Bad experiences going natural?

Xerxes

Xerxes

Well-Known Member
I'm about to have my big chop and I'm really excited, but so far, I have not unearthed one poster recounting a bad experience going natural! Now, I am new here, but so far this whole site seems to be quite positive and supportive, but I would love to hear about the "ugly” side of going natural!

I fully believe that having natural hair is the best way to live despite what society teaches us. Our natural texture of hair is nothing to be scared of, but it should be embraced. However, since most of us were taught that straight hair is somehow “better” or more “appropriate”, I would like to hear some women be a little candid and tell me about their horror stories of trying to uncover their roots only to find out that they couldn’t handle them and ended up going back to relaxers, texturizers, flat irons, etc.

Since I’m a 4b or think I am, I’d love to hear other 4b’s accounts of going natural and the road bumps they encountered.
 
Well, the grow-out period is not too great. You know how medium-length hair is so annoying when you're relaxed? Well, it's jsut the same when you're natural. Sure you could just opt for the afro all day everyday...but that gets boring.

My fresh TWA (I have pics) was great. It was so easy to maintain. I just washed daily and used mousse and grease to "style and set". And then...it started growing. Suddenly nothing worked on my hair. I still have not found an "instant" conditioner for my natural hair. Now, granted, I never tried pure coconut oil or pure shea butter on it. I mean, I know I could have worked with it some more (now that I think about it), but by that time, I had something else in mind.
 
Now that's what I'm talking about!LOL

I've been thinking about the same thing-- will my natural 4b hair scare BM away! Of course it will weed out a good bulk of men and even attract some men out of plain curiosity, but my new self confidence that I will gain from being my natural self uncompromisingly will attract a mature guy who wants a woman who is self-assured and not trying to assimilate.

Truthfully, ever since I started wearing braids during my transition, I got much more attention from men, but I think that has more to do with the illusion of length! Simple brothers love long hair especially if it looks straight! LOL

But white guys will probably be even more interested in me after my big chop asking me which country in Africa I come from and other idiotic questions! /images/graemlins/grin.gif
 
Thanks! I'm loving that first reply already! And because I'm missing home and I think you're from my old area, can we say "M I A"?!!! /images/graemlins/wink.gif
 
I was worried about how to style my hair once it grew out of the cute TWA size. I'm glad you brought this up. So is it after 3 or 4 inches of unstretched natural hair that you end up stylistically frustrated?

So far, all I can see to do with my hair once it gets that long is to twist it, do braid outs, bantu knots and teased huge blow out 'fros. Since I rarely changed my hair style while I was relaxed, this still gives me more options than I was using before! LOL
 
Good luck with your journey Xerxes. I didn't have a bad experience when growing out my natural hair. I guess the only bad thing I experienced is that my bf at the time didn't like my twa - he just didn't like short hair. But that was his problem not mines. The phase after the twa is a bit challenging, but I found styles that worked for me - twists and box-braids. It's all about being patient and finding what works for you. Anyway I hope you have a great experience!
 
Thanks for the encouragement and after viewing your album, I must say that your hair is so cute! /images/graemlins/laugh.gif
 
::thinks a minute:: You might feel self-conscious sometimes, especially when your hair isn't doing what you want it to. But then again, that happened to me while I was perming, too. *g*

The adjustment period/re-learning process can be lengthy. It took me a lo-o-o-ong time to figure out what works for me, and I still haven't gotten all of my hair's "signals" down 100%. (I BCed in January. When I go even one day too long without clarifying my hair, my products just stop working... but when I do it too often, I end up with frizz. /images/graemlins/ohwell.gif)

You may get a lot of silly questions and comments. For example, there's this one guy at work (and unfortunately, he's black) who seems to have a weird obsession with my hair. He says something about it almost every day, sometimes a compliment, sometimes just a comment (especially on frizzy hair days), and it's starting to weird me out.

And after your hair grows out a bit, I can all but guarantee you that at least one white man will probably try to touch it without asking. Just thought I'd let you know. /images/graemlins/look.gif

~Rochelle. /images/graemlins/Rose.gif
 
I can't think of any specific bad experiences (or there are too many to put my mind on one), but I think some of the negative aspects IMO are:

--the longer it gets, the longer it takes to detangle

--the amount of time it takes to do certain styles when it grows out from a TWA. Granted, twists & cornrows can last for a week or more, but the time it takes to wash & redo them...

--a lot of the styles that are healthy for nappy hair IMO look like styles a child should wear. Sometimes I just want to wear my hair down (without having to do a braid-out, twist-out, or hard press). An afro or wash & go does not work for me.

--knots. I don't know if every 4a or 4b has this problem, but it seems to me that they eventually weaken the strand at that point, which is annoying if you're trying to grow it long.

--shrinkage. If my hair is long, I want it to look long.

But anyway, I'm sure a lot of these aren't problems for some people, but they eventually led me to perm or relax in the past after going natural. I've transitioned three times.
 
Embracing my natural texture is defintely the best decision I've made in my entire life (thus far) but it hasn't been a piece of cake, either. I've had A LOT of set backs and bad experience pursuing a 100% natural state. When I first decided to transition I had kinky twist extensions in for two months. After so much research and emptying my pockets for products I came up with the perfect regimen for my twist. I'd wash condition and moisturize my hair every week for two months. When I finally did take my twist down (with about 2 1/2 inches of new growth) I had a knot from product build up at the base of every single twist. Well, we were on our way to a Family Reunion the next day and I was schedules to get my hair done the very next morning. So, I took the knots out as careful as I could but had SO MUCH BREAKAGE! My 2 1/2 inches of new growth, my relaxed ends, and about a 1/2 inch of natural hair I already had went DOWN THE DRAIN. I was so devestated. I diligently took care of my hair for two whole months with tremendous growth and I was back at square ONE. Well here I am again this time with more knowledge and even more determined.

Another bad experience (I'm still going through) is the lack of support from my family. My mother can't concieve a black woman wearing their natural texture and she's been doing everything she can to get me to relax my hair again. Sometimes when I'm discouraged, I really need her and my family but they just won't except it. It's a shame. The good part is I'll suceed at doing something the mass of our black woman CAN'T do. Embracing my unique features and LOVING every tress the way God intended them to be ..NAPPY! /images/graemlins/bouncy.gif It's a hard road -- but it's worth the battle.
 
Some of my bad experiences
1. When transitioning trying to detangle the two different textures.
2. Ignorant comments from family and friends
3. Feeling self conscious around others when wearing my hair out
4. trying to accept the fact that my hair wont look like kelis/lisa nicole carson/scary spice/(insert popular curly headed natural here) etc. And that my own frizzy undefined napps are just as beautiful too.
5. Learning the hard way that I needed to be more patient when dealing with my hair.
 
I would not say the experience was bad buti had to go through a lot of growing pains. My hair did suffer a lot of damage because after I went natural, I kept handling my hair as if it was still relaxed and tried to force it into styles that it did not want to be in. I put too much heat, too much pulling etc. in my hair and it responded by falling out. I had more than my share of trims this year and my hair should be much longer than it is now. I am back on track however. /images/graemlins/clap.gif
 
*Transitioning period was difficult for me b/c my hair was so long and my relaxed ends were bone straight.
*I have been wearing my hair back for a year and a half and I am quite sick of it.
*I am not yet completely comfortable wearing my curls out.
*I am still learning how to care for MY hair.
*I worry that I am no longer attractive to men.
 
No bad experiences here. I haven't had a change in responses from guys. They still love me /images/graemlins/smile.gif People treat me with more respect, random people now speak to me on the street and call me sister. I like it and have not gotten any negative responses. If I could say one bad things is finding out what works for me. But, even though I have had a hard time finding what works for me I still retain my length. That is the nice thing about naturally healthy hair, you don't have to constantly work at keeping it in good condition.
 
ive been at medium length FOREVER. its really frustrating.
i sometimes get crazy out of control knots if i mess with SLS or wear an unstretched fro too many days in a row.
finding the right products - fun and tiring at the same time.
combating dryness and bouts of breakage.

but really, you're at a greater advantage than me. when i started wearing my natural hair, i knew nothing. i still blew it out every week and did all sorts of things. i always loved my hair though. that will help get you through it. i have different styles in my album if you need some inspiration.
 
I tansitioned by rollersetting and flatironing my roots. After I cut off my relaxed ends, my natural new growth went down the drain.

I still can't figure out when to shampoo my hair. If I wait too long my hair goes awry /images/graemlins/spinning.gif. If I do it too often, it gets crispy /images/graemlins/wallbash.gif.

Sometimes I want a more polished look. Like if I'm wearing a suit, I'm looking for a certain look that two-strand twist and wild wash and go hair just doesn't match.

Yeah did I say shrinkage is a b*^&^. You either love it or hate it.

I'm just trying to take it one day at a time.
 
The first time I tried to go natural in 1996-1997, I had an bad experience with a male co-worker who kept harassing me about my hair and making fun of it. Because he was black, I tried to be patient, but finally I had to stop that crap. I filed a complaint against him. Of course, he stopped harassing me and later transferred to another location. This was a mostly black office and people got mad at me for filing a complaint against a "brother." That incident left a bad taste in my mouth and I returned to the relaxers. I guess I wanted to fit in again.

Then when I tried to go natural again in 2000, don't ask me why, but I had NO bad experiences. I loved my hair at 2 inches, and I had fun with it then and I continue to have fun with it now. I was determined that I was going to be natural, and maybe this feeling of supreme certainty and confidence shielded me from taking in any negative vibes from the outside. NOBODY bothered me.
 
The only thing I had a problem with was the awkward length stage.

But no complaints!!! I love My hair! /images/graemlins/clap.gif
 
I started transitioning last December and it was rough going initially. I had no idea what to do with my hair.

At first I would straighten the roots every week but this quickly grew tedious since I only wore a bun and the new grow would frizz up as the week wore on. My hair was not looking its best and I got virtually no positive feed back for the first few months.

Once I figured out how to bring out the natural curl pattern of my hair, I begin to wear a wavy bun and for the first time I started getting compliments. People were very complimentary of the texture of my hair and I started to gain more condfidence with my decision to go natural.

Last week I did a braid out for the 1st time and it was a smash hit. I seriously have never gotten that many compliments on my hair before. A couple of people asked if I had a new man in my life /images/graemlins/huh.gif. One white woman expressed amazement at my hair texture and length and asked if I had extensions (of course a darker-hued woman with wavy hair must have extensions /images/graemlins/wink.gif). Mind you, my hair is not very long since I have been slowly cutting off the relaxed ends. My braid-out falls to my ears in a bob-like style that I pull back with a scarf or headband. I think my bun disguised the length of my hair. People must have thought my hair was really, really short.

To make a long story short I am just now hitting my stride going natural 9 months in. Ironically, when I was fully relaxed I wore mostly buns and ponytails. Now that I am going natural I feel more confidentt wearing my hair down.
 
/images/graemlins/wave.gif Sridevi,

Do you have any pics of your hair? I would like to see your wavy hair texture. /images/graemlins/smile.gif
 
[ QUOTE ]
To make a long story short I am just now hitting my stride going natural 9 months in. Ironically, when I was fully relaxed I wore mostly buns and ponytails. Now that I am going natural I feel more confidentt wearing my hair down.

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It's good to hear both the good and the bad of going natural. This is an excellent topic. Congratulations on making it 9 months relaxer free! I just made it to my 9 month mark (transitioning). /images/graemlins/smile.gif

I have only had 2 people with negative comments about my hair. Both Black...both "friends". Other then that...I have gotten good vibes and comments about my hair...and my decision to transition. /images/graemlins/up.gif
 
You are just too funny!!! I'll look out for the white guys and your hair is just so lovely! You've definitely gotten the hang of styling it since your BC. /images/graemlins/laugh.gif
 
Whoa!! You transitioned 3 times?!! I can just imagine the turmoil you must have gone through. Some of the things you mentioned like knots, shrinkage and child-like hair dos do worry me a little. I'm already wondering if I will be able to handle horrible knots in my hair. If my natural hair turns out to just be too tangle-prone, I guess I'll have to consider a texturizer. Thanks for the heads-up! /images/graemlins/wink.gif
 
[ QUOTE ]
/images/graemlins/wave.gif Sridevi,

Do you have any pics of your hair? I would like to see your wavy hair texture. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

I have a digital camera and once I figure out how to use it I will take a pic and put it in the photo gallery.
 
Oh my!! Your post just freaked me out because I'm wearing a set of kinky twists right now!! I've been wearing them for almost 5 weeks and I can see that taking them out might be a challenge next week, but I pray that I only lose the natural hair that sheds normally and not a crazy amount!
 
[ QUOTE ]
Oh my!! Your post just freaked me out because I'm wearing a set of kinky twists right now!! I've been wearing them for almost 5 weeks and I can see that taking them out might be a challenge next week, but I pray that I only lose the natural hair that sheds normally and not a crazy amount!

[/ QUOTE ]you might try an ACV rinse to try and dislodge any buildup at the roots...patience will be your key word during the takedown...ive seen my mom literally rip her hair out while taking extensions down cu shes just so impatient...of course i end up doing it for he...for the love of hair!
 
[ QUOTE ]
Oh my!! Your post just freaked me out because I'm wearing a set of kinky twists right now!! I've been wearing them for almost 5 weeks and I can see that taking them out might be a challenge next week, but I pray that I only lose the natural hair that sheds normally and not a crazy amount!

[/ QUOTE ]

My incident came from product build up. So, my advice to you use to dilute your products and to stick with the same products. I was using like 3 conditioners (a thick cream and the liquidy kind), different moisturizers, and shampoo (my worst enemy). I also have hard water so over a period of time it formed a ring around the base of my twist. As Shatani said, though -- just be patient and use the right tools! Not only was I impatient but I also used a FINE TOOTH COMB *slaps self*
 
I can't really say I had any bad experiences initially while go natural- I got nothing but compliments. While growing out my TWA my greatest ally was lots of pretty headbands. But my TWA grew out so quickly before I knew it I could do flatwists and those are still my staple style when I just want to tuck my hair away. I never expected to have curl definition before going natural so I've never spent time fighting my hair trying to get it to look a certain way- I just let it do its own thang.

I think my relaxed hair experiences were always so horrible (I truely detested my hair for the most part) natural was a lot easier for me. So maybe natural hair can be a lot more difficult for those that really had great relaxer experiences?
 
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