Black People have the Worst Kind of Hair...

[cutiebe2]

Then she tells me that I should be embarrassed to walk around with my Kinky hair b/c it looks and feels disgusting. According to her, Dark Skin Black people are the worst kind of people, and she cries just thinking about how Black her grandbaby's are going to be. Then she trys to convince my SO that he should find a Dominican girl to date, becase Black children are ugly (as she says this, she points at her 4 year old neice) ...That's when Luis gets into it with her...

Out of respect for my SO, I didn't say anything. I let him handle his mother, but I've been wanting to tell that ***** off for years!! I just let her go on her rant, while I braided his cousin's hair.

But my BLOOD WAS BOILING!!! Steam was coming out of my ears ya'll!
I don't know how I managed to stay calm, but if I ever have to be around that woman again...I don't know what I will say or do.

Anyway, I just needed to vent.

((((HUGS)))))
this is not surprising for Dominicans. Although the way she is handling the situation is extreme, many have some issue with color and hair... I know those on the island do not like natural hair, and it also plays into the whole Haitian-dominican issue

I would be most worried about how she would treat your future children

 

[phyl73]

I don't even know how to reply. It's so sad to see how racist she is. I was watching a Tyra show where within the Latino community, they rank themselves. You know like Argetineans consider themselves to be on top and he said that Mexcians and Dominicans were on the bottom. It's such a shame that she has such hate. She doesn't know what damage she is causing.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

And she is the reason that so many people elope.

There are tons of Domincan women who swear that African hair is just the worst but many of them have the SAME texture and they relax. My good friend is Puerto Rican & Dominican and she relaxes to get her hair straight. Her husband is Jewish & Italian but I guarantee you they could care less about the skin color or hair texture of their soon to be son.

I cannot believe that she spoke that way about you, your future children and her own grandchild. I hope the child does not spend much time with that woman? And the fact that she was gonna relax the baby's hair while her mom was out of town!!! She needs her butt kicked.

It's not the first time that I have heard something like this though. I had an experience a few weeks ago at a Dominican salon (attempt at trying out a new place) and was made to feel like my 20+ week, soft, curly new growth was 16 inches of kinky, coarse 4xyz hair. I left without having anything done.

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

*reads*

*blinks hard and read again*

Umm, WHAT??!!



I applaud you, I really do. I would have probably left there single.

It's one thing to feel a certain way but to say that about a child and make THEM feel a certain way? Hell no!

That is so terribly sad. I'll say a prayer for her cause that is all that can help an attitude like that.

My SO was pissed that I didn't say anything. He has always told me to stand up to his mother, but I keep thinking of what I'd do if he ever...EVER disrespected my mother. I don't care what she had done, I just wouldn't allow it. So I can't (even with his permission) allow myself to do it to him. He was holding me down though, I felt so

 

[cutiebe2]

Not only will she not be allowed around my kids, she isn't even invited to the Wedding (my SO's decision...he is angrier than me)

WOW.. I didn't read this before my most. I agree with this. Until she changes her tune you don't know what type of damage she could do to the emotional state of your marriage or your children

 

[bravenewgirl87]

Very disturbing indeed!!erplexed That situation would make me seriously rethink wanting to be a part of that family.

Ditto. Especially when the whole dang family feels that way. You CAN disown your fam if you really want to and hopefully he will do that for you... and for his own sanity.


Are these really white dominicans or do they have tinge-tinge of blackness in them?

 

[bravenewgirl87]

My SO was pissed that I didn't say anything. He has always told me to stand up to his mother, but I keep thinking of what I'd do if he ever...EVER disrespected my mother. I don't care what she had done, I just wouldn't allow it. So I can't (even with his permission) allow myself to do it to him. He was holding me down though, I felt so

I dunno girl... I've always liked you and you are a nice lady. i think you deserve better than this. Best of luck!

 

[trinigul]

Wish I could say I'm surprised to hear this.

I feel so sorry that this woman has so much access to that little girl. If I was her mother, I'd give her father (the woman's brother) a GOOD tongue lashing. I'm sure her castillian ideology is very well known w/in the family. Therefore, your MIL-to-be should have been the LAST person her brother should have trusted to care for his impressionable child.

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

And she is the reason that so many people elope.

There are tons of Domincan women who swear that African hair is just the worst but many of them have the SAME texture and they relax. My good friend is Puerto Rican & Dominican and she relaxes to get her hair straight. Her husband is Jewish & Italian but I guarantee you they could care less about the skin color or hair texture of their soon to be son.

I cannot believe that she spoke that way about you, your future children and her own grandchild. I hope the child does not spend much time with that woman?

It's not the first time that I have heard something like this though. I had an experience a few weeks ago at a Dominican salon (attempt at trying out a new place) and was made to feel like my 20+ week, soft, curly new growth was 16 inches of kinky, coarse 4xyz hair. I left without having anything done.

No, they live in New Jersey...His uncle rarely comes to Harlem, now I now why. He called me to apologize, He said that she got mad when Winnie (his wife) told her that she didn't want her doing her child's hair. That's why she was so pissed when I came over. I told his wife, so I know there is about to be some serious drama when she gets back from DC...

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

Ditto. Especially when the whole dang family feels that way. You CAN disown your fam if you really want to and hopefully he will do that for you... and for his own sanity.

For the past couple of years, he has seriously distanced himself from his mother, I didnt understand why, so I was pressuring him to spend more time with his family, he would get mad at me, but I didn't want him to lose his family b/c he was dating me. He has his own issues with his mother (outside of our relationship) that makes hims dislike her...So now I know to just leave well enough alone.

Are these really white dominicans or do they have tinge-tinge of blackness in them?

They have more than a tinge of blackness in them...their father is a Black dominican, if he didn't speak spanish you would think he was Black

Wish I could say I'm surprised to hear this.

I feel so sorry that this woman has so much access to that little girl. If I was her mother, I'd give her father (the woman's brother) a GOOD tongue lashing. I'm sure her castillian ideology is very well known w/in the family. Therefore, your MIL-to-be should have been the LAST person her brother should have trusted to care for his impressionable child.

He lives in Jersey, he just bought them to Harlem so I could braid her hair. I live in Brooklyn and my SO lives in Queens, he didn't want to travel that deep into the city, so he asked me to meet him over her house. Knowing her the way he does, he should have drove the extra 20 mins to Queens, but he was being lazy, now he's in just as much trouble with his wife as my soon to be MIL.

 

[CheLala13]

I'm a really sensitive person and I'm pretty sure I would've cursed her out all the while crying! That is so sad and ignorant and I hope that 4 yr old little girl never remembers her words. How sad.

 

[sharentu]

wow i agree with you i wouldnt want her anywhere near my children. that kind of negativity is definitely not wanted. it will be her lose for sure.

 

[PuffyBrown]

Wow, my heart fell when I read this. It is a shame that brown skinned people can be their own worst enemy.
I am curious, and I apologize if this was already mentioned but what kind of hair does she have?

 

[MA2010]

Ok, so I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly 8 years. When we initially started dating, his Dominican family didn't like me, but I just chalked it up to them not wanting him to get too serious too fast (which was completely understandable).

It never occurred to me that they (well, not his whole family, just his mother and his little brother) are SERIOUSLY RACIST. His mother dates Black men, but she refused to marry them or have Kids with any of them becasue she doesn't want a child with (and I quote) NASTY KINKY BAD HAIR

I didn't used to hang around his family often because they can be very obvious in their dislike of me, but since he proposed, I felt like I needed to mend bridges, so in the past year, I started attending family functions...etc.

Well, last night, his uncle (who IS married to a Black woman) begged me to do his Daughter's hair b/c his wife is out of town. So I get there, and my SO's mother was geared and ready to put a re.laxer in that poor (4 year old's) beautiful hair. Not only was she combing her DRY HAIR but she was using a fine toothed comb. There were globs and globs of hair on the floor.

After I managed to get the re.laxer out of her reach and Luis (his uncle) tells her to let me take over, she gets pissed and starts screaming about how a Re.laxer is the only way to tame BAD HAIR and how she wishes her brother wouldn't have married a Black woman becasue we have the WORST HAIR in the world.

Then she tells me that I should be embarrassed to walk around with my Kinky hair b/c it looks and feels disgusting. According to her, Dark Skin Black people are the worst kind of people, and she cries just thinking about how Black her grandbaby's are going to be. Then she trys to convince my SO that he should find a Dominican girl to date, becase Black children are ugly (as she says this, she points at her 4 year old neice) ...That's when Luis gets into it with her...

Out of respect for my SO, I didn't say anything. I let him handle his mother, but I've been wanting to tell that ***** off for years!! I just let her go on her rant, while I braided his cousin's hair.

But my BLOOD WAS BOILING!!! Steam was coming out of my ears ya'll!
I don't know how I managed to stay calm, but if I ever have to be around that woman again...I don't know what I will say or do.

Anyway, I just needed to vent.

Excuse me while I go VOMIT!!!

Why do people constantly downplay "kinky hair"???

At a lost for words.....FOR REAL!!!!

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

Wow, my heart fell when I read this. It is a shame that brown skinned people can be their own worst enemy.
I am curious, and I apologize if this was already mentioned but what kind of hair does she have?

She has curly 2 somthing hair...

 

[Kirei]

WOW! You have a great character and I commend you for keeping your cool and not acting "crazy" infront of the child, looks like her father handled it.

I know the popular response is "Curse her out!" I actually think you spoke volumes to her by not saying a word, I also think you catch more flies with honey than vinegar and your kindness is usually what convicts someone.

While she is talking about someone's "looks" being ugly she showed her ugly Character. She made a true fool of herslef that night and I am sure she left a ugly image of herself and that girl's mind, that is the worst punishment of all if you ask me.

 

[Duff]

this is just sooo sad to me! not only would she not be invited to the wedding (good decision SO!) but she would not know that I was pregnant, be at the hospital for the birth, or be around my child AT ALL!!!!! never! my childern would look at her like a stranger.

 

[cmw45]

Excuse me while I go VOMIT!!!

Why do people constantly downplay "kinky hair"???

At a lost for words.....FOR REAL!!!!

ITA. Why is the response my hair is not 5zsdcfeedfggg. Well, what if it was? Would she then have been justified in behaving the way she did? NO, she wouldn't.

 

[PuffyBrown]

She has curly 2 somthing hair...

Meaning that 1% + of that itsy bitsy black blood running though her veins. I feel sorry for her. You dont have to feel bad becuase she is the one suffering. Anytime someone hates you every frown they make, every grimace weakens their mind. She is suffering and lost. God is definately watching and listening. Dont worry about her. Some people are so damn ingnorant just ignore her and move on. When your back starts flowing down your back you can turn your damn back and maybe that example will help the little girl grow up holding her head up if you have that much contact with the family. I will pray for you and ask God to relieve you from feeling hurt from other peoples ignorance. May he take you on wings of eagles and make allow of your sorrow dissapear. God Bless..sweetie.

ps. just pray for her girl. really dont let it worry you. Dont get your blood pressure up on stupid stuff.

 

[michaela]

Awwww this is so sad!
Reading this made me want to Cry for the little girl!!! poor thing!
wait a min u said she had Curly type 2 hair and the grandmother wanted to put a relaxer on it??????

 

[naturalmanenyc]

No, they live in New Jersey...His uncle rarely comes to Harlem, now I now why. He called me to apologize, He said that she got mad when Winnie (his wife) told her that she didn't want her doing her child's hair. That's why she was so pissed when I came over. I told his wife, so I know there is about to be some serious drama when she gets back from DC...

Thank goodness for that distance. She is just hateful and all that over a type 2 hair. I cannot imagine if the baby had type 4 hair like mine. Evil woman!!!

 

[nicey]

All I can say is mmm, mmm, MMMHM! That's sad. If that isn't ignorance I don't know what is. I'm also at a loss for words. This scenario reminds me of this book called "Restavec" by Jean Cadet. You should read it. It's powerful.

 

[cupcakes]

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

What did your man say to his mother?

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

Awwww this is so sad!
Reading this made me want to Cry for the little girl!!! poor thing!
wait a min u said she had Curly type 2 hair and the grandmother wanted to put a relaxer on it??????

No, her aunt has type 2 something hair, the Winnie (4 year old) has 3c/4a hair that's longer than mine! Her hair was past shoulders with shrinkage!

 

[mj11051]

Girl you're better woman than I am, because when I got through her she would have been crying and I wouldn't have cussed her once. MY MIL and her sisters all have long relaxed hair and I went to pick his mother up with him in May and one of the sisters does hair and she asked me to let her do my hair. I said do what to it? Se replied you need a relaxer and I told no I don't my hair is naturally beautiful and that's not gonna change anytime soon. Ya shoulda since the look on her face, however she knew I meant business.

 

[Enchantmt]

Wow, I dont know what to think. I'm guess I'm just glad we arent going to have to pull together an LHCF bail out of fund or dispatch a team to help you dispose of the body. Tho we cant rule that out until after the the child's mother gets back...

So much for all the convos around here that say folx these days relax only for style options, and not conscious or unconscious self hate issues. Tho, I believe that is true for the majority, there are obviously folx still out there with issues. I'm glad you were able to save the lil girls hair. It sounds like her mother takes good care of it, from the length you gave.

BTW...when is her mom due back? Dont forget to keep us updated.

 

[PuddingPop]

What did your man say to his mother?

Thats exactly what I was thinking. Please, Please tell me he said something to her. If he didn't then your in for a world of trouble.

 

[ShiShiPooPoo]

That's a shame...it really is.

I wish God would wake people up like that to be black in the morning and have to spend the rest of their lives like that.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

I hope that lil girl didn't know what was going on, but little kids are smart these days. That could certaintly destroy her self esteem, and she's gonna need all that she can get hangin around that wench.