confront or let slide? what would you do?

[stormy07]

hey ya'll since I had asked for advice before and I got truthful answers, I promised my sister, well she's not really my sister but my best friend, anyhoo that I would ask this question.

Ok my sister had been dating this guy for about 4 months after them being close friends for 1.5 years well they broke up a couple weeks ago cuz my sister is dealing with some family issues and he is dealing with some work/family issues and she coudln't deal with his ups and downs right then cuz he was being pretty selfish...they decided that they would stay good friends for now til they both get their issues straightened out...

fast foward to saturday he invited her over to play video games...she noticed a mushy valentines day card sitting right out front...she said she jokingly asked him where was her's? (they had broken up right b4 v-day but she gave him his card right after v-day) he said that it was close to him at all times in his bookbag and that the card that was out was from his mom cuz he mom knows how much he hates v-day and she just does little stuff like that..but then he gets up and puts the card in a dresser drawer...

well my sis found that odd and when he went to the bathroom she took a peak at the card and it was signed from your future wife amanda but she didn't have time to read the whole card...so when he came back out she said she tried to find out what his moms first name was....he wouldn't tell her...so she asked if there was 'any one else' he said no but that he would tell her if there was....

to me when she told me about that card it seems really fishy to me that it wouldn't be from his mom.....but then again i do know his mom and she is a bit loopy but i still say that's above and beyond and just creepy....

my sister wants to confront him about the card more so than she did specifically she wants to ask about 'amanda' I told her she should confront him because he was acting so suispiciously....if you were in her shoes what would you do?

 

[lexi08]

Well if it were me I would just leave the guy alone. I just don't have the patience for a guy that may have feelings for someone else. I'm just too old for that. Now in my 20's I would have probably confronted the guy. If she does, he is probably not going to tell her the truth anyway. You just live and learn.

 

[mrsjohnson75]

Yes, she should ask him about it. He is obviously hiding something. Most likely cheating with the Amanda girl. No matter how loopy his mom is she would not sign the card "your future wife". I agree ...he will probably lie no matter what and she needs to move on.

 

[envybeauty]

Well if it were me I would just leave the guy alone. I just don't have the patience for a guy that may have feelings for someone else. I'm just too old for that. Now in my 20's I would have probably confronted the guy. If she does, he is probably not going to tell her the truth anyway. You just live and learn.

True. Leave him alone but hard to tell that to young people nowadays. They are obviously young from the video game play date and the bookbags. I haven't done that in years!

She should just know that he lied to her and he is not forthcoming with her. Why waste breath confronting the person? It will not solve anything.

Amanda is not his momma...and neither is sistafriend. So she should drop him altogether.

 

[GodsPromises]

If they are not together why worry about it. She knows what he is about. She should just move on and not look back.

He is trying to have his cake and eat it too.

 

[MochaSilk]

From what your sister read in that card, he wasn't truthful about why he wanted to end things. He wants to keep her emotionally attached and not date anyone else. Men have been known to play that game. Reading "From Your Future Wife Amanda" should be enough of a clue as to his current activities - nobody's mama signs a card like that, or not.

Better your sister be on this end of the equation than his "Future Wife." What do you think he told her how he spent his Saturday night?

Should she confront him about it? Yes, just to get confirmation that he's seeing someone named "Amanda" so she can move on. It doesn't seem like he'll be honest about it, though. Actions + Evidence speak louder than words.

 

[stormy07]

From what your sister read in that card, he wasn't truthful about why he wanted to end things. He wants to keep her emotionally attached and not date anyone else. Men have been known to play that game. Reading "From Your Future Wife Amanda" should be enough of a clue as to his current activities - nobody's mama signs a card like that, or not.

Better your sister be on this end of the equation than his "Future Wife." What do you think he told her how he spent his Saturday night?

Should she confront him about it? Yes, just to get confirmation that he's seeing someone named "Amanda" so she can move on. It doesn't seem like he'll be honest about it, though. Actions + Evidence speak louder than words.

(to bolded) that's what i told her, cuz believe me I've gotten burned enough myself by words...but as far as she told me she was with him all saturday nite....and she claims she did ask him if there was anyone else and he said no...I think the main thing is she wants to avoid conflict. which I can totally understand...I told her she should just walk away but she says she's vested? /invested too much emotionally at this point....and if it werent for that card she would have thought things were going good cuz he was being attentive to her again....

 

[MochaSilk]

[/b](to bolded) that's what i told her, cuz believe me I've gotten burned enough myself by words...but as far as she told me she was with him all saturday nite....and she claims she did ask him if there was anyone else and he said no...I think the main thing is she wants to avoid conflict. which I can totally understand...I told her she should just walk away but she says she's vested? /invested too much emotionally at this point....and if it werent for that card she would have thought things were going good cuz he was being attentive to her again....

Oh, no, it seems she's set herself up to learn the same lesson as you (and 90% of us women)... words vs. actions. All you can do in that case is be ready with a box of tissue and hugs. Like my mama always said, "The best lesson is a bought lesson." <-- usually said to me when I wouldn't heed her advice.

He was being attentive to her because he's no longer emotionally invested in her. ETA: ...along the same lines as a spouse treating the sidepiece better than the wife/husband. All they have to do is play nice and the sidepiece is happy. No expectations.

 

[stormy07]

Oh, no, it seems she's set herself up to learn the same lesson as you (and 90% of us women)... words vs. actions. All you can do in that case is be ready with a box of tissue and hugs. Like my mama always said, "The best lesson is a bought lesson." <-- usually said to me when I wouldn't heed her advice.

He was being attentive to her because he's no longer emotionally invested in her. ETA: ...along the same lines as a spouse treating the sidepiece better than the wife/husband. All they have to do is play nice and the sidepiece is happy. No expectations.

wow never thought of it that way.... she better just cut her losses now

 

[Farida]

They broke up, didn't they? In that case leave him be. Who cares who he is with? It won't serve any purpose. I always say to myself, before I ask ANY question - what is the benefit of asking it?

If she is thinking of getting back with him I would highly discourage it. He doesn't seem truthful, and any couple that needs to break up to handle family issues shouldn't be together in the first place. It just seems like an all-around unhealthy situation.

Tell her to let him and it go, and if she slept with him, to get tested.

 

[syze6]

has she invested 4 months or 4 years? Four months doesn't seem like a long time but I guess it's different for everyone. He sounds like he wanted space to date this girl and the fact that he snatched the card so quickly and hid it says he's on some BS.

Men sure lie quickly...the whole mom story was so lame. If it was from mom it would have read love mom. He is so silly and she needs to get out while she can. Four months isn't really a long time. He thought enough of Amanda to display her card at his home. He is trying to play both sides of the fence.

 

[drasgrl]

Let it slide. She has all the proof right there. Let is slide and don't ever go to his place or talk about getting back together. If she wants to be friends and she'd not over him completely it will only make her miserable. I say cut him off and if he asks what's the problem tell him to go ask Amanda.

 

[Caramela]

Let it slide. She has all the proof right there. Let is slide and don't ever go to his place or talk about getting back together. If she wants to be friends and she'd not over him completely it will only make her miserable. I say cut him off and if he asks what's the problem tell him to go ask Amanda.

Confronting him about the card doesn't change who it's from and how it's signed. C'mon, it's not from his mother. Your sister can't possibly believe that.

 

[MochaSilk]

Let it slide. She has all the proof right there. Let is slide and don't ever go to his place or talk about getting back together. If she wants to be friends and she'd not over him completely it will only make her miserable. I say cut him off and if he asks what's the problem tell him to go ask Amanda.

Yep Yep...

 

[treybaby2005]

Let it slide. She has all the proof right there. Let is slide and don't ever go to his place or talk about getting back together. If she wants to be friends and she'd not over him completely it will only make her miserable. I say cut him off and if he asks what's the problem tell him to go ask Amanda.

Exactly!Family problems my butt!Men always have some excuse for anything don't they?We just have to learn how to read between the lines!

 

[frizzy]

I woulda waited 'til he went in the bathroom, got the card from the drawer, took it back to the living room and put it back wherever it was when I got there. Read it of course, and let him do all the talking to explain when he noticed it back in the original place. I wouldn't have left his house with any questions.

 

[stinastina]

I would just let it go. If she were to confront him, the next thing you know, he will be accusing her of invading his privacy (he did put it in the drawer, btw). Then he could flip the script on her like men do and be mad at her !

 

[ThickHair]

hey ya'll since I had asked for advice before and
well my sis found that odd and when he went to the bathroom she took a peak at the card and it was signed from your future wife amanda but she didn't have time to read the whole card...so when he came back out she said she tried to find out what his moms first name was....he wouldn't tell her...so she asked if there was 'any one else' he said no but that he would tell her if there was....

She has her answer why stick around, Amanda is in and she is out.

 

[stormy07]

I woulda waited 'til he went in the bathroom, got the card from the drawer, took it back to the living room and put it back wherever it was when I got there. Read it of course, and let him do all the talking to explain when he noticed it back in the original place. I wouldn't have left his house with any questions.

see I woulda done that....but ky went over to his house last nite and talked to him....she confronted him about who amanda was...he said a childhood friend from another state....they had made a 'childhood promise' that if they weren't maried by the time they were 35 that they would get married...he 'supposedly' doesn't believe this will happen but it's an inside joke that she signed the card like that I'm not buying it...cuz there's still oh I dunno that little fact that he LIED to her and he had some lame ass excuse why....ky said he showed her her card in his bookbag....but hey he could have just put that in before she got there, yeah I do know dude carries his bookbag with him to work cuz I saw him a couple times (he works at the hospital that I used to cut thru to get to the dentist) she still wants to give him another chance...cuz she does believe he's telling the truth now....I told her to run now cuz if lied about something as stupid as a card what else is he gonna lie about? but I dunno dude like that and ky is hard headed as hell...so lemme pull up the kleenex and

 

[GeorginaSparks]

see I woulda done that....but ky went over to his house last nite and talked to him....she confronted him about who amanda was...he said a childhood friend from another state....they had made a 'childhood promise' that if they weren't maried by the time they were 35 that they would get married...he 'supposedly' doesn't believe this will happen but it's an inside joke that she signed the card like that I'm not buying it...cuz there's still oh I dunno that little fact that he LIED to her and he had some lame ass excuse why....ky said he showed her her card in his bookbag....but hey he could have just put that in before she got there, yeah I do know dude carries his bookbag with him to work cuz I saw him a couple times (he works at the hospital that I used to cut thru to get to the dentist) she still wants to give him another chance...cuz she does believe he's telling the truth now....I told her to run now cuz if lied about something as stupid as a card what else is he gonna lie about? but I dunno dude like that and ky is hard headed as hell...so lemme pull up the kleenex and

THAT MAN IS A LIAR!!!!

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I'd leave it alone...

Cause you know what? She NEEDS this. WE gotta have that major heartbreak to teach us a lesson. I can't get mad at her, cause I've been in her shoes before. Ignoring the signs and letting a man take me for a ride, just so he can drop me off, be in another chick's face the next day, and act like nothing happened. But I've learned from that. Now is the best time for her to learn the truth about men.

If a man claims he needs a breakup to deal with his "issues", but he wants to still chill with you during that time...he's playing you. Like another poster said, he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Just be ready for when it goes down, I see you have the Kleenex ready.