Don't Announce You're going Natural...

[shellzfoshizzle]

...cause people just aren't going to understand.

I should have known this. I am convinced and really into the transitioning phase. I get so excited about it that I try to talk to my mom and sister about it. They are the most uninterested, negative and ANTI-natural hair people I have ever met. They don't understand that I am going to be chemical free and have healthy thick hair with a natural state of mind. To them, I'm just walking around nappy and ni**erish.

My mom is real bad about it. Once a month when I visit from college, I show her my newgrowth progress and she's like, "that's just nappy, you look a mess." But she is the same one that calls me up and asks me what she should do about this and that or what kind of products I use in my hair or what is good for that. She is also the one who is trying to grow her hair out and puts in a S-curl texturizer in once a month. Last month she called me while I was at work to ask me what kind of perm I put in my hair. It felt so good to say, "I don't DO perms anymore".

My sister who is a 3c self-relaxed head is 4 1/2 months post relaxer (not by choice, she just hasn't had the money to get a perm), I mentioned to her that she is right behind me (I'm 5 months post) that she could transition too. Just a thought. My mom intervened and was like, "Hell no!"

I hate when I tell someone I am "going natural" and they are relaxed, the first dumb question that comes out of their mouth is:

"Well what kind of styles can you wear with that?!?!

THE SAME STYLES YOU WEAR YOU )!*(@$*! I hate that question! It never fails. So I explain to them about twist-outs, braids, wash and go's, etc...and they are like "oh". Such a waste of time and knowledge.

From now on, I will just keep my mouth shut and let my hair grow. These haters are my motivation. Although it'll probably take a year or two, I can't wait to swing some natural tendrils in their face. They're all going to be like...DAMN!

 

[Country gal]

some people just don't get it. I got the same questions too. People always think I went to natural to grow locks. I just let my hair do the talking.

 

[Southernbella.]

I agree with you, but I think it's ignorance more than anything else. I say that because I would have said the same types of things before coming to this board. I didn't know my own hair, so I just would have assumed that any black person is going to have a dry afro without a relaxer. Or that a natural had no choice but to get dreads or braids.

Thank God I know better now! It just takes people like you, and the other knowlegeable ladies on this board, to spread the word. The more people see women like you, the more they will understand that black women have other options besides relaxing their hair. Heck, most relaxed women I know don't know that they have other options besides blowdryers, curling irons, and grease. I sure didn't.

I think back to all the stuff I didn't know before coming here and I laugh. I think as your mom and sister see you on your hair journey, the lightbulb will come on. Until then, I think you have the right idea about not telling too many people.

 

[bludacious]

You know talk is really cheap! You can show them better than you can tell them. Just watch when you are natural and looking good then they will want to go natural. I am contemplating natural. I am not sure what styles I will wear but I am sure I will be educated on that on here and other hair boards. I know I am not going to relax before April if I decide not to relax but I just can't wait to do some twist out on my 5 month post relaxer. I am currently 3 months post relaxer. Continue on your natural journey and ignore the negativity!

 

[KiSseS03]

Like Lauren said, for many people, especially those from more "mature" generations it's just that they don't know.

When I casually mentioned to my Aunt that I was going natural she legitimately asked... "well, what do you DO with it?" This is from a woman that probably can't remember what her natural hair looks like after 30+ years of relaxers. My grandma was shocked that I would wanna "run around lookin like that" and my Daddy was just like... "why you wanna cut off all that pretty hair and look like a boy?"

It honestly doesn't bother me, and you shouldn't let it get to you, unless they are being outright negative. In that case definitely keep it to yourself.

 

[Isis]

It all comes from "nappy = bad , straight = good" conditioning passed through generations of black families. Sites like LHCF have put a stop to that nonsense.

 

[Country gal]

It all comes from "nappy = bad , straight = good" conditioning passed through generations of black families. Sites like LHCF have put a stop to that nonsense.

I like to think I am a walking example of a women who embraces her naturalness. This site breaks down so many steretypes.

 

[SherryLove]

sherrylove is shaking her head... my mom is ignorant in this way as well... the relaxer is now turning her gray hairs yellow, and she still will not consider going natural. she says, "i do not want no nappy hair....you probably do not mind, but i do......" LOL.... and mind you, this woman has 3a/3b type hair.....i have been trying for the past four years to get her to go natural (sporting her tresses in some nice twists or locks) and just wear a black rinse....it's hard to undo years of self-hate conditioning and ignorance.....sherrylove is still shaking her head.....

 

[Country gal]

Sherry- I run into the same problem with my older sistas. I am like what happended to the I am black and pride 70's afros, ya'll were sporting? It's like most older black women are anti- natural hair unless it is what they deem good hair.

 

[Nightingale]

My friend tries to change my mind whenever she gets a chance. When she does her retouch every 4 weeks, she says, "Let me give you one too." Or at practice when my flat ironed hair gets puffy she tells me that relaxed hair wouldn't do that. Then when I tell her I'm not changing my mind she always follows with "all you can do with natural hair is twist it!" Its funny because she's the same girl telling me how curly my newgrowth is. Why do the people closest to you have the most negative things to say?

 

[caligirl]

People ask me ALL the time about my hair. And I'm 4a. I think a lot of black women just don't KNOW about natural hair. So they think its a miracle that my hair is so long and healthy. I'm like, no, just don't perm your hair.

 

[blackbarbie]

I totally understand! I told my mom though and since she is already natural, she didn't make that big of a deal about it and just asked me if I knew how to straighten my hair with a straightening comb (which is what she does). I told her I could get be with using my maxiglide on the very lowest setting and I would be good. Showed her the latest damage I thought I got from letting my brother (step) do my last perm. I also told my sister and she said she would love to do it but would be scared of not knowing what types of styles to do and if they would really work well w/her texture of hair. Now, my dad is another story b/c even though if I just said "I am going natural, getting no more perms", big fro would come to his head and he wouldn't even stop to think that my mom is natural! (he is def. a hair man and will comment of the hair when one strand is out of place....when I was doing my 16 week stretch, he offered to give me some money to go get my hair done!)

I did, however tell one of my good friends, who by the way has gorgeous 3 something hair but just doesn't take care of it. I told her how I wrapped part of my hair and put rollers in the crown last week and just flat ironed the NG on the rolled part and she commented that she thought the purpose of wrapping the hair was to keep heat out of it so why was I flat ironing the NG. I told her heat is not bad if used correctly and flat ironing NG is not a problem b/c that's the strongest hair on your head since it hadn't been chemically processed. She commented "oh you could get away with it b/c you have that good hair". I told her that although I would sport my natural texture every once in a while when I go natural, the main purpose wasn't to show off my "good hair" (as she says)....Just tired of seeing the chemicals break my hair down and can achieve the same look by flat ironing natural hair.

 

[SherryLove]

Sherry- I run into the same problem with my older sistas. I am like what happended to the I am black and pride 70's afros, ya'll were sporting? It's like most older black women are anti- natural hair unless it is what they deem good hair.

i know.... i just love to see sistas such as yourself and other natural haired women on this board embracing their natural beauty... it is so refreshing to my soul...when i tell people about this forum i mainly mention how more women of color are embracing their natural hair and how much healthier it is, and all of the beautiful hairstyles they can wear. i rarely talk about or mention the women with relaxed hair (such as myself ) that have fairly healthy hair as a result of taking better care of their hair or the ones with relaxed hair who have chosen to relax their hair not as often as they used to...LOL...

 

[Country gal]

This board has changed my perception of black hair. Hell, Sherrylove, your hair alone breaks down so many steretypes. When I hear people say black women can't grow long hair, I just smile and shake my head. LHCF is my little secret.

 

[HairPhoenix]

I have said it before... It's hard to deal with negativity when it comes from your own family. I may have my family in my corner when it comes to my hair, but I have to deal with them on other issues.

Sorry to hear that your family isn't with you on this. I thought I was going to sport relaxed hair forever, but my mother inspired me to go natural. She has had her in locks for over a year now. And I sooo envy her hair freedom. But I have to admit that I was surprised at first when she decided to go natural. I wondered what she was going to do with her hair.

Once your family sees how healthy your hair will be and how happy your are with your hair, I think they will come around.

 

[shellzfoshizzle]

Why do the people closest to you have the most negative things to say?

That is a good question...I guess they are the only ones who can criticize us and get away with it like that if you know what I mean.

Country_Gal - LHCF is my little secret too!

 

[Michelle79]

I have a similiar story.....

The other day I was telling my friend I haven't had a relaxer since September & the first thing that came out of her mouth was, eeeww I bet your hair looks a mess don't it?? It's so funny because like another poster mentioned I would have said the same thing before coming to this board. In the past I would never fathom going more than 8 weeks w/o a relaxer. This board has opened up my eyes about our hair.

 

[czyfaith77]

SherryLove, your hair looks wonderful. BTW, if your mom just won't let go of the relaxer, then she can use a product called Yellow-out. It takes the yellow tinge out of grey relaxed hair.HTH

sherrylove is shaking her head... my mom is ignorant in this way as well... the relaxer is now turning her gray hairs yellow, and she still will not consider going natural. she says, "i do not want no nappy hair....you probably do not mind, but i do......" LOL.... and mind you, this woman has 3a/3b type hair.....i have been trying for the past four years to get her to go natural (sporting her tresses in some nice twists or locks) and just wear a black rinse....it's hard to undo years of self-hate conditioning and ignorance.....sherrylove is still shaking her head.....

 

[SherryLove]

SherryLove, your hair looks wonderful. BTW, if your mom just won't let go of the relaxer, then she can use a product called Yellow-out. It takes the yellow tinge out of grey relaxed hair.HTH

thanks, czyfaith.....i know about the yellow out... i just feel she should go natural at this point in her life... she has been putting chemicals in her hair for close to forty years now.....thanks again....

 

[SparklingFlame]

Most people I have run into have been pretty cool about my naturalness. My parents are way cool, but its just both of my grandmothers that give me the rundown...."Why would you cut off all that PRETTY long hair?" as if natural hair is ugly. Or my personal favorite "Well, if you wanna walk around looking like a nappy headed n***a, then you go ahead!" Yeah, my grandmother is off the chains! But its a generational thing with them and you have to look past it. One of my cousins (she's only like 19) told me she could NEVER walk around with a nappy head, but I excuse her because she don't know no better either. Most folks are pretty intersted though and they ask questions which is a good thing. It helps combat some of the ignorance out there. Oh I forgot to mention that most people tell me "Oh, you'll put in a perm before another year is out or when it gets really long." I'm like, don't hold ya breath!

 

[kristina]

One of the best things about this site is that there are so many here to support you when dealing with natural negativity. Especially when you are indecisive and are having a string of bad hair moments, this place is awesome. My mom is the same way so I understand. As long as you stay strong and don't let it get to you, I'll bet they'll turn around when they see how beautiful your hair is.

 

[misspriss]

I dealt with a lot of the same comments from people who just didn't know. I was fortunate to know alot of natural women as well who fully supported and helped my decision. And now (almost two years later), my family's coming around. My dad actually told me the other day that he "liked my hair like that" and my mom was impressed with all the styles I could rock. Hang in there! The haters will bow down eventually

 

[beyondcute]

I must admit, before joining a few hair forums I was as ignorant as the next person. I thought only 3a's or 3b's could go natural and everyone else needed relaxer. Even when I was contemplating going natural and told my mom she said "You dont have that kinda hair to go natural." What wrong with my hair?! No more relaxers no more damamge and MY NAPPS will be enjoi-ed! What hurt me most was when my boyfriend said "Are you over that natural thing yet? Cuz you need to get a perm!" Never mind that ALL his sisters and his mother are natural! He basically thought this was a phase! NOT

I learned the hard way that this is a journey for self. Others may not appreciate your self journey so its best kept to yourself.

 

[MzTami]

I am 6 months post relaxed, and the other day I was looking in the mirror at my hair, and I asked my 13 year old son if my hair looked nappy. At first he wouldn't say anything, so I kept asking him to see what he would say, and he looked at me and said, "no mama, it's natural" I thought that was so cute, and he really lifted my spirits. I have support from my family, but my husband teases me at times saying "oooh look at that nappy hair." He is the one that keep persuading me to keep going because he likes the curl pattern of my natural hair, but he teases me at times too. I think he is jealous! lol. But for some reason, I look older with my new growth coming out in the front, and it is very discouraging. I can't pull my hair back in a ponytail because I will surely look like somebody's grandma.

I announced to my siblings that I was going natural, and even though I know at times that I'm not looking that great, no one evers makes a comment.

 

[hairlover]

...cause people just aren't going to understand.

I should have known this. I am convinced and really into the transitioning phase. I get so excited about it that I try to talk to my mom and sister about it. They are the most uninterested, negative and ANTI-natural hair people I have ever met. They don't understand that I am going to be chemical free and have healthy thick hair with a natural state of mind. To them, I'm just walking around nappy and ni**erish.

My mom is real bad about it. Once a month when I visit from college, I show her my newgrowth progress and she's like, "that's just nappy, you look a mess." But she is the same one that calls me up and asks me what she should do about this and that or what kind of products I use in my hair or what is good for that. She is also the one who is trying to grow her hair out and puts in a S-curl texturizer in once a month. Last month she called me while I was at work to ask me what kind of perm I put in my hair. It felt so good to say, "I don't DO perms anymore".

My sister who is a 3c self-relaxed head is 4 1/2 months post relaxer (not by choice, she just hasn't had the money to get a perm), I mentioned to her that she is right behind me (I'm 5 months post) that she could transition too. Just a thought. My mom intervened and was like, "Hell no!"

I hate when I tell someone I am "going natural" and they are relaxed, the first dumb question that comes out of their mouth is:

"Well what kind of styles can you wear with that?!?!

THE SAME STYLES YOU WEAR YOU )!*(@$*! I hate that question! It never fails. So I explain to them about twist-outs, braids, wash and go's, etc...and they are like "oh". Such a waste of time and knowledge.

From now on, I will just keep my mouth shut and let my hair grow. These haters are my motivation. Although it'll probably take a year or two, I can't wait to swing some natural tendrils in their face. They're all going to be like...DAMN!

girl, i hear ya. my family is the same way. everybody is a critic. but what makes me mad is that i've gone through this process before. it took me 2 years to go completely natural(check my fotki) and they saw how much healthier my was and how much faster it grew being natural. then i made a mistake and permed my hair. so now i've been transitioning for 9 months, you'd think they'd be more supportive but no. they still ask me why? what do you want to go around looking nappy for? and the funny thing is, they were all jealous when my hair was natural. maybe that's it, the hater is coming out in all of them again.

 

[Jewell]

I realized this the first time I mentioned I was going to transition to natural to my mom and sisters. They were like, "HUMmmm. I need my relaxers!" Then everybody was looking at my hair all crazy because I wouldn't get a touch-up. Whatever. No thanks to them I ended up slapping a relaxer in it after becoming frustrated with my hair locing up. I now know I need to detangle it everyday, not every other day or every 2 days... with a wide-tooth comb once I get about 3 months post. Problem solved.

Well, I am transitioning a second time but I haven't told anyone except my boyfriend, and I won't either. I only told him because he is growing locs. So, in other words, he understands. My hair seems to grow better and longer the more I stretch my relaxers, so I've opted to kick them to the curb altogether. The black females at my job definitely won't understand, but everytime I turn around (since working there 6+ months) I catch someone gazing at my hair. Too proud to ask me anything, and if they did I wouldn't tell.

 

[Cheleigh]

It is unfortunate that folks won't bother to support others in their dreams and desires, but that's a fact. I think about all the inventions, products, and businesses deferred because the person mentioned it to folks who naysayed it...

Anyhoo, I told my family and friends that I was transitioning, and everyone's been supportive. My mom and gran are both natural and no one else would bother to argue with me even if they disagreed (I'm a little headstrong). My uncle did say "your hair's getting nappy, right?" The security guard at my company has asked me a couple of times "what are you going to do after you go natural--get an afro?" Ummm, yeah, sure, cause that's the only natural style I can do.

Now, some folks (mostly guys) are a little more uncomfortable about me cutting off the rest of the relaxed ends. I guess they'd like me have noticably different texture between the bone-straight relaxed hair and my natural hair forever. No one can remember seeing my hair above my shoulders (I can't remember either) so it's going to be something new for all of us.

 

[goldensensation]

A couple of years ago I was considering going natural. I went a full year without a relaxer and then got one because I switched my challenge to growing my hair out long, relaxed, and then growing it out long, natural. It wasnt a biggie for me, but I totally agree that you should keep your intentions to yourself.

My mother is obsessed with straight hair. I think it came from growing up in a family with a lot of 2's and 3a's. She hates her natural hair ( I think it is about a 4a). The older women in my family (what's left of them) wear their hair natural. They just color.

QUESTION:

Where can I get the yellow-out for my mother? Is it harsh? She has these two gray streaks on each side of her head. Sort of like Lilly from the Munsters.

 

[Faith]

I hear ya! I'm keeping it to myself. I get asked when I'm relaxing...I just say "DON'T KNOW". That usually ends it. Sometimes I feel like people think it's just too "NAPPY" to be left without a relaxer. That I don't have the grade of hair needed to be relaxer free. And to that I say "I have "good" hair. The fact it's on my head and I'm not balding AND I can grow it down to my wait...naps and all proves it." Lets all ignore them

 

[honeycomb719]

I guess we all get from one angle or another, cause my friends and family lite into me something awful, ALMOST hurt my feeling, but I know I could login here and get the supoort I needed, so I just blow the comments off.