do you feel that a woman should WAIT FOR A MAN TO "FIND" HER?

[kurlybella]

i hear a lot of women saying this, and are still single pushing 40...they are waiting for their man to "find them."

they feel it's an ultimate sin to ever approach a man in any kind of way. ever.

maybe because i'm very untraditional and don't believe that waiting for a man to fall in your lap out of the sky - as the women i'm speaking in reference to are doing -- but i don't get this whole idea.

now, yes, i'm smart enough to know how to get a man going. even in my untraditional ways, i understand playing the game of courting. so if i reel him in, let him feel like hes the one who's putting in work.

but if you don't put yourself in a position to be "found" as some women want to be, or in my case, to meet a man (for me it would be us meeting or finding each other),then how is he going to "find" you?

if you don't go to new places, and put yourself out there, and play the game -- look avail, look approachable, make eye contact, respond to his passes, hell, initiate the conversation sometimes and say the first words, then how in the hell will a man knows what you want?

it's like some women think this is snow white and some dude is just going to come and kiss you and wake you up because he's been looking for you allll of his lifeeeeee....and you don't have to do anything but stand and look pretty.

i really don't get this thought, but wanted to ask what was up with this because maybe i'm just missing something here: let the man do all the work since he is so deserving of you and you just stand and look pretty while he "finds" you?

 

[scorpio70]

i think its more about placing yourself in the right position for what you want to occur. and this goes for anything that you want in life. i don't think you're going to find mr. right if you never leave the house, never go around available men, etc. unless your guy just happens to be the postman or food delivery guy.

i think the notion that women are referring to is allowing the man to pursue you. men need the chase and when the woman is the agressor it lowers the guy's interest level over the long term.

calling every once in a while, or saying 'hi' to a man you find interesting is not a big deal, but, inviting him on dates, footing the bill, basically courting the man is going to leave most women feeling insecure because deep down, we know that we want the man to want to do those things. then, we start thinking, is he saying 'yes' to this because I asked or because he's really into me.

just my 2 cents on it.

 

[Highly Favored8]

It think it is about being at the right place at the right time saying and doing the right things. It is sad to see women at age 40 to wait for a man to come to them. A woman should make herself at least apporachable. Yes, some men may question she is 40 and was waiting all of this timeerplexed.
I do not want to wait for any man. I will just make myself a little more available when the time comes.

 

[freshlikemoi]

I think a woman should seek for what she truly wants and she will find it [him].

---So I don't think she should wait for a man. But I also don't think she should be out, haunting and being obsessive either.

 

[Lylddlebit]

~~~~~~~~~Deleted~~~~~~~~~~

 

[Belle Du Jour]

A woman has to be in the correct place to be found so yes, a woman who wants to be found should be out there and trying to be found. Should a woman chase a man? NEVER. But she should put herself in the BEST position possible to be scooped up and always present herself in her best light. "So called 'luck' is when preparation meets opportunity."

I see nothing wrong with letting a man you're interested in know what he might be missing. But other than that, it's on him. If I'm nice to you, smile at you, compliment you and you don't take the bait, then you're not interested (or interested enough) and that's ok! Not every man has to want you. It only takes one lol.

I think the reality is, it's going to take a bit of risk to put yourself out there, especially if you're not used to doing it or if you're shy or haven't been dating for long. But eventually you realize it's just about being a human being and interacting with others. When the right one comes along, he will make his move.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I don't believe a woman should chase a man. It's the easiest way to depreciate your value. If you have something a man wants they want it...at "most" a little bait is all u need. By bait I mean just taking pride in yourself as a woman and using what you have that compliments your assests. Scopio gave a very good answer.


btw "If you chase him to get him...good luck at holding on" -advice I gave to my sister.

OMG, it really is that simple. I don't know why I'm just getting it. But you have to put a little something out there. Just a lil. They will do the rest.

Just a bit of vulnerability/risk (ie letting a man know your wonderful self exists) + simply being yourself will arouse a man to be a man. (Paraphrased from the book Captivating.) You're giving him the chance of a lifetime. He will never have another opportunity to win you.

 

[Ramya]

Why would it be a sin to approach a man? I wouldn't do it but not b/c I think it's a sin. I prefer to be found but I'm not againt throwing out subtle hints every now and again. Most of the time it's not needed. I tend to date bold men, the type that go after what they want.

 

[discobiscuits]

do you feel that a woman should WAIT FOR A MAN TO "FIND" HER?

NO.

 

[Country gal]

Great posts ladies. I don't believe in chasing after a man. We need to let them know we are interested. Smile or flirt with them, I then wait for them to pick it up.

 

[Akemi]

I agree with all of you guys!

 

[tocktick]

imo, not approaching man does not necessarily equal waiting for a man to fall into your lap/"find" you. i think women who expect that kind of thing believe that they'll bump into the perfect man while taking the trash out, walking down the street, doing their shopping etc. it doesn't really work out that way for many people.

i think even if you don't approach men, you need to put yourself in the types of situations where your chances of being approached are highest. go to professional functions, events with friends, take a new class etc. i personally wouldn't approach men but i see nothing wrong with striking up a casual conversation with a man i may be interested in and letting him take it from there. i don't consider that approaching a man or taking the lead at all. if i came up to a dude and made my intentions exceedingly clear, proceeded to lavish him with compliments and then ask him out/for his number then i would consider that approaching man in the way a man approaches me.

 

[Country gal]

imo, not approaching man does not necessarily equal waiting for a man to fall into your lap/"find" you. i think women who expect that kind of thing believe that they'll bump into the perfect man while taking the trash out, walking down the street, doing their shopping etc. it doesn't really work out that way for many people.

i think even if you don't approach men, you need to put yourself in the types of situations where your chances of being approached are highest. go to professional functions, events with friends, take a new class etc. i personally wouldn't approach men but i see nothing wrong with striking up a casual conversation with a man i may be interested in and letting him take it from there. i don't consider that approaching a man or taking the lead at all. if i came up to a dude and made my intentions exceedingly clear, proceeded to lavish him with compliments and then ask him out/for his number then i would consider that approaching man in the way a man approaches me.

I do the same thing. I will smile at him or strike up a very casual conversation. If he doesn't act like he is interested, K.I.M.