Embracing Your Natural Hair

[Irresistible]

First of all, it's obvious people cared what I do with my head since I was called a hypocrite more than once.

Second of all I said from the beginning that acceptance has nothing to do with a hair style. Here let me quote it for you again just in case you forgot.




And what I clearly stated in the beginning is that I have a fake hair stash...


Have I worn weaves in the past? Yes. But I haven't worn them in a while because I've been working on accepting my lack of thickness.

And as I clearly stated more than once throughout this thread, judging people based on their hairstyle is wrong. It's an inappropriate assumption. I haven't advocated anyone doing that, least of all myself.

Next time, read my posts.

well let others have their process

instead of saying THEY MUST accept their hair RAW/NAKED , you had yours .....its only fair and righteous

you send mixed signals , because you said all that yes, but you also clearly stated alot about raw/naked hair and thats how it must be accepted-in that state....you said that point blank

also about products , then you change up again

 

[Irresistible]

Jennboo I am generally on the same page with you a lot of the time (albeit with a bit less zeal, ok a lot less). People may respond with extreme posts based on your comments. I haven't seen anyone try to change their texture with gel, nor go from 4b to 3a without chemical assistance or rollersets. Some of your examples seem rather extreme. Are people really using styling products to alter their 4b texture to 3a? (not possible) Can you shingle to the high heavens? Seriously, type 4 hair with gel looks like type 4 hair with gel. Type 3 hair with gel looks like type 3 hair with gel. Are people spending countless hours shingling their type 4 hair every day? (which still loooks like shingled type 4 hair). I get where you're going because we have been down this road many times (well, not all on this board).

I remember the following debates:
loose naturals vs locs,
curl definers vs naked naturals,
colored nappturals vs. non-colored naturals
long natural hair vs. wear it short or your subscribing to the Euro standard,
heat straightened naturals vs. non-straightened naturals,
stretched naturals (banding, twistouts, braidouts) vs non-stretched naturals
and now we have the bkt vs non-bkt.

It just seems to get really nitpicky and ridiculous when I am just happy to see more black women going kinky/coily no matter where their journey takes them.

Again, how does a topic about embracing your own hair turn into judgement about what others do to their hair?

Thank you!!!!!!!!

this is ridarndiculous! I WISH TO GOD this type of stuff would just stop!!!!!

 

[jennboo]

Thank you!!!!!!!!

this is ridarndiculous! I WISH TO GOD this type of stuff would just stop!!!!!

Be the change you wish to see, lol.

Ya keep posting and contributing to the back and forth so you are a part of the problem as well imo.

 

[Irresistible]

Seriously Iris you are not reading.

How many times do we have to say that just because someone wants to twist, curly, straighten, shingle, or whatever doesn't mean they don't accept their hair? How many times?

No one here is anti curl pattern. No one here is saying elongating your hair means you don't accept it. No one here is judging and being superior.

And no one here is creating strife or division but you. Stop trying to draw lines in the sand.

and how many of us, not just me, dont even get what your saying

but DO feel this way

u cant say its just me dear

u cant

I mean there is post after post here for all to see that one should not be looking for a curl, trying to make it curl, no frizz ,shingling like crazy and glopping on product or they are not accepting their hair

Its there, post after post and over and over

it aint me

nope

 

[Irresistible]

Be the change you wish to see, lol.

Ya keep posting and contributing to the back and forth so you are a part of the problem as well imo.

I been living that change a long long time

well at least you admit it is indeed a problem

 

[msa]

well let others have their process

instead of saying THEY MUST accept their hair RAW/NAKED , you had yours .....its only fair and righteous

you send mixed signals , because you said all that yes, but you also clearly stated alot about raw/naked hair and thats how it must be accepted-in that state....you said that point blank

also about products , then you change up again

I haven't criticized anyones process, use of products, or hairstyles. My opinion wasn't related to any of that.

I believe people should accept their naked hair. IMO, it's important. That's all. I don't care how they get there or when or what styles they wear. I just think it's an integral piece of fully embracing your hair.

Clearly you disagree and that's fine.

 

[Irresistible]

Irresistible, it's not anti-curl pattern/curl definition per se, rather pointing out that some may have obsessions to achieve the above which often leads to disappointment/disillusion and general unhappiness with their hair. Hence, the best thing would be to not just tolerate or accept but embrace what ya got

I understand that as well.......so
whats the answer , what can we do to stop this from happening with them? it surely wont be shoving it down their throats

its pretty normal for naturals to go through process to accept their hair

not everyone has to be to one extreme or another with this

Can we MAKE them embrace it NOPE! You know a person has to do that for themselves , all for themselves, thats if they even want to

 

[Irresistible]

I haven't criticized anyones process, use of products, or hairstyles. My opinion wasn't related to any of that.

I believe people should accept their naked hair. IMO, it's important. That's all. I don't care how they get there or when or what styles they wear. I just think it's an integral piece of fully embracing your hair.

Clearly you disagree and that's fine.

No I dont

again its been trying to figure out how you can DEFINE what one must do to have proven they have indeed accepted their raw natural hair, the tricky part is WHEN THEY DONT WEAR IT THAT WAY anyway

 

[jamaraa]

.....................................

 

[Irresistible]

That's just it...what is "THE PROBLEM"? For me, it's that alternative views on the subject are rarely heard and/or are shouted down. All this melodrama about degrees of who accepts what to someone else's standard is just mere convo. At the end of the day, it's just amusing to me cuz talk is cheap. I guess people who lack "standard issue AA studies 101" opinions on the subject should just say nothing eh? Not gonna happen cousin.

40 years ago FAR more people had natural hair than they do now (sometimes w/ help of product and hairdressers ) so why is "natural hair' still an issue 40 years later? Shouldn't "the problem" have been fixed long ago? LOL....methinks "the problem" is that too many people are looking for approval from others. All they're gonna get is disppointment, IMHO. It's nobody else's responsibility to build someone else's self-esteem. My point in this convo is to simply say that....I'm sick of all the false collectivism on the subject.

you say it all better than me!!! Thank you!!

 

[Daughter]

I understand that as well.......so
whats the answer , what can we do to stop this from happening with them? it surely wont be shoving it down their throats

its pretty normal for naturals to go through process to accept their hair

not everyone has to be to one extreme or another with this

Can we MAKE them embrace it NOPE! You know a person has to do that for themselves , all for themselves, thats if they even want to

I don't think anyone is saying that we can make anyone accept themselves, whether it be hair texture, skin tone, body type or whatever. It's all a journey, and we can each help facilitate that by having an open, positive attitude.

 

[msa]

No I dont

again its been trying to figure out how you can DEFINE what one must do to have proven they have indeed accepted their raw natural hair, the tricky part is WHEN THEY DONT WEAR IT THAT WAY anyway

1. It's my opinion and my definition, no one is required to follow it or agree. We all have our own opinions and values and I'm not tryng to force mine on anyone. I was just participating in a discussion.

2. No one has to prove anything to me or anyone else and I never said they did. That would be ridiculous.

3. And for the last time, the acceptance happens internally and the physical manifestation will be different for everyone.

 

[jennboo]

That's just it...what is "THE PROBLEM"? For me, it's that alternative views on the subject are rarely heard and/or are shouted down. All this melodrama about degrees of who accepts what to someone else's standard is just mere convo. At the end of the day, it's just amusing to me cuz talk is cheap. I guess people who lack "standard issue AA studies 101" opinions on the subject should just say nothing eh? Not gonna happen cousin.

40 years ago FAR more people had natural hair than they do now (sometimes w/ help of product and hairdressers ) so why is "natural hair' still an issue 40 years later? Shouldn't "the problem" have been fixed long ago? LOL....methinks "the problem" is that too many people are looking for approval from others. All they're gonna get is disppointment, IMHO. It's nobody else's responsibility to build someone else's self-esteem. My point in this convo is to simply say that....I'm sick of all the false collectivism on the subject.

I meant the problem of the back and forth, tit for tat going on in the thread... not the REAL problem which it seems like you are referring to.

Honestly judging from your annoyance with my previous posts i doubt you really want me to relay my view on "THE PROBLEM".

ETA: The white man strikes again. False Collectivism, huh? So i can't even declare that black women should accept their natural hair bc its beautiful? Me wanting to relay that point just has to be a show, a front, a facade, something sinister, and ulterior to what i really feel? We are so brainwahsed as to be suspicious of folks who actually like the hair that grows out of their heads?

 

[Irresistible]

But no one is doing that. This whole time I've been discussing hypothetical people...or at least people in the abstract sense of the word. It's just a discussion, I wasn't making it personal, y'all took it there.

No one has said they have problems with or even care how another person styles their hair. Dang, we've said that over and over and over again. It has nothing to do with hair styling.

I was speaking about one specific thing, which was internal acceptance of one's naked natural hair...I didn't say anything about physical manifestations of that acceptance. In fact, in my first post on the matter I specifically said it has nothing to do with hair style.

And why folks always throwing around how people are wasting their energy? We're all on a hair board discussing a random topic. Clearly we're all wasting energy.

ok and you are just overlooking the posts that say over and over that if a person does this or that with their hair, they are not accepting their hair

are you going to actually say they aint there?

The energy , I DONT get is the energy spend on someone eles'e hair in a non positive manner such as 'they arent accepting their hair if they do this or that' which you cannot deny has been said

heck maybe they arent, but you didnt always either, I just dont get it and wont

 

[Irresistible]

ok and you are just overlooking the posts that say over and over that if a person does this or that with their hair, they are not accepting their hair

are you going to actually say they aint there?

The energy , I DONT get is the energy spend on someone eles'e hair in a non positive manner such as 'they arent accepting their hair if they do this or that' which you cannot deny has been said

heck maybe they arent, but you didnt always either, I just dont get it and wont

heck not only that

but it went deep enough to say others saw it as an issue and problem 'for them'

thats deep to me

people are going to do what they want with their hair just like we all did

its deep when thats a problem for someone else

 

[Irresistible]

1. It's my opinion and my definition, no one is required to follow it or agree. We all have our own opinions and values and I'm not tryng to force mine on anyone. I was just participating in a discussion.

2. No one has to prove anything to me or anyone else and I never said they did. That would be ridiculous.

3. And for the last time, the acceptance happens internally and the physical manifestation will be different for everyone.

ok than it can never be judged or decided then if it has happened for that person or not, despite what they are doing with their hair

wearing it 'naked' or not because there is no ONE physical manifestation

that I agree with finally

 

[Irresistible]

I don't think anyone is saying that we can make anyone accept themselves, whether it be hair texture, skin tone, body type or whatever. It's all a journey, and we can each help facilitate that by having an open, positive attitude.

Agreed again!

the coming down on them or the superiority act wont cut it

not saying it happened here or not (um It did), but its certainly well known to happen alot and its damaging more than anything

 

[Irresistible]

I meant the problem of the back and forth, tit for tat going on in the thread... not the REAL problem which it seems like you are referring to.

Honestly judging from your annoyance with my previous posts i doubt you really want me to relay my view on "THE PROBLEM".

ETA: The white man strikes again. False Collectivism, huh? So i can't even declare that black women should accept their natural hair bc its beautiful? Me wanting to relay that point just has to be a show, a front, a facade, something sinister, and ulterior to what i really feel? We are so brainwahsed as to be suspicious of folks who actually like the hair that grows out of their heads?

Somehow you keep twisting this

nobody is having a problem with the fact that it would all be a wonderful world if all black women accepted their natural hair , I mean I actually really feel that too

But it wont happen, and its their right not to, and we cant go around being militant about it and saying how it just must be for them, if and when they do go natural

I mean this stuff goes deep and gets really petty

such as , the idea that a woman that big chops is more accepting than a transitioner

i mean what?

its never going to be a perfect natural world for us with all of us accepting our hair by someone's else's standards of acceptance

it just aint going to happen

 

[Irresistible]

you know what

There is a long time natural here , a mean a hair idol , that relaxed and she is being given a very hard time, she came to me about it

Ive seen it in the past too, how ugly it all gets

I just cant stand it

our hair should not divide us, that is what 'the MAN' wanted , ONLY its US DOING IT TO EACH OTHER NOW

they just sit back and watch us divide ourselves over hair like no other race on earth and its us letting the hate/division breed now

 

[BostonMaria]

Wow

Life was so less complicated when my hair was relaxed.

 

[that_1_grrrl]

Is this really necessary? It seems like there is an argument being made where there is none.

I thought the point that people accepting their hair in all states does not mean wearing their hair in all states was made a long time ago. There's nothing more to say.

 

[Irresistible]

Wow

Life was so less complicated when my hair was relaxed.

 

[BostonMaria]

For real! LMFBO!!

I don't see relaxed heads fighting over CHI vs FHI, Lye vs No Lye, etc....

I wear gel. There I said it! I'm so ashamed LOL j/k
Come on ladies

 

[Irresistible]

For real! LMFBO!!

I don't see relaxed heads fighting over CHI vs FHI, Lye vs No Lye, etc....

I wear gel. There I said it! I'm so ashamed LOL j/k
Come on ladies

You are so right!

 

[jamaraa]

....................................

 

[Neith]

I feel that an overly zealous natural head is JUST AS BAD as someone who dislikes or is ashamed of afro textured hair.

They BOTH contribute to the hair drama and division of black women. Neither extreme is right (imo) or pretty.

I'm not saying that anyone here is overly zealous... but that kind of "Not natural enough" mentality is ridiculous and creates TENSION.

 

[LiberianGirl]

I feel that an overly zealous natural head is JUST AS BAD as someone who dislikes or is ashamed of afro textured hair.

They BOTH contribute to the hair drama and division of black women. Neither extreme is right (imo) or pretty.

I'm not saying that anyone here is overly zealous... but that kind of "Not natural enough" mentality is ridiculous and creates TENSION.

Thank you, I'm frankly sick and tired with both sides. I'm also tired of people stating...lying that people should do whatever they want with their hair yet go in every BKT, relaxed, define your curl talking ish. Keep it real and just say you like to tell people what to do with their hair. Me thinks people are lying about how secure they are about their hair when they STAY critiquing others.

 

[Newtogrow]

I had to say no, but working on it only because I texturized for 5 minutes with a regular relaxer only because I was natural for 5 years~went to texlaxed~grew out natural again~ texlaxed again.

I kept my afro, but have rid myself of those tiny knots. I do love my hair though. Hope that's understandable.

 

[I *Am* Not* My* Hair]

Well I've finally embraced my hair. I've always wanted long hair, period. In my mind, I equated beauty with long swingin locks. I'm older, more mature with a daughter and well I've embraced my short super coily, fine/thin 4B hair. '

I went through the whole stage of attempting every natural style only to be disappointed. So every day I wear my tiny fro with pride and thank God that after all the unnecessary abuse I put these strands through that I have any at all!!!

 

[Irresistible]

Thank you, I'm frankly sick and tired with both sides. I'm also tired of people stating...lying that people should do whatever they want with their hair yet go in every BKT, relaxed, define your curl talking ish. Keep it real and just say you like to tell people what to do with their hair. Me thinks people are lying about how secure they are about their hair when they STAY critiquing others.

me thinks like you!