[OhTall1]

ann is way too invested. figuring out when they had what conversation on what day, especially when they talk daily. who remembers stuff like that. i dont even remember what i had for dinner last night. and its not a big mystery why suzy didnt bring it up, duh, its her friend's ex asking her out.

maybe they arent that good of friends if suzy needs to be sneaky about this but so what. ann is happily married. let suzy have her drunk sex addicted sneaky ex if she wants him

Maybe Ann isn't so happily married.

 

[FemmeFatale]

While I don't think it's cool for Suzy to mess with her ex (idgaf if Ann is happily married or single)..I don't know if the time lapse is enough to get really mad over.

 

[nysister]

Ann is married and shouldn't care but does and even seems to be a bit obsessive about the possible relationship of Suzy and the Ex. That's the only strange part of this scenario to me. Either you're married and over the Ex or you're not.

 

[French Rouge]

Why doesn't Ann ask suzy why she waited so long to tell her about the crazy ex when they were already on the phone in like a joking but serious manner. Also just because he sent it at 2 doesn't mean she replied at 2 does it as long as it wasn't a different day I don't think the messenger gives times for each message does it? I can't remember atm. Also, maybe she didn't know is she should even mention it because it might start some junk. She really should just ask suzy if they're supposed to be friends

I said the same thing about reaching out to Suzy, but Ann doesn't want to cause waves if her assumption is wrong.

 

[French Rouge]

ann is way too invested. figuring out when they had what conversation on what day, especially when they talk daily. who remembers stuff like that. i dont even remember what i had for dinner last night. and its not a big mystery why suzy didnt bring it up, duh, its her friend's ex asking her out. maybe they arent that good of friends if suzy needs to be sneaky about this but so what. ann is happily married. let suzy have her drunk sex addicted sneaky ex if she wants him

I was like ...Could this guy have any more problems? A sex addicted drunk ain't ish. Lol

 

[Mortons]

Actually if Suzy dismissed him I don't get the issue. Is Ann really over it with all this time stamp witch hunt stuff?

 

[sj10460]

Ann is jealous of the idea that her ex maybe interested in her bff. If I were Suzy, I would have told Ann what happened but I wouldn't have sent screenshots. Suzy needs to cease all contact with the ex.

 

[Fine 4s]

Ann doesn't trust Suzy. Never has.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Maybe she was trying to think of how Ann would react before she told her?

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Knowing Ann and Suzy's personality, my opinion is kinda biased. So I tried to leave out personality details as not to sway opinions.

From just face value I found it odd. Based on their friendship, I don't think Suzy would go there. However, Suzy relishes in male attention so I told Ann that Suzy probably considered it and delayed in telling her while pondering the possibility. Ultimately feeling her friendship with Ann is more important.

Ann said that this is what hurt her. She is sure that Suzy called her at 3pm on Saturday to tell her a long story about some people she doesn't know, but didn't mention the Ex conversation. She is now side eyeing Suzy and feels like Suzy broke girl code with the "let me think about it, LOL" and that Suzy should have told him immediately that it was out of line.

The husband had the same opinion as I do. However, he always found Suzy to be a thirst trap.

So she had a weak moment ....but she chose her in the end, didn't she? Ann is being extra. Her husband is gonna call Suzy a thirst trap cause he's trying to keep his wife

 

[melisandre]

It's little odd, but I don't think it's a big deal.

1. Ann is married, so she shouldn't really care.
2. The ex doesn't sound like a good partner anyway.
3. Suzy made the right choice in the end.

Sent from my SGH-M919 using LHCF

 

[French Rouge]

Update .....

I persuaded Ann to talk to Suzy about her feelings (I got tired of her texting me about it). Turns out Suzy was in her feelings about it, because the ex knows about Suzy's dating history with involved men. She was embarrassed because she felt like yet another man thought she was easy. She didn't want to tell Ann at first because she was not comfortable chatting about her feelings about men's perception of her. Suzy says in recent months she started realizing that her prior actions affect how people perceive her, particularly men. Suzy doesn't know if she gives off desperate/I'm down for anything/thirst trap vibes and is really broken up by some recent encounters with men.

Ann now feels comfortable with the situation, but told Suzy that her response to him was inappropriate. Suzy says she didn't think about how it sounded at the time because she was trying to be polite and not let on that she was offended.

In the end I don't think either wanted him. At least I hope not. He is a sex addicted former drunk after all. It is funny how a man's piss poor actions can affect female relationships.

 

[CaraWalker]

^which is why im side eyeing ann in this story the most

 

[French Rouge]

Ann is jealous of the idea that her ex maybe interested in her bff. If I were Suzy, I would have told Ann what happened but I wouldn't have sent screenshots. Suzy needs to cease all contact with the ex.

I totally agree that Ann was a little jealous. She was kind of a "maneater" in her day. Suzy on the other hand never really found her stride with dealing with male relationships. I got the impression that Ann was kinda astonished that a man who dealt with her would ever want Suzy. I don't know why though in this particular case, because the ex while he was ok when they dated is now a post-alcoholic sex addict. That doesn't exactly scream, I have standards.

 

[Fine 4s]

Does Ann feel better now that Suzy feels bad? I can't put my finger on it but if I were Suzy, I'd have doubts about my friendship with Ann

Why is Ann's husband calling her a thirst trap? Mi nah like dat. Especially if she's my BFF. What else has Ann told her husband about her "friend" Suzy?

 

[curlicarib]

This is stupid. Why does Ann care what her EX is doing with her BFF? Her drunk, sex addicted Ex no less. Did they break-up yesterday? Oh, it's been a few years? Ann should be more concerned about her DH and stop worrying about her Ex. If Suzy is fooling around with him, karma will handle it. It's inevitable when dealing with a drunk, sex addict.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Does Ann feel better now that Suzy feels bad?

I can't put my finger on it but if I were Suzy, I'd have doubts about my friendship with Ann

This. Something is off.

 

[OhTall1]

This is stupid. Why does Ann care what her EX is doing with her BFF? Her drunk, sex addicted Ex no less. Did they break-up yesterday? Oh, it's been a few years?

Yeah, what's the statute of limitations on dating someone's ex?

I have a friend who's mad because his cousin is dating an ex-girlfriend from high school. High school was 30+ years ago for these people. They've all dated other people, married other people, had babies with other people and divorced other people.

Me: It's been over 30 years. Are you sure your cousin even remembers that you went out with this woman?
Him: He remembers. He knows he crossed a line.
Me:

 

[FemmeFatale]

^^there is no set rule per say.. but if your friend doesn't roll like that then one should back off if they want to sustain the friendship. It should be on a case by case basis.

I'd err on the side of caution with that.