can i change the way he dress?

temptressparadise

temptressparadise

Active Member
this guy that i am seeing lately is a very nice guy.. treats me very well and respests my opinion like no other and he is very hard working...when we met i really didn't think i would go out with a guy like him..though he's decent looking but he is a little shorter side than the guys am used to goin out with,,plus he has dreds that he been growing out for 12 years..long story short he was pretty presistent and patience with me so i am giving him a chance....he lives in brooklyn and i live on long island although i have a car i don't feel the need to make the trip solely because he does'nt drive. so he offer to move to queens to make it a little more closer for me..well with all this said he just have one little problem i can not let go, the way he dress..he dresses like the little 19 year old boys on the street...everything he wears is too baggy ...i just can not deal with that...and to conclude he is 30years old..what do you guys thing am i asking for too much here?
 
Sometimes men learn to dress better by being in the company of men who dress well. It's a risk, but I would suggest introducing him to circles with well dressed men. He will likely eventually want to step his game up.
 
I don't think that you're being unreasonable b/c I HATE baggy clothes. I like a guy with some street swag but his clothes need to fit. IMO, baggy=sloppy=not cute. I honestly probably would not have been attracted to him enough to begin dating him, based on your description of how he dresses. But anywho, that may not be fair and I think it's nice that you are giving him a chance. You said that the two of you are seeing each other, meaning not officially a couple or exclusive? Idk, I kinda think because of that if you bring up the topic you would have to approach it gently because if things are new he may not be as receptive to the criticsm. If it was a different stage in the relationship I would suggest going shopping with him, pointing out nice styles, or even having a discussion about it. I don't know though...maybe some of the other ladies will have some advice.
 
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aisha831 said:
this guy that i am seeing lately is a very nice guy.. treats me very well and respests my opinion like no other and he is very hard working...when we met i really didn't think i would go out with a guy like him..though he's decent looking but he is a little shorter side than the guys am used to goin out with,,plus he has dreds that he been growing out for 12 years..long story short he was pretty presistent and patience with me so i am giving him a chance....he lives in brooklyn and i live on long island although i have a car i don't feel the need to make the trip solely because he does'nt drive. so he offer to move to queens to make it a little more closer for me..well with all this said he just have one little problem i can not let go, the way he dress..he dresses like the little 19 year old boys on the street...everything he wears is too baggy ...i just can not deal with that...and to conclude he is 30years old..what do you guys thing am i asking for too much here?
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Yes & No, in a way...

I think that you should have established that before you started dating him. You should have told him how you felt about guys wearing their clothes like that.

Now that you are in a relationship, it's going to be kindof hard to convince him of changing that one lil problem. He's going to tell you, I was wearing baggy clothes when you met me!!!

I suggest you sit down and speak with him though, before things get too deep, if this really bothers you that much. You never know what he may say.

If he really loves and care for your feelings, about this, then he will make that lil problem disappear.:yep:

ITA: W/ SweetNic
Sometimes men learn to dress better by being in the company of men who dress well. It's a risk, but I would suggest introducing him to circles with well dressed men. He will likely eventually want to step his game up.
 
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aisha831 said:
this guy that i am seeing lately is a very nice guy.. treats me very well and respests my opinion like no other and he is very hard working...when we met i really didn't think i would go out with a guy like him..though he's decent looking but he is a little shorter side than the guys am used to goin out with,,plus he has dreds that he been growing out for 12 years..long story short he was pretty presistent and patience with me so i am giving him a chance....he lives in brooklyn and i live on long island although i have a car i don't feel the need to make the trip solely because he does'nt drive. so he offer to move to queens to make it a little more closer for me..well with all this said he just have one little problem i can not let go, the way he dress..he dresses like the little 19 year old boys on the street...everything he wears is too baggy ...i just can not deal with that...and to conclude he is 30years old..what do you guys thing am i asking for too much here?
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Please, do not fix a man up unless he is truly yours..leave him the way he is. Once you are in a really committed relationship, ring on finger, wedding set then get to fixing....too many women fix up a man to have him walk away to someone else..tolerate it if you can for now. Either way, do what suits you.
 
thanks for all the replies ladies.... i just have to find a way to state how i feel about his choice of style without making him feel insecure in any way..i'm sure we'll be able to come to a compromise at the end of the day...as far as i know he is a very open guy and he loves when i show interested in his life..i asked my brothers and guy cousins about this situation and they all said that it all denpend on how i appproach the situation...and they all said that if he is really that into me he will value my opionion as a positive influence and not the other way around ...because men in general believe women come into their live to enchance those little detail men generally don't give a sh*t about...lol
 
He seems like a nice guy that is willing to work with you. If the clothing really bothers you, I would suggest you say something like how sexy and hot you think he would look with better fitting clothing. Perhaps next time he wants to buy clothes, you might come along to make suggestions and have him trying on better fitting clothes, and admire how he looks in them. Or buy him a couple of better clothes and just drool over him while he is wearing them. That will do it. :lol:

If that doesn't do it, then, I don't know what I would do. I can't date someone whose outfits really turn me off, but that's just me. Maybe I am just shallow...:blush:
 
aisha831 said:
thanks for all the replies ladies.... i just have to find a way to state how i feel about his choice of style without making him feel insecure in any way..i'm sure we'll be able to come to a compromise at the end of the day...as far as i know he is a very open guy and he loves when i show interested in his life..i asked my brothers and guy cousins about this situation and they all said that it all denpend on how i appproach the situation...and they all said that if he is really that into me he will value my opionion as a positive influence and not the other way around ...because men in general believe women come into their live to enchance those little detail men generally don't give a sh*t about...lol
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That sounds very good. :yep:
 
You can change him if you are patient. Do do not be rude about it. Tell him what you think would look sexy on him. I changed my SO's style. When we went shopping together I would point things out. He had the baggy habit too. Now he is just yum. I have a thing for conservative men and I told him what I grew up around. He even had earings. He has not worn those in 2 years. I don't even remember the last time he bought sneakers. :grin::grin:. Just be kind and patient.
 
I say wait until you are exclusive, if you aren't. That way it is easier. If you turned the tables, would you be more susceptible to your bf saying he doesn't like your dress or some guy you just met? I've tried it both ways and I learned to wait.
 
Sure you can, if you buy all his clothes and throw out the old ones. Whether he will allow it is another question.
 
BrooklynSouth said:
Please, do not fix a man up unless he is truly yours..leave him the way he is. Once you are in a really committed relationship, ring on finger, wedding set then get to fixing....too many women fix up a man to have him walk away to someone else..tolerate it if you can for now. Either way, do what suits you.
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I am right here on this situation. You may wanna switch your focus especially now that you know he respects your opinion anyway and he is interested enough to move to another Borough for you. Sounds like you have more than enough for now. I agree with SN, let him gradually see it for himself instead of saying something. He is only 30, his time is just around the corner for mature dress.
 
aisha831 said:
this guy that i am seeing lately is a very nice guy.. treats me very well and respests my opinion like no other and he is very hard working...when we met i really didn't think i would go out with a guy like him..though he's decent looking but he is a little shorter side than the guys am used to goin out with,,plus he has dreds that he been growing out for 12 years..long story short he was pretty presistent and patience with me so i am giving him a chance....he lives in brooklyn and i live on long island although i have a car i don't feel the need to make the trip solely because he does'nt drive. so he offer to move to queens to make it a little more closer for me..well with all this said he just have one little problem i can not let go, the way he dress..he dresses like the little 19 year old boys on the street...everything he wears is too baggy ...i just can not deal with that...and to conclude he is 30years old..what do you guys thing am i asking for too much here?
Click to expand...

Girl, I went through this same thing with my boo, but he's much younger than 30, but still too old to be dressing like a high schooler. It didnt take much to show him the way he dressed was a bit rediculous. He noticed how I carried myself and how sofisticated I dressed and that made him want to match my swag.

We'd go to fancy restaurants and he would wear Air Force one's and white tees....c'mon. :nono: I think he started looking around at the other guys and realized it was time to grow up. Plus I held nothing back when telling him he looked a fool. :lachen: He's good now...and it only took him a couple of months.

I think changing the way a man dresses or his overrall outward appearance is one of the only things thats okay to "change" on a man. But dont expect to change anything about someone unless they want to change for themselves.
 
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lexi84 said:
Girl, I went through this same thing with my boo, but he's much younger than 30, but still too old to be dressing like a high schooler. It didnt take much to show him the way he dressed was a bit rediculous. He noticed how I carried myself and how sofisticated I dressed and that made him want to match my swag.

We'd go to fancy restaurants and he would wear Air Force one's and white tees....c'mon. :nono: I think he started looking around at the other guys and realized it was time to grow up. Plus I held nothing back when telling him he looked a fool. :lachen: He's good now...and it only took him a couple of months.

I think changing the way a man dresses or his overrall outward appearance is one of the only things thats okay to "change" on a man. But dont expect to change anything about someone unless they want to change for themselves.
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Good idea. Lead by example.
 
i certainly do. trust me if i didn't i wouldn't have the nerve to want impose on his lack of style..i must say i am very blunt girl and the main reason why i haven't been upfront about it from the start is because i never saw a future to the whole situation..but he's been doin alot to really change my mind...we are still in the three month phase..
 
To me the way a man dresses and his physical style is a major part of the physical attraction package. I wouldn't want to mess around with that. If it's not right, it's not right.
 
Lots of good advice here. It's tricky because you DID give him the time of day in spite of his style, but I believe something can be done. I agree with the ladies who advised you against trying to do an overhaul on a man who isn't yours.

However, once you're in a committed relationship, the rules about this, IMO, change. If he's eager to please you then come from a place of positives. Discuss what you'd like to see him in while assuring him that you are not criticizing his current style.

And put your money where your mouth is. When I made over a previous BF, I bought him a few nice pieces to get him started. He really appreciated it and wore those pieces often in addition to developing his own (grown man) style with my help. Some men don't know because they haven't been taught how to go from boy to grown man. Being around a woman often helps them define their style.
 
Buy him an outfit for Christmas. When he wears it, stress how nice you think he looks. Maybe he'll get the point.
 
When DH and I were dating I told him flat out...everything outside of his suits had to go. he did NOT know how to dress leisurely!!!

He was kind of iffy about it, but I went to his house and went through the closets and bagged damn near everything up...he moaned about some things I was throwing out but oh well. I let him keep a few shirts, the jeans that didnt have huge Tommy Hillfiger or Rocawear and FUBU logos on them, all logo'd T-shirts, almost all of his sneakers and we hit the mall. It took me two weeks to get his wardrobe together, but now he has no choice but to look like he lives in this decade when we go out because he no longer has his clothes from the 80's and 90's. I can trust him to get dressed down alone. He also LIKES shopping now and picks out good stuff!

I would be harsh, blunt and take action....but thats just me. LOL

Maybe you should get some magazines and show him men dressed down but not looking street or casually mention some things to him about how you think he would look better in less baggy jeans and a nice long sleved polo or button up shirt.
 
Lboogie said:
When DH and I were dating I told him flat out...everything outside of his suits had to go. he did NOT know how to dress leisurely!!!

He was kind of iffy about it, but I went to his house and went through the closets and bagged damn near everything up...he moaned about some things I was throwing out but oh well. I let him keep a few shirts, the jeans that didnt have huge Tommy Hillfiger or Rocawear and FUBU logos on them, all logo'd T-shirts, almost all of his sneakers and we hit the mall. It took me two weeks to get his wardrobe together, but now he has no choice but to look like he lives in this decade when we go out because he no longer has his clothes from the 80's and 90's. I can trust him to get dressed down alone. He also LIKES shopping now and picks out good stuff!

I would be harsh, blunt and take action....but thats just me. LOL

Maybe you should get some magazines and show him men dressed down but not looking street or casually mention some things to him about how you think he would look better in less baggy jeans and a nice long sleved polo or button up shirt.
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:lol: I love this. You're fashionably gangsta. No shame in wanting a good man to look good too.
 
When a guy dresses like that over the age of 25 it looks like he's trying to hold on to his youth. I cant stand baggy clothes :nono:
 
Lboogie said:
When DH and I were dating I told him flat out...everything outside of his suits had to go. he did NOT know how to dress leisurely!!!

He was kind of iffy about it, but I went to his house and went through the closets and bagged damn near everything up...he moaned about some things I was throwing out but oh well. I let him keep a few shirts, the jeans that didnt have huge Tommy Hillfiger or Rocawear and FUBU logos on them, all logo'd T-shirts, almost all of his sneakers and we hit the mall. It took me two weeks to get his wardrobe together, but now he has no choice but to look like he lives in this decade when we go out because he no longer has his clothes from the 80's and 90's. I can trust him to get dressed down alone. He also LIKES shopping now and picks out good stuff!

I would be harsh, blunt and take action....but thats just me. LOL

Maybe you should get some magazines and show him men dressed down but not looking street or casually mention some things to him about how you think he would look better in less baggy jeans and a nice long sleved polo or button up shirt.
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Oh gawd not FUBU:nono::nono::nono::lachen::lachen:
 
BillsBackerz67 said:
When a guy dresses like that over the age of 25 it looks like he's trying to hold on to his youth. I cant stand baggy clothes :nono:
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DH didnt wear baggy clothes, he just wore ill-fitting out of date clothes. He wasnt a "shopper." At least not for casual clothes and none of the women he dated before cared I guess...they were his age so I guess they were homely looking themselves (he's 43). :lachen:

He wasnt trying to hold on to his youth, he just didnt know any better.

I think with alot of men, they dont like shopping and they don't know any better.

So a 30-40 year old man dressing tackily wearing FUBU....knows no better.

A 30-40 year old man "sagging" is having a crisis. LMAO.
 
No.

He can change the way he dresses. And you can help him realize that maybe a change is in order...but you can't change nothing.

Repeat after me: We can not change a man. A man has to WANT to change.
 
Cincysweetie said:
Right. My 62 year-old co-worker still dresses like that. Ugh.
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...I'm so glad rappers are going "geek" on us, because its only a matter of time before it trickles down (gang bangers and 50+ year old men still running around in FUBU track suits and gold rimmed glasses not withstanding).

White tees? :nono2:
White Air Force Ones as a "dressy" shoe? :nono2:
Jerseys when we're not going to a bar, sporting event or "low key" social event? :nono2:

...really, I'm trying to date a man - and I'd at least like him to look like one.
 
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