Birthday Gifts from SO

[blkbeauty]

Sunday I turned the wonderful 30 years old. Most of my friends either greeted me with a call, gift or email. My mother gave me a nice check and I went shopping. My sister bought me a laptop that I have been eyeing (I have to get her something big in return), my job gave me cake and icecream. My co-workers took me out for drinks, but my SO just took me to TGIF. I am happy that I got my $6.99 chicken finger meal with some fries to add to it. But I was quite disappointed, especially because for his birthday I gave him a pretty generous gift that he needed.

We have been together a little over a year so far things has been good, but it makes me wonder can the value of a gift show a person’s love for you. He told me countless stories about how he flourished his ex with gifts for birthday, Christmas, etc. so I am not sure how I feel about my $6.99 chicken finger dinner.

By the way, I have talked to him about it and he said that he thought that was all that I wanted! I like to eat, but come on!

Ladies, what are your intake on this?

 

[foxxymami]

Huh? Ok, I dont want to be the cause of you getting fired up. But, whats up with a chicken finger meal on your 30th birthday? Thats a milestone!

How did he do with gifts on yalls anniversary or for valentines day gift? Were those gifts a disappointment too?

 

[jturner7156]

Did he just loose a job or something?

 

[blkbeauty]

Huh? Ok, I dont want to be the cause of you getting fired up. But, whats up with a chicken finger meal on your 30th birthday? Thats a milestone!

How did he do with gifts on yalls anniversary or for valentines day gift? Were those gifts a disappointment too?

You know, we didn't even celebrate for Anniversary and for Valentines Day...same thing - A dinner at Ruby Tuesday from a gift card his sister gave him for Christmas. Doesn't that suck?

I can say this...when we do go out to eat or to the movies, which is often he pays. But I can't help to think how much money he had spent on his ex and my gifts are just mediocre.

Also, we go out to eat almost every weekend. I was waiting all day Sunday - like I had the chicken, now "where's the beef"?

 

[blkbeauty]

Did he just loose a job or something?

Heck No...infact he got a promotion 2 months ago.

 

[Browndilocks]

IMO - you need to tell him and tell it to him straight: NOT to be treating your birthday as some insignificant 6.99 meal. Not saying that he's a bad person but I firmly believe that this is one of those moments where you have to teach a person how to treat you. DO NOT let him get away with treating your birthday like a regular old Friday night. It is a significant event...YOUR significant event - and should be handled significantly! If he is not hurting for money and can actually put in a better effort for your special day, you need to make it clear to him that anything less is unacceptable!

You ain't gotta get me nothin for christmas, vday, whatever. But you ain't neva' bout to half-step on MY birthday bruh.

Some people really have to learn that.

 

[SouthernJewel]

My intake:

He would get the "cold shoulder" from me for a LONG time. TGIF's? C'mon! He was joking right?

 

[Caramela]

I think that was inconsiderate of him. Is this indicative of how he treats you overall? What about other holidays? Christmas? Valentines day? Sweetest Day?

 

[blkbeauty]

My intake:

He would get the "cold shoulder" from me for a LONG time. TGIF's? C'mon! He was joking right?

I know right, I thought he was joking too, until he was like "Are you ready, I'm hungry baby?"

 

[blkbeauty]

IMO - you need to tell him and tell it to him straight: NOT to be treating your birthday as some insignificant 6.99 meal. Not saying that he's a bad person but I firmly believe that this is one of those moments where you have to teach a person how to treat you. DO NOT let him get away with treating your birthday like a regular old Friday night. It is a significant event...YOUR significant event - and should be handled significantly! If he is not hurting for money and can actually put in a better effort for your special day, you need to make it clear to him that anything less is unacceptable!

You ain't gotta get me nothin for christmas, vday, whatever. But you ain't neva' bout to half-step on MY birthday bruh.

Some people really have to learn that.

I gave him the cold shoulder for the most part, but Sunday evening I just let it all hang out. Ofcourse he apologize, but this whole week I've been just cordial towards him. Not really intimate and my mind keeps questioning why would he just think that is all I wanted!

 

[foxxymami]

You know, we didn't even celebrate for Anniversary and for Valentines Day...same thing - A dinner at Ruby Tuesday from a gift card his sister gave him for Christmas. Doesn't that suck?

I can say this...when we do go out to eat or to the movies, which is often he pays. But I can't help to think how much money he had spent on his ex and my gifts are just mediocre.

Also, we go out to eat almost every weekend. I was waiting all day Sunday - like I had the chicken, now "where's the beef"?

oh ok thats what i figured. it sounds like an ex I had. he just did not care about doing that for me however i knew about how he was on beck and call with his gf before me. One valentine's day he didnt get anything for me. for my birthday we sat right in the living room looking up in each others face because he had no gift, no plans, nothing. i agree you should talk to him. Find out what kind of value he places on holidays and gift-giving. For some (men and women) those kinds of things arent important, but for me they are and I just dont know if I'd be able to deal with it if its like that for every holiday.

But if you think you can get past it, its fine. Most importantly, begin by really opening up to him about this.

 

[LivingDoll]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

I'm not understanding...HOW did y'all end up there? Did he surprise you? Did he ask where you wanted to go? Did y'all just hop in the car and end up there? You should have told him then. Um, NO. On top of the $6.99 chicken fingers, you didn't get a gift? No money in a card? Nothing?

Dude would be single right now. That's probably why I'm alone.

 

[SouthernJewel]

IMO - you need to tell him and tell it to him straight: NOT to be treating your birthday as some insignificant 6.99 meal. Not saying that he's a bad person but I firmly believe that this is one of those moments where you have to teach a person how to treat you. DO NOT let him get away with treating your birthday like a regular old Friday night. It is a significant event...YOUR significant event - and should be handled significantly! If he is not hurting for money and can actually put in a better effort for your special day, you need to make it clear to him that anything less is unacceptable!

You ain't gotta get me nothin for christmas, vday, whatever. But you ain't neva' bout to half-step in MY birthday bruh.

Some people really have to learn that.

I agree. But then again, as a grown man with previous experience with gift giving, he had some NERVE taking OP to TGIF's. He could've cooked her a special meal,atleast that showed effort. A chicken finger meal? Her 30th birthday?

 

[LivingDoll]

I agree. But then again, as a grown man with previous experience with gift giving, he had some NERVE taking OP to TGIF's. He could've cooked her a special meal,atleast that showed effort. A chicken finger meal? Her 30th birthday?

I agree with you...especially since she said she knows he showered his previous GF with gifts...I'm not shallow but c'mon.

 

[foxxymami]

I gave him the cold shoulder for the most part, but Sunday evening I just let it all hang out. Ofcourse he apologize, but this whole week I've been just cordial towards him. Not really intimate and my mind keeps questioning why would he just think that is all I wanted!

What kind of conclusions have your mind been leading you to?

 

[Browndilocks]

I gave him the cold shoulder for the most part, but Sunday evening I just let it all hang out. Ofcourse he apologize, but this whole week I've been just cordial towards him. Not really intimate and my mind keeps questioning why would he just think that is all I wanted!

And this is what I mean when I say you have to tell it to him straight. 30 is a BIG birthday. From the sound of things, he didn't even spend 30 dollars between the both of you at TGIF.

And that's right - what he spends DOES matter, I don't care what anyone says. I don't want to hear anything about love not costing a thing; especially when a dude is gainfully employed and receiving nice gifts himself. Bullcrap!

This is when you make him aware of or remind him of the things that you need & like, and the quality of what those things are. (EX: Don't be bring me no Jokeys dude, I wear Victoria Secret!)Remind him that you are worth the effort AND expense of whatever it costs for him to outwardly show that to you. If you like 50 cent carnations, he could have gotten you 30 of those in your favorite color. I'm talking Thoughtfulness. If you get regular mani/pedis at the salon, he could have paid to get you upgraded for a deluxe treatment.

It's the quality of the thought that counts...

Outward gestures and little things that show care and effort mean alot. It's those little disappointments that build anamosity in a relationship. Do not allow him to get away with treating YOUR birthday as a little thing.

 

[DayStar]

OUCH....hope u both talk this out.

 

[blkbeauty]

I think that was inconsiderate of him. Is this indicative of how he treats you overall? What about other holidays? Christmas? Valentines day? Sweetest Day?

Usually he pays for everything when we go out. Very seldom, unless it is something I suggested then I will pay. Christmas last year he bought me a jacket. The jacket was non-expensive, but I didn't care, because we were just a few months into our relationship. But for Valentines Day - another dinner.

As far as the gifts, he's bought me flowers twice, only because he thought I was upset with him. He bought my cat a closed-in litter box, because he can't stand the smell of her litter. He cooks for me constantly and he is a great cook.

 

[jturner7156]

Usually he pays for everything when we go out. Very seldom, unless it is something I suggested then I will pay. Christmas last year he bought me a jacket. The jacket was non-expensive, but I didn't care, because we were just a few months into our relationship. But for Valentines Day - another dinner.

As far as the gifts, he's bought me flowers twice, only because he thought I was upset with him. He bought my cat a closed-in litter box, because he can't stand the smell of her litter. He cooks for me constantly and he is a great cook.

Does he pay for the food he is cooking or is it the food that is in your house? I ask this because it sounds as if he is getting off easy in several departments. He just got a promotion and all he does is take you to TGIF. I would have gotten the most EXSPENSIVE thing on the menu and two desserts to go...for real. I agree with Browndilocks, you have to got to teach people how to treat you and this is one of those cases. Tell him how you really feel.

 

[nychaelasymone]

1. I think you need to talk to him and tell him your expectations
2. It doesn't matter what he did for his last girlfriend...she's gone, he should be going all out for you because it's you
3. It sounds like gifts maybe one of your love languages and you better school him quick on that quick
4. You need to find out if he's really that in to you

my last relationship taught me a lot, people do what they want to do and if he wants to make you happy, he will do all he can and it will show in his efforts....even if he missed the mark.

 

[Ms Red]

Can I be honest and not be stoned?

From what you've written, your guy seems either: 1. Totally oblivious (not really because of what he's gotten you for Valentine's Day erplexed) 2. Totally immature (is he serious about you? I know it's *only* been a year but maybe this is just a casual boyfriend? Not marriage materia?) or 3. Totally careless (Does he just not care or 'get' it? From what you've described, he went the whole nine for his exes. Why not you? What is the hold up)??

I'm not a gold digger. But I believe that the way he treats you (overall, not just on date night, not just on birthdays, but overall) and the amount he is willing to spend on you reflect on his feelings. Maybe not a direct reflection but one, nonetheless.

If I were in this situation, it would anger me. But I would still be angry from Valentine's Day, too. I would talk to him and tell very straightforward WHAT I DESERVE and HOW I DESERVE TO BE TREATED. Y'all haven't been married for 15 years... this is still the beginning. Where is the romance? Where are the butterflies? Why isn't he trying harder?????????????

OP- Just venting, JMHO, No offense, just mad for you

 

[JustKiya]

Urm, wow.

I think you need to clarify for him what you expect/want for anniversaries, birthdays, special occasions, etc, etc, etc.

I don't know if he's just a slacker, and his ex had to spell things out for him, and then he got on the game, or if he is just shorting YOU - but, if he doesn't know what you want, and you appear (by your words - you know men are sometimes dense when it comes to emotional/behavioral hints) to be satisfied with it - he's gonna keep on, keeping on.

I'd let him know that TGIF was NOT acceptable - not that a good dinner wasn't nice, but the atmosphere (and cost!) was not an appropriate way for an important event in your life to be celebrated.

If after sharing this with him, he keeps on halfstepping with you - then you have a very clear idea of where you, and your preferences, stand with him.



TGIF. I wish DH would.

 

[blkbeauty]

I have talked to him on Sunday afternoon and told him that "I was disappointed with what I got for my birthday, especially since I spent money on you for yours. I also told him how I didn't understand, because for your ex you told me countless of stories of taking her shopping, spending money on her, etc.

He apologize with a slight tear and said that is what he thought I wanted. He then ask what I wanted and was dying to take me anywhere I wanted to go. Sunday, before it got too late we went to the pet store to get a dog, since I've been wanting a dog. But the adoption process takes 2 weeks.

I have talked to him, but my thoughts are still funny about his actions.

 

[blkbeauty]

Can I be honest and not be stoned?

From what you've written, your guy seems either: 1. Totally oblivious (not really because of what he's gotten you for Valentine's Day erplexed) 2. Totally immature (is he serious about you? I know it's *only* been a year but maybe this is just a casual boyfriend? Not marriage materia?) or 3. Totally careless (Does he just not care or 'get' it? From what you've described, he went the whole nine for his exes. Why not you? What is the hold up)??

I'm not a gold digger. But I believe that the way he treats you (overall, not just on date night, not just on birthdays, but overall) and the amount he is willing to spend on you reflect on his feelings. Maybe not a direct reflection but one, nonetheless.

If I were in this situation, it would anger me. But I would still be angry from Valentine's Day, too. I would talk to him and tell very straightforward WHAT I DESERVE and HOW I DESERVE TO BE TREATED. Y'all haven't been married for 15 years... this is still the beginning. Where is the romance? Where are the butterflies? Why isn't he trying harder?????????????

OP- Just venting, JMHO, No offense, just mad for you

I feel ya! I am no gold digger either and at first I was moping around him giving the silent treatment. After I realized this was it and a friend of mine called and demanded I talked to him about it, because she herself was mad as hell. I then thought about what I deserved, went down stairs and let it all hang loose.

 

[LivingDoll]

OP, I can tell from your writing that you're a sweet person. Honestly, it sounds like he's been half stepping because he could get away with it....taking your kindness as weakness. You deserve much better. I hope he straightens up.

 

[blkbeauty]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

I'm not understanding...HOW did y'all end up there? Did he surprise you? Did he ask where you wanted to go? Did y'all just hop in the car and end up there? You should have told him then. Um, NO. On top of the $6.99 chicken fingers, you didn't get a gift? No money in a card? Nothing?

Dude would be single right now. That's probably why I'm alone.

Thanks Daephae!

Well, since Friday he kept saying he wanted to take me out to dinner for my birthday. I was honestly thinking he was gonig to give me a gift at the table or afterwards. We went to dinner late Saturday night and he named a few places in our area, Olive Garden, Don Plabos, TGIF! I originally said let's go to Olive Garden, but when we got there the waiting list was 2 hours. Same thing with Don. P. so we ended up at lucky TGIF, where I was waiting for this extra gift that never came.

 

[JustKiya]

Thanks Daephae!

Well, since Friday he kept saying he wanted to take me out to dinner for my birthday. I was honestly thinking he was gonig to give me a gift at the table or afterwards. We went to dinner late Saturday night and he named a few places in our area, Olive Garden, Don Plabos, TGIF! I originally said let's go to Olive Garden, but when we got there the waiting list was 2 hours. Same thing with Don. P. so we ended up at lucky TGIF, where I was waiting for this extra gift that never came.

The fact that he didn't bother to make reservations on a Saturday night FOR. YOUR. BIRTHDAY bothers me even more. WTH?

 

[blkbeauty]

Does he pay for the food he is cooking or is it the food that is in your house? I ask this because it sounds as if he is getting off easy in several departments. He just got a promotion and all he does is take you to TGIF. I would have gotten the most EXSPENSIVE thing on the menu and two desserts to go...for real. I agree with Browndilocks, you have to got to teach people how to treat you and this is one of those cases. Tell him how you really feel.

He usually buys the food that he cooks. I would've rather had a nice homemade lasagna or something than TGIF.

 

[LivingDoll]

Thanks Daephae!

Well, since Friday he kept saying he wanted to take me out to dinner for my birthday. I was honestly thinking he was gonig to give me a gift at the table or afterwards. We went to dinner late Saturday night and he named a few places in our area, Olive Garden, Don Plabos, TGIF! I originally said let's go to Olive Garden, but when we got there the waiting list was 2 hours. Same thing with Don. P. so we ended up at lucky TGIF, where I was waiting for this extra gift that never came.

You're welcome! What kind of guy is he? He doesn't really sound...um, whats the word.......cultured? I think of those places as regular Saturday afternoon restaurants, not 30th birthday restaurants! Are you sure he showered his ex with gifts? Maybe in his mind he did.

 

[Blaque*Angel]

wow, i'd feel so dissapointed and let down

i hope your 31st birthday is even better OP...

Or he surprises you to a "real gift"