Why can't "we find a man"

[WhipEffectz1]

Not every woman is hard pressed to find a man though

Sorry but on this board, it seems like they are.

 

[WhipEffectz1]

^^ Shots fired!

I'm not here to get thanks, I'm here to tell it like it is . Straight no chaser. lol I mean, its okay if some women are worried about getting a man. I just hope they have themselves together so that they can demand the best. Finding them is easy.....If a person is having trouble meeting men, man I don't know. Maybe they need to solicit the services of a professional matchmaker or hang out at their local strip club. Hehe

 

[Glib Gurl]

Work with a brotha then Glib. Work with a brotha

you are silly

You know what . . . no. I'm not there yet. I feel like I'm still young enough that I can try to go after what I want . . . just this week I was dealing with two guys who really didn't have much going on intellectually/professionally and it was just a huge turn-off to me, so I cut them loose.

No, you don't have to have thirteen degrees from Harvard or Yale, but education, title and status *are* important to me. Some women are picky about cars and clothes . . . I'm picky about credentials. I just said to someone yesterday, "Credentials are sexy." And do you know I just had a guy hit me up on a dating site saying "The more intelligent a woman the sexier she is in my eyes."

Who knows. Maybe if I'm STILL unmarried a few years from now I will lower my standards, but I think I'm still young enough to meet someone who matches my criteria. It's just a matter of weeding through the stuck-up guys who think they're Barack Obama just because they have their bachelor's degree and wear a tie to work

 

[VelvetRain]

Glib don't you mean compromise? You should never lower your standards. Don't be settling for less than you deserve. I just said no to a man with two kids. Dating a man with children is one area I refuse to settle in and certainly won't compromise on. I am pretty confident I will get married at some point to the person I wouldnt have settled for. It's just taking time for me to be found by him. In the meantime I focus on improving myself mentally, physically, and enjoy the stage I am in now with life.

 

[Almaz]

With some of the craziness I have seen on here Maybe some people on here can do man a favour and stay single. It is not always the MAN that has got the issues

 

[Etherealsmile]

I have dated and married interrracially before, and in most if not all instances, these were men currently in or on the edges of my social circles.


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How right you are at the bolded. I think for black women who want to date interracially, a great option is to expand your social circle. Having a variety of friends from different backgrounds is great because you are exposed to social cues that are different from ours.

You also have the opportunity of attending socials, parties or outings with a mostly mixed or non black crowd and if you're the only black woman there or one of the few, a cutie who might be checking you out may feel more comfortable in approaching you because he probably feels (by you being there) you're open to dating outside your race.

Bottom line: expand your social circle to include a mix of men and women from different backgrounds. You're doing yourself a world of good and also enhancing opportunities to meet many non black men in relaxed and social settings

 

[VelvetRain]

With some of the craziness I have seen on here Maybe some people on here can do man a favour and stay single. It is not always the MAN that has got the issues

Hilarious.

 

[serendipity]

I think many women are unmarried and childless because of many different and sometimes unique reasons. However, there are some very universal reasons as to why some of us are single and can't find a man. I'm not saying everyone is like this. But there may be at least one thing you can grab from this.


1. Because they refuse to be open to other races. Which is a huge mistake. By opening yourself up to other races, you'll see that getting a man is so much more possible. You'll see opportunities where before you didn't see any. I love black men. LOVE THEM. But they aren't the only ones on the planet.

Regardless of race, your expectations or shopping list if you like will be essentially the same. Frankly it's annoying when people constantly endorse IR dating as if that is the certified method of obtaining a quality man. In my opinion, it's not black women who are closed-minded when it comes to IR dating. I see countless blogs, forums e.t.c over the net largely orchestrated by black women advocating IR dating. Where is the reciprocity?

In my experience many of the 'other' men are often opportunistic when it comes to black women. In other words I see a disproportionate number of less than desirable (normally white) men trying to get at quality black women. If I'm not attracted to an overweight,short and balding black man, I will certainly not be attracted to a white equivalent. If I am only attracted to classy, educated black men, I'll want the same in a non-black man.The white men who seem decent and interested are always 20 years or so older. If I don't want a black 'daddy', why would I want a white one?

I'm not going to delve into the laborious statistics, but what has been gleaned is that on average black women garner fewer responses online while simultaneously responding more. So who really has the problem with IR dating?Now I'm not saying that there are no desirable 'other' men who want us, but I most certainly will not endorse lowering standards to get a mate.

2. Because our expectations are wayyy too high. You only want a black man. But you turn 50% of them away because they're too short or not looking like denzel or something. Don't say this isn't true because I'm guilty of it. And I have many female aquaintances and friends that had discussions about doing the same thing online and in person. Nothing wrong with having expectations and standards. But are some of your expectations limiting the dating pool available to you?

High expectations is not solely the premise of black women and I don't think that is satisfactory explanation for singleness. Women across all race lines pretty much desire the same thing. If anything BW (it seems) are encouraged to settle for less.

3. A lot of us stay at home and expect God to give us the best man in the world. However, the best man in the world isn't at home. So you should be out and about doing fun things. Being seen. That way he can actually see you and the the opportunity to approach you. Not to say you need to be at the club. Jjust open yourself to new experiences. Go to the symphony orchestra. Go to the ballet. Hit up the singles events in your city and get involved in something. The men you want and feel you deserve are there. Not at the club getting drunk and taking home girls. Also your enviroment says a lot about you. Where do you live? Who do you hang out with? Where do you go for fun? Evaluate your enviroments and see what they say about you? If what it says seems not like you at all, then change it.

This may be true for many who apparently can't find a man. It makes sense to be in close proximity to what you want.

4. Don't be afraid to approach him first! Seriously. Do it. Most of the time you won't regret it. Not saying to come on strong but there's a beautiful balance between approaching and then leting him take control from there, and approaching and carrying the whole thing.

Now this is where things get confusing, folks are suggesting you approach a man but on the contrary we are told 'If a man really wants you,he'll let his interest be known'. All that's required is encouraging body language,smiling and light flirting.So which one is it? Personally, I believe a man should be a man and it's his prerogative if he can't take the initiative.

N.B I do not believe that women of any race have difficulty finding a man. The key issue is quality.

 

[blackbarbietea]

I'll bite.

1). I'm open to other races, but how many of them in my age group are open to dating black women? Online, they check everything but black, and in real life, they are afraid to approach, so being open to them isn't getting me far. lol

2). I'm short. I'm willing to date someone at least around 5'6. I keep myself in shape, so yes, I have some expectations, and won't be dating no Rick Ross. He doesn't have to be a Denzel, but he must be decent looking and keeps himself in shape at least. I'm asking for the same things I bring to the table as well, so not apologizing for that.

3). I go out to these events, an most of the men are either taken or just look and are again too afraid to speak/ask women out.

4). Not sure how I feel about this. Most women find men by having the men approach them first....


Anything else you got?

I really really believe that if you were to approach a man in a very classy way that you'd get great results. You never know until you do it. And when you do, it opens your mind to much more.

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[blackbarbietea]

In think you guys are misunderstanding the point. You have to take when exactly I am saying into context. I'm not saying lower your standards and pick up a fool, uneducated, old daddy. Because I wouldn't even do that myself. I'm saying some women want the dude to be modelish or something. They want the dude to be ballin or something. There's nothing wrong with working a 9-5 and driving a kia or something. Education is sexy and that's a big thing I look for in a man. But I'm not gonna turn someone away because he doesn't have a degree. Maybe he runs a lawn care business and is a highschool grad. He reads and holds intellectual convos. And maybe you didn't know it but his business makes him a really good living. I'm saying that we shouldn't all be looking for 6'3, phd with a bentley. That's pushing for many women.

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[blackbarbietea]

As for interracial dating...I knew the kind of response I was gonna get from that. Mind you. I'm not only speaking about BLACK women in this topic. Although this is the majority of my audience and I understand that. Most of my boyfriends have not been black at all. And the ones that were black were from other countries.

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[lushcoils]

^^
I wondered the same thing. Apparently there's not as many IR blogs created by nbm focused on bw is because men don't talk about women and dating online.
That's the reason those bw ladies on the IR blogs gave me.

 

[explosiva9]

ok, im gonna make the post... i hope nobody e-bullies me about it

Anxiously waiting

 

[StarScream35]

In think you guys are misunderstanding the point. You have to take when exactly I am saying into context. I'm not saying lower your standards and pick up a fool, uneducated, old daddy. Because I wouldn't even do that myself. I'm saying some women want the dude to be modelish or something. They want the dude to be ballin or something. There's nothing wrong with working a 9-5 and driving a kia or something. Education is sexy and that's a big thing I look for in a man. But I'm not gonna turn someone away because he doesn't have a degree. Maybe he runs a lawn care business and is a highschool grad. He reads and holds intellectual convos. And maybe you didn't know it but his business makes him a really good living. I'm saying that we shouldn't all be looking for 6'3, phd with a bentley. That's pushing for many women.

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blackbarbietea

I understand your post and where you are coming from but I think the majority of single black women out there do not have high standards at all. I used to live in Atlanta and let me tell you..............the brothas there were NOT trying to settle down at all, that is until they were like in their 60's but who wants to wait that long??? There were PLENTY of men in ATL but they were all the WRONG men. Trust me, I tried and tried but eventually decided I just couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't worth the headache.

The interracial thing is all about location location location. If you are in the South or The Midwest then it's not so simple. You fare better on the east coast or west coast but not too many sistas are gonna move to either of these areas just to find a man. I would love to live in California or Boston but I need some California or Boston money to eek out a comfortable, safe living. When I think interracial I include all races. For some odd reason when people say interracial it's always white and another minority but I'm all about the minority to minority which depending on the minority can be easy or difficult. Asian men, not so good for black women, Chicanos, Latinos..............heck yeah! Native American men............heck yeah! Samoans..........heck yeah! If sistas are wanting to date white men here is piece of advice. American white men are consumned with race. They will likely (not all) see you as inferior no matter what. European white men appreciate black beauty and aren't caught up on race. You shouldn't be surprised that it was Europeans who appreciated a gorgeous sista like Alek Wek and I cannot forget the beautiful Grace Jones. I say if you live in an area with a large European population, try that route.

I do understand what you are saying and I think your post is great. I cringe when I hear sistas who want a man that drives a BMW and has this and that and what not. I'm like honey pluuueeze! Come down off of your high horse and get realistic!

 

[mischka]

Anxiously waiting

The thread is here.

 

[lilanie]

I think this is a post we should have and discuss and I wanna open the discussion, but y'all gotta promise to not e-beat me up and come protect me if I do

I've got your e-back... As a military brat, I've seen all kinds of couples, so the IRR doesnt scare me a bit...

But then again, it also helps that "Loving" (yes that Loving) was triumphant in US Supreme Court over 40 years ago on my birthday (and I enjoy IRRs)...

 

[dollface0023]

I do all of these things, and I'm still single as a dollar bill

 

[StarScream35]

I do all of these things, and I'm still single as a dollar bill

Don't feel bad mama, you aren't the only one. There are so many other factors out there that are causes for black women to be single and it's totally outta our hands. I lived in Atlanta. In my opinion it was one of the worst places to be a single black woman at any age. The men just weren't trying to settle down. Was there anything I could do about it? No. Could I make the men change and act right? No? Could I have done bad by myself? Yes. Could I have settled and paid for the consequences later? Yes. It not so smooth as it seems.