Do you tell him your magic coloring number?

Do you tell your current man about the number in your past (i.e. coloring)?

  • Yes

    Votes: 24 35.3%

  • No

    Votes: 42 61.8%

  • Other

    Votes: 2 2.9%
  • Total voters
    68
I don't tell LOL it's under the Blood and gonna STAY there!:lol::look:

On a serious note I wouldn't be too concerned with a guy's number....the only number I want to know is how many of those were same sex...:look:
 
Naw I don't tell and I drop the ones that ask. Sexual health? That's fine. Lets get tested and all that. But asking me numbers like it's going to define who I am as a person. That's a no. The closest I would say was, " I'm a lady, a beautiful lady. That's all I'll say about that."

And no matter what people say they will up your number in their mind. Or they will use it as a control thing. And they will also think of it as competition. When he's coloring from the back, he will think who else has been there.

And if someone asks me a stupid question like, " Was he bigger?" I say yeah, then I describe it and tell them not ask me stupid questions like that dude is going to come show and tell.
 
I don't see what's wrong with the question. I asked my last boyfriend that, because I wanted to know who I was dating, even though I was not planning on sleeping with him, nor did I. I thought the number couldn't have been any greater than 2, but when he said 6, I exclaimed in horror and clutched my imaginary pearls. :nono:
 
Raspberry said:
Thanks Bunny, you bring up a good overall point - that just listening to the way a man talks about his past and values over time will yield better results than questioning him outright. People usually tell on themselves eventually. :yep:
Click to expand...

Although I am celibate, and every guy I talk to knows that, I can still get what you're saying. I didn't ask the last two guys I was getting to know. They were older, and they weren't relationship material. I didn't really have a reason to ask. This one guy really told on himself, though.

We were watching this Youtube video about the trash man who was talking about giving HIV to a lot of girls. I don't know if it was true or not about the HIV, but he said that all you have to do is pull up in a Mercedes for black and Latin girls to get in your car and sleep with you.

This guy said, "That's true. Black girls don't give a s***! I don't know the last time I wore less than 2 condoms!" I was sitting there like :thud: . If they are that nasty, and he still sleeps with them, then what does that make him?
 
MissJ said:
What if the number is like one? How could they use that against you when their number is probably 5 or more?
Click to expand...

Bachelorette said:
Um cos some dont BELIEVE it's one, they multiple it by 3 or so
Click to expand...

Yeah...I can't really advocate lying, but if I were a man, unless a woman (mid-20s and up) were claiming to be a virgin, I would doubt that the number was just one.

I read on a blog that really all that registers for a man is whether a woman is sexually "virtuous" or not (I know people will take issue with the virtue part); and if he is one who does care about that, the only way to convince him that such is present is to either be a virgin, or to act discriminating now. They will assume that however you've acted with them is how you've acted with men in the past...no matter what you say your number is. If it's date number 2 and you have sex, then say your number is 3, they will assume that you've had two dates with more than two other men and likely slept with all those other men too.

All they're trying to get at is what "kind" of woman you are, which will be much better communicated by showing them now what your standards are and not giving them an opportunity to exaggerate past experiences to your discredit.
 
MissJ said:
What if the number is like one? How could they use that against you when their number is probably 5 or more?
Click to expand...

What Nicola said, and I have another thought.

If your number is like, 1 or 2, then you might in his mind become the "good girl." Which in theory might seem cool, but you might be the one that he'll "wait" for until marriage/until you're ready while he goes off and has sex with other women. So he'll put on an act and make you think he's respecting your wishes, when he's really playing you in a different way.

Or, he'll consider you "wifey" material, put you on a so-called pedestal and not want to try so-called freaky things with you because the "future wife" can't be tainted like that. This type will also cheat with the so-called freaky chick who will supposedly do all of these things.


I know this may seem like I'm reaching, but I've discovered there's a whole lot of men with the most warped views about women and sex and with these men, you're basically stigmatized regardless of whether you're a "good girl," or a "whore." These types of men will be the ones to do "ho tests" and other things to try to figure you out... and they're also the type that will ask you how many partners you have.


So anyway, I don't even give them the ammunition to do that.
 
Glib Gurl said:
Wow you guys - I really am a newbie to this because no way did I think that the answer would not only be "no" but "HELL NO" for virtually all of y'all. I mean I would want to know how many partners my mate has had . . . I come from the school of thought that nothing should be off limits in the most intimate of relationships. Now maybe that is me being naive . . . but with folks practically demanding to see dudes' credit report before going on a third date, I thought for sure folks would want to know this. I mean if y'all love each other and are secure in the relationship it shouldn't matter, right? :look:

Go ahead and throw tomatoes at me :lol:
Click to expand...

I agree. I want to know and I don't mind tellling.

I don't think it's a question any ole' dude or someone you're casually dating has a right to ask, though. That's "about to put a ring on it" stuff.

I was shocked by this one woman who felt she didn't need to tell a prospective husband how many times she had previously been married. I was like :eek:
 
Raspberry said:
Thanks for your response. To me it's not about dates and places, but getting a general idea of how a person gets down is very important IMO. The past determines a large part of your mindset and decision making processes. Past relationship and sexual experiences make all the difference in how you approach relationships in the present. I can't see just dismissing everything under a "that's in the past banner" when you have many people dealing with sex/relationship baggage for decades. It doesn't go away...

I'm not a virgin and have had to deconstruct my past experiences with men in order to figure out why I made certain decisions and maintained certain attitudes and emotions towards men so I could have better relationships in the present. I need to know the sexual context that my man is coming from , and knowing that he used to have a lot of causal sex relationships or was a serial sexual monogamist changes that context.

Maybe you all are right about exact numbers being a no-no, but I do think your partner needs to know your story..
Click to expand...

That is all well and good, but please recognize that knowing your story can lead to a lot more than him just coming to understand you better. :look: His processing of that info will very likely be quite different than you would expect, and he may well go on to then broadcast HIS interpretation of what you said to all and sundry, not to mention his treatment of you will be impacted by your choosing to share.

Bunny77 said:
I know where you're coming from. :yep:

This is how I've always looked at it.

Okay, so like you, I don't want a dude who had a lot of casual sexual relationships just because I didn't get down like that. So I want someone with a similar mindset.

While I might not know the man's number, I can maybe tell his mindset about sex by how quickly he tries to get in my pants... or, in general, men tell on themselves. One guy I talked to a while ago never gave his number, but he would always talk about how he hooked up with this chick here and that chick there and then he seemed WAY too "understanding" about why a man would cheat and even let some of his boys use his place...

So... that being said, I could probably take an educated guess that this dude's number was HIGH. And I could, without asking the number or saying a word, make my decision that we obviously were on different pages sexually.

Meanwhile, if I met a man who says on his own accord, "I think it's good for people to really get to know each other before they start having sex," and then he backs it up with action (like not trying to get my clothes off at the end of every date), then he's probably not Wilt Chamberlain II. Yeah, he could have been wild in the past and now has "changed," but I find that men's mindsets don't change much in this area.
Click to expand...

You beat me to it, Bunny! THIS, all day every day. You have to look beneath the surface to see the truth. What is said up front and what the real deal is are not going to mesh 100% in many cases anyway. The way a person behaves shows their values and true beliefs way better than a number or a discussion of who they slept with, when, and why etc.

Bunny77 said:
What Nicola said, and I have another thought.

If your number is like, 1 or 2, then you might in his mind become the "good girl." Which in theory might seem cool, but you might be the one that he'll "wait" for until marriage/until you're ready while he goes off and has sex with other women. So he'll put on an act and make you think he's respecting your wishes, when he's really playing you in a different way.

Or, he'll consider you "wifey" material, put you on a so-called pedestal and not want to try so-called freaky things with you because the "future wife" can't be tainted like that. This type will also cheat with the so-called freaky chick who will supposedly do all of these things.


I know this may seem like I'm reaching, but I've discovered there's a whole lot of men with the most warped views about women and sex and with these men, you're basically stigmatized regardless of whether you're a "good girl," or a "whore." These types of men will be the ones to do "ho tests" and other things to try to figure you out... and they're also the type that will ask you how many partners you have.


So anyway, I don't even give them the ammunition to do that.
Click to expand...

Yes, absolutely. Men who want "good girls" are very often the ones who spend every free minute chasing "bad girls". A "good girl" is good enough to put up at home and make babies with, but a "bad girl" or rather a collection of bad girls, is maintained on the side for sloring purposes. As the wife you then get to deal with STDs, jumpoffs acting up, money coming up missing etc... :nono: So even if you don't bring down his opinion of you to "ho3 level" you are STILL likely to suffer the consequences of his judgment.

I find it most illuminating to watch and listen carefully to the way men talk about sex and women they perceive to be loose or impure. Does he shake his head and wonder what went wrong in her life? Does he salivate and get giant pupils just thinking of all the nasty things he can do with her (as opposed to the vanilla humdrum he passes off with you?) Does he recoil in disgust and call her a bad word? He can TELL YOU all day long that he thinks/feels/belives XYZ but sometimes people are not even really aware of their own true feelings on issues of critical importance like this.

ETA: also, look at how he reacts to other men's sexual behavior. Does he think that all men cheat, and that most women are basically exchanging sex for money in one context or another (a poster on here recently mentioned that her SO believes this)??? If so, RUN, don't walk, away from him. Do his friends cheat? Does he get a giddy, puffed up kind of feeling when he hears stories like Tiger's? How does he view the idea of strippers/prostitutes? There are some men who feel like (and I have had men TELL ME THIS) that wh*res are the only honest women in the world, because at least they tell you the price up front and don't make you pretend to care about them before giving sex for money. :pullhair: :cry3: :nono: :cowgirl: And those are the same men who get angry when a woman wants to wait until she's sure a man is right for her before putting out! (Yet another reason to delay sexing a man for a while, so you can tell what camp he's in.)
 
Last edited:
UmSumayyah said:
I don't think it's a question any ole' dude or someone you're casually dating has a right to ask, though. That's "about to put a ring on it" stuff.
Click to expand...

Now that's a point.

I'm thinking mostly about this in the context of casual dating or a relationship that's only a few months old -- I found that the marriage-minded men never asked this question at all, while the casual daters had no problem asking!!! Ugh.



Also, I do think that if one is a virgin, that's a different story. It can be a topic of discussion at the appropriate time, but she should be the one to bring it up, not have the man go, "So how many men have you been with?"
 
Insecurity = bad relationship already.

Most men like/love honest, strong women. Honesty and courage are signs of strength imho. You shouldn't have to hide anything or dodge questions. To me that's dishonest, disrespectful, and childish behavior. Jmho.
 
Last edited:
I've told when asked. I don't volunteer nor do I ask them, especially not early on.

If a dude, has a problem with my number, oh well, no biggie, on to the next one.

I'm 27 and I think as I get older, and like someone else mentioned date older men, they don't really care as much. I have had 3 guys tell me they thought my number was "too high" for them.

guy #1-friends on and off for years, linked back up in grad school. he was supposedly broken up from his fiancee, found out later he really wasn't, they were still together. even after i busted him out about it, he said his fiancee is celibate, and asked if we could still have s#x together. I was like, ummm, GTFOOWTBS. oh yeah, and his father was abusive, he's very insecure, controlling, and crazy.

guy #2-met him at work. Hinted towards wanting someone to clean his house, watch his dog, and have s%x with him. Said this jokingly alot, but i think there was some truth to it. we would talk about careers and he would make comments like "well, u don't really have to worry about that, women can just marry into money". Also, he seemed a bit taken aback/disappointed in my out of work persona. At work, I'd have a bun, glasses, very conservative, no makeup, very quiet. On the weekends, I glam it up a bit, didn't seem like he liked that. I think he wanted that mousy, nerdy, sheltered chic, which I'm not. he was also kinda insecure, mentioned having been fat most of his life, had lost weight, and said now he only talks to really thin girls and that I was at the high end of the weight range he talks to. I'm like a curvy size 2. Ran into him at a party and he was trying to hit and i was like, ummm, no.

guy #3- the entire time we dated, he was always using these deragatory words to talk about females he thought were too loose, many of which, he of course had slept with himself. he was also supposedly very religious. our numbers are about the same, but of course with me being a female, he said it bothered him. right after we stopped talking, he had this big blow up on facebook about having a girlfriend and still messing with this other chic, etc. and was still sending me IMs and messages trying to sleep with me, and I was like, h#ll no negro.



so for me, the guys who were hung up on numbers weren't dudes i'd really want to be involved with anyway. like someone mentioned, alot of times, these dudes are looking for the "good girl" to be their main squeeze but still want to sleep around with whoever. my current boyfriend knows my number, and doesn't have an issue with it.
 
My fiancee knows my number, and I know his. He didn't ask for mine, I was really curious so told him mine to get his (his had me like :blush:). Knowing him and his complete life story though, his number doesn't bother me at all, it's just a part of him and those experiences have contributed into making the man I love now.

I know for a fact he doesn't care about a woman's numbers, he's said as much and showed as much. I had a friend go visit his country with me and she slept with 2 of his friends and some other guy while there and he had no problem with it, and I know his closest female friend was also very promiscuous in life, but he doesn't judge either one of them based on that.
 
I was told by male relatives to never tell a man you're involved with the number of men you've been with because most men can't handle it. I will take it to the grave with me.
 
Me and DH knew each other since 6th grade. He has been my good friend since high school and we went to college together and thats how we hooked up.

He knew some of my...coloring situations in high school but in college....for some reason I shielded most of that from him before we got together. Intuition? Iono. I told him my magic number was 5 based on what he already knew. :giggle: But urhummm.....that aint true. :giggle:
 
Glib Gurl said:
Wow you guys - I really am a newbie to this because no way did I think that the answer would not only be "no" but "HELL NO" for virtually all of y'all. I mean I would want to know how many partners my mate has had . . . I come from the school of thought that nothing should be off limits in the most intimate of relationships. Now maybe that is me being naive . . . but with folks practically demanding to see dudes' credit report before going on a third date, I thought for sure folks would want to know this. I mean if y'all love each other and are secure in the relationship it shouldn't matter, right? :look:

Go ahead and throw tomatoes at me :lol:
Click to expand...


I would want to know too. I'm just not likely to volunteer sexual info about myself. I thought that # of sexual partners is somewhere in one's medical history.
But for a man, I would want to know. If it were too high, I'd not sleep with him meself.
 
NOOOOOO!!! NEVER! someone said it best.. he'll try to use it against u.. its none of his friggin bizness.. nor do I want to know his #'s either ( umm eeeuuu LOL)
 
I'm saying this from experience, if you tell him, he'll only use it against you (I believe someone already said this). I told my last BF, and every single time we argued, it was brought into the equation.

I also don't want to know how many women my SO/DH has been with either. It's not important to me. Doesn't matter if it was really high, or if it was really low, all that matter is the man he is now, how he treats me, and if anything in his past would cause harm to me (STD's, any crazy BM's, more than one BM). For someone to place so much importance on how many people one has been with is superficial to me.
 
Glib Gurl said:
Wow you guys - I really am a newbie to this because no way did I think that the answer would not only be "no" but "HELL NO" for virtually all of y'all. I mean I would want to know how many partners my mate has had . . . I come from the school of thought that nothing should be off limits in the most intimate of relationships. Now maybe that is me being naive . . . but with folks practically demanding to see dudes' credit report before going on a third date, I thought for sure folks would want to know this. I mean if y'all love each other and are secure in the relationship it shouldn't matter, right? :look:

Go ahead and throw tomatoes at me :lol:
Click to expand...

Thanks for giving us the okay (picking up the ripest tomatoes that I can find--j/k).

My answer to this question is "HELL TO THE HELL TO THE HELL TO THE NOOO!!!" He doesn't need to know. What's in my past is IN MY PAST! His knowing the number doesn't make it possible for him to change it, so why should he know?

As for the "if-you're-secure-in-your-relationship" argument, that can be turned another way: if you're secure in your relationship, the number shouldn't matter. That's his past; you're his present (and hopefully, future).
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

MissYocairis
COLORING in your TWILIGHT YEARS?
Replies
26
Views
642
MissMasala5
MissMasala5
Renewed1
How to be certain....
2
Replies
44
Views
1K
MizAvalon
MizAvalon
SimpleKomplexity
How do you NOT talk about....coloring....
Replies
23
Views
470
tiara76
tiara76
Glib Gurl
  • Poll Poll
Who do you talk to about "coloring" issues?
Replies
29
Views
902
FoxyMoxie
FoxyMoxie
MixedBerry
Coloring ALL Through the Night....
2 3
Replies
69
Views
3K
A856
A
Back
Top