Event for Ex-boyfriend w/ New Girlfriend present

Okay, I'm just going to ask. How does a non-relative, non-SO/GF throw a surprise party for someone at their house? I know this has nothing to do with anything, really, but seriously if someone took over my house like that, was inviting people to my house, I would be pissed. Seems kinda nervy to me.

Also, OP, you are having doubts for a reason, feeling discomfort for a reason. Is it a birthday party? Send him a card and a small gift. If I didn't feel completely comfortable I wouldn't go. What's the point? Lots of people will be there, including family members and his new gf. I doubt he'll be terribly upset about you not coming and will probably understand why you skipped it.
 
I would definitely go to the party AND have a great time. What you guys had was in the past and you both have obviously moved on...go and have fun!
 
TrulyBlessed said:
@Nefertiti- your post made me laugh and no I wouldn't create any tacky scenes, lol. I definitely wouldn't want anyone to do that to me. Honestly because he was my first bf, I would be lying if I said I didnt feel a little something but I am the one who ended the relationship and Lord knows years later I still have no desire to repeat it ever, ever again. As for him, he has thrown a few hints that he still has feelings but I never entertain his signals & turn down any invites to dinner or hanging out. Whenever I see him I always make sure it's in a group setting with our mutual friends so he doesn't get any misleading ideas or false hopes.

ETA: the throwing hints from him and invite to dinner happened before the new gf not recently.
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The bolded sounds like the reason you are uncomfortable. It sounds like he hasn't thrown hints lately (since he got the new gf), because you have distanced yourself, not because he has gotten over you. But IDK. If you do go, you must tell us how it turned out...
 
If you want to go, I would go.

Sorry, people have exes, that's a part of life. If you happen to run into them out somewhere, what are you supposed to do, leave?

I ran into one my exes that I'm still good friends one night and he was with a woman- this is actually the first time since we broke up that this ever happened and it's been years. He came over to me but I was unsure about how to greet him. He was kinda upset that I was so hesitant, and was like "I don't care who I'm with, I'm always gonna speak to you".
 
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Hmmm, I'm on the fence with this one. At first when I read this post I was going to advise you not go. But just recently I got invited to a crush's college graduation party and I knew he had a girlfriend and that she was going to be there, but I went anyway lol, taking the risk of seeing them together all hugged up, kissing, smiling at each other etc. Lucky for me she was out of town and didn't come to the party. If you feel like you can handle watching your ex all lovey dovey with his new girlfriend then I would say go.
 
Thank you so much ladies for all of your responses. I too agree that having the surprise b-day party at his house is a bit strange but knowing him he'll just be excited to see all of this support for him. Also, if you all think simply attending is strange, I was originally asked to help with the actual planning because I know him so well but I declined. As you can tell it's a tricky situation since the opinions from you all of what I should or shouldn't do are almost split down the middle! I'm not 100% decided on what I'll do and I'll probably just do what I feel as the time of the party approaches. Part of me feels like I'm making this situation into a bigger deal than what it probably is. My friends who will be there are like my brothers and sisters and we haven't hung out since before the holidays so I'm moreso looking forward to just getting out, having fun and catching up with them vs. coming and being concerned with the new gf the entire night. A couple of my friends who will be there just got engaged, my ex's sister from out of town had a baby that she's been wanting me to meet for a while and all around the night will be filled with catching up with good company. Oh and my girlfriend has guy friends that will also be attending and I'm all for meeting a new potential!

Also my ex is still cool with his high school sweetheart (she's a cool aquaintance of mine) and they actually hung out "one-on-one" a week ago. In addition, the new girlfriend has never met my girl who is planning this party for him, so if anything I would think she would be more interested in who she is or even the high school sweetheart who will be at the party too. With this in mind, showing up to the party to show support and enjoy myself with my friends even if for a few minutes shouldn't be much of an issue. I would say hello to him, enjoy myself with everyone, and say goodbye when it's time to go. I'm definitely not a person into staring, flirting, or hovering over anyone with a significant other BUT please believe as Afrolatina mentioned, my fashionista game shall be on point right along with a huge fresh twist-out on my natural hair! I know the Cardinal Rule-never look a hot shabby mess in front of your ex!

You all have given so much helpful advice so of course I'll be back later in the weekend with an update as to whether or not I went and how the night played out. Thanks again and stay tuned..
 
^^^ Seriously an exgf planning a party for a dude who has a gf? How does exgf know that current gf isn't planning something? All these folks that you may see at the party you can't meet or see any other way? Just asking.
 
ThickHair said:
^^^ Seriously an exgf planning a party for a dude who has a gf? How does exgf know that current gf isn't planning something? All these folks that you may see at the party you can't meet or see any other way? Just asking.
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There is no ex-girlfriend planning anything. One of our childhood female friends with the help of his sis decided to plan this on their own. New girlfriend knows she is planning because the sis told her. How new gf feels about that is between she, he, the planner and sis.
 
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I've been in a similar situation and I went. I had a great time, there was no beef, and I'm glad I went. I even chatted it up with the new girl.

I went out if my way to greet her and be friendly as soon as I saw her. That took any tension or animosity out of the room before it could grow.

We all had a great time.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
If you have residual feelings, or believe he does, I don't think you should go. I just don't think that would be a comfortable situation and really unfair to the current girlfriend.

If you've truly moved on emotionally, then go and enjoy! Have fun with friends, meet the new gf and keep it moving...especially since you've known him since you were children.

I know sometimes I over think potential situations and when it actually goes down, I've pleasantly surprised that it wasn't all hoopla I thought it would be....
 
I think you should go, it may set precedence on any future gatherings that you will not be invited because the new GF is there. Everyone is adult and needs to deal with it. You both share same friends. If he didn't have a GF you would not hesitate to go correct? So what. If you have BF would you expect him not to go to any gatherings catered for you. Just go, show your face and let everybody deal with it. Obviously your friends invited you didn't think it a problem. For yourself go and for him go. No over thinking and enjoy yourself. Have fun!
 
I don't understand why the new gf would have an issue with you being there. I mean seriously how insecure are some people :lol:? God knows how many times I've been around Dh's exs :lachen: People really need to get over themselves.

OP I see no issue with you going. Plus you too ended years ago... if he doesn't mind then I don't see why the new gf should.
 
TrulyBlessed said:
Thank you so much ladies for all of your responses. I too agree that having the surprise b-day party at his house is a bit strange but knowing him he'll just be excited to see all of this support for him. Also, if you all think simply attending is strange, I was originally asked to help with the actual planning because I know him so well but I declined. As you can tell it's a tricky situation since the opinions from you all of what I should or shouldn't do are almost split down the middle! I'm not 100% decided on what I'll do and I'll probably just do what I feel as the time of the party approaches. Part of me feels like I'm making this situation into a bigger deal than what it probably is. My friends who will be there are like my brothers and sisters and we haven't hung out since before the holidays so I'm moreso looking forward to just getting out, having fun and catching up with them vs. coming and being concerned with the new gf the entire night. A couple of my friends who will be there just got engaged, my ex's sister from out of town had a baby that she's been wanting me to meet for a while and all around the night will be filled with catching up with good company. Oh and my girlfriend has guy friends that will also be attending and I'm all for meeting a new potential!

Also my ex is still cool with his high school sweetheart (she's a cool aquaintance of mine) and they actually hung out "one-on-one" a week ago. In addition, the new girlfriend has never met my girl who is planning this party for him, so if anything I would think she would be more interested in who she is or even the high school sweetheart who will be at the party too. With this in mind, showing up to the party to show support and enjoy myself with my friends even if for a few minutes shouldn't be much of an issue. I would say hello to him, enjoy myself with everyone, and say goodbye when it's time to go. I'm definitely not a person into staring, flirting, or hovering over anyone with a significant other BUT please believe as Afrolatina mentioned, my fashionista game shall be on point right along with a huge fresh twist-out on my natural hair! I know the Cardinal Rule-never look a hot shabby mess in front of your ex!

You all have given so much helpful advice so of course I'll be back later in the weekend with an update as to whether or not I went and how the night played out. Thanks again and stay tuned..
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I like your attitude.:yep:
 
Not only would I NOT go, but I'd also not care about what anyone else thought. I guess once I'm done with a dude I'm done. Why be concerned with how you look to them anyway? You have to be yourself and do what makes you feel at ease. They're obviously not concerned with how they look from the outside looking in.

I'm sorry but a chick throwin a party for a dude at his house and she's not his woman gets the side eye from me. I know you mentioned the childhood friend part etc, but that alone just doesn't look right from the outside. Secondly with all of his exes around and female friends and childhood friends etc., it just comes off as a type of incestuous clique, where everybody is so "cool" that it's dysfunctional.

If these are your real friends, there will be plenty of other gatherings that won't impose unwelcomed closeness for you.
 
Well I went to the surprise b-day party and had a wonderful time. Now the shock of the night was his girlfriend wasn't there. I have no clue what happened and I didn't ask any questions. He had fun though and really appreciated the support from everyone present. Thanks ladies for all of the advice and glad it turned out to be a fun drama free night.
 
TrulyBlessed said:
Well I went to the surprise b-day party and had a wonderful time. Now the shock of the night was his girlfriend wasn't there. I have no clue what happened and I didn't ask any questions. He had fun though and really appreciated the support from everyone present. Thanks ladies for all of the advice and glad it turned out to be a fun drama free night.
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I'm sorry but :lachen: :lachen: :lachen:

Glad it all worked out, but see? You were all concerned about how it would look if you didn't attend and see what happens? :giggle:
 
ThickHair said:
All I say is put yourself in the new GF's shoes.
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I agree. :yep: Even if I wanted to go I probably wouldn't have. But that's just me. Don't want my actions to be misinterpreted...

Browndilocks said:
Not only would I NOT go, but I'd also not care about what anyone else thought. I guess once I'm done with a dude I'm done. Why be concerned with how you look to them anyway? You have to be yourself and do what makes you feel at ease. They're obviously not concerned with how they look from the outside looking in.

I'm sorry but a chick throwin a party for a dude at his house and she's not his woman gets the side eye from me. I know you mentioned the childhood friend part etc, but that alone just doesn't look right from the outside. Secondly with all of his exes around and female friends and childhood friends etc., it just comes off as a type of incestuous clique, where everybody is so "cool" that it's dysfunctional.

If these are your real friends, there will be plenty of other gatherings that won't impose unwelcomed closeness for you.
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:lol: ITA with the bold. But hey, maybe I'm just insecure... :perplexed

TrulyBlessed said:
Well I went to the surprise b-day party and had a wonderful time. Now the shock of the night was his girlfriend wasn't there. I have no clue what happened and I didn't ask any questions. He had fun though and really appreciated the support from everyone present. Thanks ladies for all of the advice and glad it turned out to be a fun drama free night.
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I wonder why she didn't come... Part of me wonders if it was because so many of his exes were going to be there... :scratchch
 
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