Baby Momma Drama...Is it not about the Kids

[Hairicome]

Hey Ladies,

I was listening to the "Monique in the Afternoon" show on the radio here in Houston yesterday, and the topic was "Baby Momma Drama." I would like to discuss honestly and openly the roles that we play (intentionally or not) in the all too common and never seeming to end drama that comes with desolved relationships that have produced beautiful children. These children turn out to be the victims of our adult decisions that were made when we were not thinking of the possible future turmoil that may follow the relationship if it possibly ended. I want to know if any of you are having "Baby Mama Drama" and why and what do you think you could do to bring it to an end, so that our children will grow into positive and balanced adults, without the scares that many of us have already, due to our own childhood and the witnessing of our "Mommy, Daddy Drama."

LET'S TALK and try to heal ourselves and more so our children

 

[LunadeMiel]

I don't have any children but I have a couple suggestions for ending this mess.

*Be more careful when choosing a woman to procreate with
*refrain from having children with more than one woman

 

[Nefertiti0906]

I don't have any children but I have a couple suggestions for ending this mess.

*Be more careful when choosing a woman to procreate with
*refrain from having children with more than one woman

I think this sums up the discussion lol

 

[MissScarlett]

I'm married to someone that has a babymama. I don't know what it feels like to be a babymama but I will say that I fed into alot of the unnecessary drama that she put out. 10 years later, BM and I are actually I daresay pretty good friends, she's married, had two other children- I've been to both of her baby showers, helped her with bf'ing issues. I've come along way

I think its natural that men and women were put here to be together, have children, be families, when that dynamic is changed, when man has a baby with someone, leaves that person, marries or makes a family with another woman, its gotta HURT. It has too, I think it just goes against the very purpose of family.

 

[Mrs. Verde]

I heard bits and pieces of the show yesterday. I think another poster summed it up. How much of this "drama" could be avoided if people would just practice safe sex. In this type of situation I really put the responsibility on the man. If you want to avoid baby mama drama, WRAP IT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just don't understand men sometimes, SMDH.

 

[Summer_Rain]

I just wanted to add that "baby mama drama" isn't the only contributing factor, you've also got "girlfriend of the daddy" drama, "daddy" drama, "i ain't gonna do **** but what i wanna do" drama, the "ex's-family" drama. Avoiding drama in a situation where someone has children with another person is a community effort that involves maturity on all ends.

 

[Syrah]

I'm married to someone that has a babymama. I don't know what it feels like to be a babymama but I will say that I fed into alot of the unnecessary drama that she put out. 10 years later, BM and I are actually I daresay pretty good friends, she's married, had two other children- I've been to both of her baby showers, helped her with bf'ing issues. I've come along way

I think its natural that men and women were put here to be together, have children, be families, when that dynamic is changed, when man has a baby with someone, leaves that person, marries or makes a family with another woman, its gotta HURT. It has too, I think it just goes against the very purpose of family.

Gotta agree.

I lot of "baby mamma" drama has to do with the attitude that we (girlfriend of the daddy) brings to the relationship. And it's a 2 way street.

I dated a dude with a child and I'll admit - I wasn't ready for it, moreso because he and his baby mamma still had "feelings" (I learned that the hard way). There are certain sacrifices that come with dating someone who has a child - sacrifices that should be encouraged and supported.

Worst way to meet baby momma (10 months into the "relationship"):
- Walking down the shampoo aisle in the super market. I pick up a bottle of Hello Hydration and then
- "MsNaaaaaaadi". A 3 year old is running down the aisle, screaming my name and comes up and gives me a hug. I bend down and say hello and ask how she's doing.
- Mom rounds the corner and looks at me, hugging her daughter and says "who the hell are you?"

erplexed

Dumb. On ALL sides (myself included).

 

[Hairicome]

I don't have any children but I have a couple suggestions for ending this mess.

*Be more careful when choosing a woman to procreate with
*refrain from having children with more than one woman

First off, I want to say that I respect all opinions and beliefs. Let's all agree to disagree.

However; I think it's a little bit more complicated then that. When we bring other people in our lives and at that particular moment we believe them to be the "chosen" one, it is a gamble. You can be sure of yourself and your honest intentions and only pray that the other person is true to what they say they uphold. When the many factors of life such as personal growth, the media, finances, health, environment and the influences of peers and family play into it, things change and so do people and one of us, if not both of us begin to clash because what was is no more. And the children produced suffer for it. We all thought that the person we chose was the right one, NOT. But putting that behind us, the children are the most important issue and how do we save their psyche from the damage that is often done as we the adults blame each other for what went wrong. We all are only human and what we could've, should've done never resolve the issue at hand. We do what we do and (pray) hope for the best.

 

[Britt]

Gotta agree.

I lot of "baby mamma" drama has to do with the attitude that we (girlfriend of the daddy) brings to the relationship. And it's a 2 way street.

I dated a dude with a child and I'll admit - I wasn't ready for it, moreso because he and his baby mamma still had "feelings" (I learned that the hard way). There are certain sacrifices that come with dating someone who has a child - sacrifices that should be encouraged and supported.

Worst way to meet baby momma (10 months into the "relationship"):
- Walking down the shampoo aisle in the super market. I pick up a bottle of Hello Hydration and then
- "MsNaaaaaaadi". A 3 year old is running down the aisle, screaming my name and comes up and gives me a hug. I bend down and say hello and ask how she's doing.
- Mom rounds the corner and looks at me, hugging her daughter and says "who the hell are you?"

erplexed

Dumb. On ALL sides (myself included).

Ouch!!!!!!!
What did you say to her? Did you two talk? Did you end the relationship with the baby daddy?

 

[ElizaBlue]

I think a lot of BM and BD drama comes about when either side feels the new partner has gotten the better part of the "what could have been" .

We don't always take into consideration that the other parent has now grown and matured (if that is the case) so here comes the "you do more for your other kids than mine", and the "he never bought that for me", or "now you want to be the perfect wife", and that dreaded "I don't really want to be with her I still love you". Please, give me a break. But based on that we let our feelings lead our actions into behaviors that are not good for our kids. In realilty maybe the other side just grew up and learned from their mistakes.

Now as to how we can do what is better for the kids. I guess we just have to "grow up" and decide regardless of how we feel or felt about the other parent, we must now do what is best for the kids. In my case it lead to avoidance of the kid's father, which I feel in the end was what was best for me and them.

I have had to pretty much keep my kids away from their dad because his only intentions were toward getting back with me. Nevermind the fact that he was already with someone else who had another kid from him (and another from someone else as well) who felt intimidated by me anyway. I would never be able to explain to this woman why I wouldn't let him come around my kids. Everytime we would run into each other she would be mean mugging me and my kids over a nicca who was ultimately not worthy of me bearing his children or her having his kids either for that matter.

Nah I take that back, he was an upgrade for her. But I truly wished them the best of luck. However, we it came time for me to respond to the question of why her daughter couldn't come to my house as opposed to his daughter that his sister raised, what response could I give that wouldn't make it seem spiteful toward her daughter.

I honestly just didn't want to have to deal with him making overtures and calling me later. That's when my kids were little, now their 18 and 20 and the knee-grow is still trying to get his key back. That's what I call some daddy drama for sure.

 

[Syrah]

Ouch!!!!!!!
What did you say to her? Did you two talk? Did you end the relationship with the baby daddy?

After the "why the #*%( are you hugging my baby?" (well, actually your daughter ran up and hugged me because she knows me). And me apologizing...

I introduced myself and explained how I knew her daughter - "I'm ____ and I've been dating ____ for the past 10 months. We met in ___ at _____".

She knew OF me but didn't know the "extent to which I existed". We had actually talked on the phone before but she had never met me face to face so she wasn't able to put a face with the name.

Yea, me and him eventually fizzled HAHA.

 

[Britt]

After the "why the #*%( are you hugging my baby?" (well, actually your daughter ran up and hugged me because she knows me). And me apologizing...

I introduced myself and explained how I knew her daughter - "I'm ____ and I've been dating ____ for the past 10 months. We met in ___ at _____".

She knew OF me but didn't know the "extent to which I existed". We had actually talked on the phone before but she had never met me face to face so she wasn't able to put a face with the name.

Yea, me and him eventually fizzled HAHA.

Damn, that must have been so akward and uncomfortable.

 

[MissScarlett]

Gotta agree.

I lot of "baby mamma" drama has to do with the attitude that we (girlfriend of the daddy) brings to the relationship. And it's a 2 way street.

I dated a dude with a child and I'll admit - I wasn't ready for it, moreso because he and his baby mamma still had "feelings" (I learned that the hard way). There are certain sacrifices that come with dating someone who has a child - sacrifices that should be encouraged and supported.

Worst way to meet baby momma (10 months into the "relationship"):
- Walking down the shampoo aisle in the super market. I pick up a bottle of Hello Hydration and then
- "MsNaaaaaaadi". A 3 year old is running down the aisle, screaming my name and comes up and gives me a hug. I bend down and say hello and ask how she's doing.
- Mom rounds the corner and looks at me, hugging her daughter and says "who the hell are you?"

erplexed

Dumb. On ALL sides (myself included).

This was me all the way I'm mature enough to admit it now though. Even though BM was bringing drama to me, I was bringing it right back. I told y'all I purposely got married on BM's birthday Yeah, not nice but it was in retaliation to some ish she'd done to me.

So it was just drama tit for tat. Alot of the girlfriends don't admit that they bring drama to the situation as well or rather exascerbate the current drama

 

[Hairicome]

I think this sums up the discussion lol

First off, I want to say that I respect all opinions and beliefs. Let's all agree to disagree.

However; I think it's a little bit more complicated then that. When we bring other people in our lives and at that particular moment we believe them to be the "chosen" one, it is a gamble. You can be sure of yourself and your honest intentions and only pray that the other person is true to what they say they uphold. When the many factors of life such as personal growth, the media, finances, health, environment and the influences of peers and family play into it, things change and so do people and one of us, if not both of us begin to clash because what was is no more. And the children produced suffer for it. We all thought that the person we chose was the right one, NOT. But putting that behind us, the children are the most important issue and how do we save their psyche from the damage that is often done as we the adults blame each other for what went wrong. We all are only human and what we could've, should've done never resolve the issue at hand. We do what we do and (pray) hope for the best.

 

[Ramya]

I think people forget about how it effects the kids. Kids are not stupid. They notice everything that you thought you were hiding and that's not good. I don't keep drama in my life and I don't plan on starting any. I always encourage my male friends to get court-ordered visitation so the mother can't start that "if u don't do xyz and lick my boots you aint never seeing your kids again" stuff. And I also encourage them to continue to be the father regardless of their current relational situation. It takes communication and patience from ALL of the adults involved. New GF needs to understand that he will be communicating with the BM b/c how else will they be able to be consistent if they are not communicating with each other?

I would think adults should be capable of working out some kind of system that would make the kids feel balanced even if their parents are no longer together. It's really not rocket science. It's not about YOU it's about the CHILD.

 

[Shimmie]

I just wanted to add that "baby mama drama" isn't the only contributing factor, you've also got "girlfriend of the daddy" drama, "daddy" drama, "i ain't gonna do **** but what i wanna do" drama, the "ex's-family" drama. Avoiding drama in a situation where someone has children with another person is a community effort that involves maturity on all ends.

With all that...just get another man.

I enjoy having 'peace' in my life and I refuse to waste time 'fighting' for it. My solution is before getting involved, consider the cost. What Price for your peace of mind and life.

Some women who are 'the mama' are so bitter and simply live to make other people miserable. Some men are so trifling and stupid that they knew better than to get someone or multiple someone's pregnant in the first place.

I don't have time for it.... The time wasted with the 'drama' is time I can use being productive in other areas of my life and making some other man happy and him being able to focus on being with me.

Men are not that scarce. Good men -- available men are more viable than we've been lied to.

The prerequisite for any relationship...... "No Drama" -- Case Closed!

 

[Hairicome]

I think people forget about how it effects the kids. Kids are not stupid. They notice everything that you thought you were hiding and that's not good. I don't keep drama in my life and I don't plan on starting any. I always encourage my male friends to get court-ordered visitation so the mother can't start that "if u don't do xyz and lick my boots you aint never seeing your kids again" stuff. And I also encourage them to continue to be the father regardless of their current relational situation. It takes communication and patience from ALL of the adults involved. New GF needs to understand that he will be communicating with the BM b/c how else will they be able to be consistent if they are not communicating with each other?

I would think adults should be capable of working out some kind of system that would make the kids feel balanced even if their parents are no longer together. It's really not rocket science. It's not about YOU it's about the CHILD.

Well said. I agree

 

[Hairicome]

This was me all the way I'm mature enough to admit it now though. Even though BM was bringing drama to me, I was bringing it right back. I told y'all I purposely got married on BM's birthday Yeah, not nice but it was in retaliation to some ish she'd done to me.

So it was just drama tit for tat. Alot of the girlfriends don't admit that they bring drama to the situation as well or rather exascerbate the current drama

Your honesty is appreciated

 

[Shonni]

I think people forget about how it effects the kids. Kids are not stupid. They notice everything that you thought you were hiding and that's not good. I don't keep drama in my life and I don't plan on starting any. I always encourage my male friends to get court-ordered visitation so the mother can't start that "if u don't do xyz and lick my boots you aint never seeing your kids again" stuff. And I also encourage them to continue to be the father regardless of their current relational situation. It takes communication and patience from ALL of the adults involved. New GF needs to understand that he will be communicating with the BM b/c how else will they be able to be consistent if they are not communicating with each other?



I would think adults should be capable of working out some kind of system that would make the kids feel balanced even if their parents are no longer together. It's really not rocket science. It's not about YOU it's about the CHILD.

ITA...it's so sad when it gets past the concern/well being of the child



I was once with someone who had "Crazy Baby Mama Drama" she would tell her kids to hate me, then she accused my ex of molesting the kids. After all of that she tried to give the kids to him and me. She was a nut, crazy yamp jumped from a second story window and broke her leg when she found out we moved in together. Ever since then she had made it her lifes mission to make him miserable

 

[envybeauty]

i would have agreed with you at one point. But today . There are far tooooooooooo many women who started threads or typed out posts talking about how they KNEW a nicca was not the one for them yet, they got pregnant for him (and were not even with the father when they find out they are pregnant). I'm like here we go......

they knew months before they got pregnant yet they still slept with him.

First off, I want to say that I respect all opinions and beliefs. Let's all agree to disagree.

However; I think it's a little bit more complicated then that. When we bring other people in our lives and at that particular moment we believe them to be the "chosen" one, it is a gamble. You can be sure of yourself and your honest intentions and only pray that the other person is true to what they say they uphold. When the many factors of life such as personal growth, the media, finances, health, environment and the influences of peers and family play into it, things change and so do people and one of us, if not both of us begin to clash because what was is no more. And the children produced suffer for it. We all thought that the person we chose was the right one, NOT. But putting that behind us, the children are the most important issue and how do we save their psyche from the damage that is often done as we the adults blame each other for what went wrong. We all are only human and what we could've, should've done never resolve the issue at hand. We do what we do and (pray) hope for the best.

 

[Shimmie]

ITA...it's so sad when it gets past the concern/well being of the child

I was once with someone who had "Crazy Baby Mama Drama" she would tell her kids to hate me, then she accused my ex of molesting the kids. After all of that she tried to give the kids to him and me. She was a nut, crazy yamp jumped from a second story window and broke her leg when she found out we moved in together.

Ever since then she had made it her lifes mission to make him miserable

Your post just confirmed what I shared in my post below. Some women actually live to make others miserable.

With all that...just get another man.

I enjoy having 'peace' in my life and I refuse to waste time 'fighting' for it. My solution is before getting involved, consider the cost. What Price for your peace of mind and life.

Some women who are 'the mama' are so bitter and simply live to make other people miserable.

Some men are so trifling and stupid that they knew better than to get someone or multiple someone's pregnant in the first place.

I don't have time for it.... The time wasted with the 'drama' is time I can use being productive in other areas of my life and making some other man happy and him being able to focus on being with me.

Men are not that scarce. Good men -- available men are more viable than we've been lied to.

The prerequisite for any relationship...... "No Drama" -- Case Closed!

 

[Shonni]

Your post just confirmed what I shared in my post below. Some women actually live to make others miserable.

Thank you, and after realizing that. I just couldn't deal. I ended up moving back in with my grandparents, I was young (20 y/old) but I wasn't dumb and I was not about to put up with that type of drama at such a young age.

 

[MrsBurns82]

I'm married to someone that has a babymama. I don't know what it feels like to be a babymama but I will say that I fed into alot of the unnecessary drama that she put out. 10 years later, BM and I are actually I daresay pretty good friends, she's married, had two other children- I've been to both of her baby showers, helped her with bf'ing issues. I've come along way

I think its natural that men and women were put here to be together, have children, be families, when that dynamic is changed, when man has a baby with someone, leaves that person, marries or makes a family with another woman, its gotta HURT. It has too, I think it just goes against the very purpose of family.

Whoa!!! Not sure if I'll ever be that mature

 

[kurlybella]

I don't have any children but I have a couple suggestions for ending this mess.

*Be more careful when choosing a woman to procreate with
*refrain from having children with more than one woman

preach!!!!!!!

 

[butterfly_wings]

I'm married to someone that has a babymama. I don't know what it feels like to be a babymama but I will say that I fed into alot of the unnecessary drama that she put out. 10 years later, BM and I are actually I daresay pretty good friends, she's married, had two other children- I've been to both of her baby showers, helped her with bf'ing issues. I've come along way

I think its natural that men and women were put here to be together, have children, be families, when that dynamic is changed, when man has a baby with someone, leaves that person, marries or makes a family with another woman, its gotta HURT. It has too, I think it just goes against the very purpose of family.

Thats really nice to hear