She Make$ More

[Raspberry]

my mom makes more than three times as much as my dad
my moms around $250k and my dad makes $90k. If it wasnt for me having to submit my parents taxes for school then i wouldve never guessed my mom made more money because shes not flashy and she doesnt talk down to my dad and they always plan and discuss financial stuff together all the time.
the other day she told me that because she makes much more money than my dad, it makes my dad scared because he knows if he fcks up or she randomly decides to leave she'll be able to maintain her lifestyle while he wont be able to lol.
she also told me that at the same time it makes him respect her even more because in their situation theres no way possible my dad can ever talk down to my mom because shes the one bringing the bread home

Wow, this is interesting, I would love to hear your mom talk more about maintaining balance in this situation.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

my mom makes more than three times as much as my dad
my moms around $250k and my dad makes $90k. If it wasnt for me having to submit my parents taxes for school then i wouldve never guessed my mom made more money because shes not flashy and she doesnt talk down to my dad and they always plan and discuss financial stuff together all the time.
the other day she told me that because she makes much more money than my dad, it makes my dad scared because he knows if he fcks up or she randomly decides to leave she'll be able to maintain her lifestyle while he wont be able to lol.
she also told me that at the same time it makes him respect her even more because in their situation theres no way possible my dad can ever talk down to my mom because shes the one bringing the bread home


in your friends case i dont like her attitude-just because shes bringing the bread home doesnt mean she should have a "what i say goes" attitude

THIS!!!!! And he respects her because SHE respects him and makes him feel like a man.

A woman making more than her husband and then treats him in a child-like manner where he "gives him" this or that is setting herself up for not respecting him after while....

Also, I don't get these men who mooch off women and are proud of it...I could never respect a man with a "mooching type" attitude..Especially couples of similar age. It reminds me of an "old rich lady taking care of her Don Juan" type of thing....

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

My best friend girl is highly paid surgeon and her husband...is unemployed. She pays for everything...everything. She tries to discuss every financial move with her husband. Her belief is her money is their money. He wasn't there during med school or residency. He didn't share any of her struggles. This often comes up (she tells me, not him) when he wants to buy a new car, when he just purchased one a year ago or he wants to become even more frivolous with the money e.g. Friday night gambling with the boys. I see this eventually becoming a huge wedge. He doesn't know how to play the role like a woman would do in his position.

But what people must realize that...this is a money problem exascerbated (sp?) by her being employed and him being unemployed....But even if they BOTH made equal $$--his SPENDING BEHAVIOR is STILL A PROBLEM....When one person in a relationship becomes friviolous with the FAMILY funds, its a problem....If they do seek a divorce, she will blame it on his unemployement, and he will blame her "picking at him" for making little to no money....But the real issue is the behaviors he has because he is looking at all the $$ she makes as if she is a bank with no minimums...

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I have a couple of friends who are married to stay at home dads (due to layoffs) and their marital relationship dynamcis have not changed. It's easy to be that shot caller type of woman when you make more money but it's never good for the marriage. It sounds like dude was just in the marriage to get a fancy lifestyle rather than a lifetime partner.

 

[Theo]

niqu92

if you don't mind me asking. what happened with the situation btwn your parents that you posted about awhile ago?

 

[niqu92]

@niqu92

if you don't mind me asking. what happened with the situation btwn your parents that you posted about awhile ago?

it's fine,
they ended up working everything out she threatned him saying if he pulls anything like that again she'll leave him because if hes gonna be doing that then theres no reason for her to stay cause its not like she depends on him for anything.so that basically scared my dad because he knows that she's right so ever since then everything has been good my mom has the passwrds to all his email accounts, phone, etc and shes also managing his transactions and his paycheck to make sure hes not spending money on no broad my momma dont plaay lol

 

[MD_Lady]

IMO, it doesn't have to be a major issue, but people make it one... they let their emotions and egos run amok and turn what could have been a perfectly manageable situation into a mess.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

my rationale is this. if i make more money than my future husband then the money i earn may very well pay for mortgage and the light bill. that's fine. especially in a situation where my hubby wants to go back to school (this might happen with my SO). still it is OUR money.

when we go out to eat i don't plan to deal with the check. basically there is a way to make more than a man without emasculating him.

 

[CurleeDST]

Yesterday had a discussion with family and basically their argument for not wanting a man they make more money than is because if it goes sour you end up paying and owing him and they just did not want any parts of that.

 

[Flawless_JYM]

Yesterday had a discussion with family and basically their argument for not wanting a man they make more money than is because if it goes sour you end up paying and owing him and they just did not want any parts of that.

It sounds like I'm going to be only one getting money if things don't work out. Taking away sexes from the equation I honestly think I have a problem with it. Not a big one because we are all selfish to some extent but I try to be fair but I'm not perfect. I agree with MDLady post too.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

My mom always taught me that your lifestyle is based on what he can afford, so don't marry a man who makes less than you if you don't want to live below your means. If he makes $60k and you make $100k, then you match his 60 and put the other 40 in the bank. May not work for everyone, but it always stuck with me.

I will always believe that women REALLY DO NOT want men who make less. They may find the idea interesting and all but when put in motion it will present a problem. We often hear how men have issues with women making more money but I really think people need to look at how women REALLY feel about it and I'm not talking about how they SAY they feel but actually how they REALLY feel. There needs to be some research and some situations that can capture women's true feelings about this. Put women to the test. I will tell you straight up it would be a problem with me. I used to say it wasn't and then I started dating men who made a lot less than I did and I was like naw.......this ain't for me. If he's making something like 15,000 or 20,000 less then I can handle that but if it's like I'm making 90,000 and he's making 20,000 then NO WAY! You can't live off of love alone!

I agree with both of you. And it's why I don't think I could marry or be in a long-term relationship with a man not on my SES. I've dated men who weren't and each time no matter how much I liked him as a person, that fact was in the back of my head and I could see how it would cause problems down the road.

My best friend girl is highly paid surgeon and her husband...is unemployed. She pays for everything...everything. She tries to discuss every financial move with her husband. Her belief is her money is their money. He wasn't there during med school or residency. He didn't share any of her struggles. This often comes up (she tells me, not him) when he wants to buy a new car, when he just purchased one a year ago or he wants to become even more frivolous with the money e.g. Friday night gambling with the boys. I see this eventually becoming a huge wedge. He doesn't know how to play the role like a woman would do in his position.

See this is what I'm afraid of. Especially on the part about med school (for me law school.)

 

[CurleeDST]

Had a conversation with my sister-in-law this weekend and she refuses to date a man who makes less than she does.