Do "You" Attract the kind of Man that you "Are"?
- Thread starter ~~HoneyComb~~
- Start date
Hm, the last guy I dated was overweight, intellectual, ivy-league educated, emotionally repressed, a little arrogant, but mostly sweet biracial guy.
I'm not biracial or an ivy, but the rest, pretty much! LOL
We grew up in the same church, so, we seemed a "perfect fit," except he was too freaking young. Think Ashton and Demi.
I'm not biracial or an ivy, but the rest, pretty much! LOL
We grew up in the same church, so, we seemed a "perfect fit," except he was too freaking young. Think Ashton and Demi.
SparkleDoll
New Member
I'm currently seeing a 40 year old Nigerian Physician. The guy I dated before him was an Indian (parents from India) Attorney. I have a Bachelor degree in Culinary Management, not the most impressive major, but I've always seen myself as brilliant and I tend to meet men who have advanced degrees and are very successful. I'm into the intellectual types and they are into me too.
Women talk about swagger, the guys with swagger never approach me. I guess the guys I date are corny(in a sweet confident way).....maybe I'm corny too. Fine with me, I like corny, lol.
Women talk about swagger, the guys with swagger never approach me. I guess the guys I date are corny(in a sweet confident way).....maybe I'm corny too. Fine with me, I like corny, lol.
kryolnapps
Active Member
I realized recently that I attracted men who have complicated relationships with their mother. And guess what? So do I! The men I attracted were all very different from one another and from me, but we all had the same underlying issues. I even had a mirror childhood with one guy. Needless to say it was the most damaging relationship of my life.
Knowledge is power. And knowing yourself is invaluable and indeed very empowering.
Knowledge is power. And knowing yourself is invaluable and indeed very empowering.
butterfly_wings
New Member
I believe you get what you ask for. If you keep saying to yourself “I can’t find a good black man” or “there are no good black men around” or “I only attract good men of other races” then that’s what you will get; no good black men, or good men of other races!! I believe if you focus positively on what you do want you’ll get it!
This is exactly what I did and I met my good black man in an unusual way at the exact time that I wanted.
This is exactly what I did and I met my good black man in an unusual way at the exact time that I wanted.
ebonylocs
New Member
I don't know. The "you attract what you are" slogan always seemed slightly simplistic to me because
1) A reasonably attractive woman will attract ALL types, from the sane to the psycho, high rollers to the homeless, brilliant to the brainless, etc etc, and
2) I've never ever had a relationship where a guy mirrored me substantially - in most of my relationships the guy was thinking long term while I was just thinking about the present; I ended up with a pragmatic, practical guy when I was a bit of a dreamer, had one outgoing crazy guy when I am an introvert who hates being the centre of attention... What they all had in common was that they were smart and had some kind of originality / non-conformity. People might say, well then, that means you have those characteristics yourself. But they weren't the only guys that were attracted to me - just the ones I chose to have relationships with.
So I think what's most revealing is who a woman *selects* out of all the men who are attracted to her. She will select what she in some manner wants or needs
Case in point: Last year a guy approached me. He was sweet, cute, a genuine nice guy. We even planned to meet up for a date. But after a few phone conversations, I saw that he just didn't have the brain power to hold my interest. So I never went on a date with him. A month or so later, unbeknownst to me, he met a friend of mine. I only found out when he came to the house to meet her for the date. She is a very smart girl and she also says she needs a smart guy. She went out with him, brought him home, had sex with him, but then the next day told me she probably wouldn't see him again. I didn't yet tell her about my previous interaction with him. But she said exactly what I had thought re myself - that he wasn't smart enough for her. Of course, she noticed that before they came home together the night before. Or maybe even spotted it in their phone calls. But she still went out with him, had sex with him, and she still saw and sexed him from time to time afterwards, even though she *knew* he was not what she was looking for in terms of her plans for marriage, and had no intention of pursuing a serious long term relationship with him. Whereas I just said "Next!" even before one date and didn't spend another minute on him. Futile exercise - we all know how it ends.
1) A reasonably attractive woman will attract ALL types, from the sane to the psycho, high rollers to the homeless, brilliant to the brainless, etc etc, and
2) I've never ever had a relationship where a guy mirrored me substantially - in most of my relationships the guy was thinking long term while I was just thinking about the present; I ended up with a pragmatic, practical guy when I was a bit of a dreamer, had one outgoing crazy guy when I am an introvert who hates being the centre of attention... What they all had in common was that they were smart and had some kind of originality / non-conformity. People might say, well then, that means you have those characteristics yourself. But they weren't the only guys that were attracted to me - just the ones I chose to have relationships with.
So I think what's most revealing is who a woman *selects* out of all the men who are attracted to her. She will select what she in some manner wants or needs
That's what I'm talking about. I will quickly move on from someone who doesn't mentally stimulate me... I know that I can't live without that spark, so unlike some other girls, I'm not going to "give a chance" to a guy who doesn't have it. Just a waste of time.- well, more accurately, I've always discarded dumbarses/ignoramuses immediately.
Case in point: Last year a guy approached me. He was sweet, cute, a genuine nice guy. We even planned to meet up for a date. But after a few phone conversations, I saw that he just didn't have the brain power to hold my interest. So I never went on a date with him. A month or so later, unbeknownst to me, he met a friend of mine. I only found out when he came to the house to meet her for the date. She is a very smart girl and she also says she needs a smart guy. She went out with him, brought him home, had sex with him, but then the next day told me she probably wouldn't see him again. I didn't yet tell her about my previous interaction with him. But she said exactly what I had thought re myself - that he wasn't smart enough for her. Of course, she noticed that before they came home together the night before. Or maybe even spotted it in their phone calls. But she still went out with him, had sex with him, and she still saw and sexed him from time to time afterwards, even though she *knew* he was not what she was looking for in terms of her plans for marriage, and had no intention of pursuing a serious long term relationship with him. Whereas I just said "Next!" even before one date and didn't spend another minute on him. Futile exercise - we all know how it ends.
I agree.
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Girl me too lol - don't sleep on the corny men yall...they treat you nice and are not afraid to put a ring on it
~~HoneyComb~~
Well-Known Member
It's more of a personality thing, not racial, but who you are as a person--qualities, characteristics, morals, etc.
Lylddlebit
Well-Known Member
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