Did She Settle??? What do you all think...

[StarScream35]

Boy this is a recipe for disaster at best. She sounds like a desperate selfish harpy. You should never string someone along that you don't care about. Isn't that why her other relationships didn't work. This chic doesn't need a boyfriend, she needs a counselor and needs to do some soul searching. From a psychological standpoint, she must have had a poor relationship with her father. Mami needs to address these issues and then look for a man.

 

[ellebelle88]

I could never marry someone I didn't love. I don't have enough patience for that. With that being said, if she wants to marry him because he makes her feel "secure," who am I to judge? People marry for different reasons. I don't know if it will last though...that's something I would love to know.

 

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

sounds like she's got some issues that needed to be addressed before she got involved with Tayo (or anyone else for that matter) ...like why is she always attracting the wrong kind of man for one...

 

[dede1129]

How could this possibly have been the man that God handpicked for her if he clearly does not meet any of the desires of her heart other than security and being a decent human being. She states that he does not understand her or make her laugh, there is no chemistry and those are all important aspects of a relationship. Even if she is not having sex with him the attraction and chemistry could still be there and a lack of that could cause turmoil later in the marriage if she ever finds someone equally as decent with whom she has chemistry with.

I don't doubt that he is in fact a good man to her but I do however think that she should have held off for someone who possessed the qualities she knows she wants. She seemed to have developed low self esteem from being with Bode so much to the fact that she thinks someone treating her fairly well and the opposite of Bode is the best thing since sliced bread. I just dont want her to make a rash decision based off of her experience with Bode and then regret it later. Ultimately she should make the decision to marry her future husband without the influence of any of her previous relationships IMO.

 

[JudithO]

lol @ the comments....

Love is the most overrated word on the planet…. Love in marriage is the conscious CHOICE to place your life in someone’s hands…. Love and attraction is nice, but believe me, not enough… Why do you think a lot of western countries have very high divorce rates (they mostly marry for love) while arranged marriages in nigeria and india seem to last forever? All about the mindset… If you choose to marry a man… you will love him if you want.

And for all those saying what if Tayo is horrible in bed…. What if Tayo is a stallion in bed…. Tayo doesn’t have nice cloths, doesn’t have a six pack… all those are things that are very easy to fix….

Even if you seemingly marry the perfect man, who loves you, has money, waits on your hands and feet.. he can change overnight.. very easily.

The only thing we know is the man we marry today… not the man he will be in the future… Only prayer can guarantee you a good man in the future. If today, he is a respectable man, who you trust, who loves you and you are confident that you can live a lifetime with him… Please marry him… and pray to God that all those other things that you want, he will give you. She needs to pray that he will be a champ in bed, keep loving her and her children, have money, that she will love him and she will live a happy life.

This woman thinks that 28 is old to be getting married… so she is ready… The probability that she will get a better catch is 50/50… Also the probability that Tayo will turn into her dream man is 50/50 too. I don’t think she settled… she grew wise that’s what happened.

 

[chronicity]

I would only consider settling like she has if and only if my desire for kids far outweighed my desire for a happy, emotionally fulfilling, passionate marriage. Otherwise, what is the point?

Maybe I'm just wired differently due to my introversion and lack of strong maternal instinct, but the idea of being married to someone I'm only so-so about doesn't make a lick o sense to me. I have to really really like you to be willing to give away my autonomy and independence. When someone writes an essay that reads like a desperate person's attempt to convince themselves that they made the right decision, I can't applaud them. I just hope the dude doesn't get too hurt.

 

[ambergirl]

What's tragic are women who get in to that "gotta get married" phase and then go into high gear trying to hook a husband and then wake up 10 years down the line with a mortgage, a family, a relationship that doesn't work and a man they don't love.

I know many women who found themselves in this position and to a person they had to shut off a huge part of who they are in order to remain in their relationships.

Some women can live in a loveless marriage and others can't. So it's also about knowing yourself well enough to know whether you can grow to love someone OR if you can go the distance without ever being in love.