Embracing Your Natural Hair

[Irresistible]

All I can say is if you have that much time on your hands to worry about what someone else is doing with their hair, or how they feel about it at any given point or why......and your not simply just focused on YOU and what you do/feel etc

Then keep living

just keep living a little bit longer

it wont/cant stay that way forever

 

[CoilyFields]

We all have opinions...i really dont think that expressing your hair beliefs on a hairboard in a thread that talks about the concept of embracing natural hair (if you had embraced yours and then the question of what embracing means) is inappropriate IMO. Now what would be inappropriate is if someone ran up in someones thread about how nice their shingling job came out and told them that they (individual) weren't embracing their natural hair cuz they shingled.

I think the concept of embracing your natural hair IS important when you look at it on a societal level. Im 4b and can speak on the experience of black people really coming down on me (to varying extents) about my hair not being good enough to be natural and me needing a relaxer. This is because that permeates the mindset of MANY in our culture. They believe that there is something wrong with natural hair (that doesnt sport curls i.e. the "raw" hair the way it grows out of the heads of most 4b's and up) .

Now call me imposing if you like but i believe that i should care when others engage in behaviors that indicate low self-esteem or even the extreme of self-hate. Not that i will go around preaching to them...but if the topic comes up...

Like another poster said...aint nothing wrong with makeup...but i knew my bff had a self-esteem problem when she wouldnt even get the mail without putting on a FULL face of makeup. How are we roomates for 4 years and I didn't see you make-up free until the fthird year? (And yes yall she is in full recovery lol. she still usually wears makeup but is no longer a slave to it)

Now have I embraced MY natural hair? Yup. It took about 1 1/2 years but i have now accepted that this is the way my hair grows out of my head and i am not ashamed of it. Luv this stuff! And with that said...I will be getting my hair flat ironed friday! I say it proudly becuz now i see it as only a style option and not a necessity/the only way its beautiful.

 

[Irresistible]

We all have opinions...i really dont think that expressing your hair beliefs on a hairboard in a thread that talks about the concept of embracing natural hair (if you had embraced yours and then the question of what embracing means) is inappropriate IMO. Now what would be inappropriate is if someone ran up in someones thread about how nice their shingling job came out and told them that they (individual) weren't embracing their natural hair cuz they shingled.

I think the concept of embracing your natural hair IS important when you look at it on a societal level. Im 4b and can speak on the experience of black people really coming down on me (to varying extents) about my hair not being good enough to be natural and me needing a relaxer. This is because that permeates the mindset of MANY in our culture. They believe that there is something wrong with natural hair (that doesnt sport curls i.e. the "raw" hair the way it grows out of the heads of most 4b's and up) .

Now call me imposing if you like but i believe that i should care when others engage in behaviors that indicate low self-esteem or even the extreme of self-hate. Not that i will go around preaching to them...but if the topic comes up...

Like another poster said...aint nothing wrong with makeup...but i knew my bff had a self-esteem problem when she wouldnt even get the mail without putting on a FULL face of makeup. How are we roomates for 4 years and I didn't see you make-up free until the fthird year? (And yes yall she is in full recovery lol. she still usually wears makeup but is no longer a slave to it)

Now have I embraced MY natural hair? Yup. It took about 1 1/2 years but i have now accepted that this is the way my hair grows out of my head and i am not ashamed of it. Luv this stuff! And with that said...I will be getting my hair flat ironed friday! I say it proudly becuz now i see it as only a style option and not a necessity/the only way its beautiful.

AND other's might accuse YOU of having self hate, low self esteem, oh and being ASHAMED since you are flat ironing AT ALL

and since it aint true for YOU and you wouldnt like it......

you shouldnt do it to others (Impose YOUR views on hair on them and THEIR hair)

do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Is it really that serious to worry about another's low self esteem issues or self hate or even up to you to decide if its true for them?

I mean unless they tell you themselves, yes it is IMPOSING

just as it would be for me to tell you , you dont accept your natural hair, and hate your texture and are ashamed of it cause your flat ironing!

I think my friend said something about people wanting it both ways

yeah so it really seems thats true

"I will do what I want with my hair because I know how I feel about it and dont answer to you, but you better by golly not do what "I" think you shouldnt and/ or you have to feel this and that way about your hair because I said so, and the things I do are different than you'

Is that the group think? if so it stinks

and cant even fly , not far at all

eta: I still cant believe half the stuff I'm reading on this thread at this point, and nobody thats doing this sees the hypocrisy rearing its ugly head?

 

[BeetleBug]

Some people don't know when to stop typing.

 

[Irresistible]

I'm tellin ya, folks really don't understand when they only have to deal with a couple SSK's here or there. Knots are not a natural hair texture. Embracing them is like embracing a waste product.
~~~~~~~~~

I know that i'm outside the demographic, but I used to be a member of the club. Embracing your hair is really about when you look in the mirror and don't feel like you're in competition with anybody else's head of hair. It's not about proving x,y,z or preaching a doctrine, or not 'fakin da funk', embracing your hair is when you accept this part of yourself on your own terms.

REPOST AND RE-QOUTE!

 

[Irresistible]

On a hair board?

you do have the option to not read ya know ........

Some people don't know when to stop typing.

 

[KrystalClear]

I have def embraced my hair!
BUTTTT I DEF am still wanting my hair to be to WL natural, unstretched.

 

[LatterGlory]

:ha:

oke: : "LET THE GAMES BEGIN!"

 

[Irresistible]

I embrace my natural hair and I'll be relaxing again soon.:ha:

oke: : "LET THE GAMES BEGIN!"





Sorry yaw'll I just could not resist... did not want to resist

ur silly girl!!!

 

[LatterGlory]

________________

Mat 5:9
(9) Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God

 

[jamaraa]

......................................

 

[brownbean96]

This thread should be locked. It turned into something really ugly. I will not come back in. A person being repeatedly attacked for their opinon is not something I signed up for. I could have stayed on the other board for that.

 

[Irresistible]

we cant really be a 'hair family' until we get rid of the hate, impositions on others and divison

but we should be a family

we are more alike than different

I really hope the 'tone' of this thread does not perpetuate on lhcf

i really do hope

You know how families are.... now is when we until our next knowing all the while the we are:luv2: (still family).

Mat 5:9
(9) Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God

 

[Irresistible]

This thread should be locked. It turned into something really ugly. I will not come back in. A person being repeatedly attacked for their opinon is not something I signed up for. I could have stayed on the other board for that.

not representive of lhcf! at all

 

[Irresistible]

I live in the real world folks...most BW will NOT be natural their full lives even if they choose to do so at some point. That's a reality. After all, how many of you "transitioned" yourselves? No matter how much you NOW embrace your own hair (great for you) that will not change this fact. Whatever the reasons may be and whatever an individual's reason are for it, information involving the growth and care of African textures in ALL its states should be readily available to the members w/o attitude, drama, or passive-aggressive insinuations. This is what they're paying for and the point of this site, after all. People change their minds about their hair all the time, but they should have info for the care of their hair to its fullest potential, in whatever state it may be.

Both relaxed and naturals heads pay their money equally and should have hair care info available to them (the name of this forum states it's about tips and products) and more and more this isn't the case. Threads like this actually have NOTHING to do w/ the care and maintenace of natural hair, let alone all hair. If natural hair should be such a desirable goal, people who feel it's important should create threads about caring for it sometimes, shouldn't they? Frankly there are already dedicated sites for the celebration of UNALTERED African textures, but that is NOT the purpose of this site. Those sites have existed as long or even longer than this one. If this site were or became a ersatz copy of those other sites, I and many others wouldn't be here and will not remain here. If natural hair in ALL it's states are as accepted some want to make out, why all the hostility towards dreds? How many dreded memebers do we have? LOL...all "natural hair" ain't created equal up in here...so let's quit frontin' peeps.

There's nothing wrong w/ celebrating who you are IF it doesn't involve putting others down at the same time...implicitly or explicity. Some people think insinuating things is somehow NOT saying it....it is, but just in a passive-aggressive, dishonest, and cowardly way. There's nothing more dishonest than this, IMHO....either say what you mean and stand by it or say nothing. True acceptance REQUIRES honesty.

If you wanna embrace YOUR hair, your arms should be big enough to embrace other people's.

say that girl! Say that!!!!

eta ooooh I loved that last line!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and their minds!!!

 

[nysister]

I'm loving it! It's hard to keep my hands out of it sometimes, but the texture and way it looks fascinates me and makes me happy each time I look at it or touch it.

 

[wild curls raquelle]

Dang I went away for my birthday and come back to....
Well i say I seen some good preaching and some bad preaching...

Personally I was forced to embrace my hair (I got 20+ in the game with only 2 of them being knowledgeable ) and it's forever changing textures. If you're super concerned about the state of someone else's hair IMO I would think maybe you are deflecting personal hair issues on to someone else. It's your hair the good Lord gave it to you for you to do what you see fit with it. I know naturals that hate their hair and I know naturals that love their hair. And that's a personal decision. If you decide to weave up the left side shave the back bald, die a corner and throw some locks up there and then look me in all 4 of my eyes and say I love my natural hair, I will say GREAT. My hair isn't long enough to bun yet, BUT I have no choice but to put product in there, if you can and are able to fight with the jungle, by all means. Besides you can't care let alone barely use the same products for a type 4 that a 2 or even a 3 uses. And the same textures and strand densities and porosities can't go down the same path. If you got a secret about wearing hair sans product while maintaining moisture, please give up your secrets/ recipes and spells. At the end of the day the militant route isn't for me. I enjoy my pjism (within reason) gives me an excuse to stumble into other stores. If you want to leave the house after banding/ roller setting/ flat-iron more power to you. But in the mean time I'm going to eat my chocolate with this bandwagon concoction in my hair.

 

[Fine 4s]

Dang I went away for my birthday and come back to....
Well i say I seen some good preaching and some bad preaching...

Personally I was forced to embrace my hair (I got 20+ in the game with only 2 of them being knowledgeable ) and it's forever changing textures. If you're super concerned about the state of someone else's hair IMO I would think maybe you are deflecting personal hair issues on to someone else. It's your hair the good Lord gave it to you for you to do what you see fit with it. I know naturals that hate their hair and I know naturals that love their hair. And that's a personal decision. If you decide to weave up the left side shave the back bald, die a corner and throw some locks up there and then look me in all 4 of my eyes and say I love my natural hair, I will say GREAT. My hair isn't long enough to bun yet, BUT I have no choice but to put product in there, if you can and are able to fight with the jungle, by all means. Besides you can't care let alone barely use the same products for a type 4 that a 2 or even a 3 uses. And the same textures and strand densities and porosities can't go down the same path. If you got a secret about wearing hair sans product while maintaining moisture, please give up your secrets/ recipes and spells. At the end of the day the militant route isn't for me. I enjoy my pjism (within reason) gives me an excuse to stumble into other stores. If you want to leave the house after banding/ roller setting/ flat-iron more power to you. But in the mean time I'm going to eat my chocolate with this bandwagon concoction in my hair.

Love the all 4 of my eyes line LOL!

 

[Cisselette]

Definition of opinion:

A p-e-r-s-o-n-a-l belief or judgment that is not founded on proof or certainty; "my opinion differs from yours"; "I am not of your persuasion"

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/opinion


=======================

Some people in my family tell me on a regular basis that I NEED torelax my hair. That's their opinion.

I think that my natural hair is beautiful, healthy and I love it.

I LOVE everything about my hair. But I mean AY-VUR-HEY-FING: The texture, the type (4a/b), the options, the hairstyles, the length (though I've not reached my goal yet), and yes, even the knots.

Why? Well seriously, I would have to write pages to answer that question. So I'm just gonna sum up by saying that :

My natural hair enabled me to find my true complete self in ways I just could have never imagined.

Therefore I can say that I fully embrace my natural hair and I will not relax. That's my opinion.

Now, why exactly should I get upset about what other people think about what I should do with my hair?

I won't listen to them because I simply don't agree. I usually don't get mad at them for thinking the way they do because:

1. I know where they're coming from and why they think the way they do.

2. I'm totally fine with the fact that people will NOT agree with everything I think / do / believe in.

3. I know they're not actually gonna sneak into my room at night and relax my hair while I'm asleep (Well, I hope for them )

4. I'm totally secure with my decision of going AND staying natural or... dressing the way I do, choosing what I eat and everything else I make a conscious, personal and educated choice about.

5. When I do get annoyed at them for (literally) harassing me or getting mad because I don't conform I can just.. walk away / shut them up / keep quiet / try and explain my choices again / laugh / insert "I won't do it" technique here.

6. I love my hair so ****** much, I talk/brag about it a lot so I guess I had it coming

7.Like them, I do have (strong) opinions about things that don't concern me the least. Indeed, unless you live all alone in the amazonian jungle you HAVE to have opinions about what's going on in your world.

Especially when being specifically asked about it...

For instance in a thread on a public hair board...



Please people, just state your opinion and KIM... there's always gonna be someone saying something you either don't agree with or don't like at all. Don't get upset and write 20 times how others' opinions are SOOOOO wrong / are offending ... it only shows you're not really confident about your own.

 

[Ramya]

Contrary to what some my believe, I love my natural hair AND the versatility that different products and techniques afford me.

 

[Irresistible]

Definition of opinion:

A p-e-r-s-o-n-a-l belief or judgment that is not founded on proof or certainty; "my opinion differs from yours"; "I am not of your persuasion"

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/opinion


=======================

Some people in my family tell me on a regular basis that I NEED torelax my hair. That's their opinion.

I think that my natural hair is beautiful, healthy and I love it.

I LOVE everything about my hair. But I mean AY-VUR-HEY-FING: The texture, the type (4a/b), the options, the hairstyles, the length (though I've not reached my goal yet), and yes, even the knots.

Why? Well seriously, I would have to write pages to answer that question. So I'm just gonna sum up by saying that :

My natural hair enabled me to find my true complete self in ways I just could have never imagined.

Therefore I can say that I fully embrace my natural hair and I will not relax. That's my opinion.

Now, why exactly should I get upset about what other people think about what I should do with my hair?

I won't listen to them because I simply don't agree. I usually don't get mad at them for thinking the way they do because:

1. I know where they're coming from and why they think the way they do.

2. I'm totally fine with the fact that people will NOT agree with everything I think / do / believe in.

3. I know they're not actually gonna sneak into my room at night and relax my hair while I'm asleep (Well, I hope for them )

4. I'm totally secure with my decision of going AND staying natural or... dressing the way I do, choosing what I eat and everything else I make a conscious, personal and educated choice about.

5. When I do get annoyed at them for (literally) harassing me or getting mad because I don't conform I can just.. walk away / shut them up / keep quiet / try and explain my choices again / laugh / insert "I won't do it" technique here.

6. I love my hair so ****** much, I talk/brag about it a lot so I guess I had it coming

7.Like them, I do have (strong) opinions about things that don't concern me the least. Indeed, unless you live all alone in the amazonian jungle you HAVE to have opinions about what's going on in your world.

Especially when being specifically asked about it...

For instance in a thread on a public hair board...



Please people, just state your opinion and KIM... there's always gonna be someone saying something you either don't agree with or don't like at all. Don't get upset and write 20 times how others' opinions are SOOOOO wrong / are offending ... it only shows you're not really confident about your own.

Again the question on the thread was 'have you embraced your natural hair' basically, and things went south when people started saying what others needed to do/not do/or feel about their hair/ or how (determining for 'others' what embracing their natural hair is/should be)

IRL is one thing , thats your family/friends etc. and your business to deal with, but for purposes of a hair board and respect of others 'hair choices' which THIS forum does represent-there is no place for other's opinion/imposition/opposition of or about what others do with their hair or how they feel about it etc-when it can be offensive to others who paid to be here

its a hair board-yes, but its a hair board that is geared towards us being a mixed group of ladies, coming 'together' doing different things with our hair, it wont succeed with us enforcing our thinking and position on others

as has been said, there are forums for that........

just not this one

dont need to justify anything else you insinuated personally *in your small writing* LOL

there have always been 'passionate' opinions about hair and always will be

this forum doesn't stand for pro/anti-anything regarding hair- only (growing) long, hopefuly- healthy hair

so if your strongly pro/anti anything about what someone else does with THEIR hair , its best not expressed here , then it becomes imposition/disrespect

some who posted their position, have their own hypocrisy in what they say 'others' must do. Who needs it ......really?

 

[Allandra]

I am loving my natural hair, and I'm happily embracing it.

 

[Irresistible]

I wish someone would come up in a thread on this board and tell a natural they should relax........pshhh......you wanna see heads roll........so yes......much different here, than your family or IRL

 

[Cisselette]

Again the question on of the thread was 'have you embraced your natural hair' basically, and things went south when people started saying what others needed to do

Well actually I only read different opinions, no impositions at all but I guess for you both have the same definition?

The only people you (general you) can actually IMPOSE anything about hair choices or anything else for that matter, is yourself and your children IMO.

Other than that, people have their own opinions about hairstyles, types, textures, acceptance, being natural, definitions, conceptions etc.

Unless you feel COMPELLED to embrace and act upon somebody else's perception of acceptance of your natural hair, nobody imposes you anything by a mere response to a thread.

For instance if in a thread about healthy lifestyles I say that : "everybody should exercise everyday for at least 30 mn for health benefits" (that's an example cuz I sure don't ).

Are you going to feel that I'm imposing this on you?

No. Because it's an opinion and you have the choice to either:

-agree and do it
-agree and don't do it
-disagree and do it /don't do it
-partially agree and do it / don't do it
-challenge my definition of "health benefits" / exercise
-state that exercise is not mandatory in a healthy routine

etc...

Correct me if I'm wrong but are you telling me that I shouldn't have expressed what happens in my real life with my family?

Well my hair is not virtual you know ... it is on my real head, in my real life... people in reality see it everyday and they're judging it positively and /or negatively.

So I did answer the question about embracing my natural hair. Very clearly in fact:

I think that my natural hair is beautiful, healthy and I love it.

I LOVE everything about my hair. But I mean AY-VUR-HEY-FING: The texture, the type (4a/b), the options, the hairstyles, the length (though I've not reached my goal yet), and yes, even the knots.

Why? Well seriously, I would have to write pages to answer that question. So I'm just gonna sum up by saying that :

My natural hair enabled me to find my true complete self in ways I just could have never imagined.

Therefore I can say that I fully embrace my natural hair and I will not relax. That's my opinion.

I'd be an hypocrite to say something different than what I truly believe.

I also did pay 13 something $ to be able post my opinion here...

I did it politely and will continue to do so.

So I don't really see why I should refrain, just to not "offend" anybody who would not agree with me.


Ok now about the "raw state debate".I read EVERY SINGLE POST before answering, I always do. Especially if I'm going to say anything else than my own opinion.

What I gathered from Msa's / Jennboo's posts is that : if someone feels the need to ALWAYS alter their hair from their raw state.

If they cannot stand, they won't accept their hair without any kind of alteration (products, heat etc.),

If they are UNABLE to see the beauty of their natural raw hair, just for what is.

If they vainly keep trying to achieve a hairstyle / hair state their hair was just NOT meant to achieve because of its type / texture,

THEN there must be an underlying issue.

Because to truly accept your natural hair, you need to love it EVEN when (and not ONLY when) it's totally naked.

Why? Simply because it is what grows out of your scalp... it is YOU... if that's not good enough reason, what is?

Which DOES NOT mean that blowdrying your hair = hating yourself. ( I completely understand and agree and feel the same!!)




What I gathered from your post is that: You've been natural for about 15 years. You know about everything there is to know about YOUR hair (and I believe you because it's be-ouh-tee-foul )

You know what your hair is in it's natural(raw or not) state looks like, feels like and acts like because you've been dealing with it on a daily basis for more than a decade.

You don't hate your hair (and nobody even IMPLIED you do) at all but do not keep your hair in its raw state, mostly because it's much easier for you to deal with it (I completely understand and agree, and do the same!!)


Many people have tried to tell you that you are saying the same thing than they are... with all due respect, I think your mind got stuck at the "raw state" statement and you "refused" to read what was written...

But it's human to get defensive when we feel threatened/ insulted / judged negatively....

That's why I advised not to take someone's opinion so seriously.

There! I'm out.

 

[jamaraa]

........................

 

[Irresistible]

Well actually I only read different opinions, no impositions at all but I guess for you both have the same definition?

The only people you (general you) can actually IMPOSE anything about hair choices or anything else for that matter, is yourself and your children IMO.

Other than that, people have their own opinions about hairstyles, types, textures, acceptance, being natural, definitions, conceptions etc.

Unless you feel COMPELLED to embrace and act upon somebody else's perception of acceptance of your natural hair, nobody imposes you anything by a mere response to a thread.

For instance if in a thread about healthy lifestyles I say that : "everybody should exercise everyday for at least 30 mn for health benefits" (that's an example cuz I sure don't ).

Are you going to feel that I'm imposing this on you?

No. Because it's an opinion and you have the choice to either:

-agree and do it
-agree and don't do it
-disagree and do it /don't do it
-partially agree and do it / don't do it
-challenge my definition of "health benefits" / exercise
-state that exercise is not mandatory in a healthy routine

etc...

Correct me if I'm wrong but are you telling me that I shouldn't have expressed what happens in my real life with my family?

Well my hair is not virtual you know ... it is on my real head, in my real life... people in reality see it everyday and they're judging it positively and /or negatively.

So I did answer the question about embracing my natural hair. Very clearly in fact:

I think that my natural hair is beautiful, healthy and I love it.

I LOVE everything about my hair. But I mean AY-VUR-HEY-FING: The texture, the type (4a/b), the options, the hairstyles, the length (though I've not reached my goal yet), and yes, even the knots.

Why? Well seriously, I would have to write pages to answer that question. So I'm just gonna sum up by saying that :

My natural hair enabled me to find my true complete self in ways I just could have never imagined.

Therefore I can say that I fully embrace my natural hair and I will not relax. That's my opinion.

I'd be an hypocrite to say something different than what I truly believe.

I also did pay 13 something $ to be able post my opinion here...

I did it politely and will continue to do so.

So I don't really see why I should refrain, just to not "offend" anybody who would not agree with me.


Ok now about the "raw state debate".I read EVERY SINGLE POST before answering, I always do. Especially if I'm going to say anything else than my own opinion.

What I gathered from Msa's / Jennboo's posts is that : if someone feels the need to ALWAYS alter their hair from their raw state.

If they cannot stand, they won't accept their hair without any kind of alteration (products, heat etc.),

If they are UNABLE to see the beauty of their natural raw hair, just for what is.

If they vainly keep trying to achieve a hairstyle / hair state their hair was just NOT meant to achieve because of its type / texture,

THEN there must be an underlying issue.

Because to truly accept your natural hair, you need to love it EVEN when (and not ONLY when) it's totally naked.

Why? Simply because it is what grows out of your scalp... it is YOU... if that's not good enough reason, what is?

Which DOES NOT mean that blowdrying your hair = hating yourself. ( I completely understand and agree and feel the same!!)




What I gathered from your post is that: You've been natural for about 15 years. You know about everything there is to know about YOUR hair (and I believe you because it's be-ouh-tee-foul )

You know what your hair is in it's natural(raw or not) state looks like, feels like and acts like because you've been dealing with it on a daily basis for more than a decade.

You don't hate your hair (and nobody even IMPLIED you do) at all but do not keep your hair in its raw state, mostly because it's much easier for you to deal with it (I completely understand and agree, and do the same!!)


Many people have tried to tell you that you are saying the same thing than they are... with all due respect, I think your mind got stuck at the "raw state" statement and you "refused" to read what was written...

But it's human to get defensive when we feel threatened/ insulted / judged negatively....

That's why I advised not to take someone's opinion so seriously.

There! I'm out.

The thing is NOBODY HAS to do/not do anything with their hair that another person says

inclusive of accepting their hair in the raw state, there are naturals here that dont and wont and never will-let alone trying to figure out what someone else's perception of just what that acceptance exactly is-so why go there? who says they HAVE to?

here on this board where it clearly states nobody HAS to do ANYTHING with their hair

msa said one must accept their hair in its raw/ natural state-yet there is no clear tangible way to show that one did that-for another

jenboo said a WHOLE lot more, on a group of ladies who are relaxed, do shingle their hair , curl define, texture define AND straighten/ flat iron

so where would all that have its place here?

and where should anyone state in thread that is SUPPOSED to be about if they embrace their own hair-how they feel others should do it

it gets real sticky- where to draw the lines-where 'opinion' ends and offense/imposition begins

i personally dont feel , nor has this forum said all have to be natural, nor embrace their texture , by any means or criteria

so on THIS FORUM where ladies do all kinds of things with their hair it doesnt belong

I didnt get stuck on anything, other than alot of us naturals DO NOT wear our hair in its 'naked raw' state so what does it matter if we accept it that way and why should someone say we have to -or who defines how we do?

no I did not say you should not post about your family, I said IRL is different from this board-nothing else

Regardless , THIS IS NOT A 'PRO NATURAL HAIR BOARD, NOR IS IT A RAW AND UNALTERED TEXTURE NATURAL HAIR BOARD

as many of us stated THERE IS a board for that. This one is NOT IT!

 

[Cisselette]

I wish someone would come up in a thread on this board and tell a natural they should relax........pshhh......you wanna see heads roll........so yes......much different here, than your family or IRL

Well I can't talk for other people, but if it happened here, depending on my mood I'd probably ignore the post...

...or answer that I won't while explaining why (or not) depending on how the "suggestion" had been expressed... exactly as I do with people my family /people IRL !!

I mean I might get cursed at or slapped by people in my family for answering very rudely so I'd be careful too

 

[Cisselette]

The thing is NOBODY HAS to do/not do anything with their hair that another person says

inclusive of accepting their hair in the raw state, there are naturals here that dont and wont and never will-let alone trying to figure out what someone else's perception of just that acceptance exactly is-so why go there? who says they HAVE to?

here on this board where it clearly states nobody HAS to do ANYTHING with their hair

msa said one must accept their hair in its raw/ natural state-yet there is no clear tangible way to show that one did that-for another

jenboo said a WHOLE lot more, on a group of ladies who are relaxed, do shingle their hair , curl define, texture define AND straighten/ flat iron

so where would all that have its place here?

and where should anyone state in thread that is SUPPOSED to be about if they embrace their own hair-how they feel others should do it

it gets real sticky- where to draw the lines-where 'opinon' starts and offense/imposition ends

i personally dont feel , nor has this forum said all have to be natural, nor embrace their texture , by any means or criteria

so on THIS from where ladies do all kinds of things with their hair it doesnt belong

I didnt get stuck on anything, other than alot of us naturals DO NOT wear our hair in its 'naked raw' state so what does it matter if we accept it that way and why should someone say we have to -or who defines how we do?

no I did not say you should not post about your family, I said IRL is different from this board-nothing else

Regardless , THIS IS NOT A PRO UNALTERED STATE NATURAL HAIR BOARD

as many of us stated this is a board for that. This one is not it!

ok...

I do alter my natural hair exactly as you do, and for the same reasons mostly. I didn't feel that MSA or Jennboo where imposing me their views because I totally get the nuance they made.

And even if they were imposing their views (which they weren't) I don't know them. And even if I did know them (which I don't) I'd still not get offended...

I explained exactly why other people's opinions, here or IRL don't affect me much....

And I think that unless anybody's gonna actually physically PREVENT you from doing whatever you want to do to your hair, you shouldn't feel so concerned about what they're expressing.

You choose to not understand what they're saying.
You choose to get offended.
You choose to believe you have a different opinion than them when in fact you don't.
You choose to only read what you want to believe.
You choose to stick to your opinion.

I respect your hair choices and your opinions.

And now I choose to think I've said pretty much all I wanted to on the subject so I will not be answering you again.

Please choose not to think I'm condescending or disrespectful.

Ciao.

 

[Irresistible]

Well actually I only read different opinions, no impositions at all but I guess for you both have the same definition?

The only people you (general you) can actually IMPOSE anything about hair choices or anything else for that matter, is yourself and your children IMO.

Other than that, people have their own opinions about hairstyles, types, textures, acceptance, being natural, definitions, conceptions etc.

Unless you feel COMPELLED to embrace and act upon somebody else's perception of acceptance of your natural hair, nobody imposes you anything by a mere response to a thread.

For instance if in a thread about healthy lifestyles I say that : "everybody should exercise everyday for at least 30 mn for health benefits" (that's an example cuz I sure don't ).

Are you going to feel that I'm imposing this on you?

No. Because it's an opinion and you have the choice to either:

-agree and do it
-agree and don't do it
-disagree and do it /don't do it
-partially agree and do it / don't do it
-challenge my definition of "health benefits" / exercise
-state that exercise is not mandatory in a healthy routine

etc...

Correct me if I'm wrong but are you telling me that I shouldn't have expressed what happens in my real life with my family?

Well my hair is not virtual you know ... it is on my real head, in my real life... people in reality see it everyday and they're judging it positively and /or negatively.

So I did answer the question about embracing my natural hair. Very clearly in fact:

I think that my natural hair is beautiful, healthy and I love it.

I LOVE everything about my hair. But I mean AY-VUR-HEY-FING: The texture, the type (4a/b), the options, the hairstyles, the length (though I've not reached my goal yet), and yes, even the knots.

Why? Well seriously, I would have to write pages to answer that question. So I'm just gonna sum up by saying that :

My natural hair enabled me to find my true complete self in ways I just could have never imagined.

Therefore I can say that I fully embrace my natural hair and I will not relax. That's my opinion.

I'd be an hypocrite to say something different than what I truly believe.

I also did pay 13 something $ to be able post my opinion here...

I did it politely and will continue to do so.

So I don't really see why I should refrain, just to not "offend" anybody who would not agree with me.


Ok now about the "raw state debate".I read EVERY SINGLE POST before answering, I always do. Especially if I'm going to say anything else than my own opinion.

What I gathered from Msa's / Jennboo's posts is that : if someone feels the need to ALWAYS alter their hair from their raw state.

If they cannot stand, they won't accept their hair without any kind of alteration (products, heat etc.),

If they are UNABLE to see the beauty of their natural raw hair, just for what is.

If they vainly keep trying to achieve a hairstyle / hair state their hair was just NOT meant to achieve because of its type / texture,

THEN there must be an underlying issue.

Because to truly accept your natural hair, you need to love it EVEN when (and not ONLY when) it's totally naked.

Why? Simply because it is what grows out of your scalp... it is YOU... if that's not good enough reason, what is?

Which DOES NOT mean that blowdrying your hair = hating yourself. ( I completely understand and agree and feel the same!!)




What I gathered from your post is that: You've been natural for about 15 years. You know about everything there is to know about YOUR hair (and I believe you because it's be-ouh-tee-foul )

You know what your hair is in it's natural(raw or not) state looks like, feels like and acts like because you've been dealing with it on a daily basis for more than a decade.

You don't hate your hair (and nobody even IMPLIED you do) at all but do not keep your hair in its raw state, mostly because it's much easier for you to deal with it (I completely understand and agree, and do the same!!)


Many people have tried to tell you that you are saying the same thing than they are... with all due respect, I think your mind got stuck at the "raw state" statement and you "refused" to read what was written...

But it's human to get defensive when we feel threatened/ insulted / judged negatively....

That's why I advised not to take someone's opinion so seriously.

There! I'm out.

Also wanted to say , thank you for your attempt to understand and reading all that I did say, thank you......

but did you not see a clear distinct msg in this thread, and msa also thanking all those posts -which implies agreement?

that if you do certain things to your hair YOU ARE ASHAMED OF YOUR TEXTURE!

now that was stated outright , not implied, no beating around the bush

me and anyone else feeling this is wrong, just simply feel........

when did or how does someone actually get/have the right to judge what someone 'feels' about their hair by what they do to it?

and where does that end, once it starts? we all know how far that could go, inclusive of people telling you you should relax-there is not much difference

So what if someone does certain things to their hair , so what if they dont accept it? Imo its really not fair to say they have to do/feel anything with or about their hair that another feels they have to

thats EXACTLY where hair division/hate starts

its not even that I might not feel closely to these points, in my own way, I just cant say what another should do/not do or decide what they feel if they do/dont

as naturals we can not have it all ways

I straighten my hair, (not often anymore but still) I am not about to sit here and listen to someone tell me how I feel about my hair because I do so

So since I FEEL strongly about what I do, I give other's the same respect, consideration, we cant be hypocrites

let me just be real, let me not get started on how many anti straight , anti-tame hair naturals had fire under my arse and all up on me........funny how they slip into oblivion/obscurity, when THEY decided to heat staighten or give up being natural and relax

it really has to stop somewhere

the pressure on others to do as we think is whack! its nothing different than anyone saying we need to/should relax, or them not accpepting us/our hair-when we dont accept/respect other's hair choices. It is the exact same thing

I know many will have that hypocrisy in their hearts and think its ok. I dont!

 

[Irresistible]

Well I can't talk for other people, but if it happened here, depending on my mood I'd probably ignore the post...

...or answer that I won't while explaining why (or not) depending on how the "suggestion" had been expressed... exactly as I do with people my family /people IRL !!

I mean I might get cursed at or slapped by people in my family for answering very rudely so I'd be careful too

It woulnt go ignored by the MODS though

AND MANY of us members would be all up in arms on that side of the coin also and not letting it fly