Dating a man with a minor child...*rant*

I know its not easy parenting another person's child, and you have had your own children but is it possible to see being a good influence in this girl and her father's life... if you can't do it, then you really shouldn't get involved with them.
What if the roles were reversed, you with a little child and a man who is doing this? I think this isn't about you being right or wrong but being honest about your ability to handle this. You're right to think about this and discuss with women who will reflect different points of view, possibly helping you reach a decision
 
Last edited:
ElizaBlue said:
ambergirl Thank you for that. All that you say is true. I do have a lot to lose...but I have a lot to gain too. It's safe to say, though not very popular (here come the rocks) the mom is not being a very good role model right now. The reason the marriage ended is because he got tired of the baby waking up saying where is mommie. Then watching mommie come home from the club just in time to go to work.
...
Click to expand...

Thanks for the above post. This is why I wished you the best after initially posting that you two were a mismatch. I had the "feeling" that you were softening on your views of losing your freedom. We all make sacrafices and adjustments to our dreams. Either life will make them or we can be big girls and make them ourselves. It's not about settling but about being realistic, logical, and insuring you have love in your life.

ElizaBlue said:
You know ladies, I posted not to dredge up feelings for those of you whose fathers dated while you were young. I can understand how this post might make you feel some way because you were that little girl.
...

Again people and I won't reference this again...I only wanted him to stop by for a few minutes to say Happy New Year....not spend the weekend with me. Does it really make some of you feel better to try to make me out to be the bad guy. Hey look ladies it's wasn't me waaaayyy back then. Okay?

I'm sorry your dad's girlfriends or potential girlfriends or your dad even put you in that position but this is not that case. I can tell some of you are very hurt by what happened to you and still are harboring those ill feelings. Let it go...for your sake.

Anyone on this site whose been around for a while knows my heart and pretty much how I think about children.
...
Click to expand...

To the above post, yes you seemed to have hit a nerve, but not with me. For one, I never experienced the step mom/dad/sibling situation so it's sort of foreign to me and therefore not triggering. But also, even though I only e-know you, I never felt like that little girl was in danger or that you were trying to steal this little girl's daddy from her. From your previous posts I gathered that you are an intelligent, kind woman looking for love, plain and simple, not some desperate monster trying to ruin a little girl's life.
 
ElizaBlue said:
@GoddessMaker Exactly...I feel like he is overly compensating with the daughter because of how the marriage ended. And not just about the visits...but how he took her on not one but two shopping sprees two days in a row. He told me she can't wear the same shoes two days in a row and that her mother is the same way.

He thought it was funny...I just stared at the phone and thought what in the world? If she thinks this way at 7 what will happen at 17...

I'm rather frugal and don't believe in kids feeling entitled to shop. Oh well...now to figure out the exit.
Click to expand...

(Rolls eyes & sucks teeth): Say what???


Okay, I've only gotten to page three of the thread, but I think that you should trust your gut. The majority of your responses have been leaning toward a certain direction, and I think you should trust your feelings.

I understand that he's recently divorced and that he's the go-to guy in the family and he has a daughter to think about, but exactly where do you come in during this picture?

-You mentioned the fact he said that she can't wear the same shoes two days in a row

-You mentioned that she's spoiled

-You mentioned that your trip was delayed TWO HOURS :perplexed because she needed her Playstation for her trip (I've been rolling my eyes so much over that one that they're starting to hurt)

....Don't ignore these things...The writing is on the wall!
 
ElizaBlue, I'm so late....what happened with to the South Carolina dude? I thought that was a done deal. LOL I have nothing substantive to add about this situation but I wish you well with whatever you decide.:yep:
 
I just responded to my opinions about what you posted. Your post didn't dredge up old feeling about evil step mothers or girlfriends or what have you. My dad didn't let women like that come around me and the gfs I met were very nice to me. Also, my dad lived less than 5 minutes away, he and my mom were always cordial, and I got to see him almost everyday so stop it. I was very fortunate in that aspect :yep:

This baby only have 4 days a month. That's hardly anytime at all:nono:. And there is nothing wrong if she or he doesn't want to share that right now. That's all I'm saying. But I don't know you like that so I just based my opinions off your posts about this situation. I wish you three the best.

ETA: This is just a random pet peeve but it's really insulting when someone assumes something from my childhood simply because I disagreed with them.
 
Last edited:
OP I am sorry but you are clearly not cut out/ready to date someone with young kids,I dont blame you and I get it. At 48 you should be relaxing not redoing it all again. What I just don't see though is why you would agree to date a man with a child when you are clear that child comes first on the 4 days he has with her and then expect him to leave her alone and come and see you just because it is new years - come on now, you should be glad you have a man that is prepared to do be a real man and take care of his responsibilities.

You sound like a wonderful woman who just wants love but the fact that you have only been together for 4 weeks and you already have problems with the time he spends with his daughter is a huge red flag.
 
ElizaBlue said:
@Sosoothing Thank you for that and where have you been? I can be okay being second while she is young. My fear is that she is being allowed certain things that as she gets older will cause a problem.

I know that girls can be extremely competitive when it comes to their dads and he wants...no needs her to be a daddy's girl. He likes to brag that she brags that her daddy can do everything and be all places at all times. Well I probably would like to brag the same way about a husband one day. He cannot be all things to everyone...even if she was our biological daughter.

Matter of fact let's just say she was our bio daughter. Wouldn't there at some point be some expectations that her mom-his wife came first? Wouldn't there be some very definite boundaries too?

Does all this not occur when it's a blended family?
Click to expand...

Hey Eliza!:wave:...I have been right here. Just prefer to lurk.

The bolded is true and you are right.

I didn't realize that you were his first relationship since his separation. Reading that he makes you happy and cares enough to try and find a proper balance between you and his daughter is a good sign. I think he is worth waiting on just a little longer. Things can very well get better as time goes on :yep:.
 
Sosoothing said:
Hey Eliza!:wave:...I have been right here. Just prefer to lurk.

The bolded is true and you are right.

I didn't realize that you were his first relationship since his separation. Reading that he makes you happy and cares enough to try and find a proper balance between you and his daughter is a good sign. I think he is worth waiting on just a little longer. Things can very well get better as time goes on :yep:.
Click to expand...

Sosoothing Thanks sweetie. I've gotten so much support and good advice from those who have chosen to proceed in these types of situations has really helped me realize some things. One of the realizations is that I'm human and allowed to have human feelings and that he and I are both in a place learning each other. I think he's worth waiting for too.
 
his kid is like

ace-ventura-dancing.gif
 
Zuleika said:
What happened @ElizaBlue?
Click to expand...


Zuleika Ooh Chile....let's see. Every weekend he didn't have his daughter, we would go down to my beach house and hangout. This weekend he had his daughter and I thought cool, so I told him I will go down alone and chill. He wasn't feeling that.

He did this once before and later said it was because he had his daughter. But I know that's not true because he tried to tell me he was getting a babysitter for Saturday so we could go to the movies and that Sunday he was coming by after church. It was almost like...he was making sure I stayed put.

But I stuck to my guns and said I'm packing up and heading out. He got a serious attitude and put me on silent treatment all weekend. Not answering phone or texts I sent him.

I didn't even go, but he thinks I did. So I take it that when he can't move around I'm not suppose to either. That is very immature to me. Only outdone by trying to put a grown A woman on silent treatment.
 
ElizaBlue said:
Zuleika Ooh Chile....let's see. Every weekend he didn't have his daughter, we would go down to my beach house and hangout. This weekend he had his daughter and I thought cool, so I told him I will go down alone and chill. He wasn't feeling that.

He did this once before and later said it was because he had his daughter. But I know that's not true because he tried to tell me he was getting a babysitter for Saturday so we could go to the movies and that Sunday he was coming by after church. It was almost like...he was making sure I stayed put.

But I stuck to my guns and said I'm packing up and heading out. He got a serious attitude and put me on silent treatment all weekend. Not answering phone or texts I sent him.

I didn't even go, but he thinks I did. So I take it that when he can't move around I'm not suppose to either. That is very immature to me. Only outdone by trying to put a grown A woman on silent treatment.
Click to expand...

So he was willing to not spend time with his daughter and get a baby sitter when it was convenient for him. Also, telling you not to go somewhere, girl he funny:lachen:
 
firecracker said:
Sorry it didn't work out. I'm glad your the one doing the happy dance though.
Click to expand...

firecracker Yes mama...everything ain't for everybody and he's a nice brother but he has a real issue, I think with trust. Even though he's been single since 2008 I think he still thinks if a woman is not in his sight she's probably cheating.

Looking back I realize all the questions I use to get on days I worked from home or him just needing to pin down which office I was working from and was I doing real estate or govt work and what time I was getting off and what time did I go in. It sounded cute the first few times...then it got sort of annoying...then really annoying.

Ah well....NEXT!!!!:lachen:
 
ElizaBlue said:
@Zuleika Ooh Chile....let's see. Every weekend he didn't have his daughter, we would go down to my beach house and hangout. This weekend he had his daughter and I thought cool, so I told him I will go down alone and chill. He wasn't feeling that.

He did this once before and later said it was because he had his daughter. But I know that's not true because he tried to tell me he was getting a babysitter for Saturday so we could go to the movies and that Sunday he was coming by after church. It was almost like...he was making sure I stayed put.

But I stuck to my guns and said I'm packing up and heading out. He got a serious attitude and put me on silent treatment all weekend. Not answering phone or texts I sent him.

I didn't even go, but he thinks I did. So I take it that when he can't move around I'm not suppose to either. That is very immature to me. Only outdone by trying to put a grown A woman on silent treatment.
Click to expand...

Yeah that is immature. How weird for a grown man. I hope you're ok, I know you liked him.
 
NOEChic said:
So he was willing to not spend time with his daughter and get a baby sitter when it was convenient for him. Also, telling you not to go somewhere, girl he funny:lachen:
Click to expand...

NOEChic I know right....:nono: I swear I was two seconds from saying..."wait isn't this your weekend with babygirl" I thought maybe I was confused.
 
Zuleika said:
Yeah that is immature. How weird for a grown man. I hope you're ok, I know you liked him.
Click to expand...

@Zuleika Thanks. Girl I'm good...I was liking the sales rep he sent...you gotta spend time with these men to find out who you are really closing the deal with.

Now I'm looking back at another conversation where he was telling me that once the daughter turned 13 he probably wouldn't see her as much because his niece is that way and his brother only sees her once a month or so. And that he knew it was coming.

I don't know I guess I felt like he was trying to convince me of it's not another 11 years but only another 6. He's a great guy but just not for me.
 
Last edited:
i think he made the right choice. his daughter should come first. You guys should have established the plan beforehand though. If he only gets her for a short time, then he should maximize that time.
 
Kurlee said:
i think he made the right choice. his daughter should come first. You guys should have established the plan beforehand though. If he only gets her for a short time, then he should maximize that time.
Click to expand...

Kurlee Thanks...but you might want to read the rest of the post...lol...or at least the last page. This is a wrap.​
 
Control freak. Good riddance.

He needs to resolve his trust issues before getting into another serious relationship.

Sent from my Comet
 
ElizaBlue said:
@Kurlee Thanks...but you might want to read the rest of the post...lol...or at least the last page. This is a wrap.​
Click to expand...
oh wow:look: I need to catch up. I am multi-tasking. Reading threads and and watching Days of Our Lives:lol:. I think it's reasonable that you want certain things from him, but situations with children that aren't yours can get complicated REAL FAST.
 
k, so i caught up! so sorry, op!! i'm glad u proceeded with caution. He sounded good at first, but disappointing in the end. where there's a good, there's a better :yep:
 
@ElizaBlue Sooooo basically his time with his daugther is so precious until his need to control you takes over :lol: Oooooo men make me laugh.

Moving on....
 
Last edited:
He's probably trying to overcompensate because of the divorce. I've heard that happens quite often.
You deserve someone who will make you a priority AND who treats you with respect.

You're not an itch. :D good luck with whatever path you take.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

DayStar
Why do some guys get mad when...
Replies
13
Views
327
HoneyDew
HoneyDew
KrimsonKween
Long Haired Ladies
Replies
11
Views
396
Ramya
Ramya
Choclatcotton
Why do friends in Bad Marriages, try to ?
Replies
4
Views
135
mxdchiq86
mxdchiq86
dicapr
We don't know each other like that!
Replies
8
Views
205
dicapr
dicapr
F
Big LDR step
Replies
9
Views
202
fashion87
F
Back
Top