LovinLocks
Well-Known Member
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Awwwwww h naw; and why do I care?
- Thread starter LovinLocks
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Theresamonet
Well-Known Member
Why does he need to sleep in there with them? They can't spend time together in the day time? How are they spending quality time if they are asleep? This doesn't seem right...
ETA: You feel some kinda way about it because you know your husband should be in bed with you. And if you wanted a bed all to yourself you wouldn't have gotten married.
ETA: You feel some kinda way about it because you know your husband should be in bed with you. And if you wanted a bed all to yourself you wouldn't have gotten married.
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InchHighPrivateEye
Well-Known Member
I'm not trying to imply that there's anything necessarily wrong with it, but I don't understand why he needs to sleep in there with them. I don't think it's bad that you feel a certain way about it--there's a time and place for everything and everybody.
Maybe he is just trying to let them know that he hasn't forgotten about them or placed them in a lower position of importance since his marriage to you, but um...he can show them that later
Maybe he is just trying to let them know that he hasn't forgotten about them or placed them in a lower position of importance since his marriage to you, but um...he can show them that later
song_of_serenity
Well-Known Member
I'm sorry, I don't know the back story behind your relationship, but are those his kids from another relationship prior to your marriage?? Perhaps he doesn't want them to feel you are taking his place?
As a newlywed...well, as husband and wife for however long, I can't see myself leaving my husband to go sleep with the kids unless (and even that) they are young and going through the "fear" stages etc and even THEN. No! Spend time with them, story, go to bed with my spouse!
As a newlywed...well, as husband and wife for however long, I can't see myself leaving my husband to go sleep with the kids unless (and even that) they are young and going through the "fear" stages etc and even THEN. No! Spend time with them, story, go to bed with my spouse!
LovinLocks
Well-Known Member
Girrl, mine are grown and gone. These are from prev. mar.
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song_of_serenity
Well-Known Member
Lack of communication and letting things fester can cause a bigger problem down the line. It may seem small now but you sit on it, he does it again (and has no idea you're bothered because you're just sitting there and letting it bubble up inside) and the small annoyance becomes bigger and more magnified, you start getting bothered by "other" little things because you're just mad and annoyed now lol. Then it blows up and he's like..."Wut?"
Don't feel upset. I'd feel "a way" if my new husband left me alone in bed to go sleep elsewhere that is so unnecessary!
You know him better than any of us do, so you know how to approach him and as you said, he'll be perceptive of your distance. Why does he feel the need to go in and sleep with them when they're knocked out? (how old are they btw? Are they "happy" with your union? Perhaps they let on more to him than you know and he feels the need to comfort them and reassure he's still dad etc??)
Don't feel upset. I'd feel "a way" if my new husband left me alone in bed to go sleep elsewhere that is so unnecessary!
You know him better than any of us do, so you know how to approach him and as you said, he'll be perceptive of your distance. Why does he feel the need to go in and sleep with them when they're knocked out? (how old are they btw? Are they "happy" with your union? Perhaps they let on more to him than you know and he feels the need to comfort them and reassure he's still dad etc??)
Iluvsmuhgrass
Well-Known Member
I don't know your background but I agree with song_of_serenity. He could easily arrange some family time or time with the kids during the day. Him sleeping in the room with them (unless they're terrified of losing him/abandonment issues), it doesn't make much sense to me. If it's that he can only spend evenings with them.... he could easily go read them a story, help them get ready for bed, etc. Ya know?
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Theresamonet
Well-Known Member
And, thinking of one of the comments above, he went in there ater 11:30 p.m. They were sound asleep as in won't even know he's there until the morning when it's time to get up. And, I wouldn't be surprised that he'll wake up veerrry early, come in here and want some, to color. Messed up thing is I ain't feelin' it now and I'm not one to use coloring as a weapon, you know.erplexed I am usually sleep at 01:50 and here I am online talking about this crap. UUh, I am annoyed with myself.
The bold is what is making me think he is doing it for himself and not for the kids. They wont even know he's there. Are you a wild sleeper or a bad snorer LovinLocks?
And how old are his kids?
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LovinLocks
Well-Known Member
13, 12, and 11 - girl, boy, boy, respectively
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song_of_serenity
Well-Known Member
Playing switcheroo...Could YOU have possibly done something to slight him and he's doing the distance thing like you do sometimes?? I don't get it. They're big kids! I cannot see a dad sleeping with kids of any age, much less teenagers, who won't even KNOW he's there until THEY wake the next day! That's no benefit to them!
LovinLocks
Well-Known Member
Naaah. That's why I let yaw'll know about our day yesterday. We cool. Again, as I stated last week we discussed the concept of him spending time with everyone (we're always discussing that). He took them to the pool about 7ish.
Let me say, I see him as a man trying to do his best with only 24 hours in a day. Juggling beau coup balls trying to get it right. Guess that's why I feel "some kinda way". However, like the suggestions here, prep for bed, read story, lights out. Which he DOES DO sometimes, bless his heart. I kinda feel like I have no "right" to "feel some kinda way". Ay yi yi. Perhaps I'll sleep, wake up and not give it a second thought. Then again, like stated, this "small" thing, if I allow it to fester will grow.
I know him, if I mention it, or he picks up on it; he'll apologize. He's always trying to please everybody and bottom line it is physically impossible, IMHO.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
You are not being selfish at all. I have never heard of anything like this before. How is he joining them anyway? I'm assuming they have different rooms/beds, that's a lot of work. Perhaps it's something he's been doing for years and can't figure out how to stop? IDK, but whatever's the reason behind it, you are not being selfish. Most wives would feel some kind of way if their husbands left them to sleep with the children.
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NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
The thing is...you both are well grown and too old to be beating around the bush. ASK your husband WHY is he not in your bed!!!! Stand over him if you have to, girl. Do not be denied!!!!!!!!
cause he would have to explain this one
LovinLocks
Well-Known Member
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Theresamonet
Well-Known Member
........................
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LovinLocks
Well-Known Member
I'm going to put her down 'cause I've got worship at 10, yaw'll. :blowkiss:Thanks.
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JayAnn0513
I make 30 look good!
I'm going to be the lone voice of reason and tell you to let it go. Do his 3 kids live with y'all? If not I can see why he may want to spend as much time with them as he can when he has them. Especially since y'all went to dinner alone and his missed hours he could have been with him. It really sounds a little petty and jealous to complain about this when it was something the kids likely got used to and enjoyed while you guys were dating. Even if it's for him and not them.
And I would feel no kind of way if DH did this. However the perk of having 1 kid is when one of us wants to cuddle her or just watch her sleep she just sleeps with us. That's not quite possible with 3 older kids and a wife that's not their mother.
And I would feel no kind of way if DH did this. However the perk of having 1 kid is when one of us wants to cuddle her or just watch her sleep she just sleeps with us. That's not quite possible with 3 older kids and a wife that's not their mother.
Me...being me. I would go right behind him with my pillow and join the family. I don't like sleeping apart from DH not even when we are mad. He'll get the picture.
It's small habits/rituals that keep the connection between man and wife,such as kissing upon greeting and saying goodbye, always sleeping together, eating meals together, etc.
Now is the time to set your "standards" for how you want to proceed in your marriage. Let him know how you feel.
It's small habits/rituals that keep the connection between man and wife,such as kissing upon greeting and saying goodbye, always sleeping together, eating meals together, etc.
Now is the time to set your "standards" for how you want to proceed in your marriage. Let him know how you feel.
TrueToHair
Well-Known Member
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lesedi
All is well with me
^^^^ I agree!
i also highly doubt that the kids would be hurt or slighted by that. They are teens and pre-teens, they probably would appreciate their space too. What about scheduling in some more 'daddy and daughter days' where he takes DD shopping or to a museum etc and some boys' days where they go paintballing, football games etc??
i also highly doubt that the kids would be hurt or slighted by that. They are teens and pre-teens, they probably would appreciate their space too. What about scheduling in some more 'daddy and daughter days' where he takes DD shopping or to a museum etc and some boys' days where they go paintballing, football games etc??
itsjusthair88
Chronically at BSL -_-
I don't know anything about being married, but I do know about being very close to my father (I'm a daddy's girl to the heart) and I just don't see why it's such a big deal (shrug) you are new, those are his children, which honestly, should be a top priority for him, I understand a husband and wife bond is sacred, but so are parental bonds. Yeah you could ask why he feels the need, but it may be a ritual for the, like sometimes my whole family (the 4 youngest kids, mom and dad) will pile in my parents bed if we are all at home, like for Christmas or whatever, it's not weird and you all are making it seem weird...we all bond with our parents in different ways. IDK, just my humble opinion.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I know what you said but there appears to be more to the why. Everyone understands a father wanting to spend time with his children. The question is why leave your new wife to sleep with already sleeping kids that are 11, 12, & 13? That is the ? I am asking. There are so many other ways to spend quality time with teens & pre-teens, but I know you and he know this. But I gotta get going too, taking my 11 year old to camp, so good luck, and I hope you guys resolve the situation.
snillohsss
New Member
I don't understand this post at all.
MissMasala5
New Member
Thanks, so it isn't just me.
How much time can you spend with a child that is sleeping? I think it's vwey strange to fall asleep and wake up with someone in your room. I'm assuming that a grown man is not spending the night in the same bed as teens and preteens...I just don't get it. If he wanted to check on them or tuck them in okay...but sleeping with them...that has me scratching my head.
The only grown kid I know who sleeps with his parents is Colombian and he is 18 years old, in college and everything. Apparently he was near death for a while when he was younger so his mom coddles him. His gf will come over and drag him out of his mom's bed and into hers...so creepy. I assume the dad has had enough of it because he hits on anything with legs. He drove us to the airport and asked my 2 friends and I if we would like to stop at the hourly motel...he's disgusting.
LovinLocks
Well-Known Member
You hit a nail on the head, B I I I G cultural difference. Me - Black all day long; he - Irish/Indian; children - Philippino, Irish, Indian, Vietnamese.
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