Event for Ex-boyfriend w/ New Girlfriend present

[TrulyBlessed]

So one of my girlfriends is throwing a surprise party for an ex boyfriend of mine. I'm still cool with my ex and I haven't dated him since a few years ago. I recently found out from a friend that he finally has a new girlfriend and more than likely she'll be at the party. This party is going to be a house party held at his place. My ex and I share the same mutual friends since we've all known each other since grade school. Should I avoid the party because he has a new girlfriend & would it cause drama if I come? Some of his family and our mutual friends will be there so i'll have plenty of people to have a good time with & it's not like I'll be all up in his face. I'm not sure if the new girlfriend knows who I am since we've never met & if she knows I'm still friends with him. Another ex of his is going but they dated very briefly in high school and it wasnt serious. I dated him for about 2yrs and it was serious, but no sex was involved if that matters. At first I declined the invite to the party but a few friends told me I should show my support anyway (he's been going through a rough time with his life lately). Would you ladies, especially those who are still friends with exes go?

All I want to do is support him as a friend. It would be easier if this wasn't a surprise that way I could find out from him directly if my presence would be an issue for him or her.

 

[Carisa]

I probably wouldn't go
(Also you said "I dated him for about 2yrs and it was serious, but no sex was involved if that matters"- WOW! how did u pull that one off)

 

[hopeful]

I wouldn't go either.

 

[Honey Bee]

Do you and the new gf have any mutual friends you could ask (who know about the party)? That way, you could find out if she knows who you are, has beef with you, etc.

If you really wanna go, that is.

 

[snillohsss]

I agree with the others, I wouldn't go.

 

[Nina_deF]

I don't understand why you wouldn't go.

If you are friends now wouldn't you want to show you're support for someone you've known since gradeschool?

I'd most definately go.
I don't know why she would have a problem with it.

Unless she thinks she is his first gf. But you are only his friend, you don't have to even mention going out with him before, that's really up to him.

 

[TrulyBlessed]

@Carisa- I'm still a virgin and saving myself for marriage. I'm human so of course it was tempting but thank God I stood strong!

@Honey Bee- I have no mutual friends with the new gf but I suppose I could ask his sis since she's also helping with the planning & may have some insight.

@Nina deF- My friends & fam feel the same as you. Unless he's mentioned my name and history to her along with pictures, I dont see her knowing who I am. And the fact that we go way back should almost make it a non-issue since we've been friends longer than we were a couple.

Decisions, decisions....at this rate I will either a) not go at all &let him know later why or b) show up early enough to yell "Surprise" with everyone and leave soon afterwards just to show I came and supported but left early enough to avoid any tension.

 

[Nefertiti0906]

@Carisa- I'm still a virgin and saving myself for marriage. I'm human so of course it was tempting but thank God I stood strong!

@Honey Bee- I have no mutual friends with the new gf but I suppose I could ask his sis since she's also helping with the planning & may have some insight.

@Nina deF- My friends & fam feel the same as you. Unless he's mentioned my name and history to her along with pictures, I dont see her knowing who I am. And the fact that we go way back should almost make it a non-issue since we've been friends longer than we were a couple.

Decisions, decisions....at this rate I will either a) not go at all &let him know later why or b) show up early enough to yell "Surprise" with everyone and leave soon afterwards just to show I came and supported but left early enough to avoid any tension.

Do you still have feelings for him? Other than that I don't see why you shouldn't go.

You're there to celebrate his life and nothing more. That's if you're not planning on doing something like proclaiming your undying love for him in front of everyone

Maybe you could stop by 30 mins then leave

 

[Afrolatina]

So one of my girlfriends is throwing a surprise party for an ex boyfriend of mine. ....All I want to do is support him as a friend. It would be easier if this wasn't a surprise that way I could find out from him directly if my presence would be an issue for him or her.

My honest opinion?
I'd go, be happy for him and just enjoy your mutual friends/his family...
the only reason (lol ONLY reason) why I would ever recommend this is (A) if you care what anyone thinks, and (B) if you both share the same friends, i'm sure it would be expected of you to go anyway.

If I was in your position, I sure enough don't want to look bitter, especially because i'm sure you're not and you know that it would cross someone's mind, you know? Plus, because of how long ago the break up was, you don't want anyone to get the impression that you haven't "moved on" with your life (even if this isn't the case). I don't think any drama will occur IF everyone has kept it moving with their life and no one has any residual feelings... you know? And, besides... maybe she won't know who you are so you can show up and be quasi-incognito..

I would go with the best intentions in mind, if for nothing, because you were together with him for 2 years and i'm sure you've shared in good/bad times with him in the past... but i'd be darned sure to show up looking good as hell lol just saying

 

[ThickHair]

All I say is put yourself in the new GF's shoes.

 

[MochaMooch]

I would go if I was you. I think it would look bad if you didn't go. If you're friends than people would expect you to be there including your ex. If you didn't go it would seem like you had a problem with the fact that he has a new girlfriend.

 

[TrulyBlessed]

@Nefertiti- your post made me laugh and no I wouldn't create any tacky scenes, lol. I definitely wouldn't want anyone to do that to me. Honestly because he was my first bf, I would be lying if I said I didnt feel a little something but I am the one who ended the relationship and Lord knows years later I still have no desire to repeat it ever, ever again. As for him, he has thrown a few hints that he still has feelings but I never entertain his signals & turn down any invites to dinner or hanging out. Whenever I see him I always make sure it's in a group setting with our mutual friends so he doesn't get any misleading ideas or false hopes.

ETA: the throwing hints from him and invite to dinner happened before the new gf not recently.

 

[sunnieb]

I wouldn't go.

Sent from my Comet using Long Hair Care Forum App

 

[Fab_Nikki]

I am mixed on this one. Personally I would go especially if I had no interest in being with the ex again. I feel like if the new girlfriend is going to be there with many other woman around, how will she know who's an ex and who isn't. Again all considering there are no feelings still there, you're going genuinely as a friend AND you don't intend to mean mug the new gf all night. LOL

ETA.....DON'T GO...I just read you still feeling this dude. For serious...DON'T GO!!!!

 

[TrulyBlessed]

See Afrolatina and MochaMooch, that's a big reason I wanna go 'cause I've already rsvp'd and if I pull out it'll look like I am hung up on him and cant handle that he now has a gf. Then worse, he'll think I want him which is not the case. We havent been together for 3yrs. A lot of women will be there so I should fall into the background just fine. Fab Nikki, even though I still find him attractive it doesnt mean I want him back. If I wanted him I would've already taken him back long ago vs rejecting him whenever he tried to get me back. I wont be mean mugging anyone, just enjoying my friends for the night and showing that I am a mature adult there to show support.

Tip for you single ladies: Think long and hard before dating a longtime friend especially if mutual friends are involved. This is an example of the complicated mess you have to deal with if it doesnt work. Ugh!

 

[Nina_deF]

All I say is put yourself in the new GF's shoes.

But maybe the new gf is secure enough within her self not feel the need to make it an issue.

If she is not, then I would leave, but who knows beforehand?

 

[Fab_Nikki]

See Afrolatina and MochaMooch, that's a big reason I wanna go 'cause I've already rsvp'd and if I pull out it'll look like I am hung up on him and cant handle that he now has a gf. Then worse, he'll think I want him which is not the case. We havent been together for 3yrs. A lot of women will be there so I should fall into the background just fine. Fab Nikki, even though I still find him attractive it doesnt mean I want him back. If I wanted him I would've already taken him back long ago vs rejecting him whenever he tried to get me back. I wont be mean mugging anyone, just enjoying my friends for the night and showing that I am a mature adult there to show support.

Tip for you single ladies: Think long and hard before dating a longtime friend especially if mutual friends are involved. This is an example of the complicated mess you have to deal with if it doesnt work. Ugh!

Good that you are mature because not everyone is like that. That's why I posted the comment that I did. If SOME are still attracted then they might be flirty towards the ex and yes mean mug.

 

[Afrolatina]

See Afrolatina and MochaMooch, that's a big reason I wanna go 'cause I've already rsvp'd and if I pull out it'll look like I am hung up on him and cant handle that he now has a gf. Then worse, he'll think I want him which is not the case. We havent been together for 3yrs. A lot of women will be there so I should fall into the background just fine. Fab Nikki, even though I still find him attractive it doesnt mean I want him back. If I wanted him I would've already taken him back long ago vs rejecting him whenever he tried to get me back. I wont be mean mugging anyone, just enjoying my friends for the night and showing that I am a mature adult there to show support.

Tip for you single ladies: Think long and hard before dating a longtime friend especially if mutual friends are involved. This is an example of the complicated mess you have to deal with if it doesnt work. Ugh!

I think you will DEFINITELY fall into the background and be just fine...
and hey, if nothing else, at least you go, get it done and leave looking every ounce of supportive and caring.. I agree with your tip too...lol then again, anytime there were mutual friends with an ex, lol I kind of left them in the past too lol I know that's so wrong lol but I didn't want anything popping up...besides lol i've always been a kind of "fly solo" kind of person as far as friends are concerned lol but I definitely think if you decide to go, you're handling it the right way

 

[Imani]

See Afrolatina and MochaMooch, that's a big reason I wanna go 'cause I've already rsvp'd and if I pull out it'll look like I am hung up on him and cant handle that he now has a gf. Then worse, he'll think I want him which is not the case. We havent been together for 3yrs. A lot of women will be there so I should fall into the background just fine. Fab Nikki, even though I still find him attractive it doesnt mean I want him back. If I wanted him I would've already taken him back long ago vs rejecting him whenever he tried to get me back. I wont be mean mugging anyone, just enjoying my friends for the night and showing that I am a mature adult there to show support.

Tip for you single ladies: Think long and hard before dating a longtime friend especially if mutual friends are involved. This is an example of the complicated mess you have to deal with if it doesnt work. Ugh![/QUOTE]

yep, I did the bolded, bad idea, but you live and you learn. everything happens to develop a strength in you or teach you a lesson.

You sound like you are over it enough to be ok with going to the party.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

I don't get it. I would go. If you all are cool and have mutual friends, I would go. The girl already knows about you because he told her. There won't be a scene unless you make it a scene.

I would go, tell him happy birthday, get my drink n eat on, say hello to everyone and roll out.

why short change yourself. you may meet someone at the party! surprise surprise!

 

[Triniwegian]

I wouldn't go.
I'd just leave him and his new GF alone, i wouldn't want to be in a situation that could potentially get ugly.

ETA, if it was any other party where he was not the guest of honor I would go, but it's his day and I'd just back off.

 

[Makenzie]

I don't get the big deal. You dated years ago. Not months ago. I would go. You both have the same friends, so it would not look strange for you to even be there. As you said there will be plenty of people to talk to, so you won't be in the back ground giving him and his new girl the evil eye. Plus you sound very mature that you wouldn't try to front on the new girlfriend. You both are just friends, there's no attraction now. Go and have fun! If you still had feelings for him, or vice versa, I'd say no. But as it is now, I don't get the big deal.

 

[theAlist]

Without any hesitation I would go. It's not like you all broke up 6 months ago. And if you don't plan on being up in his face grinning and cheesing like this then ol' girl won't have a problem with you being there either. Go have fun!

 

[LovingLady]

I probably wouldn't go
(Also you said "I dated him for about 2yrs and it was serious, but no sex was involved if that matters"- WOW! how did u pull that one off)

It is not hard, you just don't put yourself in a situation for it to happen.

@Carisa- I'm still a virgin and saving myself for marriage. I'm human so of course it was tempting but thank God I stood strong!

Amen :Rose:

Tip for you single ladies: Think long and hard before dating a longtime friend especially if mutual friends are involved.

This is very true. For me once the relationship is over it is over, there is no going back to being friends. If you two had causally dated this would be a different story. Since you two were serious for so long, don't go.

But maybe the new gf is secure enough within her self not feel the need to make it an issue.

If she is not, then I would leave, but who knows beforehand?

It has nothing to do with being insecure.

 

[summer]

I would go. If you are truly "just friends" then you don't need to avoid the new girlfriend. That would be a strange dynamic.

Putting myself in her shoes I would definitely want to meet you.

 

[ThickHair]

Do you think you are never going to be invited to another party in your whole life? Is this the party of the century or something? Why are you hung up on this one? You sure are putting a lot of thought into this invitation.

If you were saying that you were having issues about going to a party that he would be attending, that would be a no brainer, go. This is a party in his honor and his new GF is going to be there, etc. You may not have feelings for this dude, but something is bugging you about the whole situation, mmmmm could be slight feelings or I could be wrong.

I wouldn't go.

 

[Imani]

I don't get it. I would go. If you all are cool and have mutual friends, I would go. The girl already knows about you because he told her. There won't be a scene unless you make it a scene.

I would go, tell him happy birthday, get my drink n eat on, say hello to everyone and roll out.

why short change yourself. you may meet someone at the party! surprise surprise!

yep, this is exactly what I was thinking.

 

[Mai Tai]

OP...whether you go or not is completely up to you, and I am sure you will do what's best for you. However, what bothers me is why you (and some other posters) are sooooooo concerned with what others will think if you DON'T show up.

I mean seriously...who gives a good got damn what people will whisper behind your back if you choose to stay away? You don't owe anyone an explanation...period.

If you do show up...people will talk. If you don't show up...people will talk. You might as well do what it is YOU want to do instead of putting yourself in a potentially awkward situation just for "appearances."

 

[makeupvixen]

Well how about being asked to be the best woman in ur exboyfriends wedding. I had the terrible task of doing that. I hated every minute of it. I tried to like the wife but just can't, just not a good match for him. I'm not hating and in fact there was another girl I thought would be the best for him and even his mother agreed, but oh well. He wanted the non black girl with long hair, his mother even mentioned that on the wedding day. To this day I haven't talked to this ex, I miss him everyday but u just have to let some people go . No matter how hard it is to let go u have to. I don't go to parties or functions where they will be, I have gotten rid of all the friends we had together, and other than graduating from the same college we gave nothing else in common. I dont text or email and I even removed him as my Facebook friend. I just felt it was time to let go, he can make his own mistake on his own. I think the only sad part is that his mom still emails me and so dies his dad, it's hard to not respond to them.

 

[aribell]

Generally, I've made more mistakes trying to appear/prove that I'm cool with things than by simply moving on and not looking back. That said, I don't think you should be worried about how you appear to him or anyone else either way. I don't think it matters what he thinks if you choose to pull out now, especially since you don't want to get back with him--just do what is the wisest thing.