25 yrs dating, 2 kids and he marries someone else 5 weeks after walking out.

[SincerelyJane]

I don't know that England has anything like common marriage. And she said in the story she has no idea about his finances so she likely signed no papers to receive any sort of benefit or support from him.

She really really played herself on this one. The man could not have been more clear about never wanting to commit to her for good. Any man who is visibly upset at you inquiring about marriage does not see you as a part of his life long term

This. I wish he had just manned up and left her before. He just used her up until he got all he wanted from her. Terrible. I just hope she has the will to bounce back from this. She seems like a nice person.

 

[Cheleigh]

I'm confused about the story. She was with him for 25 years. Was she upset because he never married her and she wanted to be married? Was she upset because of the financial implications of losing out for not being married? Because otherwise, whether they were married or not, he still could have and would have left her after the kids were grown. The adult kids are in the same position whether the parents married or not. I think the tragedy of her story was her naivete - she doesn't seem to have anything in her own name and no financial position.

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[felic1]

Shacking is not worth it. Others?

 

[jennboo]

Wow, what a nightmare.

BostonMaria i agree with you 100% about the 'trap'...a woman believeing that a man will want to marry her if she has his child. It is a very ill-thought out and elementary line of thinking.

Please let these men develop a chance to adore you. I think a lot of women sometimes put the nail in the coffin on ANY potential love and commitment from a guy. We allow things to happen too quickly and it does not ignite the relationship in any positive way, it stifles and stresses it.

This configuration was doomed from the start.

 

[CoilyFields]

I feel bad for her.

Don't forget she got pregnant accidentally at first. I'm sure she thought that it was better to stay with her child's father than just up and leave. And as women we can be naive in believing that if man wants to have a kid with us (like he did with the second )that they are in it for the long haul. Unfortunately that isn't so.

 

[LovelyRo]

I feel bad for her but, she should have exercised her choice! I hate when women leave the decision making up to men like they don't have a choice in the matter!

 

[chocolat79]

I think he wasted his own time as well as hers - he should have left way earlier

Actually, he didn't waste any time at all. He got to be with someone who treated him like a husband without ANY husband commitment and he got to walk away scot-free and be with who he REALLY wanted to be with (obviously). He walked away without ANY commitment because the kids are grown. She's the only one who wasted her time and energy.

ETA: I do feel sorry her even though she's made some TERRIBLE decisions that she'll definitely have to left with. Also, he's a jerk and he'll get his.

 

[GraceJones]

Well, I think he did believe in marriage. I mean he married someone right after he left her. He just didn't believe in it with her! lol

He's a jerk though. He just stayed for the children

 

[prettynatural]

I feel sorry for her. That sucks. She should have seen the signs but I know it would if been too hard for her and as for him he lost out on a relationship with his children. I'd do the same thing if I were them. He was selfish and chose his happiness over his families. He should have married her and stayed with her and sucked it up and delt with it.

I hope he burns in hell. How incredibly selfish this man was knowing did not love her and keep her in his life to fulfill his emotional needs. He could have left her 24 years ago if he cared for her just a little.

I hope she finds peace. She should have not believed in his words but look at his actions. He told her that he didn't want marriage and did make plans for her. He did the usual bull of saying the sweet things to keep the hope there.

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[TayMac]

She was probably one of those "marriage is just a piece of paper" type.

I doubt it. Looks like she wanted to be married but didn't heed the signs that he wasn't the one.

 

[PrissandPrim]

Question...would any of you ladies marry a guy who did something like this? Would you feel secure in the relationship?
It's obvious the woman made gross errors in this situation but what is to be said about a man who does something like this...is it really all the woman's fault?

 

[DarkJoy]

Thing is, he raised his own children too. How could he just screw them over like this as well? It's just like he gave a big *** YOU to his entire life and children. Wow.

However, it is not unusual for men to check out of a marriage once the children are grown. The difference is at least the wives have some financial support when they do.

 

[DarkJoy]

He wouldn’t deny cheating on her — ‘Maybe I did, I don’t know’ — but declined to say, if so, how long he had been unfaithful for.

His reason for refusing to marry Jackie was crushingly simple: ‘Maybe I wasn’t ready emotionally, and maybe I wasn’t as in love with her as she was with me.’

He was also cheating on her the whole time and even when she asked, he cowardly said he was NOT with another woman. I bet he's been with the OW for quite some time and just didnt meet and up and marry her after knowing her 5 measely weeks.

I think that's wheere women get in wrong here many times. It SEEMS like dude up and left you and married a new woman after 2 months. Truth be told, he probably been creeping with her for months or more.

 

[FemmeCreole]

Sad story and I feel sorry for her but ain't no way I would stay with a man 3 years let alone 25 years without marriage.

 

[okange76]

He was also cheating on her the whole time and even when she asked, he cowardly said he was NOT with another woman. I bet he's been with the OW for quite some time and just didnt meet and up and marry her after knowing her 5 measely weeks.

I think that's wheere women get in wrong here many times. It SEEMS like dude up and left you and married a new woman after 2 months. Truth be told, he probably been creeping with her for months or more.

True, but I can guarantee you he probably knew her way less than 25 yrs. I wouldn't be surprised if it was 1 or 2 yrs.

 

[DarkJoy]

True, but I can guarantee you he probably knew her way less than 25 yrs. I wouldn't be surprised if it was 1 or 2 yrs.

Well yeah @okange76. She was just kinda....dumb. I also bet that this new wife was not his first, second, or even tenth affair.

Ole girl really played herself...

 

[MzLady78]

Truth be told, he probably been creeping with her for months or more.

I always say this to women who post in here about breaking up with a dude and he has a new chick 5 minutes later. She didn't appear out of thin air.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

How many times did the man have to tell her that he doesn't want to marry her for her to get the picture? I can't really feel all that sorry for her. It's not like he lied to her and led her to believe they'd ever get married. Who sticks around for 25 years in a situation like that? And brings kids into it? IMO, they were both selfish in that respect.

The problem I have is that he wasn't honest with her. He never said he didn't want to marry HER. He talked about how all his friends' relationships worsened after getting married and how marriage changes things. She should have paid attention to the signs and made better provisions for herself financially but its hard for me to put all the blame on her when there are people like Oprah, Goldie Hawn, and others who spend entire lifetimes with the same person and never get married. Before anyone starts, I know that those women have their own money but the argument against marriage is always the same yet it works for some to never marry while others get screwed. Its just a sad situation.

If I were the husband, I'd give her something just to maintain a relationship with the kids. They'll be salty about the relationship ending but as adults they can comprehend that. Leaving mom with no resources after she's given you the best years of her life is what makes him look like a real arse. I can see why they want nothing to do with him.

Question...would any of you ladies marry a guy who did something like this? Would you feel secure in the relationship?
It's obvious the woman made gross errors in this situation but what is to be said about a man who does something like this...is it really all the woman's fault?

The sad truth is that the woman he married probably doesn't know half the story and will only find out the rest from the kids if they ever establish contact or from a couple of "friends" that recognize how he played Jackie. Most women wouldn't go after a man like that but I'm sure he presented himself as an established bachelor (he was unmarried) with 2 adult children. He surely downplayed his relationship with their mother. He may have even had a separate apartment.

 

[DarkJoy]

I always say this to women who post in here about breaking up with a dude and he has a new chick 5 minutes later. She didn't appear out of thin air.

Right. It's like folks always only see what's in front of them and can't comprehend that MAYBE dude was either cheating with that woman for months or years....or worse THEY were the long term side piece till dude.got it together with the main woman. In this case tho, the sitch was the former surely

And in this case it's the same even with the title married 5 weeks later. Please. I bet the whole time he was seeing the ow, she didn't know she was the side piece WHICH IS WHY HE RUINED IT WITH HIS KIDS so they wouldn't spill the beans. Bastid.

____________
*.~.*Sent from a distant Galaxy in the Unicorn-verse*.~.*

 

[faithVA]

I have a hard time feeling sorry for her. Most of the time when people are taken for a ride, when you hear the full story you see where they hopped on the moving train, going to a place they didn't want to go and held on for dear life. Then when they end up where they don't want to be, they blame the driver. No matter what he said or didn't say, it is what she said to herself to keep herself in that relationship that was the problem. She knew early on he didn't want to marry her but she kept going with the relationship.

 

[okange76]

I wonder about the other woman he married. I believe when you are dating someone seriously enough to consider marrying them, you have at least visited him and know where he lives, met his family, met his friends etc.

Did he have a separate residence somewhere or did she know girlfriend existed and was ok with him coming to her house? If so, she will lose him how she got him. If he cheated with you, how sure are you he won't cheat on you? She will be on edge for the rest of her life because she knows his capabilities.

 

[PrissandPrim]

I don't feel sorry for the woman but at the same time I don't think the man should just get off scott free...he is a selfish coward...imo.

 

[MzLady78]

I don't feel sorry for the woman but at the same time I don't think the man should just get off scott free...he is a selfish coward...imo.

It sucks, but really, what exactly can you do to him at this point to "make him pay" you know?

 

[jeanghrey]

I think if people decide to move in without marriage there should definitely be a "cohabitaion agreement" in place to avoid this sort of scenario...

 

[ambergirl]

Mistake #1: the so-called contraception failure only months into the relationship resulting in forcing the man into parenthood.

Mistake #2: the planned pregnancy of another child without agreement on marriage since that's really what she wanted from the get go.

Mistake #3: believing that time and kids would make this man change his mind about wanting to marry her.

Basically she tried to trap him. Even if he was leaning towards exploring marriage no one wants to feel manipulated or forced. He decided to stick it out with her until the kids were grown, and then he left when he found someone he really wanted to marry.

To me the bottom line is if a woman is having kids with a man and he's not talking marriage, it's almost always because he doesn't see her as the wife, not that he doesn't believe in marriage.

 

[MizAvalon]

I have a hard time feeling sorry for her. Most of the time when people are taken for a ride, when you hear the full story you see where they hopped on the moving train, going to a place they didn't want to go and held on for dear life. Then when they end up where they don't want to be, they blame the driver. No matter what he said or didn't say, it is what she said to herself to keep herself in that relationship that was the problem. She knew early on he didn't want to marry her but she kept going with the relationship.

And there you have it. Just seems like he was never really in love with her. He stuck it out for the kids and then bolted when they were grown, not unlike many married men do.

And maybe he really did mean what he said about not wanting to get married at the time he said it. The last time she broached the subject with him was when the first child was 5 years old. 25 years is a very long time to change your mind about marriage. He met a woman that he wanted to do it with and he did. Shame for Jackie that it wasn't her.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I have a hard time feeling sorry for her. Most of the time when people are taken for a ride, when you hear the full story you see where they hopped on the moving train, going to a place they didn't want to go and held on for dear life. Then when they end up where they don't want to be, they blame the driver. No matter what he said or didn't say, it is what she said to herself to keep herself in that relationship that was the problem. She knew early on he didn't want to marry her but she kept going with the relationship.

I agree with all of this, but I do feel sorry for her. She has to start all over with out even a roof over her head at a time when most people are gearing up for retirement.

 

[caribeandiva]

i hope she works on herself before getting into another relationship.

 

[biancaelyse]

Where is Gloria Allred when you need her?

Seriously, as a woman, you don't want to be in a relationship where you love the other person more than they love you or more than you love yourself.

This woman let herself be taken advantage of. She loved him more than he loved her and he knew it. He was keeping his options open by not marrying her. He had the best of both worlds; he had the nice family, all of the benefits of being married without any of the legal obligations.

Now that he has met someone that he really wants, he is willing to commit. I bet he loves the new wife more than the new wife loves him and this time, he will get played.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

The problem was she never had any self-esteem. You can tell from the language she uses in describing the beginning of their relationship. He knew that and took advantage of it--to the max. When she started having his children it was all over. She shouldn't have moved in with him.

He is a first-class arse for treating her like that. He'll get his. Karma is real.

This is why I do not believe in living with a man before marriage nor in having children before marriage.