Did She Settle??? What do you all think...

I think she could grow to love him. Hopefully she treats him with the same respect and reverence as he does her and they are on the same page...kind of like an arranged marriage...I thought it was kinda sweet but very personal....she shouldnt have told anybody this..... :look:
 
I think she is settling. But more importantly she is giving him points for not being like Bode. She got awfully excited about him picking her up from the airport, something I would kinda expect and not be floored by. Hope it works out for her.
 
chelseatiara said:
I think she could grow to love him. Hopefully she treats him with the same respect and reverence as he does her and they are on the same page...kind of like an arranged marriage...I thought it was kinda sweet but very personal....she shouldnt have told anybody this..... :look:
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Completely agree.

She's inviting all kind of nonsense to enter in her life and relationship right now.
 
chelseatiara said:
I think she could grow to love him. Hopefully she treats him with the same respect and reverence as he does her and they are on the same page...kind of like an arranged marriage...I thought it was kinda sweet but very personal....she shouldnt have told anybody this..... :look:
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Yeah... I hope he never ends up reading it.
 
Solila said:
I don't think she ever stated she loved him. That might be a serious red flag.
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IDK... I see this working out in three possible ways

1. She never ends up loving him, but is stuck in the relationship
2. She "grows to love him" and they live happily ever after
or
3. She ends up loving him way more than he loves her and he feels smothered

1 out of 3 aint bad:ohwell:
 
chelseatiara said:
I think she could grow to love him. Hopefully she treats him with the same respect and reverence as he does her and they are on the same page...kind of like an arranged marriage...I thought it was kinda sweet but very personal....she shouldnt have told anybody this..... :look:
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It looks like someone submitted this letter to the blog owner. I would hope the writer changed the names in case anyone she knows reads this.
 
CandiceC said:
It looks like someone submitted this letter to the blog owner. I would hope the writer changed the names in case anyone she knows reads this.
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Yeah, the letter was not written by the blogger. I reallllly hope she changed the names too :nono:

Tayo sounds wonderful!! Shoot, if choosing to marry a man like him is settling, let me drive the Settlemobile right into Settletown and set up shop :lol:
 
This guy sounds like a good guy and she's lucky to have him. I feel sorry for him though. I know many ladies have been told that a man is suppose to love their wife more than she loves him, but it sounds like they have no chemistry. I kinda think she is settling, but I'm more concerned that she is not over the bad relationship guy. She keeps comparing the 2.

Also there is going to be a time when their relationship will get rocky and that is when you look back on what made you fall in love with your hubby. She won't have any memories bc she doesn't love him. He's not always going to be Mr Perfect. I think there is more to marriage than romantic love, chemistry, and sparks. She found peace, but her story didn't even sound like she has a great friendship with her fiance.

Her mom told her their relationship will grow when they have sex. What if he is a horrible lover? If this happens she might cheat.
 
I don't believe she is settling. She is putting "security" and a loving partner over love (her love for him) and is doing it with eyes wide open. She is getting what she wants because if love was more important she'd hold out for it.
 
goldielocs said:
IDK... I see this working out in three possible ways

1. She never ends up loving him, but is stuck in the relationship
2. She "grows to love him" and they live happily ever after
or
3. She ends up loving him way more than he loves her and he feels smothered

1 out of 3 aint bad:ohwell:
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All theses outcomes are possible, but it could also be that after such a long and tumulous relationship with Bode, she might just desiring a man more like him. Granted, she did refer back to Bode quite often.
Ok, I'll stop playing devils advocate now. lol
 
Je Ne Sais Quoi said:
I don't believe she is settling. She is putting "security" and a loving partner over love (her love for him) and is doing it with eyes wide open. She is getting what she wants because if love was more important she'd hold out for it.
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See... you said it so much better than I was able to.
 
It sounds like she needs to slow it down and take some time to heal from her ex.. She very well could grow to love the new guy but right now she's on an extreme rebound.
 
That is a hard one
I know I fell in love with a man I wasn't attracted to a while back but grew to love him n he was the best that happen to me. He grew on me and fell head over heels in love! We are no longer together but I have learned physical attraction is not what's all important!
 
I do not see it as settling to be with a man who seemingly worships you and wants to be the provider and protector. Apparently he's not "gorgeous", not a trendy dresser and he doesn't have 6 pack abs but 90% - 95% of men don't have all of these qualities either. It reads as if he's a great guy and hopefully she will grow to love and appreciate him.
 
We're not saying there's anything wrong wih the dude, he sounds like a great guy. The concerning thing is her attitude about the whole thing. It doesn't sound like she's over Bode at all. It sounds like her self esteem is still low.

Her being with Bode is only part of the problem. There has to be a lot of stuff wrong if she stayed with a guy who treated her so badly for that long. Nothing in her letter indicated that she's resolved any of those issues. She's taking them right along with her into the marriage. Shoot, she's probably thinks she's still in love with Bode.

Let Bode finish sowing his wild oats and come sniffing around her, whispering sweet nothings and promises of change. She'll prolly drop poor Tayo with a quickness, especially if he's as ugly as she makes him out to be. If she loved him, that would a different story. But she said herself, she don't love that dude.

I feel bad that's she's got this horrible self esteem but she strikes me as very selfish. While I wish them the best, I don't see it ending well.
 
I think that she's getting married because she wants to be married or have certain timelines in her life (28 y/o it seems).

While in theory she made the right decision for her, I couldn't do it. I cannot imagine being in a marriage with someone who is more of a mate than a lover. I need to be in love, I need to feel that extra feeling while I'm around him. I want my children to grow up experiencing that and knowing that they too can experience the same in life. The worst would be if I do meet that guy that I know in my gut he's "the one" while I'm married to my mate. In addition, I'd always feel guilty that I don't feel the same.

Also, what kind of advice is that her mother gave? Once you start having sex with him that's when the love comes. Is that what she did? Loving and being in love are two different things.
 
I would take a mate over a lover any day. She sounds like a lot of women I have met over the years. The bad boys are exciting, and the drama keeps you coming back for more. And the "passion" is there (more drama). Some of these guys grow up up but if you bad boy is in his late 20s, or worse 40s. The he aint growing up.

It is concerning that she doesn't say she loves the new man, but I still think that is is the better decision. Love term marriage isn't about passion, its about finding some one that you can spend your life with. Some one you want to have and parent your childern with. I can't remember were I heard this (church?) that passionate love only last for a year months to years. It isn't the love that keeps marriages together.
 
I'm not so sure she's all growed up. Sounds like this dude is the rebound man and he's getting points for doing stuff all men should be willing to do in a relationship.

Either she has limited experiences or low expectations, either way I wish her luck.
 
I think she's smart. I don't think she settled because she has what most women desire: peace and a sense of security in her relationship. I don't think it has to be mutually exclusive from being in love with the person, but my mom always said marry a man who loves you more than you love him. Those are words to live by. I think, as her mom said, she will grow to love him. Especially when they start having sex. But this is really a very mature decision on her part. I applaud her. Too bad more women won't follow suit.
 
I agree with the majority of the comments in this post, but a lot of my "nice guy" friends on FB were angry about it. They equate her with being an 'emotional gold-digger' who was marrying for what he could provide her instead of because she loved him.

Granted, none of them are married and that POV may explain why...:perplexed

My BF was mad she put the secret on blast. :grin:
 
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for me her being at peace sealed. You are never settling if you're at peace now if she said she and made peace or made her bed I'd say settled but at peace with joy it trumps butterflies any day
 
I think she's confusing love and being in love with fun and excitement, and intrige. Unless she thinks being respectful is boring, if she dosent accept him, she could miss out.
 
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