I don't tell LOL it's under the Blood and gonna STAY there!
On a serious note I wouldn't be too concerned with a guy's number....the only number I want to know is how many of those were same sex...
No! No! No!
They will always try and use it against you.
What if the number is like one? How could they use that against you when their number is probably 5 or more?
Thanks Bunny, you bring up a good overall point - that just listening to the way a man talks about his past and values over time will yield better results than questioning him outright. People usually tell on themselves eventually.
What if the number is like one? How could they use that against you when their number is probably 5 or more?
Um cos some dont BELIEVE it's one, they multiple it by 3 or so
What if the number is like one? How could they use that against you when their number is probably 5 or more?
Wow you guys - I really am a newbie to this because no way did I think that the answer would not only be "no" but "HELL NO" for virtually all of y'all. I mean I would want to know how many partners my mate has had . . . I come from the school of thought that nothing should be off limits in the most intimate of relationships. Now maybe that is me being naive . . . but with folks practically demanding to see dudes' credit report before going on a third date, I thought for sure folks would want to know this. I mean if y'all love each other and are secure in the relationship it shouldn't matter, right?
Go ahead and throw tomatoes at me
Thanks for your response. To me it's not about dates and places, but getting a general idea of how a person gets down is very important IMO. The past determines a large part of your mindset and decision making processes. Past relationship and sexual experiences make all the difference in how you approach relationships in the present. I can't see just dismissing everything under a "that's in the past banner" when you have many people dealing with sex/relationship baggage for decades. It doesn't go away...
I'm not a virgin and have had to deconstruct my past experiences with men in order to figure out why I made certain decisions and maintained certain attitudes and emotions towards men so I could have better relationships in the present. I need to know the sexual context that my man is coming from , and knowing that he used to have a lot of causal sex relationships or was a serial sexual monogamist changes that context.
Maybe you all are right about exact numbers being a no-no, but I do think your partner needs to know your story..
I know where you're coming from.
This is how I've always looked at it.
Okay, so like you, I don't want a dude who had a lot of casual sexual relationships just because I didn't get down like that. So I want someone with a similar mindset.
While I might not know the man's number, I can maybe tell his mindset about sex by how quickly he tries to get in my pants... or, in general, men tell on themselves. One guy I talked to a while ago never gave his number, but he would always talk about how he hooked up with this chick here and that chick there and then he seemed WAY too "understanding" about why a man would cheat and even let some of his boys use his place...
So... that being said, I could probably take an educated guess that this dude's number was HIGH. And I could, without asking the number or saying a word, make my decision that we obviously were on different pages sexually.
Meanwhile, if I met a man who says on his own accord, "I think it's good for people to really get to know each other before they start having sex," and then he backs it up with action (like not trying to get my clothes off at the end of every date), then he's probably not Wilt Chamberlain II. Yeah, he could have been wild in the past and now has "changed," but I find that men's mindsets don't change much in this area.
What Nicola said, and I have another thought.
If your number is like, 1 or 2, then you might in his mind become the "good girl." Which in theory might seem cool, but you might be the one that he'll "wait" for until marriage/until you're ready while he goes off and has sex with other women. So he'll put on an act and make you think he's respecting your wishes, when he's really playing you in a different way.
Or, he'll consider you "wifey" material, put you on a so-called pedestal and not want to try so-called freaky things with you because the "future wife" can't be tainted like that. This type will also cheat with the so-called freaky chick who will supposedly do all of these things.
I know this may seem like I'm reaching, but I've discovered there's a whole lot of men with the most warped views about women and sex and with these men, you're basically stigmatized regardless of whether you're a "good girl," or a "whore." These types of men will be the ones to do "ho tests" and other things to try to figure you out... and they're also the type that will ask you how many partners you have.
So anyway, I don't even give them the ammunition to do that.
I don't think it's a question any ole' dude or someone you're casually dating has a right to ask, though. That's "about to put a ring on it" stuff.
Yes.
Unless you want him to use it against you or judge you, because they ALL do
Wow you guys - I really am a newbie to this because no way did I think that the answer would not only be "no" but "HELL NO" for virtually all of y'all. I mean I would want to know how many partners my mate has had . . . I come from the school of thought that nothing should be off limits in the most intimate of relationships. Now maybe that is me being naive . . . but with folks practically demanding to see dudes' credit report before going on a third date, I thought for sure folks would want to know this. I mean if y'all love each other and are secure in the relationship it shouldn't matter, right?
Go ahead and throw tomatoes at me
Wow you guys - I really am a newbie to this because no way did I think that the answer would not only be "no" but "HELL NO" for virtually all of y'all. I mean I would want to know how many partners my mate has had . . . I come from the school of thought that nothing should be off limits in the most intimate of relationships. Now maybe that is me being naive . . . but with folks practically demanding to see dudes' credit report before going on a third date, I thought for sure folks would want to know this. I mean if y'all love each other and are secure in the relationship it shouldn't matter, right?
Go ahead and throw tomatoes at me