Couple has been dating for 1 year and 2 months, He still hasn't said he loves her

[FemmeFatale]

Is this normal to you guys? Should the woman be alarmed?

The guy treats her nicely and they're in a committed relationship however he's not the affectionate type. She's "tried everything" too, good sex, keeping her figure super tight, etc.

My heart would've been broken.

 

[MzLady78]

Is this normal to you guys? Should the woman be alarmed?

The guy treats her nicely and they're in a committed relationship however he's not the affectionate type. She's "tried everything" too, good sex, keeping her figure super tight, etc.

My heart would've been broken.

I would be hurt if I knew I loved him but I also don't want someone saying it if they don't mean it.

Or maybe he's the type that just feels that showing it is enough. Not totally the same but I'm hard pressed to recall my mom ever saying the words "I love you" out loud. But I know she does.

 

[SmileyNY]

First of all, any grown woman who is serious about finding a life partner shouldn't "date" anyone for over a year.

Secondly, one thing that I've learned is that a man will go after what he wants and say what he feels when he really cares.

You shouldn't have to sit around waiting over a year for a guy to tell you how he feels. Even if this guy comes around and says it eventually... meh... He already took too long. Who wants a lukewarm, mediocre relationship?

IMO, the RIGHT man will be head over heels for you. True love doesn't require guessing.

 

[FlowerHair]

Either he doesn't love her or he doesn't know yet if he loves her. Both are not good after 1 year. I would lick my wounds and move on, while keeping in touch with him. Just tell her to add 2-3 men to her rotation. She needs options. He gets downgraded to a "maybe".

 

[melisandre]

IMO, the RIGHT man will be head over heels for you. True love doesn't require guessing.

I agree with this. When you first start dating someone, there is uncertainty. However, you shouldn't have to wonder whether your SO loves you a year into the relationship. The person's actions and words should be proof of their love.

Sent from my SGH-M919 using LHCF

 

[Joigirl]

He is just bit that into her. She should move on and demand more before committing to someone that does not want to be tied down. I set expectations with my hubby from the beginning of our relationship that I ultimately wanted marriage and that I thought that two years was a sufficient "dating" timeframe for people in our age group at the time (24). I told him that if he wanted something else or didn't see that for himself, he was free to move on.

We dated for longer than two years because we were not financially ready for marriage until our late 20's, but he knew my gameplay from the beginning. No surprises and shared expectations. I also think that women should not give up the cookie too fast. Men love the thrill of the chase.

 

[Britt]

First of all, any grown woman who is serious about finding a life partner shouldn't "date" anyone for over a year.

Secondly, one thing that I've learned is that a man will go after what he wants and say what he feels when he really cares.

You shouldn't have to sit around waiting over a year for a guy to tell you how he feels. Even if this guy comes around and says it eventually... meh... He already took too long. Who wants a lukewarm, mediocre relationship?

IMO, the RIGHT man will be head over heels for you. True love doesn't require guessing.

Well said.

 

[LiftedUp]

Does he show her in other ways that he loves her?

 

[ChasingBliss]

I think most of us know by now what it's like when a guy KNOWS what he wants...he makes sure YOU know it too.

 

[Mortons]

I would not stick around.

Have they ever had a conversation about this?

 

[Fine 4s]

I was in something like this and it did hurt.
I got the excuses ranging from: don't I show it, to I have to be sure or the simple you know I do. I can't do that again....
Something about saying it, makes you feel it even MORE!

 

[Allandra]

Is this normal to you guys? Should the woman be alarmed?

The guy treats her nicely and they're in a committed relationship however he's not the affectionate type. She's "tried everything" too, good sex, keeping her figure super tight, etc.

My heart would've been broken.

FemmeFatale

Well, we all know that everyone is different, and everyone won't say or hear those three words. It's nothing she can try to get him to say it. It should come naturally, never forced. Why would she feel 'good sex and keeping her figure super tight' would do it? IMO, it's best to love and be loved before 'making love' (as I don't call it sex).

 

[LiftedUp]

I was in something like this and it did hurt.
I got the excuses ranging from: don't I show it, to I have to be sure or the simple you know I do. I can't do that again....
Something about saying it, makes you feel it even MORE!

I have only told one man in my entire relationship life that I loved him and it was only because he asked me after he said it .

It's just words to me. I prefer someone to 'say' they love me through their actions versus doing nothing but saying "I love you" a million times. Words are wind.

Everyone is different though.

 

[Fine 4s]

I vote for occasional I love yous and consistent actions OR multiple I love yous and consistent actions.

 

[ckisland]

First of all, any grown woman who is serious about finding a life partner shouldn't "date" anyone for over a year.

Secondly, one thing that I've learned is that a man will go after what he wants and say what he feels when he really cares.

You shouldn't have to sit around waiting over a year for a guy to tell you how he feels. Even if this guy comes around and says it eventually... meh... He already took too long. Who wants a lukewarm, mediocre relationship?

IMO, the RIGHT man will be head over heels for you. True love doesn't require guessing.

ITA with all of this, and especially the bold. People can try and make excuses all day long, but its BS. When a man is in love he knows that he's in love, and it doesn't take investigation to find that out. It's not a long, confusing process. It doesn't take long for a guy to figure out if he wants to marry you, let alone to know if he's in love. Even relationship studies and surveys back this up. Don't buy the bull

The guy I just met and started dating 3 weeks ago has already started playfully saying "I love you" . My ex gave me the "I love you" a month in, but he said it was love at first sight. My dad was trying to run my mom down the aisle within a year. My bestie's dad proposed to her mom after dating for a month or two, and they've been married for 30+ years.

 

[Lucie]

Fourteen months? Oh hayell nawwwww *in my best Maya voice*

I've received an, "I love you anywhere from 10 days - 3 months. Even if the man is shy/super alpha he will tell you. Yes, of course, he will show you but a man should be able to tell you he loves you before 2 seasons are complete.

Fourteen months? Oh no! Ca n'est fais pas!

 

[Brwnbeauti]

14 months is a long time. Is the guy one of those who doesn't express emotions at all? That's the only way I see nothing at that point.

 

[TayMac]

Have they talked about it? If not, they should.

 

[okange76]

When he knows, he will let you know. At least once in his lifetime he will utter those words and then spend the rest of the time showing you by his actions. If you have to question then I highly doubt he's there yet. Men fall hard and quick probably faster than women. They are just better at hiding it.

A little OT. I was reading a Nigerian News blog and an old school politician was talking about how he loves his wife. He had shown her all his life by his actions and she knew it. They'd been married about 40 yrs. One day he decided to tell her " I Love You" She was beyond shocked and her response was " Are you OK? Are you dying ?"

The moral of the story was to tell the men that actions are great but the words are just as important. If you love your woman, tell her and then show her. He proceeded to have the band play a very old love song and called his wife to the podium and danced the whole song.

 

[CarLiTa]

You can't rush feelings. If the sentiment isn't oozing out of him (you can tell) despite him not having said it, then he doesn't feel it. And I'd say that's more likely, after 14 entire months.

It's awkward to tell your partner: I'm leaving you because you haven't said that you love me during all this time That sucks to have to say.

 

[lux10023]

if he can fix his mouth to ask for some nookie he should be able to fix his mouth for an i love you---all this actions blah blah means nothing..

relationships thrive on communication and we live in a society where verbal communication is normal...

women excuse behavior to much.

he show sme he loves me my a****..umm no!!!

 

[FemmeFatale]

It's sad..she's working overtime to get those I love you words from him and that shouldn't be necessary or rather the foundation, chasing that is hurtful. He likes her and enjoys her company, he's also very respectful and nice but he's not passionate about her at all. Like at all guys.

The other day he told her that she's getting too skinny (she isn't, she looks damn good) and is losing her butt, she went into a full blown panic. This is something that I'd probably laugh off as it's not that serious. And I'm used to guys being upfront and passionate. Idk this just sounds heartbreaking to me.

 

[hopeful]

You can't rush feelings. If the sentiment isn't oozing out of him (you can tell) despite him not having said it, then he doesn't feel it. And I'd say that's more likely, after 14 entire months.

It's awkward to tell your partner: I'm leaving you because you haven't said that you love me during all this time That sucks to have to say.

I sure hope she never says those words out loud to him . He can't be bothered to say I love you, she shouldn't be bothered to explain anything to him.

It's sad..she's working overtime to get those I love you words from him and that shouldn't be necessary or rather the foundation, chasing that is hurtful. He likes her and enjoys her company, he's also very respectful and nice but he's not passionate about her at all. Like at all guys.

The other day he told her that she's getting too skinny (she isn't, she looks damn good) and is losing her butt, she went into a full blown panic. This is something that I'd probably laugh off as it's not that serious. And I'm used to guys being upfront and passionate. Idk this just sounds heartbreaking to me.

I agree that it is heartbreaking, really sad. She is pursuing him hard like she is a man, trying to prove herself to him. Ultimately, none of this is about him at all. It's about desperation, loneliness, and not truly loving herself or her own company. No woman should be having sex with any man who hasn't proven (and continues to prove) himself worthy. If she just wanted sex that would be fine I guess. But if you want love and commitment you have to have self-love and self-respect. I wish something could open up her eyes to her beauty and worthiness. She's needs a break from him and pile of all these books we talk about around here. She needs a serious girlfriend intervention. Hope she doesn't waste much more time on him.

 

[Fine 4s]

It's sad..she's working overtime to get those I love you words from him and that shouldn't be necessary or rather the foundation, chasing that is hurtful. He likes her and enjoys her company, he's also very respectful and nice but he's not passionate about her at all. Like at all guys. The other day he told her that she's getting too skinny (she isn't, she looks damn good) and is losing her butt, she went into a full blown panic. This is something that I'd probably laugh off as it's not that serious. And I'm used to guys being upfront and passionate. Idk this just sounds heartbreaking to me.

Yes, when someone is lacking passion towards another there is nothing I mean nothing you can do to ignite it. Some people just don't DO it for some and then you end up hearing "you're great on paper" smdh....

 

[CarLiTa]

I sure hope she never says those words out loud to him . He can't be bothered to say I love you, she shouldn't be bothered to explain anything to him.

No, I totally agree. I was just wondering when once she tells him the relationship is over and he asks why, what she could possibly say. Because telling him she's leaving him because he hasn't said that he loves her sounds sooo dreadful. In such a case, should she make up another reason? Or just say: I just don't feel this is working?

 

[sweetvi]

I sure hope she never says those words out loud to him . He can't be bothered to say I love you, she shouldn't be bothered to explain anything to him.

I agree that it is heartbreaking, really sad. She is pursuing him hard like she is a man, trying to prove herself to him. Ultimately, none of this is about him at all. It's about desperation, loneliness, and not truly loving herself or her own company. No woman should be having sex with any man who hasn't proven (and continues to prove) himself worthy. If she just wanted sex that would be fine I guess. But if you want love and commitment you have to have self-love and self-respect. I wish something could open up her eyes to her beauty and worthiness. She's needs a break from him and pile of all these books we talk about around here. She needs a serious girlfriend intervention. Hope she doesn't waste much more time on him.

I love Your insights hopeful

 

[CarLiTa]

I agree that this is about her because I don't see how him saying she's getting skinny should send her into a total frenzy. Hm. Or how keeping herself sexy should make him fall in love with her. That's not what love is inherently about.

People fall in love with how you make them feel (about themselves when they are with you). So I struggle to make the connection between her looking sexy and hoping to hear an "I love you," unless he's the type of guy who feels that having a hottie on his arms makes him feel like king of the world. Maybe he's not that type of person. And maybe she is using tricks used on previous men on this one and they aren't working.

 

[Duchesse]

Men are quick with declaring that they love you/want to be with ONLY you. Took some wasted heart energy on my part to finally figure that out. 14 months...nah son.

Also adding just words isn't enough either. I had a dude tell me he's in love with me like 20x but his actions never aligned .

 

[naturalmanenyc]

He hasn't told her because he doesn't love her. Nothing confusing at all. Love isn't about a tight figure, good sex or house keeping skills. She is wasting time with him. She is a placeholder while he looks for a wife.

 

[Fine 4s]

He hasn't told her because he doesn't love her. Nothing confusing at all. Love isn't about a tight figure, good sex or house keeping skills. She is waisting time with him. She is a placeholder while he looks for a wife.

Lmao!!!!!! I wrote a long post and I used the word placeholder but I think I deleted it because I was rambling.....let me see if I deleted for sure.
Wow! I'm sooooo feeling what you wrote. Very simple. naturalmanenyc